The Witchmaker (1969)

A load of atmostphere that doesn't work as well as it should, 5 January 2018

Dr Ralph Hayes (Alvy Moore) leads a group of psychic researchers into the wilds of a Louisiana swamp. A series of murders has Hayes thinking there might be a witch operating in the swamp. One of his team, Anastasia (Thordis Brandt), is a sensitive - someone tuned to picking up psychic impulses. Hayes hopes she will be able to lead them to the witch. But the local witch, Luther the Berserk (John Lodge), has his own plans. He wants Anastasia in his coven. He starts killing off Hayes' team one-by-one. Can Hayes and Co save Anastasia and the rest of their group? 

The Witchmaker isn't what I'd call a good movie in the traditional sense, but it is reasonably effective and enjoyable if you're into this kind of thing. The biggest plus The Witchmaker has going for it is atmosphere. At times, the atmosphere is palatable. The isolation, the creepy swamp, the Satanic trappings, and the even the low budget look of the film - all worked on me and filled me with a real sense of unease. If there's one thing that really creeps me out, it's low-budget Satanic mumbo-jumbo. Also, I thought John Lodge was particularly effective as Luther. He uses his size to his advantage as he attacks the members of Hayes' group. It's a really frightening visage.

As my rating indicates, the movie isn't perfect to me. The biggest issue I have is Alvy Moore. The problem is that as long as I've been alive, Alvy Moore has always been Hank Kimble from Green Acres. You see, not only is Green Acres on of my two or three favorite television shows, but the stammering, forgetful Kimble is my favorite character. I can't look at the man and not think of Kimble. So when, as Dr Hayes, he's trying to give some sort of scientific explanation to what's happening, it doesn't work. It sounds so silly coming out of Alvy Moore's mouth. I complimented the film's atmosphere, but unfortunately, Alvy Moore ruins whatever atmosphere the film has built up at that point. He goes off-screen, things get creepy. He comes back, not so creepy. It's too bad for The Witchmaker that Alvy Moore was so good at playing light, zany comedy.


5/10

Xena "Chariots of War" #1.2 (1995) (TV)

"I'm not very good at this horse thing!", 4 January 2018

Xena is injured trying to defend a group of non-violent farmers. She's nursed back to health by Darius and his family. The local warlord says he wants peace, but Xena smells a trap. She's allowed to attend the peace meeting, but only if she leaves her weapons behind. As she suspected, the meeting is a hoax and she's forced to fight empty-handed. But the local warlord's son really does want peace. He must defy his ruthless father's wishes, though, if he is to be successful. 

What an odd second episode. Xena and Gabrielle have just formed a friendship / partnership when Xena leaves her behind. You'd have thought the people behind the show would have used this episode to cement their bond. Weird. Being left on her on, Gabrielle gets up to all sort of hijinks in a local tavern - most of it is just plain annoying. It's like they weren't sure what to do with Gabrielle in these initial episodes. The fight scenes here are better than the first episode, but still a long way from what you see later in the series. The quick relationship between Darius and Xena is actually nice. There's some real chemistry at work. Very nice. The final showdown, complete with chariot chase, is the episode's highlight. There's some excellent camerawork on display. Overall, however, despite what I've written, I rate this one a very average 5/10. As I've indicated, it has its moments and I might have rated it higher, but the overall plot here is fairly routine.

5/10

Xena "Sins of the Past" #1.1 (1995) (TV)

"Shut up! I hate chatty food.", 4 January 2018

I suppose that Episode 1 does exactly what a first episode should do - set-up the series for the episodes to come. I had forgotten all about Xena's introduction. We first see her coming over a misty hill on her horse, framed by two trees. Nice shot. We quickly learn that Xena has experienced a change of heart and wants to go home and right old wrongs. In wrestling terms, it's a face turn. Gabrielle's introduction isn't so memorable. She's been taken hostage by some baddies. When we first see her, she's uber-annoying. In fact, she's annoyingly needy throughout this episode. Like I said, it's not the best introduction.

As for the rest of Sins of the Past, if it weren't the first episode, it would hardly be memorable. Xena is pitted against what we are told is an old foe / would-be lover named Draco. He wants her to join him and his army. He threatens her home with destruction if she doesn't. The final fight scene is good, but not great. We are, however, introduced to the Xena style of fighting that carries forward throughout the series. It's a fighting style where physics hardly matter. Xena and Draco are both shown walking on the townspeople's heads. In the real world, this would undoubtedly cause injury to the people doing the walking or the people being walked on. Not here. Xena even uses a couple of people as springboards, doing a flip off their heads. You have to accept it or you'll have problems with a lot of what's to come. 


Anyway, a decent start to a fantastic series. It's not as spectacular as most of the rest of the series, so I feel comfortable giving it a slightly above average 6/10.

6/10

Arrivederci, Baby! (1966)

Mildly amusing . . . but troubling, 3 January 2018

Tony Curtis is Nick Johnson, a man who uses his irresistible charm to use women to his personal, financial gain. He goes through a string of women whose untimely deaths give Johnson more wealth than he could earn on his own (at least with the same, minimal effort). He meets his match in wealthy, young, beautiful, fabulously gorgeous widow Francesca di Rienzi (Rosanna Schiaffino). The problem is he actually finds himself falling in love with her.

My 5/10 rating should indicate that I found Arrivederci, Baby! mildly amusing. I wasn't rolling in the floor laughing, but most of the movie is at least passable entertainment at its worst. The final act where Curtis and Schiaffino go toe-to-toe is the film's highlight. They're on equal footing. With most of the other women, Curtis has the upper-hand before they realize they're being had. It's not fair. I think my favorite bits might have been either the croquet match or dance floor fight scenes - really good stuff. Other than the creepy bits where Curtis tries to play a "boy", he's good. I didn't care for the instances where he breaks the fourth wall, but that's not his fault. Schiaffino is in fine form. What a woman! After I watched her in The Witch, I wrote, "I don't know where these Italian producers found these incredible women. It's not a stretch of the imagination to believe Schiaffino could force any man to fall for her." I could say exactly the same after watching this film.

