Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick (1966)

- Kommissar X - Drei gelbe Katzen
A real plot might have helped, 28 August 2009

Being new to the Eurospy scene, there are a couple of websites that I check out for news and reviews. I was shocked when I noticed that one of the sites I really like called Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick the best of the three Kommissar X films in Retromedia's set. To me, the opposite is true. In my opinion, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill and So Darling, So Deadly are both superior to Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick. The problem – no discernible plot. I defy anyone to watch Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick and tell me just what's going on. Maybe I missed something, but to me the movie is little more than a seemingly random series of set-pieces. Sure, some of the scenes are very enjoyable (the hotel rooftop chase and the final karate showdown being two wonderful examples) and Tony Kendall and Brad Harris' on-screen chemistry is strong, but without a coherent story, I lost interest in what was going on. I think my 5/10 rating is generous.

One reason I've rated Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick higher than I probably should have is the scene set in what I'll call the Haunted Swamp. It's very well done. Creepy music, twisted trees, an abandoned/crumbling old house, and a "fire-breathing monster" (very reminiscent of Dr. No) make these scenes really stand out. Very atmospheric. I just wish there had been a story to go along with the wonderful images.

5/10

So Darling, So Deadly (1966)

- Kommissar X - In den Klauen des goldenen Drachen
Worth watching just to see Brad Harris dancing, 24 August 2009

Detective Jo Walker (Tony Kendall) and New York Police Captain Tom Rowland (Brad Harris) are sent to Singapore to protect Professor Akron and his latest invention – a laser filter than can be used to shut down electrical engines from miles away. As soon as Walker and Rowland hit Singapore, the baddies start coming out of the woodwork and the Professor ends up the prisoner of the mysterious Golden Dragon. Walker and Rowland's new mission – rescue the professor, protect his daughter, and safeguard the filter.

It's hard to watch and write about So Darling, So Deadly and not compare it with the first Kommissar X film, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill. Unfortunately, the sequel is inferior to the original in almost every way. The gadgets aren't as plentiful, the underground lair isn't as cool, the women aren't as beautiful, the locations aren't as nice, and the plot makes even less sense. But then again, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill is one of my new favorite Eurospy films – so it would have been very difficult for anything to measure up. And that's not to say So Darling, So Deadly is a bad movie. It's actually quite a bit of fun. Kendall and Harris probably work off each other better in this movie than in the first. They make a great team. Second, while I enjoyed the locations of Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill more, there's something to be said for exotic Singapore. It's not what you usually see in a low-budget Eurospy film. Third, some of Brad Harris' scenes are so bizarre I couldn't help but have fun with them. For example, if you're on a mission to protect a scientist and, ultimately, save the world, why would Rowland go water-skiing the minute he hits Singapore? Just weird. And what about Rowland's dancing – it's laugh-out-loud funny. You have to love the guy! Another plus is the film's pacing. There really are very few dull moments. It's pretty much non-stop from the word "go". Finally, Nikola Popovic's return in So Darling, So Deadly. He was the chief bad guy, O'Brien, in the first film and I really enjoyed his work. Here, it's odd to see him in terribly un-PC yellow face, but he's fun nonetheless. So while it may not measure up to the first Kommissar X film, So Darling, So Deadly is a reasonably entertaining movie in its own right.

6/10

Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill (1966)

