Agatha Christie's Marple "The Body in the Library" #1.1 (2004) (TV)

"Isn't she marvellous?", 25 February 2017

The residents of Gossington Hall wake one morning to find the body of a young woman in their library. Who is she? How'd she get there? Who strangled her? It's a mystery. While the police begin their official investigation, Miss Marple is called in to provide her unique look at things.

For 15+ year, I have avoided these Marple stories because I had read mostly bad things about them. I haven't seen the Joan Hickson version of The Body in the Library in what seems like a hundred years and I haven't read Agatha Christie's book in what seems like a million years. But I remember enough to know that this version of the story strays considerably from both. Does it bother me? Not as much as I thought it would. Even the twist at the end that would have never made it in Christie's work is okay with me. I'm not doing cart wheels of joy over the changes to the story, but they don't bother me that much. Geraldine McEwan's take on Miss Marple is different, but not unenjoyable. The sets, costuming, and locations are as good as you'll find in a television production. It's really quite beautiful to look at. And I can even forgive a few of the gigantic plot holes because I was having such a good time with the rest of the movie. I suppose my biggest complaint is with some of the acting. As much as I enjoy Simon Callow and Joanna Lumley, their constant overacting gets tiresome. Still, it's a decent enough cast with Mary Stockley being the standout.

If you don't go into this with preconceived notions, you might just find The Body in the Library enjoyable. I'll give it a solid 6/10.

6/10

Guns in the Heather (1969)

- The Secret of Boyne Castle

So Much Padding, 24 February 2017

The Secret of Boyne Castle tells the story of Rich (Kurt Russell), a fairly normal American exchange student attending school in Ireland. Everything about his life is fairly routine. Then in one day's time, his life is turned upside down. He's visited by a dying man with a secret, discovers his brother is an American agent, and is taken prisoner by a band of Commie goons. Rich and his buddy have to find a way to escape and make their way to Boyne Castle to uncover the dying man's secret.

The Secret of Boyne Castle isn't horrible, but it's not very good either. I have several problems with the movie, beginning with the horribly misleading title. Being a Disney production with a name like The Secret of Boyne Castle, I was expecting more. The "secret" ends up being a real letdown. It's a scrap of paper with a short message hidden in a fireplace – not at all what I was hoping for. I also have a problem with how simple the plot is. There aren't really any twists or turns. Every time I thought the story was going to take a turn and get interesting, it didn't. Instead, the plot goes from point A to point B on the straightest line possible. Again, disappointing. But the biggest issue I had was with the padding. The version I watched (the three segment Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color presentation) ran 2 hours and 20-something minutes. I'd guess that at least 45 of those minutes were added padding. Most of the movie goes something like this: Rich and his buddy are almost captured – they make a daring escape – they run. Repeat over and over and over. It quickly gets tedious.

On the positive side, the acting is solid. A lot of the performances were very nice. Russell is solid in this early outing. His buddy, played by Patrick Dawson, is a nice complement. But the real star is the Irish countryside. It's stunningly beautiful. I doubt the Irish tourist bureau could put together anything more appealing. I'd love to visit some the locations where The Secret of Boyne Castle was shot. 

Overall, a 4/10 from me.

4/10

Poirot "Death on the Nile" #9.3 (2004) (TV)

"Do not open your heart to evil, mademoiselle. If you do there will be no turning back.", 24 February 2017

Pithy plot summary: It's Agatha Christie, which means that someone is murdered in an elaborate manner and it's up to Poirot to find the killer. Oh, and it takes place on a boat on the Nile.

As hard as I try, every time I watch the 2004 version of Death on the Nile, I can't do it without comparing it to the 1978 version. It's impossible. And the newer film, in my opinion, doesn't measure-up. While there are a number of things I could write about, there are two main areas where the newer Death on the Nile pales in comparison.

