The Giant Behemoth (1959)

Something is amiss off the English coast., 29 July 2007

Something is amiss off the English coast. A fisherman is killed by what appears to be radiation burns. Soon thereafter, thousands upon thousands of fish wash up and die on the same beach. What's behind the mystery? All of Britain is soon to know when a giant prehistoric creature goes on a rampage through the streets of London.

The Giant Behemoth won't get my award for the best giant creature on a rampage film, but it is entertaining. While Willis O'Brien and the other special effects artists might have done better work in other movies, their efforts here are still a joy to watch. Their work is even more amazing when you consider what they had to work with. The budgets were obviously tight as we see the same car destroyed 3 times in less than 3 minutes. Even though you won't confuse the miniature work here with what Toho was doing at the same time, that only adds to the movie's charm as far as I'm concerned. Gene Evans and (especially) Andre Morell give solid performances as the scientists trying to unravel the mystery. My only complaint about the pair is that Evans is a little too rough around the edges to be a real effective movie lead. The rest of the cast is adequate. While The Giant Behemoth is not the kind of special effects extravaganza that seems to appeal to modern audiences, director Eugène Lourié keeps things moving at an entertaining pace. In particular, I found the opening scenes set in the village on the coast of Cornwall very creepy and nicely done. For what it's worth, I'll give this one a 6/10.

6/10

Jonny Quest (1964)

My favorite cartoon, 27 July 2007

Back in the 60s, I was convinced that "Jonny Quest" was the single greatest cartoon ever created. It was something special. It had a more adult feel to it and, therefore, to my 5 year old mind, that made it more real. Watching today, I realize how wrong my notions of reality were, but there's no denying a more serious tone or style to "Jonny Quest" than any other cartoon on at the time. But there's also no denying how good it really was. I was incredibly envious of Jonny and the adventures he and Hadji were allowed to go on. Battling mummies, chasing a giant robotic spider, and fighting off giant condors were just part of the fun. And what about Race Bannon – what small boy worth his salt didn't want to grow up and be like Race? He was awesome. Finally, I would argue that there were other positive aspects of the show beyond entertainment. This may sound completely ridiculous to someone who never watched "Jonny Quest", but it inspired a real interest in science and history in me and my brother. I look at the show as having had a very positive influence on us.

I have fond memories of many of the episodes, but if I had to pick just one as a favorite, I think I would go with "The House of the Seven Gargoyles". Talk about creeping me out – I hid my head under the covers. I still have the most vivid memories of that episode. I recently picked up the DVD set and, over the past couple of months, I've been making my way through the episodes. Forty years later, I'm still enjoying them and "The House of Seven Gargoyles" is still pretty creepy. To my delight, my four year old son has watched a couple of the episodes with me. I was thrilled when I realized how much he was loving it. Like father, like son – how cool is that?

10/10

Skyjacked (1972)

"Well, one good thing: all drinks are on the airline for everyone.", 27 July 2007

A flight bound for Minnesota is hijacked and diverted to Anchorage with Moscow as its ultimate destination. Between terrible weather and zero visibility over Alaska and the possibility of being shot down my Russian fighters, it's going to be a harrowing journey. And that doesn't even take into account the unknown, crazed hijacker with a bomb who is somewhere on the plane!

I'll be honest – Skyjacked probably doesn't deserve the rating (7/10) I've given it. But I had such a good time watching it that I couldn't bring myself to rate it any lower. The situations may be predictable to anyone who has seen more than a handful of 70s disaster-style movies, but that doesn't make it any less enjoyable. My only real complaint is that the movie never goes far enough in the way of over-the-top camp or cheesy clichés. Much of Skyjacked is played too straight forward for its own good.

Old square-jawed Charlton Heston is the pilot. His Captain O'Hara is the same no-nonsense character who spits lines like nails and has the look on his face of someone who has been constipated for a couple of weeks that Heston always played. But boy is he good at it. I love watching the guy work! The rest of the cast takes the notion of two-dimensional characters to new heights. There's Rosey Grier as the gregarious black musician, Jeanne Crain as the middle-aged woman in the midst of some mysterious crisis, Walter Pidgeon as the old Senator who knows more than his share of national secrets, Susan Dey as the hippie who couldn't possibly afford to sit in first class, Mariette Hartley as the pregnant woman on the verge of going into labor, and Claude Akins as the only man who could give Heston a run for his money in the no-nonsense department. Even James Brolin, who outstanding as the crazed hijacker, isn't fleshed-out beyond a couple of ridiculous, but quite funny, flashbacks. They may be a predictable bunch, but they make Skyjacked a lot of fun.

One of my favorite parts of Skyjacked is the way director John Guillermin tries to make a mystery out of the hijacker's identity. First, I can't imagine anyone actually found it difficult to spot him. It's pretty obvious – he's the one acting nuttier than a fruitcake. (Not to mention that the new DVD gives away his identity on the back cover – good going guys!) Second, I love the way Guillermin tries to throw suspicion on a number of characters. For example, the only clue to the hijacker's identity we have is a tube of red lipstick. There's no way you can miss it – Guillermin zooms in on it about a dozen times. Then, a couple of scenes later, we see Jeanne Crain applying . . are you ready for this . . . red lipstick! I had to laugh! How in the world could anyone possibly imagine Jeanne Crain as a hijacker? Too funny!

