The Fiction Makers (1968) (TV)

Good writing and some nice acting, 22 August 2009

To be fair to The Fiction Makers, it's important to remember that it's really a two-part episode of The Saint that was cobbled together and released as a movie. I'm not an expert on The Saint, but this might be the best I've seen. The plot involves a crazed criminal, known only as Warlock (Kenneth J. Warren), who has taken the ideas from a series of spy novels and used them as an instruction manual for his entire criminal organization. Warlock kidnaps Simon Templar (Roger Moore), believing him to be the author known as Amos Klein, and Joyce Darling (Sylvia Syms), the real novelist. Warlock wants Klein to "write" a plan to rob a heavily guarded bank vault.

The Fiction Makers comes across as something of a mix of James Bond and a heist movie – both very popular in the 60s. It's not great example of either, but it is entertaining. Roger Moore is good, but is generally upstaged by both Warren and Syms. Warren's crazed Warlock is a treat – threatening and funny all at the same time. He appears to be having a blast with the role. Syms can best be described as a delight. I really must track down more of her work. While it's obvious that The Fiction Makers is a television production with the staged-bound look and television style lighting and editing, veteran director Roy Ward Baker brings a wealth of experience to the film. He keeps things moving and interesting. The witty writing is also a winner. Warlock, his gang known as S.W.O.R.D., and the almost religious-like adherence to the books Warlock bases his organization on might be a bit silly, but it is fun. Other than the exceptionally cheap looking bank sets (especially those really lame looking red lasers) that demonstrate the true nature of the budget Baker was working with, I've got few complaints. A 7/10 from me.

7/10

The Blood Beast Terror (1968)

As usual, Peter Cushing rises above the material he was given to work with, 8 June 2009

Peter Cushing was really amazing. Regardless of the movie, he's an absolute joy to watch work. In The Blood Beast Terror (which I understand Cushing considered one of his worst movies if not the absolute worst), Cushing does a tremendous job given the film's ridiculous premise. I hate to use the word silly when describing a plot but that's just what the storyline in The Blood Beast Terror is – silly. Cushing plays Detective Quennell, an inspector hot on the trail of vicious killer. But this is no ordinary killer Quennell's hunting. His target is a flying creature that sucks the blood from its prey. Can Quennell catch the creature before his daughter becomes the next victim? So, what's Quennell chasing? Get ready for this – he's chasing a giant moth. That's right, a giant were-moth! That's really what we have here – a were-moth. I told you it was silly. I can't imagine the thought process that went into creating the idea of a human transforming into a moth. And how do you pitch that one to the studio? No wonder The Blood Beast Terror was made by little Tigon and not Hammer or Amicus. In addition, the special effects add nothing to already ridiculous goings on. It's obvious the filmmakers' ideas far outstripped their budget given the thankfully brief appearance of the ludicrous looking were-moth. The thing looks so . . . silly (there's that word again). Add to that a complete lack of mystery, some dodgy acting from a couple of the cast members (Vanessa Howard in particular), and misplaced music queues throughout, and you've got yourself one pretty bad movie.

But as bad as it is (and trust me, it's bad), Peter Cushing is always worth watching. The man could do more in a scene by himself than a roomful of other less talented actors. He was a truly great actor and one of the best the horror genre has ever seen. Also on the plus side are the very authentic looking locations, costumes, sets, and props. The movie might not be very good, but much of it is very interesting to look at. Finally, I got a real kick out of seeing a very young David Griffin's efforts in The Blood Beast Terror. I really enjoy his later work as Emmet in the very British sitcom, Keeping Up Appearances.

4/10

Playgirl Killer (1968)

"They... always... move!", 6 May 2009

Bill (William Kerwin) is a tormented artist working on a painting from a dream he's had. But can Bill ever actually finish his masterpiece if he keeps killing all his models?

Whatever else I might think or write about Playgirl Killer, one thing is certain – it features one of the absolute funniest bits of dialogue I've heard in a long time. The father referring to his youngest daughter states, "Well at first I didn't like the idea of Betty being engaged to a rock and roll singer, but they're in love so I guess it's up to us to help make them happy." What's so funny about this line? Well, this rock 'n' roll hoodlum that's got Pops all in a dither is none other than bad boy Neil Sedaka. Yes, that Neil Sedaka! The Neil Sedaka that would go on to pin such rowdy "rock 'n' roll" standards as "Breaking Up is Hard to Do" and "Love Will Keep Us Together". Just imagine the idea of your youngest daughter marrying a ruffian like that!