- Kommissar X - Jagd auf Unbekannt
This is one groovy movie, 15 July 2009

I've watched a bunch of Euro-Spy films recently, and few have been anywhere near as much fun as Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill. This one's got it all – a likable lead in Tony Kendall, a put-upon sidekick in Brad Harris, over-the-top gadgets, lots of beautiful women (Maria Perschy, Christa Linder, and on and on), a wonderfully entertaining villain, a cool underground lair, fight scenes galore, terrific European locations, a catchy title song, and a great explosive finale. What more could you ask for? Throw in a brainwashed army of women with matching blond hair, groovy black outfits, and machine guns (Fembots?), and you've got one heck of a cool movie. The scene with Kendall in the back of that truck surrounded by the army of gun-toting, look-alike women is just too much. Another highlight is the relationship between Kendall's Jo Walker and Harris' Captain Rowland. They're like the Odd Couple of European spies. Walker (who reminds me a little of Frank Sinatra with that hat and all) is the smooth ladies man. Rowland is the no-nonsense cop who would rather use his fists to get to the bottom of a case . They compliment one another nicely. As for the plot . . . well, the less said the better. I'll just say that it involves the murders of a number of gangsters, a missing scientist, and an attempt to by the evil O'Brien to radiate the world's gold supply. Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill may "borrow" (okay, in some instances it outright steals) a lot of ideas from Goldfinger and other James Bond movies, but it does so with its own charm and originality. The movie may start a bit slow, but once it gets going, it's just a ton of fun.

If you're a fan of these 60s era Euro-Spy films, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill is one that shouldn't be missed. Why aren't movies today this much fun?

8/10

Fellowship of the Frog (1959)

- Der Frosch mit der Maske
Despite its shortcomings, its a "must see" for krimi fans, 4 March 2008

While I enjoy watching these German-made krimis, I've yet to find one that I just love and can recommend without hesitation. That holds true with Fellowship of the Frog. The best I can say is that it's about average. The plot is twisted and nonsensical like you'll find in most krimis. I won't even attempt to go into it other than to say it involves a masked criminal known as The Frog who, with his seemingly endless supply of flunkies, is responsible for a string of robberies and murders in London. For reasons only he knows, the Frog seems to have set his sights on a young woman named Ella Bennet and kidnaps her brother Ray to get to her. It's up to Scotland Yard and an amateur detective named Richard Gordon to put a stop to this devious criminal.

There are several things in Fellowship of the Frog to enjoy. The film gets off to a nice start. It's appropriately dark and foggy with the requisite smoky (though unmemorable) jazz score playing in the background all helping to create a nice sinister atmosphere. The movie features a couple of faces familiar to even a novice fan of krimis like myself – Joachim Fuchsberger and Eddi Aren't (I'm sorry about the apostrophe, but the IMDb spell-checker seems intent on putting it there). While both are quite good, I especially enjoyed Aren't's unusually quiet performance as the all-knowing butler James. However when the second act begins, most of the good feelings I was having toward Fellowship of the Frog came to an end. To call the second act slow would be a gross understatement as the movie all but grinds to a halt. I had to go back and play a couple of scenes over to make sure I hadn't missed anything as my mind wandered. Fortunately, my persistence was rewarded with a delicious twist near the end that's as shocking as any I've seen recently. It almost saves Fellowship of the Frog from mediocrity.

One final note, I understand from doing a little research that this movie is notable for being the first of the Edgar Wallace based krimis produced in the 50s and 60s. Because of that fact, and regardless of the film's shortcomings, Fellowship of the Frog is necessary viewing for anyone calling themselves a fan of these movies.

5/10

Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace (1962)

- Sherlock Holmes und das Halsband des Todes
The German Sherlock Holmes, 29 February 2008

On paper, Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace looks like a sure fired winner. Christopher Lee as Holmes, Thorley Walters (who I swear seemed to be channeling Nigel Bruce at times) as Watson, the capable Terence Fisher directing, and Curt Siodmak writing the screenplay, - what could go wrong? It might have been great had the people behind this German/Italian/French co-production not messed with the script and hired a German co-director. The end result is middling at best. Even though the movie may be enjoyable at times, it bears little resemblance to the real Sherlock Holmes. Lee has described it as a "mess". As he put it in an interview, "It was a hodge-podge of stories put together by the German producers which ruined it".

In the movie, Holmes is once again hot on the trail of Moriarty. Holmes feels Moriarty is responsible for two recent murders related to a necklace believed to have once been the property of Cleopatra. Through disguise and trickery, Holmes will attempt to reclaim the necklace and put a stop to Moriarty's nefarious scheme.