Acting – with two exceptions, the actors in this film are not the world-class actors in the 1978 movie. Don't get me wrong, the actors here are fine – there aren't any poor performances. But they're not Bette Davis, Mia Farrow, Angela Lansbury, Maggie Smith, David Niven, or Jane Birkin. The two exceptions I mentioned are David Suchet and David Soul. As much as I like the 1978 movie, Peter Ustinov never really feels like Poirot. And, as much as I love George Kennedy, Soul is a better fit in the role.

Tone – the newer film has a much darker, brooding feel to it that the earlier movie. As a result the newer movie's just not as much fun or enjoyable. This really hurts the 2004 production. The 1978 movie actually has quite a bit of comedy in it, but not enough to take away from the serious nature of the subject matter. Even other episode in the Agatha Christie's Poirot series have a lighter touch to them that would have worked much better here.

That's not to say it's a bad movie, there's really a lot here to like. I've already mentioned the two Davids – Suchet and Soul. There's also some incredibly beautiful cinematography, nice costuming, and interesting locations. It's also as faithful to the significant plot points found in Christie's book as the earlier movie. On the whole, the good and bad just about negate each other and I rate it a 5/10.

5/10

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries "The Disappearing Floor" #1.5 (1977) (TV)

Very ambitious special effects, 18 February 2017

While looking for a missing scientist, Frank and Joe get more than they bargained for with a UFO that runs them off the road and an old house with growing rooms and disappearing floors. The boys also discover that someone else is looking for the scientist - a couple of Russian agents.

The Disappearing Floor is a good, fun episode. I remember when it first aired and how much I loved it. It's got a lot to offer with the UFO, creepy house, interesting mystery, and the sense of danger. But looking back at it today, you can easily see the episode's faults. It's a very ambitious episode for a show like The Hardy Boys / Nancy Drew Mysteries. By today's standards, the special effects are . . . well, they're weak. None of it looks at all realistic. But, I'll cut The Disappearing Floor some slack based on when it was released and what it tries to do and give it a 7/10.

One thing that has always puzzled me about The Hardy Boys / Nancy Drew Mysteries is all the sound looping or dubbing (whatever you call it). A lot of the dialogue sounds so unnatural and was obviously recorded later on in a studio. While it's hard not to notice in any of the episodes, it seemed especially apparent in this one. It can be distracting if you're not ready for it.

7/10

Secret Agent Fireball (1965)

A really nice Eurospy effort, 18 February 2017

An American agent, Bob Fleming (Richard Harrison), is sent to Europe to track down the whereabouts of two Russian scientists. They may have secrets important to the West. However, before he can find either, both are assassinated. Operating under the assumption that they had transferred their secrets to microfilm, he's asked to find it before the Russians do. As you'd rightly suspect, his path is blocked by a plethora of baddies, guns, explosions, women, and car chases. It's all a lot of fun.

Secret Agent Fireball is a nice Eurospy effort from director Luciano Martino. Martino keeps the film lively and never lets it overstay its welcome in one place for too long. Richard Harrison plays a good lead. He's got a natural appeal and knows how to use it. Dominique Boschero and Wandisa Guida make for perfect spy movie females. Either would have been at home in a Bond movie. And the whole bunch of Russian dudes, especially Luciano Pigozzi, are quite good. The plot is easy to follow, but has a couple of twists. I especially liked the twist right at the end. The only thing missing from Secret Agent Fireball that would have made it even better is a big action set-piece. I suppose that's where you can see the movie's budget limitations popping up.

The film does play a lot like a 60s European travelogue. The locations shots are all nicely done. I'm always impressed in a movie like this when I see what 60s-era Beirut looked like. Very interesting.

Overall, I'll be generous and rate it a 7/10.

