Charlie Chan and the Curse of the Dragon Queen (1981)

Peter Ustinov should have stuck with playing Belgian detectives., 19 July 2006

I'm almost embarrassed to admit to having seen Charlie Chan and the Curse of the Dragon Queen in the theater during its original run. I hadn't seen it since and when I found the DVD on sale for less than the price of a rental, I decided to give it another chance. Big mistake! It's as bad as I remembered. I suppose that the movie was an attempt to cash-in the success of Murder by Death, another comedy featuring fictional but famous detectives as its central characters. By that's where the comparisons end. Murder by Death was brilliant. That movie was intelligent, witty, and filled with biting dialogue as its comedic base. In contract, Charlie Chan and the Curse of the Dragon Queen relies on juvenile slapstick to get a laugh. While there are a few moments that brought a smile to my face, as a whole, it's just not funny. And, there's nothing intelligent about any of it. What a wasted opportunity!

3/10

Cannibal Ferox (1981)

"Oh God, please let her die soon. Oh, let her die soon. And let me die soon too, please.", 27 May 2006

Maybe I've seen too many of these cannibal films in a short amount of time, but in many respects, Cannibal Ferox seems like the same old thing I've already seen. I mean there are only so many alligators that you can watch being gutted before it gets a little repetitive. It's not that Cannibal Ferox is the worst example of this particular Italian sub-genre, it's just not overly original – the same basic plot, similar music, and plenty of over-the-top bloodletting. I have nothing to back this up but I get the feeling that director Umberto Lenzi was trying to outdo Ruggero Deodato's Cannibal Holocaust. And in some respects, he succeeds. There are plenty of moments of outrageous violence, highlighted by the scene where one of the characters is hung by her breasts. Ugh! This is only one of a couple of dozen scenes that had me feeling very uncomfortable. As a gory cannibal film, Cannibal Ferox is a winner, but violence is the only area where Lenzi's film approaches Deodato's film. I'm not sure how to express this or if it's even appropriate when discussing cannibal movies, but Cannibal Ferox lacks the artistry and beauty I find in Cannibal Holocaust. There is a sense of "style" missing from Cannibal Ferox.

6/10

Born to Be Sold (1981) (TV)

Why do I subject myself to this kind of stuff?, 18 April 2006

Lynda Carter is Kate Carlin, a social worker with a 14 year old pregnant girl as one of her clients. The girl has agreed to put her baby up for adoption through a private attorney rather than the State. After the baby is born, she changes her mind about the whole adoption process and wants to keep her baby. But the greedy attorney will hear none of this and goes ahead and gives the baby to parents that he secretly knows to be unfit. In steps Kate Carlin to save the day and put a stop to the baby-selling ring.

Why do I subject myself to this kind of stuff? I don't know if The Lifetime Network existed in 1981, but Born to Be Sold is pure Lifetime melodrama. I'll admit that the situation the young girl found herself in was heartbreaking, but the way the film presents the story lacks a lot of realism. Take the scene where Kate Carlin spots an intruder in her home. The reaction on the part of the character and the lack of police involvement did not ring true. Or, take the greedy, slimy attorney played by Harold Gould. He's just a little too greedy and a little too slimy to be believable. To be a man in his position, he takes far too many chances and brags a little too much to be successful for very long. Again, it's not realistic.

3/10

Just Before Dawn (1981)

Calling it "Average" is about the best I can do, 14 March 2006

For whatever reason, I tend to be drawn to these backwoods, hillbilly horror films like a moth to a flame. I can't get enough of them. In this particular sub-genre, I would call Just Before Dawn average. It's not the best I've seen, but it's far from being as bad as something like Midnight (1982). In general, I think these films appeal to me because of their realism. Monsters, ghosts, and other supernatural elements are fine, but even the most basic and mundane of these films ask the viewer to stretch their imagination to some degree. In contrast, we've all heard stories about the crazy inbred mountain people and their distrust of modern society. And while films like Just Before Dawn may take liberties with the extreme violence, there's no denying the real stories of actual murders as a result of this culture clash.

In Just Before Dawn, a group of twenty-somethings makes there way to a remote mountain for a little fun and relaxation. They are warned twice, once by the Forest Ranger and again by a crazed man in the woods, to turn back. Ignoring the warnings, they set up camp and prepare to enjoy themselves. But these woods are home to more than the normal forest creatures. There's a killer on the loose and the group of young adults soon become the target. Sound familiar? This plot description could be applied to about a dozen films I can think of off the top of my head. It's that original.

I look at Just Before Dawn as a case of missed opportunities. There were places the movie could have gone to break away from the standard 80s backwoods, hillbilly horror mold and done something unique. For example, more information on the mountain family and what makes them tick would have been very interesting. Or, more explanation on the killers and how they lived and their motives would have been very interesting. Or, including the subplot involving mountain religions (as suggested in the interview on the DVD) would have been very interesting. But as it is, every opportunity to do something other than have a group of young people stalked through the woods by an unseen, silent assassin is missed.