Beyond that bit of unintended hilarity, the rest of Playgirl Killer is almost equally a hoot. Whether it's William Kerwin in his over-the-top artist-killer mode or Jean Christopher playing the over-the-top tease, the movie is more often than not a treat for fans of trashy 60s cinema. The movie promises a lot more in the way of sleaze than it delivers – which, believe it or not, is another selling point. It's hysterical watching Christopher's Arlene toy and flirt with every man in sight. And you've got to love Bill's motive for killing. No, it's not some deep-seated resentment toward women - it's not some weird Oedipus issue - it's not even for money. Bill kills because his models move. You read that right, he kills his models because they move. Don't dare bat an eyelid or Bill might just slit your throat. How bizarrely funny is that? The whole thing is such a ridiculous blast that it's hard not to enjoy it.

The movie's only real weakness (well, the only weakness that really bothered me) was the complete lack of suspense. Playgirl Killer is supposed to be a thriller so I naturally expected a few . . . well, a few thrills. Instead, all of Bill's kills are telegraphed far in advance. Take the first model he kills shortly after docking the boat the two are riding in. The couple jump out of the boat and head toward a rock for some sketching. Bill brings along his equipment – pencil, paper, a bag (presumably with more art supplies), and a spear gun. Once again, you're not seeing things - I said a spear gun! What artist worth his salt doesn't have an obscure weapon with him every time he sets out to do a portrait? How hard it is to figure out what Bill's up to with that spear gun? See what I mean - no suspense.

I'll give this one a 6/10 – but be warned, that rating is more for the cheese in Playgirl Killer than any real indication of the quality of the film.

6/10

The Astro-Zombies (1968)

Believe it or not, but the ingredients are here for an interesting, surreal movie, 11 April 2008

The plot of The Astro-Zombies is so convoluted that I'm not sure I can sum it up in just a few short sentences - but I'll give it a try. It seems that a series of gristly murders is being blamed on a Dr. DeMarco (John Carradine). Until recently, Dr. DeMarco worked for the government on a top secret project where he was attempting to develop a synthetic man. The synthetic or astro-man was thought to be ideal for long range space flight. The CIA theorizes that Dr. DeMarco has succeeded in creating an astro-man and that it may be responsible for the murders. In addition, a group of spies, headed by a woman named Satana (Tura Satana), is also looking for Dr. DeMarco. They represent a foreign party interested in Dr. DeMarco's discoveries.

You know, I could sit here and go through a litany of weaknesses found in The Astro-Zombies. But I'll be honest, that's too easy and, ultimately, too time consuming. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. So I'll stick to the biggest problem I had with The Astro-Zombies and that's how deadly dull much of the movie is. There are great big chunks of the movie where nothing happens. I don't mean it's just slow - I mean there's absolutely nothing going on. For example, there are a series of scenes with Dr. DeMarco preparing his lab for an experiment that seem to go on FOREVER! Vials are filled, switches are thrown, microscopes are peered through, and on and on it goes. No dialogue – just mundane, routine scenes of people trying to look busy. I swear that at one point it looked like Carradine was working on a thermostat. And who wouldn't want to see John Carradine do a little home repair project?

But as bad as The Astro-Zombies is, the movie's not a total loss. There's enough bizarreness here that someone with a little talent might have gotten something interesting out of it. I'll go so far to argue that a good editor might be able to shave a half-hour off the thing and come up with an interesting, surreal movie. The ingredients are here – CIA operatives, John Carradine, mutant creatures, a secret lab, Tura Satana (who's pretty surreal in her own right), a hunchbacked lab assistant, violent attack scenes, an unknown woman in a bikini strapped to a table, and enough scientific hokum for two movies. But until someone takes the time to put this movie together, the best I can give The Astro-Zombies is a 3/10.