The best part of Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace is easily the cast. Lee and Walters are both as good as you might expect. However, I'm not sure what brainiac decided not to hire either man to dub their own voice, but it was a huge, distracting mistake. The supporting cast is populated by a few familiar faces including the lovely (but terribly underused) Senta Berger and Leon Askin (known to most people as General Burkhalter on "Hogan's Heroes"). But Hans Sohnker, unknown to me before watching Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace, as Moriarty is the real standout. He goes toe to toe with Lee and comes out looking quite good.

If you're a fan of Sherlock Holmes, there may be some curiosity value to this movie. Or, if you're a Chirstopher Lee completist, it's worth checking out. Otherwise, skip it.

5/10

The Mad Executioners (1963)

- Der Henker von London
Enjoyable in its own unique way, 19 February 2008

The Mad Executioners actually has two seemingly unrelated plot lines. The first involves a powerful, but secret society operating outside official channels that has set up its own court of sorts. They hold trials, render verdicts, and carry out sentencing. Their cases seem to focus on criminals who have slipped through the loopholes of the regular system. But even though these criminals are quite guilty, Scotland Yard tends to frown on hanging people. The second plot line involves a serial killer who dumps headless corpses around London. A desperate detective decides to use his girlfriend as bait. But can he get to her before she becomes the next victim?

Based on my limited experiences with these German-made thrillers, I would say The Mad Executioners is about average. When the film focuses on the secret trials and hangings, it's very good and quite interesting. The opening trial scene, for example, is very creepy with the unknown hooded judges and the foggy Thames hanging sight. But when the movie focuses on the serial killer, it doesn't work. The secret lab, for example, seems silly when compared with the serious tone of the rest of the movie. Not that cutting off someone's head isn't serious, but the serial killer's methods are overly elaborate. Until they converge in the end, these two disparate plot lines feel as if they're from different movies.

Another big plus for me is the soundtrack. The Mad Executioners has that jazzy, smokey score that I've come to expect and enjoy in these krimis. The music sets just the right tone.

While I've yet to find a German Edgar Wallace movie that knocks me off my feet, I think I'll keep looking. So far, I've found these movies enjoyable enough in their own unique way.

6/10

Hamlet (1961) (TV)

Dreary, 1 December 2007

There's really not much need to begin this little review with a plot synopsis. I mean it's Shakespeare's Hamlet for goodness sake – probably one of the best known plays ever written. I'm not embarrassed to admit that I came to this version of Hamlet the way most people on IMDb have – through Mystery Science Theater 3000. While the show may not be the best venue to use to judge a movie, in this case I cannot imagine attempting to watch it without the comedic quips. In a word, this German, made-for-TV version of Hamlet is dreary. 152 minutes? No way! It's too dark and depressing to be anything I want to spend almost three hours on. I've said it any number of times, but entertainment is the thing for me. And this wrist-slitter is far from entertaining. I will, however, give it a couple of points for what I felt was some reasonably good acting. A 3/10 sounds about right to me.

As much as I enjoy MST3K, their comments don't help to make Hamlet any more palatable. There are a few good riffs here and there, but overall, Hamlet is just the wrong movie for MST3K. Shakespeare is far too talky to allow the comedy to have any sort of rhythm or flow. As much as it pains me, I've got to give Hamlet a 1/5 on my MST3K rating scale.

3/10

Horrors of Spider Island (1960)

- Ein Toter hing im Netz
"Stop that bawling, you're driving us all nuts!", 19 August 2007

Horrors of Spider Island is about as cheap and schlocky as a movie can get. The movie is about a group of Euro-broads and their manager, Gary. The group of strippers . . . err, I mean dancers . . . is headed to Singapore for some unknown reason - must have been a shortage of bad dancers in Southeast Asia. On the way, their plane miraculously turns into a stock footage WWII era bomber, catches fire, and plummets at full speed into the ocean. Even more miraculous, none of the dancers (or Gary) has so much as a scratch. After floating around in a life raft for a few days, they spot an island. In one of the movies many ridiculous moments (wait a minute, the whole thing is ridiculous), after reaching shore, Gary carries the woman one at a time to safety. The women seem incapable of movement until Gary announces he's found water. The girls are immediately on their feet and in herd fashion with lots of overdubbed "oohs" and "aahs" and other such random murmurings, the girls race to the water. Feeling refreshed, they begin their exploration of the island and stumble upon a cabin. Inside, they find the dead body of a Prof. Green caught in an incredibly large spider web. The girls run in fear as the beefy Gary removes the body. Without a second thought, the girls move in as if nothing ever happened. I guess it never occurred to any of these Einsteins that there must be a giant spider to go with that giant spider web.