7/10

Bandidas (2006)

"Always count your bullets, senoritas", 26 July 2007

Sara Sandoval (Salma Hayek) and Maria Alvarez (Penélope Cruz) are two very different women. They may be from the same area of Mexico, but everything else about their upbringing couldn't be more different. Sara comes from a wealthy family and has just returned home after having completed her studies in Europe. Maria is the daughter of a dirt poor farmer and has received little in the way of a formal education. But these two women are brought together when an enforcer (Dwight Yoakam) representing a NY bank comes to town to buy up land for the railroad. His methods include killing Sara's father to take control of his bank and seriously wounding Maria's father to get his farm. How are these two women going to right the injustices and get revenge? The pair come up with a plan – why not rob banks?

If you're looking for a deep, meaningful movie that explores life's mysteries – Bandidas is the wrong movie for you. I've seen the word "cute" used several times to describe Bandidas and that's better than any I can come up with. This is a light, fluffy, silly, popcorn movie from the word go. I mean, seriously, can you imagine a more unlikely pair of turn of the century, would-be bank robbers than Salma Hayek and Penélope Cruz? But that doesn't make it any less enjoyable. For me, it's all about suspending reality and just having fun with it. It doesn't hurt that Hayek and Cruz are two of the most stunning actresses working today. But their appeal here goes far beyond their looks. They have a definite chemistry on-screen that's very natural. And the constant bickering between the two is often quite funny. Yoakam and Steve Zahn provide solid support. Yoakam's bad guy performance is especially well done.

Overall, I don't have much to complain about. For me, Bandidas made for an entertaining way to spend 90 minutes. I don't want to get into my spiel about the importance of entertainment to me in rating a movie, but Bandidas is a good example. It's just a fun movie!

7/10

The Touch of Satan (1971)

"This is where the fish lives.", 24 July 2007

Sometimes I feel like I ramble on and on when I'm writing one of these. No worries this time though, because I'm keeping it short and sweet. The Touch of Satan is one of the biggest bores of a movie to ever come down the pike. Lackluster people doing dull and unimaginative things make for one excruciating experience. Even when Grandma shows up and hacks up a few people, it's met with the same ho-hum enthusiasm as the rest of the movie. For what it's worth, I've rated The Touch of Satan an incredibly generous 2/10.

As with many of the "bad" movies I've been watching lately, I saw The Touch of Satan courtesy of Mystery Science Theater 3000. While some of the riffs (particularly those about the long pauses in the dialogue) are very funny, overall the episode is too inconsistent to rate too highly. I'll give Episode #908 a wishy-washy and very average 3/5 on my MST3K rating scale.

2/10

The Brute Man (1946)

"Attention all cars, attention all cars", 24 July 2007

Horribly disfigured in a lab accident, Hal Moffat (Rondo Hatton) seeks revenge against all those he blames for his condition. The police seem to be unable to put a stop to the killer they've dubbed the "Creeper". During one of his escapes from the police, the Creeper hides out in an apartment occupied by a blind woman. The pair strike up an unlikely relationship that lasts until the woman discovers her new friend's true identity. Now her life is in danger!

It's difficult to discuss The Brute Man without discussing Rondo Hatton, but that's exactly what I want to do for a moment. The biggest problem with the movie is that it's pretty much a bore. Scene after scene of watching the Creeper . . . uhh . . . creep (for the lack of a better word) does not make for the most exciting of movie experiences. He's too slow – too slow to hold my interest. And it doesn't help matters that the Creeper's relationship with the blind woman is so predictable. From the moment the pair met, I was waiting for the woman to say that there was a surgery that might cure her, but it cost too much. And I just knew the Creeper was going to try to help her out by killing someone to get the money she needed. No surprises here.

As for Rondo, I wish I knew more about him. He seems to have been a tragic, yet interesting fellow. In the few movies I've seen him in, he was never asked to do much. His acromegaly seems to be all that the studios were interested in. I doubt it, but I sincerely hope that he was able to exploit the movie studios just as they were exploiting him. And even though Rondo wasn't the world's greatest actor, there's something oddly compelling about his performance and The Brute Man in general. The Creeper is such a tragic character that it's difficult to fear him when you have such compassion for him and his predicament. While I cannot condone his actions, I certainly understand what drove him to commit his crimes. I've just got to give the movie an extra point based on Rondo.

The Brute Man was featured in Episode #702 of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Overall, it's not particularly good. Too often, the guys resort to making fun of Rondo's medical condition – not a very humorous topic. There are a few moments that do work, but overall, I'm disappointed. This episode of MST3K gets a 2/5 on my rating scale.

4/10

Mighty Jack (1968) (TV)

What the....., 22 July 2007

Since I began what I'm calling my 2007 Mystery Science Theater 3000 Challenge, I've seen a ton of bad movies. And I seem to find myself writing at least once each week that the most recent abomination I've watched has to be one of the worst movies ever made. I'm really starting to sound like a broken record. So here I am with the latest assault on the senses – Mighty Jack. I realize that Mighty Jack was taken from a Japanese television series and put together by one of Sandy Frank's flunkies, but I'm not rating the television show – I'm rating the movie. And what a frustratingly confusing movie it is! I'm really in the dark about most of what I've just seen. It doesn't make a lick of sense. Some bad guys named Q want to do something bad with a weapon that creates something called hot ice. Another group of people called Mighty Jack use their flying submarine to stop Q. That's about the best I can do.

Like the turd of a plot, the rest of Mighty Jack is just as bad. The acting – bad. The miniature work (usually a strong point in a Japanese film of this type) – bad. The music – bad (and often inappropriate). The direction – bad. Everything else you can name – bad. As I said, I'm starting to sound like a broken record but Mighty Jack is seriously one very bad movie.

MST3K Episode #314 isn't as good as I had hoped. Usually, MST3K did some great work with the Japanese films they used. Here, other than the bits about the old guy smoking dope, there's not much that made me come close to laughing out loud. So I'll rate it a 3/5 on my MST3K rating scale – a wishy-washy average rating.

1/10