3/10

Lady in Cement (1968)

Some nice shots of a mid-60s Miami, 23 March 2008

If you take a look at what I wrote about Tony Rome a couple of years ago, you can apply a lot of it to Lady in Cement. Once again, this is a movie that I probably enjoy more than I should. That's because for the most part, it entertains me. Plot details hardly matter as the whole thing is little more than a vehicle for Frank Sinatra to show his supposed coolness. I'll just say that Lady in Cement is well paced with very few dull moments. Other than a handful of really seedy looking locations, it's a harmless enough way to spend an hour and a half. To be as light as much of it is, however, there are a few nice twists and turns along the way. In fact, the identity of one of the killers really caught me off-guard. Sinatra may be the "star", but he's not the attraction here for me. Instead, Dan Blocker and Raquel Welch are the films highlights – and in two very different ways. Blocker is very entertaining as the huge behemoth of a man, Waldo Gronsky. And Raquel is equally entertaining in her own way as wealthy socialite Kit Forrest. Finally, as with Tony Rome, I get a real kick out of the shots of a mid-60s Miami. Forty years later it looks almost like a foreign country.

I suppose the thing that bothers me the most about Lady in Cement is the amount of lame comedy found in the script (although the scene with Blocker watching Bonanza on television made me laugh out loud for some reason). You'll find comedy in Tony Rome, but I don't remember this much. The worst is the over-the-top gay-bating that Sinatra tries to use as humor. It has a terribly dated feel to it and, as some would argue, is quite offensive.

6/10

Girl in Gold Boots (1968)

"I had a pretty mind! Oh God, I wish I had my pretty mind back.", 7 February 2008

Michele Casey (Leslie McRae) has bigger plans for her future than working at her father's diner in the middle of nowhere. She dreams of being a dancer. When a smooth-talking lowlife named Buz Nichols (Tom Pace) offers her a ride to Los Angeles, she jumps at the chance. Along the way, the pair meet up with a draft dodger named Critter (Jody Daniels) who's also looking to get to L.A. Michele ends up getting a job dancing with Buz's junky sister at a club called the Haunted House. The club is run by some of the greasiest customers to ever use Vitalis. They've soon got Buz dealing dope for them. Can Michele escape the squalor her life has become or will she be dragged into the gutter?

Girl in Gold Boots is a difficult movie for me to rate. On the one hand, it's the kind of movie that makes you feel like taking a shower. It's a greasy experience. One scene in particular in the movie perfectly illustrates this effect on me. Buz's sister (the druggy) has almost passed out and is on the floor. There's a camera shot looking up from her perspective at her slimy boss. In the background just over his head is a giant brown stain on the drop-tile ceiling. It's nasty and disgusting but looks like most everything else in Girl in Gold Boots. I would like to think that the director, Ted V. Mikels, carefully chose this shot to use the brown stain as a representation of sorts for the character standing under it. But that's probably giving Mikels way too much credit. My guess is that the stained ceiling came with the location they were using. As nasty as it looks, it fits nicely with the rest of the movie.

But I've rated Girl in Gold Boots a 6/10 so it should be obvious that I found something about the movie to enjoy. It's hard to put finger on, but something about the story, the characters, and the incredibly lame dancing actually works for me. Some of it may be in the at "so bad it's good" sort of way, but whatever, I find it entertaining. I suppose this is one of those cases where comparing the movie to a train wreck is appropriate – it's hard to look away. However, be warned – based on the IMDb rating of 2.8, it's obvious that I'm pretty much alone on this one.

Girl in Gold Boots is one of those movies that I've seen both with and without the MST3K commentary. My opinion of the movie remains unchanged whichever way I watch it. The MST3K commentary itself is very funny. I rate Girl in Gold Boots a 5/5 on my MST3K rating scale.

6/10

Witchfinder General (1968)

"I will find out the truth for you, have no fear.", 30 October 2007

With civil war raging across England, a man like Matthew Hopkins (Vincent Price) finds it easy to take advantage of the situation for his own personal gain. He plays on the fears, superstitions, and jealousies of the locals as they take turns accusing each other of being witches. And if they don't confess, Hopkins gives them to his sadistic enforcer, John Steame (Robert Russell), to beat it out of them. When Hopkins sets his sights on a priest named John Lowes (Rupert Davies) and his niece (Hilary Heath), he unwittingly seals his fate. The girl's fiancé, Richard Marshall (Ian Ogilvy), will stop at nothing to get his revenge.