The inevitable occurs and the group of tired, hot Euro-babes start to get on each others nerves. Before you can say "Catfight", two of the girls are at each others throats. To cool off, the girls decide to strip down and sleep on the cabin's porch. Gary goes for a walk to "clear his head" and is never seen again. Gary has run into the giant spider (really it's more of a spider-muppet with crab legs and monkey hands) that no one seemed to be overly concerned with. Gary is bitten and instantly turns into some sort of poorly made-up were-spider. Half man, half spider – Gary now stalks the girls from a safe distance. He does, however, somehow manage to get hold of one of the girls and strangle her to death. Other than that, Gary pretty much remains in the background until the movie's final reel.

About to run out of food and other supplies, things are looking desperate for the girls. Survivalists they ain't! As luck would have it, two guys show up with fresh supplies for the professor. The girls are so excited they're about to be saved (but probably not as excited as the two guys who have just discovered an island full of strippers . . . oops, did it again . . . I mean dancers) that they forget all about their missing manager or their dead friend or anything else and decide to throw a bikini dance party. Makes perfect sense to me!

So, what happens next? What about the dance party? Are the girls saved? Do they ever make it to dancer-starved Singapore? I can't possibly answer those questions without giving away the movie's thrilling climax. You'll just have to watch it and find out for yourself. But consider yourself warned – as I said in the opening, Horrors of Spider Island is about as cheap and schlocky as a movie can get. Poor acting, poor special effects, no plot to speak of, abysmal production values, the worst dubbing imaginable, and stock footage at every turn. It's one bad movie! But, I must add that Horrors of Spider Island isn't so bad that there aren't a few entertaining moments. Granted, most are of the unintentionally hilarious variety, but they're there just the same. If you've got a sense of humor about these things, Horrors of Spider Island is a gold mine of movie cheese.

3/10

The Castle of Fu Manchu (1969)

"This is Fu Manchu.", 12 July 2007

Even if it's only two or three sentences, I generally like to begin one of these with a brief plot outline. In the case of The Castle of Fu Manchu, that's pretty much impossible. The movie is a mish-mash of ideas that don't necessarily fit together to form a coherent plot. The movie may start out with Fu sinking a ship, but that storyline is quickly abandoned in favor of another . . and another . . and another. In the end, I'm not sure what the movie's about or what happened.

But the biggest single problem with The Castle of Fu Manchu is that it is extremely dull. You would think that any movie that included a ship sinking, a fight for a castle, explosions, kidnapping, and other 1960s secret agent type trappings would be action packed. Well, you would be wrong. The movie has no pace, no zip, and no energy. It's as if the life had been sucked out of the movie. Add to that some less than stellar acting, abominable lighting, amateurish editing, and no continuity and you've got one fine mess of a movie.

On the positive side, The Castle of Fu Manchu does feature Christopher Lee and Rosalba Neri. Also, there's the…err…uhm...did I mention Christopher Lee and Rosalba Neri?

I have now seen The Castle of Fu Manchu twice – once with and once without the Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary. And, as hard as this might be to believe, I actually prefer this one without the MST3K treatment. This MST3K episode has to be one of the worst I've so far seen. The jokes don't work. And, I was really put off by some of the comments that showed a complete lack of understanding about how European movies of the 60s were made.