7/10

Samurai Cop (1991)

"I have a neighbor next door.", 16 February 2017

After I finished watching Samurai Cop, I sat in silent disbelief for a few moments not really knowing what to think. I decided that I had either just watched one of the absolutely worst movies ever made or I had watched a piece of satirical brilliance that my puny mind couldn't fully comprehend. After doing a little research, I realize that my first notion was correct – it's bad. However, as bad as Samurai Cop is, that doesn't change the fact that I was entertained. If you do an internet search for a movie that's "so bad, it's good" (God, do I hate that phrase), a picture of Samurai Cop should immediately pop-up on your screen. It is the embodiment of what a "so bad, it's good" movie is.

So just how bad is Samurai Cop? Everything about the movie shows a level indescribable incompetence. Technically, the movie is a train wreck. The direction is horrible, there is a complete lack of continuity, my 5 year-old could have done better with the sound editing and effects, lighting is literally non-existent, and visual effects are incredibly poor. Artistically, the movie isn't any better. Sets, costuming, music, and make-up are all bargain basement. As for the acting – when Robert Z'Dar stands head-and- shoulders above the other actors talent-wise, that speaks volumes about the quality of the acting. I won't go into the full backstory of how the movie was made, but it does explain a lot and is worth reading for a laugh or two.

I haven't even mentioned the plot because it really doesn't matter. It has something to do with a Japanese gang that controls the drug trade in Los Angeles and the police that are trying to put them out of business. In reality, the plot is about a gang of bad guys and the cops that routinely shoot them. That's about it. With a name like Samurai Cop, I expected to see some martial arts type action with a lot of hand-to-hand fighting. But alas, this Samurai Cop and his trigger happy partner are much more at home shooting the baddies. The one or two actual fight scenes are (as you probably could guess by now) poorly choreographed messes.

As bad as it all is, the whole thing is just so funny it's hard not to find entertainment in what you're watching. For example, there a scene where Samurai Cop and his trigger happy partner go visit a burn victim to get some information. This man is wrapped head-to- toe in bleeding bandages. What does our hero do? Standing about four feet from the hospital bed, he hits up the nurse with some of the most inappropriate, cringe-worthy dialogue ever heard. It's literally laugh-out-loud funny. Another example of incompetent brilliance occurs when Robert Z'Dar's character, Yamashita (yes, Robert Z'Dar plays a character named Yamashita), throws a grenade that we inexplicably and hysterically hear explode twice. One grenade – two explosions. Funny stuff. And just when you think the movie has hit a low point and can't get any more absurd, somehow it does. Samurai Cop keeps giving.

Realistically, Samurai Cop is a complete disaster of a movie. If you rated it as a serious action film, you'd have to give it a 1/10. However, it is unintentionally one of the funnier movies I've seen in awhile. As a comedy piece, I'd rate it an 8/10. Averaging the two ratings together and rounding up, I'm giving Samurai Cop an overall 5/10. If you're into "bad" movies, this one is not to be missed.

5/10

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries "Mystery of the Diamond Triangle" #1.4 (1977) (TV)

Nancy and the disappearing car, 16 February 2017

From the vantage point of a glider, Nancy watches a car run off the road. The police investigate, but can't find anything and tell Nancy she must be mistaken. The road Nancy identifies has been closed because of a washed out bridge. However, the police later find the burnt out remains of a car matching Nancy's description, but on a different road. It's nowhere near the spot Nancy had pointed to. The police suspect insurance fraud, but not Nancy.

The Mystery of the Diamond Triangle is a decent enough episode – not the worst nor the best of the series. Nancy's big break in the case has little to do with her detective skills and more to do with sheer luck. She and George just happen to be in the right place at the right time to see how the car got past the washed out bridge. It's a fairly creative way to get a car over a missing bridge, but I wish Nancy would have discovered the truth in a different manner. Nancy and George's escape from the baddies was a bit far-fetched, but fun. Nancy gets to show off a little skateboarding skill. Also, it was a pleasure seeing Gordon Jump in a supporting role. I think he appeared in every show made in the 70s.

I'll call this one better than average and give it a 6/10.

6/10