Vincent Price gave many nice performances during his career, but his portrayal of Matthew Hopkins in Witchfinder General may have been his finest. Price's Hopkins is a very interesting, multi-layered character. While he has absolutely no qualms about unnecessarily punishing and torturing people, he doesn't do the dirty work himself. (I love the bit where he has the suspected witches thrown into the river with their hands and feet bound. If they float, it must be the devil protecting them. They will be taken from the water and burned. If they sink and die, oh well, sorry – they must have been innocent. It's certainly a callous view of life that was so wonderfully lampooned in Monty Python and the Holy Grail). Hopkins doesn't care about rooting out evil. His objective is the silver he receives when it's all over. He is a cowardly man, selling out those closest to him to save his own skin. And he is quite at ease with granting favors and requests in exchange for sex. One has to wonder if Matthew Hopkins ever believed in God and Satan and witchcraft. Or, as I suspect, did he see it all as an opportunity to line his pockets. Price brings all this to the role. It's an outstanding performance of a multi-faceted character. As I said, it might just be Price's best.

The supporting cast is just as good. Russell, Heath, Ogilvy, and Davis are all magnificent. I was especially impressed with Russell. It's easy to forget you're watching an actor and start to believe you're watching a man who enjoys torturing people. The beating he gives Davies is particular nasty. It would be difficult to play a sadistic bastard any better than Russell does in Witchfinder General.

It's a real shame the Michael Reeves didn't live longer than he did. After watching Witchfinder General last night, I read the Reeves would have helmed The Oblong Box as his next project. Man, would that have been interesting! Reeves brought the necessary realism to Witchfinder General. His film has atmosphere and is rough and brutal. The locations are obviously authentic and the set are appropriately sparse. And the film has a gritty look appropriate for the time period. Slick looking digital effects like we see today just wouldn't work in a movie like this. It's obvious that he was working with a very small budget, yet I cannot imagine the film looking much better (well, the blood might not have been such a bright coral color) had he had three time the money.

My only real complaint with the movie is with the main female character, Sarah Lowes. I realize that she faces unspeakable torture at the hands of Matthew Hopkins' cronies, but she bends to his will just a bit too easily. She seems more anxious than Hopkins to jump into the sack if it means saving her own skin. I would have liked to have seen her at least make an attempt to stay true to her fiancé. It just didn't fit what I would have expected from the character.

Overall, Witchfinder General is a real classic of the horror genre. Any self-respecting fan owes it to himself to check it out. I'm so happy to finally have this on DVD. It's one I'll revisit time after time for years to come.

8/10

Hollywood After Dark (1968)

- Walk the Angry Beach
So wretched that I felt like retching, 17 August 2007

A junkyard owner is approached by two hoods to help them with an armored car heist they have planned. Although hesitant at first, he agrees after meeting and falling for a stripper trying to break into acting. He wants the money to help her get away from the seedier side of Hollywood. The robbery goes off as planned, but the would-be criminals turn on each other with disastrous consequences.

I've seen a lot of bad movies over the years, but only a handful fall into the I-want-to-gouge-my-eyes-out category. Hollywood After Dark is one such movie. It's bottom of the barrel in every respect. The acting is horrendous; the plot is a disaster; the direction is Coleman Francis-ish; the stripper scenes are mind-numbingly awful; and on it goes. Hollywood After Dark is a tawdry, dirty, and depressing mess of a movie. I wasn't sure when the movie ended if I should take a shower or slit my wrists. It's that bad!

And if the movie wasn't already wretched enough, just wait until Rue McClanahan takes the stage for her burlesque number. That's right – Golden Girl Rue McClanahan is a stripper! It's one of those moments that I could have gone all my life without seeing. Now that I've got that visual back in my head, add retching to my list of things I thought about doing after watching the movie!

1/10

Mighty Jack (1968) (TV)

What the....., 22 July 2007

Since I began what I'm calling my 2007 Mystery Science Theater 3000 Challenge, I've seen a ton of bad movies. And I seem to find myself writing at least once each week that the most recent abomination I've watched has to be one of the worst movies ever made. I'm really starting to sound like a broken record. So here I am with the latest assault on the senses – Mighty Jack. I realize that Mighty Jack was taken from a Japanese television series and put together by one of Sandy Frank's flunkies, but I'm not rating the television show – I'm rating the movie. And what a frustratingly confusing movie it is! I'm really in the dark about most of what I've just seen. It doesn't make a lick of sense. Some bad guys named Q want to do something bad with a weapon that creates something called hot ice. Another group of people called Mighty Jack use their flying submarine to stop Q. That's about the best I can do.

Like the turd of a plot, the rest of Mighty Jack is just as bad. The acting – bad. The miniature work (usually a strong point in a Japanese film of this type) – bad. The music – bad (and often inappropriate). The direction – bad. Everything else you can name – bad. As I said, I'm starting to sound like a broken record but Mighty Jack is seriously one very bad movie.