To be fair, I'll give the movie some credit in a couple of instances. First, I thought it was a nice touch to keep the characters "real". What I mean is that too often in these movies, characters are little more than overdone stereotypes. The characters in Just Before Dawn aren't much different from people I've known. Second, there are a couple of very well done camera shots. For example, the scene of the killer walking through the waterfall in the background as two characters swim in the lake is very subtle and very effective. Third, a couple of the kill scenes rise above what I associate with low-budget 80s horror. The killing of the hunter at the beginning of the movie is very nice.

In the end, it's a shame that the makers of Just Before Dawn didn't take more chances. Had they been willing to push the envelope a bit more, this movie might have been one of the better examples of this sub-genre instead of being merely average.

5/10

Crocodile (1981)

- Chorake
I wasn't prepared for what I've just seen., 24 December 2005

WARNING – Watching Crocodile could prove hazardous to your physical, mental, and emotional health. Having just finished watching Crocodile, I'm almost dumbfounded by the ineptitude I've witnessed. I had been warned by a couple of trusted friends that the movie was bad, but nothing could prepare for what I've just seen. To call Crocodile bad would be an understatement an an insult to other bad movies. It's one of the worst examples of movie-making I've ever seen.

The plot, as best I could discern, involves a man whose entire family is killed by a giant crocodile. The man vows revenge. Sound familiar? While even the worst of the other "Man vs. Nature" movies I've seen handle this scenario with a little class, originality, or a minimum of technical skill, Crocodile is pathetic in comparison. Acting – as bad as I've seen. Music – never appropriate to the image. Editing – sloppy is too nice a word. Special effects – what's that? Plot – see Jaws. Cinematography – a monkey could have framed the shots better. Crocodile excels in poorly constructed miniatures, random shots of people and objects that have no bearing on the plot, and an overall incoherence that makes the movies Ed Wood and Al Adamson seem like masterpieces.

Consider yourself warned. .

1/10

Hell Night (1981)

You could do far worse than Hell Night, 28 August 2005

As part of their initiation, two fraternity pledges and two sorority pledges must spend the night in creepy old Garth Manor. Before entering the house, the pledges are told the story of the Garth family - twelve years ago, old man Garth murdered his whole deformed family before taking his own life. However, some say that at least one member of the Garth clan survived. During the night, some of the other fraternity and sorority members try to scare the four pledges locked in the spooky mansion. But when people start turning up dead, it's obvious that this is no college prank.

For the most part, Hell Night is a standard 80s slasher. A group of young people in an isolated location are picked-off one at a time until only the end girl is left alive. I don't think this is much of a spoiler because most anyone could guess who is going to be left alive at the end of the movie. In fact, it's easy to predict with a fair amount of accuracy the order these people are going to die. The murders aren't extremely violent and some are left to the viewer's imagination. This was probably the result of budget constraints more than anything. The killers' make-up is bargain basement and not nearly as effective as some of the other movies of the period. Some of the acting is terrible and Vincent Van Patten is extremely annoying.

So, if the movie is predictable with poor special effects and acting, why haven't I rated Hell Night any lower? Other than those areas I've mentioned, the movie is reasonably well made. The house is fantastic and almost outshines any of the humans in the cast. Secret passages and long, dark corridors always make for fun in this kind of movie. Hell Night would have actually benefited had more emphasis been placed on the house. The movie is at worst competently directed by DeSimone. He does an above average job of creating atmosphere and creepy moments. And, on a personal level, I always enjoy Linda Blair in just about anything she does.

While it will never be known as a great movie, you could do far worse with a teen slasher than watching Hell Night.

6/10

Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)

My favorite of the series, 27 August 2005

It's been five quiet years since a group of councilors were murdered at Camp Crystal Lake. But when a new group of councilors arrives to open a nearby camp, the killing starts all over again. Who's behind the murders? The original Camp Crystal Lake Killer is dead. Could it be her son who was believed to have died in the lake years earlier? By the time someone figures out who the killer is, most everyone else is dead.

Friday the 13th Part 2 has always been my favorite installment in the series. I've always thought that Jason was more frightening before he found the hockey mask and became the unstoppable iconic killer zombie. This Jason is human and that makes him more real. And, to me, the horror factor is increased when the killer is based in reality. He's a primitive being (not dissimilar to the inbred mountain men I recently wrote about in Wrong Turn) capable of extreme brutality, out to avenge the death of his mother.