2/10

First Spaceship on Venus (1960)

- Der schweigende Stern
Now I need to see the whole, uncut version, 5 June 2007

First Spaceship to Venus is one of those movies that I seem to have been aware of for what seems like forever. Yet, until the other night, I had never actually seen the movie. I didn't know anything about it and just assumed it was another of those goofy sci-fi films Hollywood was so good at pumping out in the 50s. Well, I was wrong. The most obvious fault in my thinking was the Hollywood part. First Spaceship to Venus was made about as far from Southern California as you could get – Poland and East Germany. Yeah, that's right – First Spaceship to Venus is a commie sci-fi movie. And while the dialogue may be dubbed, inappropriate music may have been added, and story elements changed to fit American sensibilities of the time, a lot of director Kurt Maetzig's vision gets through. There's a level of intelligence and seriousness often missing from American sci-fi films of the period. I'm certainly no astrophysicist (or any kind of physicist for that matter), but a lot of what the scientists discuss and argue about at least sounds "good". The special effects are certainly much better than the cardboard cutouts found in similar American films. The special effects, especially the Venutian landscape, really help to create a surreal atmosphere for the film that's more than a little compelling. Finally, though a little too "stoic" at times, the acting is quite good. The characters are played with realism. While it may never match something like Star Wars as an entertaining sci-fi film, First Spaceship to Venus is at a minimum a nice little curiosity piece that actually provokes some interesting questions about the role of technology in the world.

For my first viewing, I actually watched the MST3K version of First Spaceship to Venus. And while I'm an unabashed fan of the show, I feel comfortable in my ability to separate the movie being presented from the nonsense going on around it. And while I found First Spaceship to Venus a real revelation, this episode of MST3K is one of the weakest I've yet seen. The jokes are too inconsistent and lack any sort of flow. And the running gag concerning Servo's non-stop sarcasm gets old real quick. Overall, on my MST3K rating scale, I give this episode of MST3K a 2/5 – find another episode to add to the top of your "to see" list.

6/10

The 1,000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse (1960)

- Die 1000 Augen des Dr. Mabuse
My first venture into the world of Dr. Mabuse, 30 August 2006

The 1,000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse represents my first venture into the world of Dr. Mabuse. Pigeon-holing this movie into a single genre is difficult. It's one part traditional krimi, one part spy movie, and one part thriller. Combined, these elements create, at least for me, a one of a kind experience that I really can't compare with much of anything I've seen before. I refuse to give the normal plot synopsis. Any plot details or other information would ruin the many twists and surprises found in The 1,000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse. Fortunately for me, I went into the movie completely blind, knowing very little of what to expect. I would suggest not even looking over the IMDb page as vital information is presented on Mabuse's identity. The acting is good from a cast that, even if I didn't know all of the names, I recognized from years of watching WWII movies. Actors like Gert Forbe, Werner Peters, and Peter van Eyck give sold performances. Fritz Lang's direction is as competent as ever. The 1,000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse has style to burn. Considering the movie was made more than 45 years ago, it still feels remarkably fresh. The mystery of who Dr. Mabuse is and what his fiendish plan is all about are wonderfully compelling and really pull you into the movie. The jazzy score is impossible to get out of your mind and fits well within the film. In short, it's movie like this that keeps me excited about exploring "new" cinema. If all of my first time viewings could be this entertaining, I would be very happy indeed.

If The 1,000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse has one weakness, it's the slow pace of the second act. The pace grinds to a crawl as the police begin their investigation into the events taking place. While it's fairly interesting and Gert Forbe is a good enough actor, there's not enough action in this portion of the film when compared with what came before and what comes afterward. A little more pep in the middle third of the film would have made it a real winner with me. It's a minor issue I have with the film, but it's an issue nonetheless.

As I wrote previously, The 1,000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse is the first Mabuse movie I've seen. After my wonderful experience with the movie, it won't be the last.

8/10

Creature with the Blue Hand (1967)

- Die blaue Hand
Very enjoyable krimi, 13 August 2006

I'm still relatively new to these krimis, but I rate Creature with the Blue Hand as one of the best I've seen so far. It's the story of man named Dave Emerson (Klaus Kinski) who has been committed to an asylum for murdering his family's gardener. Dave escapes and makes his way home (which is conveniently located a stones throw from the asylum) and attempts to convince anyone who will listen that he's innocent. But it's difficult for his family and Scotland Yard to believe Dave as the bodies begin to pile-up?