MST3K Episode #314 isn't as good as I had hoped. Usually, MST3K did some great work with the Japanese films they used. Here, other than the bits about the old guy smoking dope, there's not much that made me come close to laughing out loud. So I'll rate it a 3/5 on my MST3K rating scale – a wishy-washy average rating.

1/10

The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)

It could have been so much better, 12 August 2006

Thomas Crown (Steve McQueen) is a wealthy man. Wealthy – yes. Satisfied with life – no. He needs some excitement in his life. He needs a challenge. Crown concocts a plan to rob a local Boston bank. He hires five men who know nothing of each other to carry out his scheme. Things go just as Crown planned – Crown has the money, no one was caught, and the police are completely baffled. The perfect crime! But Crown wasn't counting on the ruthless, hard-nosed insurance investigator (Faye Dunaway) sent to find the daring bank robbers. And Crown certainly wasn't expecting the insurance investigator to be so beautiful.

The Thomas Crown Affair starts off with a bang. The film opens with an intelligent, well-planned, and cleverly written bank heist. Unfortunately, the bank heist only takes 20 minutes of the film's runtime. The 60s were full of these ingenious crime/caper/heist films and had the remainder of The Thomas Crown Affair lived-up to the promise of the first act, it might have been one of the better examples of the crime/caper/heist film ever made. But things fall apart shortly after Dunaway makes her appearance. She's neither very believable in her role nor do she and McQueen have any on screen chemistry. I will admit that the first meeting between McQueen and Dunaway was interesting, but their cat and mouse game soon gets very tiring. Their scenes together feel forced and unnatural. Many of the reviews on The Thomas Crown Affair highlight "the chess scene" and go so far as to call it "sexy". If by "sexy" they mean too long, too drawn out, and too dull, then I guess it's "sexy".

Director Norman Jewison seems intent on using every single ridiculous camera trick at his disposal. Split-screens, gel lenses, and psychedelic colors are only a few examples of what Jewison has up his sleeve. Here's an idea – just tell your story. The camera tricks do nothing but help to destroy whatever flow and pacing the film might have had. A few of these techniques is okay, too many becomes distracting.

Other than the opening 20 minute heist scene, the only other real highlight is the film's final twist as Crown pulls the wool over the eyes of the insurance investigator. It's a nice ending for The Thomas Crown Affair and helps to make up for some of what came before. And fortunately for us, it's a signal that we will no longer be subjected to the terrible on screen pairing of McQueen and Dunaway.

6/10

Frankenstein's Bloody Terror (1968)

- La marca del Hombre-lobo
A whole lot of fun and my new favorite Naschy film, 25 July 2006

Finally! I've been searching and searching for a Paul Naschy film that appeals to me. And I'm so happy to have discovered one. After sitting through some less than stellar offerings like Vengeance of the Zombies and Dr. Jekyll vs. the Werewolf, I've finally found a winner. I won't go so far as to proclaim it as one of the best horror movies I've ever seen, but Frankenstein's Bloody Terror is a whole lot of fun and easily the best Naschy film I've so far run across.

To begin with, Frankenstein's Bloody Terror has absolutely nothing to do with either the good doctor or his creation. It seems that an American distributor was promised a Frankenstein movie, but was given a werewolf film instead. Undaunted, the distributor decided to stick with the Frankenstein name he probably had already worked into advertising. Thus Frankenstein's Bloody Terror becomes a werewolf/vampire slugfest.

Frankenstein's Bloody Terror is something of a historical movie for horror fans. It marks the first time Naschy would play Waldemar Daninsky and his cursed alter-ego that Naschy turned into something of a cottage industry. In this one, the residents of a small village blame a series of deaths on wolves. Daninsky joins a hunting party and is bitten, not by a wolf, but by a werewolf before he is able to subdue the creature. It's not long before Daninsky goes through a strange and painful metamorphosis that turns him into a snarling beast himself. A friend, looking to help Daninsky, turns to a doctor who has written extensively on the subject. But it turns out that this is no ordinary "mad" doctor. It seems the doctor and his wife are in reality blood sucking vampires. Before you know it, they've got Daninsky chained to a wall while they prey on his friends. Can Daninsky free himself and save those dear to him? And if he does save his friends from the vampires, who's going to save them from him?