I've already mentioned my problem with Curtis as a "boy", but I had other issues with his NIck Johnson. I get the feeling that Arrivederci, Baby! was meant to be a light-hearted romp. But there's a really dark undercurrent that I found troubling. Johnson isn't just a typical, loveable con-artist stealing money from rich women. He's also a murderer and a rapist. Not the characteristics you find in most rom-coms. 

A couple of final points: 1. The European locations are to die for in this movie. And here, they're presented in all their 60s glory. What visions! 2. The supporting cast is especially strong. Lionel Jeffries, Zsa Zsa Gabor (yes, even Zsa Zsa), Nancy Kwan, and especially Anna Quayle add a lot of flavor and variety to the film.

5/10

The Killers Are Our Guests (1974)

- Gli assassini sono nostri ospiti

Better than average piece of entertainment, 28 December 2017

The Killers Are Our Guests opens with a daring daylight jewelry store robbery. One of the robbers is shot during the escape. The band of robbers is forced to seek medical attention for their partner and end up at the isolated villa of a doctor and his wife. Forced to comply, the doctor does his best to patch up the wounded robber. The baddies hold the pair hostage until they're able to hit the road. It's a nightmare of a night as the doctor and wife are threatened with their lives, the wife is raped, and, in the end, most everyone is killed.

Overall, I found The Killers Are Our Guests an above average piece of entertainment. I'm not sure how I'd classify the film, but I'm going to go with poliziotteschi or Euro-crime. The film features plenty of atmosphere as the robbers harass and threaten the couple. The movie never goes as far as something like Last House on the Left, but it has a similar cramped, ominous feel to it. I really started to feel for the doctor's wife. Either through choice or force, she has sex four times during the night. And when it's not by choice, it's not very pleasant. While the police seem ineffective throughout, the way the police ultimately catch their prey is nicely handled and provides an unexpected twist. The acting is solid. Genre regulars Anthony Steffan, Luigi Pistilli, and Margaret Lee are as good as I've come to expect. It's always nice to discover a "new" movie with Margaret Lee. The rest of the cast is more than adequate. If it weren't for some fairly long stretches in the second act where the film almost grinds to a halt, I could have easily rated The Killers Are Our Guests higher.

6/10

Catwoman (2004)

"Meow.", 27 December 2017

Patience Phillips (Halle Berry) is a meek, mild-mannered woman working in the advertising department of a cosmetics firm. One night, she sees and overhears something she wasn't meant to. The company's new line causes horrible scarring after extended use. Patience is killed because of what she learned. However, she is brought back to life by an Egyptian cat and granted many cat-like powers. She decides to use these powers to discover who killed her and put a stop to the company she once worked for.

I knew of Catwoman's horrible reputation, but didn't really believe it could be that bad. I mean, squeezing the gorgeous Halle Berry into skin-tight leather should set you up for some thrills. Unfortunately, there's not a costume on Earth that could have saved this mess of a movie. Almost everything (the lone exception being some scenes with Halle Berry and Benjamin Bratt - I enjoyed the chemistry) is a disaster. The plot is paper thin, the baddies are weak, the acting is poor, the attempts at comedy are cringey, and the dialogue is silly. But as bad as all that is, nothing compares with the wretched special effects. I thought the CG cat looked horrible (and why use a CG cat anyway?), but then i saw the CG Halle Berry. I'm sure a small fortune was spent on these effects. What a waste! The shots of Adam West "climbing" buildings in the 1960s-era Batman TV show are more believable. It's just pathetic.

2/10

Too Beautiful to Die (1988)

- Sotto il vestito niente II

A good late 80s giallo, 26 December 2017

Sylvia O'Neal is a successful model working in Milan. After the final shoot for a big ad campaign, Sylvia attends a party with some of the other models. Sylvia doesn't realize it, but she has caught the eye of an older, powerful man. She's doesn't realize that he will also be at the party or the party's real purpose. She refuses his advances, but she's not strong enough to fight off the other models. While they hold her, the man rapes her. Distraught, she leaves the party in a hurry only to be found burned to death in a car the following morning. It looks like an accident until the others at the party start turning up dead. And when the police discover Sylvia was shot through the head before the car crash, it's obvious a killer is on the loose.

The 70s were the heyday for the Italian giallo. So it's always nice to discover one made in the 80s, nevermind the late 80s, that's actually good. Too Beautiful to Die is a solid example of a latter day giallo. An unknown killer, a fantastically gruesome murder weapon, artistic touches (tracking shots and blue lighting), a boatload of beautiful women, and plenty of atmosphere - this one has all the elements you expect to find in a giallo. Too Beautiful to Die also features some of the best (or worst) of the 80s. The music, clothing, and hair - all from the 80s. The ad campaigns and music videos the women are working on are incredibly reminiscent of a Robert Palmer video. It's a visual straight out of the 80s. In fact, much of the movie is a bit like watching a string of 80s-era music videos strung together into a film. Plenty of style. Another plus for Too Beautiful to Die are the plot twists and turns you expect to find in a good giallo. There are plenty of clues and red herrings sprinkled throughout that will keep you guessing to the end. With about 20 minutes to go, I was sure I had things figured out. And while I was partially correct, the movie had one more curveball up its sleeve. Very nice. If it weren't for the poor explanation of the killer's motivation, a couple of slow spots in the screenplay, and some questionable acting, I could have easily rated this one higher. Still, it's a nice giallo that fans of the genre should seek out.

6/10