There's certainly plenty to enjoy in Creature with the Blue Hand – a crazy twin brother, a devilishly sinister medieval glove with retractable spikes, secret passageways, a mad doctor, and enough suspense to keep most fans happy. Creature with the Blue Hand is successful in creating that one ingredient necessary for a film of this type – atmosphere. The film has a nice pace to it and never seems to drag. The acting is hit or miss at best. Kinski gives a nice, restrained performance. The sets are amazing and far exceed the film's obviously limited budget. Even though the film is set in modern times, the sets would have been perfect for a period piece.

The DVD I watched also features an American cut of the film, re-titled The Bloody Dead. This version contains 15 or so minutes of added gore scenes filmed some 20 years after the original movie was made. I haven't watched it yet and, based on everything I've read, I probably never will.

7/10

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)

- Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari
It's like a work of art come to life., 14 July 2006

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is, for me, a tale of two movies. On one hand, there's no denying the film's historical significance or amazing "look". Instead of going into detail on the film's historical significance, I think that simply stating the fact that The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is a German horror film from 1920 pretty much sums it up. As for the "look" of the film, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is a beautiful nightmare. The twisted images are something to behold. It's like a work of art come to life. The sight of Conrad Veidt dressed in black, looking like a shadow that has taken on human characteristics, slinking down a hall on the way to his next victim is an image that stays with you. The set design is brilliant. The skewed shapes of ordinary objects like windows and doors and the use of paint to represent light and shadows is stunning. Filmmakers today could spend literally millions trying to create the "look" found in The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari and never achieve anything nearly as memorable.

But, as I said, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is the tale of two movies. Once you get past the film's place in history and the stylized look, you're left with the plot. And this is where I have problems with the movie. As I've said any number of times, I ultimately watch movies for entertainment. It may seem shallow to some, but if I'm not entertained, I can't in good conscious rate a film highly just because of technical or some other achievement. As a vehicle for entertainment, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari let me down. I was never drawn into or felt engaged by the story. The plot is so overly simplistic that I found much of the goings on dull. Don't misunderstand. My problems with the film have nothing to do with it being a silent movie. It may sound cliché, but some of my favorite movies (The Unknown being at the top of the list) are silent. It's unfortunate that the plot of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is in no way as memorable as the "look" of the film.

7/10

The Secret of the Red Orchid (1962)

- Das Rätsel der roten Orchidee
Lee, Hoven, Kinski, and Mell in the same movie! It's a Euro-film lovers dream!, 22 April 2006

A series of wealthy individuals are being blackmailed throughout England. It's either pay up or die. Two different Chicago gangs are believed to be behind the blackmail schemes, but the police are unable to gather enough evidence to put them out of business. It's up to Scotland Yard Inspector Weston (Adrian Hoven) and the FBI's Captain Allerman (Christopher Lee) to put the bad guys behind bars.

The Secret of the Red Orchid is an interesting mix of comedy and crime. There's probably more comedy in this Krimi than I've seen in my limited experience with these movies and, fortunately, some of it works. Eddi Arnett's "Butler of Death" is a character that could have been really annoying in lesser hands. The rest of the cast is just as capable. In addition to Lee and Hoven, the film also features genre legend Klaus Kinski as mob boss head Gunner Steve and the always delightful Marisa Mell in an early role. Lee, Hoven, Kinski, and Mell in the same movie! It's a Euro-film lovers dream!

On the downside, there are plot holes big enough to drive a truck through. Why does it take the police so long to catch the blackmailers? They know right from the start who is responsible for the killings. Another big problem with the film is the dubbing. Lee's dubbing is horrible. He sounds as flat as can be. And the dubbing of the gangsters has them sounding like a bunch of cartoon characters. The poor dubbing certainly takes away from the enjoyment of the film.

6/10

The Monster of London City (1964)

- Das Ungeheuer von London City
It should be quite obvious to anyone watching who the killer really is., 13 April 2006

A modern day Jack the Ripper is on the loose in London. The police and other government officials are concerned that a play concerning the Ripper's activities may have been, at the least, the inspiration for the rash of murders. In fact, the police view the actor who performs as Jack the Ripper each night as their primary suspect. Has this actor become so obsessed with his role that it's spilled out into everyday life?