As I said in my opening, Frankenstein's Bloody Terror is a lot of fun. It's hard not to have a good time with the over-the-top storyline and action. The movie actually gives you two werewolves for the price of one. Their battle is a blast and a real highlight of the movie for me. This monster free-for-all is reminiscent of some of Universal's monster mashes from the 40s, only a little more graphic in its presentation. The film has a marvelous Hammer-esquire look to it with vivid colors and period sets. The use of colored gels is a nice touch to the lighting in many scenes. I really liked Naschy's werewolf make-up. It's a little more "wild" than it would be in latter Daninsky films. The supporting cast is good with Rosanna Yanni as a gypsy woman being the most well known.

If you're looking for a sophisticated sort of horror movie with a deep, philosophical meaning that sticks with you long after it ends, Frankenstein's Bloody Terror is probably not the movie you're looking for. But if you're just looking to be entertained and have a good time, it's hard to go wrong with Frankenstein's Bloody Terror. Now that I've found a Naschy film I enjoy, I'm even more excited to discover the rest of his work.

7/10

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

"It has been established that persons who have recently died have been returning to life and committing acts of murder.", 20 July 2006

As a horror fan, I'm often asked my opinion on what the scariest movie of all time is. I always give the same answer – Night of the Living Dead. There is no movie that fills me with more of a sense of unease, literally has the hair on the back of my neck standing on end, and causes me to actually look in the dark corners of a room like George Romero's masterpiece. Fear is so subjective that I am fully aware that what frightens me might not automatically frighten you. But in the case of Night of the Living Dead, I have trouble understanding how anyone isn't affected the same way I am. It's that powerful to me.

I'm not the biggest Romero fan in the world, but I am of Night of the Living Dead. What he was able to accomplish with an obviously limited budget is nothing short of amazing. Romero created more atmosphere in the opening ten minutes of Night of the Living Dead than most directors with unlimited budgets ever could. Some of the acting may not be the best you'll run across, but for me that only adds to the film's authentic feel. They seem like real people trapped in that house. The special effects may not be as realistic as those in other zombie movies, but I've never seen what someone eating a kidney really looks like. It works very well with me. Finally, the ending is as bleak and powerful as any horror movie I've seen. Most directors would have been tempted (or forced) to give it a happy ending. Thankfully, Romero isn't most directors.

In short, Night of the Living Dead is the stuff of real nightmares.

9/10

Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women (1968)

Unless you're a masochist, stay away from this one., 13 June 2006

Is it possible to "rape" a movie? That's how I would describe Roger Corman and Company's treatment of the Russian film Planeta Bur. Taking footage from that film and adding some terrible sequences he filmed, Peter Bogdanovich created one fine mess of a movie. Other than the nonsensical narration he recorded himself, Bogdanovich's creative contribution to Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women appears to have been the film he shot of Mamie Van Doren and a half-dozen other women lounging on the coast of California. It's so cheaply done that there is no actual dialogue as shooting sound would have been too costly (not to mention these women probably couldn't act to save their lives). This footage was then sloppily edited with the Russian film to create this dull, pointless, plot less "thing" that has no entertainment value whatsoever. I don't know when I've been so bored and ready for a movie to end. It's excruciating. I like a lot of the low-budget, no-budget films of the 60s, but I would rather have a tooth pulled than sit through Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women again. Unless you're a masochist, stay away from this one.

1/10

Satanik (1968)

"Something so horrible, it's inconceivable.", 2 June 2006

Dr. Marnie Bannister (Magda Konopka) is a horribly disfigured woman. When one of her colleagues discovers a rejuvenation formula, Marnie sees it as her opportunity to become beautiful. When she's denied the drug because of possible side effects, she kills her colleague to get what she wants. The drug works and she becomes beautiful. But the formula brings out the worst in her and it's not long before she's left a string of bodies behind her.

Have you ever heard the expression "as exciting as watching paint dry"? That pretty much sums up Satanik. During the film, one of the characters utters the line, "Something so horrible, it's inconceivable." I wasn't sure if he was talking about something in movie or the movie itself. I'm really disappointed because I had high hopes for this one. Satanik had possibilities, but they're never realized. At every opportunity, the plot has Marnie do the dullest things imaginable. The writing is horrible. And part of the problem is Magda Konopka. She's not that appealing and cannot carry the film on her own.

Another big problem with Satanik is the direction and editing. It's a mess. We see things and places that have no bearing on anything in the movie. The camera lingers on shots too long after the scene is over. I can't think of a single shot that would call anything but unoriginal. This group of filmmakers exhibits little in the way of imagination or talent.