Most of the movie is about what you would expect - grisly murders, an absence of logic, woeful dialogue, and iffy acting. Friday the 13th Part 2 also features just about every horror cliché that fans have come to expect in a teen slasher. When I saw this movie in 1981, a lot of what we consider teen slasher clichés were still being developed. Back then, a lot of this was still fairly new and fresh. And whether I should or not, I still see the movie the way I did in 1981.


8/10

The Black Cat (1981)

- Gatto nero
It may not be Fulci's best, but I like it, 20 May 2005

Fulci's The Black Cat is "freely adapted" from Poe's story. I suppose that "freely adapted" means that the last 10 minutes might bear a vague resemblance. The Black Cat is the story of a man who uses his psychic abilities to force his cat to kill for him. But the tables soon turn when the man tries to kill the cat. The cat becomes master and uses the man.

The more Fulci I see, the more impressed I become. I started out with a couple that many people list among their favorites (The House by the Cemetery and City of the Living Dead) and neither did anything for me. But now that I've seen The Beyond, The Black Cat, A Lizard in Woman's Skin, and Don't Torture a Duckling, my opinion has changed. I now see the genius of Fulci that I've heard others rave about over the years. The Black Cat may not be his best, but it's an enjoyable Gothic thriller with loads of atmosphere. While the gore quotient may be turned down, there's still a few scenes that are undeniably Fulci.

Patrick Magee, in one of his final roles, gives a very solid performance as the mad psychic. He effectively displays a wide array of emotions and is generally believable in each. Magee really was in the same class with the likes of Karloff when it came to portraying menace. Mimsy Farmer co-stars as a photographer who is as dull as dishwater.

The cinematography is another area that stands out. Sergio Salvati presents some very noteworthy camera work. Chief among the scenes that stand out are the ones shot from the cat's point of view. The way the camera moves through the grass just as a cat would are very nicely done.

The weakest point of the movie, as is so often the case with Italian horror, is the plot. Much of it makes little sense. For example, why does Magee really want these people dead? There's no clear motivation from what I could tell. Also, there are several plot threads that look interesting, but are not explored in any detail. The example I'll cite here is the exploration of the ruins. They look interesting, but we learn nothing about them and only see them in one ten minute stretch of the movie.

7/10

The Beyond (1981)

- E tu vivrai nel terrore - L'aldilà
"Woe be unto him who opens one of the seven gateways to Hell, because through that gateway, evil will invade the world.", 1 May 2005

Liza Merril (Catriona MacColl) takes possession of a hotel in Louisiana. She has plans to renovate the place. But a series of seemingly accidental deaths may put a stop to her plans. She's unaware that her hotel has a past. Many years ago, a warlock was lynched in the basement of the hotel. Before dying, he claimed that the hotel was one of the seven doorways to hell and that his death would lead to its opening. Is his prophecy coming true?

I've never been the biggest fan of Lucio Fulci. Other than a couple of gialli, my experiences with his films have not left me with much of desire to see more (For example, I thought House by the Cemetery was terrible and I walked out of the theater during City of the Living Dead). So, I had never been in a rush to see The Beyond. While it has problems, The Beyond is much more enjoyable than a lot of Fulci's other work.

Two things work for me in The Beyond - atmosphere and Catriona MacColl. When watching some of his other films, I came away with the impression that Fulci wasn't patient enough to allow atmosphere to build. He always seemed to be in a rush to get to the money shot. The hotel in this movie is filled with a good amount of atmosphere. There is a sense of dread hanging over the place. You can especially feel it when the characters venture into the basement. It's all but palatable.

As for MacColl, through her acting she's able to pull together the barest of story lines and create a character I could care about. It's difficult to enjoy a horror movie when you don't care about the characters. A little more insight into the MacColl's character would have been very welcome.

As I stated previously, the movie is not without problems. The biggest is the plot. It's all but non-existent. The actual why's and how's of the doorway to hell opening are never really explored. We only see some of the aftermath. We know that the doorway to hell is in the basement of the hotel, then why does half of the movie take place at a hospital? Furthermore, the weak plot does not allow the characters to be fleshed out as much as I would have liked. I knew so little about most of the characters that I really didn't care what happened to them. The plot seems to matter little to Fulci as its main function is to string together a series of gristly set pieces. And that's always been my biggest complaint about Fulci - he throws tons of gore into his movies, not to advance the storyline, but for the sake of showing gore. Gore does not necessarily equal horror. I'll use the spider attack scene from The Beyond as an example. While I'll say that it certainly was gross and very nicely done,but it's not scary because it happens out of the blue to a character I know nothing about. Gore does not bother as long as it is presented within the context of the story.

Overall, my experience with The Beyond has made me rethink some of my thoughts of Fulci. I may need to see some of his other films that I've been putting off.

7/10

The Prowler (1981)

One of the better 80s slashers, 4 April 2005

A "Dear John" letter is the impetus for a returning WWII G.I. to brutally murder his former girlfriend during a Spring Dance. 35 years later, the local college decides to bring the dance back. Once again, someone dressed in army fatigues is stalking a murdering the young women at the dance.