What Works:

- That Jazzy Score. One positive aspect of the film worth mentioning is the score. Martin Bottcher has created an incredible, over-the-top, jazzy score that suits the film. It's a good representation of the music I expect when watching a Krimi. Very nice!

- The Look. The Monster of London City is full of those dark streets and creepy alleyways that seem to breed knife-welding killers. These are the kind of places that I sure wouldn't want to walk through alone. It's a great look that is effective in creating the occasional suspenseful moment.

What Doesn't Work:

- The Plot. The biggest flaw I see with The Monster of London City is in the plot. It's predictable and, as a result, there's really very little suspense. It should be quite obvious to anyone watching who the killer really is. Suspect after suspect are thrown at the viewer with little effect. It's far too easy to see through these red herrings and arrive at the correct conclusion.

- Acting. For the most part, the acting is emotionless. I've seen inanimate objects with the ability to emote better than these people. Many of them appear just this side of being bored to tears.

- The Comic Relief. I've seen several other Krimis that contain comic relief, but The Monster of London City takes it a bit too far. The bumbling husband and wife detective duo have far more screen time than they should have. While they are occasionally funny, their act takes away from the serious nature of the plot and feels like an unwelcome intrusion.

In summary, it's not that The Monster of London City is the worst example of a Krimi you can find, but it's nowhere near the best. I'll keep watching these films because you never know when you're going to run across a real winner.

4/10

The Devil's Plaything (1973)

- Der Fluch der schwarzen Schwestern
Based on the other comments on IMDb, I must have missed something, 12 November 2005

To be as honest as I possibly can, The Devil's Plaything (or Veil of Blood or Vampire Ecstasy or The Curse of the Black Sisters or……) is a complete bore. The movie has a good premise behind it – the resurrection of a long dead vampire through the body of a descendant through the aid and assistance of a group of women dressed in black – but the execution is horrible. There are great, long moments of screen time when literally nothing happens. Characters just stand around with nothing to do. There's no mystery, no suspense, and no plot points to care about. The acting is simply abysmal. Most of the acting involves a group of below average looking women dancing naked while staring at the camera. They do this repeatedly. And what little plot there is seems to be designed to get more of these less than attractive women naked so they can join in the dancing. While it's not as bad or pointless as the dancing or the plot in something like Orgy of the Dead, it comes close.

2/10

The College Girl Murders (1967)

- Der Mönch mit der Peitsche
Funky 60s Killer, 4 September 2005

There's a lot going on in The College Girl Murders. A mad scientist creates an almost undetectable poisonous gas. Before he can reap the rewards of his discovery, the scientist is killed by a hooded, whip-welding monk. After a co-ed is killed in a church by the gas, Scotland Yard is called in to investigate, but the killing continues. Who can stop this mad killer who seems to be able to come and go as he pleases in and out of the college?

What Works:

- The Killer. What's not to like about a killer who sneaks around wearing a vivid red KKK looking outfit, complete with red gloves. The white whip he carries and uses very effectively stands out nicely against the bright red gown. Although the idea of a killer in a flaming red, pointy-head outfit sneaking around a girl's school is fairly far-fetched, it's one of the more sinister looking costumes I've seen.

- Groovy 60s Music. I really would like to track down the title music to The College Girl Murders. It's got a jazzy, hip, 60s feel to it that I just loved.

- Bizarre Touches. Beyond the killer's red gown and hood, the movie features a sliding fireplace, a pit of alligators with a cage handing overhead, poison spraying bibles, a strategically placed mannequin, mini-skirts, go-go boots, and mile high hair. I would describe it as a cross between the 60s Batman TV show and an Italian giallo. The College Girl Murders is a real treat for the eye.

- The End. Let's just say that there are more twists than a mountain road. Just when you think the killer has been uncovered, here comes a twist…..and another….and another…and another.

What Doesn't Work:

- Chief Inspector Sir John. I know the guy was meant to be comic relief, but his buffoonish character has way too much screen time.

- Why Have Alligators? Previously, I mentioned the alligators in the pit. And while they are a nice touch, they serve very little purpose. Why go through all the trouble and not use them?