I may not be familiar with the Italian comic on which Satanik is supposedly based, but I'm sure it's got to be better than this.

3/10

The Anniversary (1968)

"My dear, would you mind sitting somewhere else? Body odor offends me.", 26 May 2006

Quite simply, Bette Davis dominates every scene and every aspect of The Anniversary. If you don't like Bette Davis, you'd be wise to skip this one altogether. Davis plays Mrs. Taggart, the overbearing mother to three sons. She controls every aspect of their lives. They cannot make a move without her approval. And if she doesn't approve, she's not above ruining one of her sons if it suits her selfish purposes. The Anniversary covers the events surrounding the annual celebration of Mrs. Taggart's wedding anniversary to the late Mr. Taggart. It's Mrs. Taggart's day and she lets everyone know it. She uses this event to cement her control over her sons by threatening financial ruin, jail, and/or public humiliation and by degrading them and their significant others.

Bette Davis is in fine form in The Anniversary. She's evil, vindictive, manipulative, and a ton of fun. She chews scenery like nobody's business. The rest of the cast is good, but they are no match for Ms. Davis. Some of the comments she makes to her youngest son's new fiancé are unbelievable. One of the best is when she quite casually tells the girl, "My dear, would you mind sitting somewhere else? Body odor offends me." Another priceless example is Mrs. Taggart's reaction to the frightened fiancé when she discovers Mrs. Taggart's glass eye in her bed. I don't know of many actresses who could pull-off being so rude and just plain evil and still have the viewer rooting for them.

Hammer Studios made this incredibly black comedy during the 60s when a lot of aging female stars were taking roles in horror movies. The Anniversary may not be a horror film, but it's certainly not the norm you would expect for someone like Bette Davis. I don't know how The Anniversary did financially upon release, but it's the kind of movie I would have liked to have seen Hammer making more of in the late 60, early 70s. Who knows? It might have saved the company.

8/10

The Young, the Evil & the Savage (1968)

- Nude... si muore
If nothing else, it's interesting from a historical perspective, 8 May 2006

Mario Bava is generally credited with creating the Giallo with his 1963 movies The Girl Who Knew Too Much and Blood and Black Lace. While a few more examples were made in the 1960s, the Giallo really took-off after Dario Argento released The Bird with the Crystal Plumage in 1970. I mention these two dates because I think they're important when discussing 1968's The Young, the Evil & the Savage because they point how early in the Giallo cycle it falls. Yet, strangely enough, the movie feels rater tired. It's difficult for me to explain why, but I'll give it a try.

Part of the problem is that even though The Young, the Evil & the Savage is an early Giallo, it's actually rather unoriginal. There's very little new ground broken in the movie. It plays like a cross between the previously mentioned Blood and Black Lace and the 1962 film Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory. Replace the werewolf with a mad killer and copy some of Bava's murder scenes and you've got The Young, the Evil & the Savage.

Another factor that makes The Young, the Evil & the Savage feel tired is its rather staid, conservative look especially when compared with other films of the same period. There's really no comparison between this film and Lucio Fulci's One on Top of the Other made just a year later. Fulci's film has that hip, colorful, groovy feel to it that is definitely a product of the swinging 60s. To this day, it maintains its fresh and interesting look. The Young, the Evil & the Savage, on the other hand, has a feel and look to it of something much older. Visually, it has more in common with the previously mentioned 1962 film Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory than it does something from 1968.

There are, however, a couple of reasons to see this movie. First, if you're a Giallo fan, the novelty of seeing such an early example should not be bypassed. From a historical perspective, it's an interesting film. Second, the final twist where the killer is revealed is quite well done and is easily the highlight of the movie. I'm seen a number of Gialli with underwhelming finales, so it was nice to see one where the ending was not only a winner, but the best thing about the movie.

* Edit: I just watched Dark Sky's new transfer of The Young, the Evil, and the Savage (or Naked You Die). Gotta say it was like watching a different movie. There's nothing like have a nice looking transfer with good sound and cuts restored to make you change your mind about a movie. It's still not the best Giallo I've ever seen, but my opinion has improved. Dark Sky's transfer gave the movie some of that funkiness I thought it so desperately needed. Things like the mod/matching clothes to the groovy title song really stood out. I'm definitely glad I gave it another chance.