I hadn't seen The Prowler since it's initial theatrical run some 25 years ago. At that time, I thought it was a very good slasher. For the most part, it's held up rather well. It is easily one of the better of the slasher films from the early 80s. The killings are especially brutal and feature something that's not seen as often in today's teen horror movies – literally gallons of blood. Someone was working over-time mixing red dye with Karo syrup.

The story isn't much to write home about. Most of the plot revolves around people waiting around to be slaughtered. Most of the characters literally do nothing but stand around and act like easy prey. But in this kind of movie, a deep and meaningful plot is not what most people are after. It's the killings. And as I mentioned previously, that where The Prowler excels.

The Prowler does feature one camera technique that a lot of directors of 80s horror films used that drives me nuts. It's the fake POV shots that get under my skin. Personally, I like POV shots. When done correctly, as in Halloween, they're most effective. But when a director uses a POV shot to trick the audience into thinking something bad is about to happen, it's cheating as far as I'm concerned. Take the scene in The Prowler where the girl is waiting in the jeep at the cemetery. The camera slowly moves toward the jeep. The image moves slightly up and down as if it's shot through the eyes of a moving person. Suddenly, the shot is over and there's no killer (or any other person for that matter). Why do a shot like that unless you're going for cheap scares. It's really annoying.

7/10

High Risk (1981)

"Look, we've got four million dollars. We could put Donald Duck in the White House.", 2 March 2005

Four regular guys come up with a plan to rob a South American drug lord of $5 million. The money is locked inside a safe in a heavily guarded compound. Getting to the money proves to be fairly easy. But getting away is another story. In addition to the drug lord's men, the guys are chased by a rebel army who would like to get their hands on the money.

It's amazing how good this relatively unknown movie really is. I had never even heard of it until I found it in the $1 DVD bin at Wal Mart. The plot and cast (James Coburn, Anthony Quinn, Ernest Borgnine, Cleavon Little, James Brolin, Lindsay Wagner) looked good, so I decided to "risk" a whole dollar. The movie is definitely worth spending $1 to see.

The movie reminded me of Romancing the Stone - similar setting, similar South American bandits, etc. The biggest difference is that High Risk has a harder edge to it. I mean some of our "heroes" actually get shot and there's a real danger they won't make it through the movie.

I've read that High Risk was released the same weekend as a little, insignificant movie called Raiders of the Lost Arc. Too bad. It looks like High Risk got lost in the shuffle. It definitely deserves a wider audience.

7/10

Zombie Lake (1981)

- Le lac des morts vivants
What was that?, 4 February 2005

A group of Nazi soldiers are gunned down by the locals in a small French village. Deciding they must hide the bodies as quickly as possible, the dead Nazis are thrown into the local lake. Twelve years later, several young females either go missing or turn up dead. Could it be the legend the locals call "The Ghost of the Lake"? The Nazis have come back as zombies to seek their revenge on the people of the village.

There are a lot of bad movies, but Zombie Lake must surely be near the top of the heap. To start with, the pacing is non-existent. The movie gets off to a snails pace and goes downhill from there. By the time the flashback sequence rolls around, things come to a grinding halt. The acting is just as bad. I would be amazed to learn that anyone other than Howard Vernon ever had much of a career in acting.

There are scenes in Zombie Lake that will amaze and astound. Some of the more memorable moments include:

- Zombies with ever changing skin color. When the zombies first emerge from the lake, the skin color is almost normal. Within a matter of minutes, the zombies are a fluorescent green. In some scenes, the whole head and neck are green. In the blink of an eye, only the face is green.
- Zombies have feelings too. The sight of the love sick zombie staring hopefully at the house of his former lover is almost too much to take.
- Zombies make good fathers. As if the love sick zombie wasn't enough, imagine a green faced zombie walking down the street holding his little girl's hand.
- Boots are fascinating. The movie gives us several minutes of shots of zombie boots stumbling along a path. At first, they go left. Next, they go right. The excitement was almost more than I could take.
- 12 year old girls are the best defense against zombies. Of course no one in the village except the little girl has the slightest idea of how to kill the zombies.
- Zombies pull knives on each other. Watching two zombies roll around on the ground as they try to stab each other is one of the most amazingly ridiculous sights I've ever seen. They should have asked the 12 year old girl about how to fight a zombie.
- There's so much more, but you get the idea.

The ineptitude on display is amazing. But, then again, the movie was directed by Jean Rollin and co-written by Jesus Franco. I don't know why anyone would expect any better.

Even though I've rated Zobmie Lake a 1/10, I still recommend the movie to anyone with a stomach for bad cinema. This movie really must be seen to be believed.

1/10