- Plodding Plot. Some of The College Girl Murders has no flow or rhythm to it. There are far too many moments throughout the movie when things come inexplicably to a screeching halt. Better pacing would have made this a much more enjoyable movie.

I haven't seen many of these German krimis but of the few I have seen (Phantom of Soho, Strangler of Blackmoor Castle, Dead Eyes of London) this may be my favorite. This one has a real funky feel to it that I really go into. Had the plot flowed a little better, I could have easily given The College Girl Murders a 7/10.

7/10

The Girl from Rio (1969)

- The Seven Secrets of Sumuru
Franco's Spy Film, 3 July 2005

Since I recently watched Mario Bava's Danger Diabolik, I had an urge to see some other, lesser known spy movies. This is Jess Franco's attempt at the genre and he almost pulls it off. If it weren't for some lapses in action (and logic) this one would have been very good. But far too often, nothing much of interest is going on. In a typical James Bond movie, there are many instances where the action stops to further the plot. In The Girl from Rio, these stops in the action do nothing to advance the story. They are just there.

Franco probably had one of the bigger "name" casts in The Girl from Rio that he ever worked with. Shirley Eaton, from Goldfinger, is the villainous Sumuru. George Sanders, who I always get a kick out of watching, is very funny as the equally villainous Sir Masius. The biggest problem with the casting is Richard Wyler as the films hero. He's not interesting enough to carry the part.

Having watched a few Franco movies over the past few years, The Girl from Rio is decidedly tame. While the movie has its moments, the usual Franco sleaze is not evident. Too bad - it might have made some of the non-action moments more tolerable.

5/10

KIss Me, Monster (1969)

- Küß mich, Monster
Possibly the worst Franco I've seen, 2 February 2005

I'm not sure how to describe a non-existent plot, but I'll give it a try. Two women, posing as a nightclub act, go to an island to investigate something. Everywhere they go, people (I have no idea who these people are) end up dying - sometimes stabbed in the back while in mid-sentence. Of course there's no sign of the killer. Eventually, I think they find whatever it is they're looking for because there is much rejoicing.

This movie is BAD. And, I don't mean bad in a way that can be enjoyable to make fun of. This is the kind of put-you-to-sleep-because-it-makes-no-sense bad. I got the impression that the story was being written at night on cocktail napkins for the next day's shoot. It's the only way I can explain it because I can't imagine anyone sitting down and writing something this bad unless they were drunk (either that or it was written by monkeys). I defy anyone to watch this movie and tell me exactly what's going on.

I'm not giving it a 1/10 because it does have a couple of redeeming qualities. What they are escapes me at the moment, but I distinctly remember enjoying at least one scene - it may have been a shot of palm trees. Plus, believe it or not, I've seen much worse.

2/10

Castle of the Walking Dead (1967)

- Die Schlangengrube und das Pendel
Not as good as I had hoped, 17 January 2005

I had heard such good things about Castle of the Walking Dead (aka The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism) that I've really been looking forward to seeing it. I was a little disappointed. The movie seemed to be little more than a series of interesting, but unrelated, ideas and scenes stuck together with a very flimsy plot. The castle scenes are basically one torture device after the other. Christopher Lee is underutilized. He plays a one-note character that highlights very little of his acting abilities.

One scene in particular points out many of the problems with the movie. As our unsuspecting heroes make their way to the castle, they must travel through a forest. This is no ordinary forest. The trees seem to have dead bodies actually growing out of their trunks and branches. Do they turn around and home like sensible people? NO. Dead bodies in trees must be a common sight in their part of the world.

Regardless of what I've written so far, it's not as if I didn't find something to enjoy. The rating I’ve given the movie (6/10) would indicate that. What I did find enjoyable were those very scenes that I've previously described as unrelated. Most are so over-the-top in their imaginative use of torture devices that I couldn't help but enjoy them. The scene of our hero tied helplessly as a ax blade pendulum slowly drops toward his body was truly an amazing sight. It's actually better than a similar scene in Corman's Pit and the Pendulum, a movie I actually enjoy.

6/10