6/10

If You Meet Sartana Pray for Your Death (1968)

- Se incontri Sartana prega per la tua morte
Nice Spaghetti Western, 23 April 2006

Nice Spaghetti Western. The story concerns four rival groups out to get a chest full of gold. While the plot is actually almost incomprehensible, it's fun to watch Sartana and others switch allegiances about every five minutes. But the story here is secondary to the action. The body count is very high with entire gangs being wiped out by the burst of a Gatling gun. Gianni Garko as Sartana and William Berger as Lasky are just fun to watch. It's not the best Spaghetti Western I've seen, but I'm glad to finally have a copy.

While the movie prominently lists Klaus Kinski in the credits, his screen time totals about 10 minutes.

7/10

Shalako (1968)

The presence of Bardot and Connery should have been enough to ensure a winner., 6 April 2006

What a shame! Shalako could have been so good. Two of the biggest stars in films at the time and a unique, fairly entertaining story should have made for a good movie. Instead, Shalako turns into a dull Western with too many traditional stereotypes, actors who give among the worst performances of their careers that I've seen, and an ending that will leave you scratching your head. The whole notion of a hunting party full of European aristocrats in the American Southwest is intriguing. Unfortunately, other than the odd dinner scene, nothing is made of this opportunity to present a different look at the West. Instead, Edward Dmytryk takes every opportunity possible to fill the plot with "good white people" and "bad Indians". We've seen it before at least a million times. These are the same old stereotypes that had been around since the beginning of movies. The presence of Brigitte Bardot and Sean Connery should have been enough to ensure a winner. Both, however, appear terribly miscast and uninterested in what's going on. And then there's that ending. What a mess! If a little fistfight was all it took to get the "bad Indians" off the trail of the "good white people", why not have it out at the beginning of the movie and be done with it. Shalako features over an hour long build up to one of the more disappointing endings I've seen.

It's not that the whole thing is a complete disaster. There are moments where Shalako really shines. The dinner scene I mentioned is a surreal moment that's very pleasing. Honor Blackman's death scene is another standout moment. And, watching the butler shine silver in the middle of the desert is something you don't' see everyday. But these scenes are too few and far between to save Shalako.

4/10

The Fear Chamber (1968)

Poor Old Karloff, 22 February 2006

Poor, old Boris Karloff. Reduced to appearing in a string of wretched Mexican horror films just before his death. I'm not sure what made him decide to do it, but this is not the way for a horror legend to go out. Fear Chamber is plain old bad. The plot makes little or no sense at all. Scenes and character seem to exist in a vacuum in that things happen that have no relation to what came before or what comes after. The cinematography and editing are shoddy. The acting is abysmal. Suffice it to say that everything I could mention is horrible. The reason I haven't rated the film any lower and the only reason to watch Fear Chamber is the curiosity value.

2/10

The Mini-Skirt Mob (1968)

Stretches believability to the limit, 23 January 2006

Shayne (Diane McBain), the leader of the Mini-Skirt Mob, has been jilted by her lover. Cowboy star Jeff Logan (Ross Hagen) left Shayne and has married straight-laced Connie (Sherry Jackson). Shayne enlists the rest of her gang to help her get Jeff back – even if that means killing him in the process.

Oh, what a bad movie. This has to be the most unbelievable motorcycle gang I've ever seen. Most of the members of the Mob look like they've just spent hours working on their hair, make-up, and outfits. I've never seen women in a motorcycle gang so well quaffed. Watching Diane McBain ride a motorcycle has to be one of the funniest things I've seen. She looks so uneasy on her little bike as if she might fall over at any minute. The acting, for the most part, is just plain old horrible. McBain, Ross Hagen, and Sherry Jackson come across about as natural as McBain's piled-up, platinum hair. Logic doesn't exist. For example, if Logan is really such a champion rodeo star, why does he live in a camper that's smaller than my bathroom? The problems with The Mini-Skirt Mob go on and on.

So, why haven't I rated it any lower. There are some unintentional great moments in The Mini-Skirt Mob. It's all the things I've described that make the movie at least somewhat entertaining. Just when you think things can't get any worse, they do. The scene where the trailer blows up has to be a real highlight (or lowlight, depending on how you look at these things). In a word, it's ridiculous.

A couple of actors to keep an eye out for are Harry Dean Stanton and Patricia McCormack. It's hard to believe Stanton started out making this kind of stuff. He's definitely gone on to bigger and better things. As for McCormack, it was a treat to see the star of The Bad Seed (1956) all grown up.

4/10