Five for Hell (1969)

- 5 per l'inferno
Relax and don't take it so seriously, 6 September 2009

The plot of Five for Hell isn't anything overly original. Those who have seen The Dirty Dozen or The Inglorious Bastards (the best of these over-the-top Italian war movies) will find things very familiar. A group of five American GIs are sent behind enemy lines to obtain a copy of Nazi battle plans stored in the safe of a heavily guarded villa. The GIs have help on the inside in the form of a double-agent named Helga (played by the ludicrously gorgeous Margaret Lee). Her main objective is to keep SS Col. Hans Mueller (the great Klaus Kinski) otherwise occupied. Meanwhile, Lt. Hoffman (Sartana himself – Gianni Garko) and his men make their way to the villa, open the safe, and battle their way back to safety. It's very simple, but nicely put together.

After reading reviews for Five for Hell on IMDb and around the internet, I think there are a bunch of people who have forgotten how to have fun watching a movie. That's what I did with Five for Hell – I had fun. Forget realism, forget history, forget the normal conventions of a good movie – this is classic Italian genre cinema. Just relax, don't take things too seriously, and go with it. A few familiar actors (Lee, Kinski, Garko, Sal Borgese, Luciano Rossi), a catchy soundtrack (I dare you to get that main theme out of your head), bad dubbing (I've gotten so used to this by now, it doesn't phase me), a gimmick or two for interest (exploding baseballs and a crazy trampoline), over-the-top action (the final 15 minutes are just one big machine gun fight), a really rotten bad guy to root against (Kinski at his evil best), and a beautiful woman (I think I've already expressed my feelings about Margaret Lee). Yep – Five for Hell's got it all.

7/10

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

"This never happened to the other fella.", 29 June 2009

I'll skip the usual plot description. If you're a fan of James Bond, you've most likely seen On Her Majesties Secret Service anyway. If you haven't seen it, then what are you doing reading this – go out and get it right now. And anyway, this is going to be long enough so why unnecessarily add to it with a pithy little plot summary. On my list of all-time favorite Bond movies, On Her Majesties Secret Service would be somewhere in the top 5. Why? Well, first it's one of the few James Bond movies where I've actually read Ian Fleming's book. And I liked it – I liked it a lot. The plot and storyline appeal to me in a major way. I appreciate the fact that the movie is so true to the source material. I like that there are so few over-the-top gadgets. Bond gets by on his wits and brawn alone. That's one of the things that also appealed to me about the recent Bond movie, Casino Royale – the lack of incredible gadgets. It makes things a little more believable. (I realize that I'm being a bit hypocritical here. It goes against everything I usually stand for when I write about how much a I appreciate the relative realism in this movie. I'm usually so in favor of outlandishness in my spy movies. Just read some of my other user comments and you'll see what I mean. It's difficult for me to explain, but it works in this case.)

Second, Diana Rigg. Is there any reason to say anymore? Beyond Ms. Rigg, I love the whole cast. Of all the actors that played Blofeld, Telly Savalas is my favorite. Donald Pleasence was a bit too close to a being a parody (i.e. he's practically Dr. Evil) and Charles Gray, though a good actor, was never right for the role. And don't you just love the way Savalas holds that cigarette? I've never seen anyone but him do that. Too cool! (That's right – I just called smoking "cool".) While I'm talking about the cast, I suppose I should mention George Lazenby. It's not that he's that bad, it's just that he's not Sean Connery. I find it impossible to judge his worth as Bond from one movie. He's okay I suppose, but I would have liked to see him given the chance to grow into the character the way Connery and Moore did.

Third, On Her Majesties Secret Service is an amazing looking movie. Some of the shots of the Alps, especially those from the helicopter, are some of the best photography in the entire series. Cinematography, sets, locations, lighting, and anything else that goes into making a movie look good are all outstanding. It's a wonderfully shot movie.

Finally, I really appreciate Peter Hunt's direction. On Her Majesties Secret Service might most well paced Bond movie ever made. It's so even form start to finish. As much as I hate to admit it because I enjoy most all of the Bond movies, there are some that drag on and on to the point of distraction and lack the flow of this movie.

If I've got one complaint it would be with some of the lame attempts at comedy. They're terribly forced and don't feel right in what is otherwise such a straight forward movie. There are a couple that are so bad I wince every time I hear them. For example, after one of the baddies is sucked into the giant snow blower turning the snow a pale pink, Bond quips, "He had a lot of guts". Groan worthy or what? Still, that's my only real complaint so a 9/10 would seem to be in order.

9/10

What Ever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969)

"You've had such rotten luck with your housekeepers Aunt Claire.", 7 April 2009

Claire Marrable (Geraldine Page) is shocked to learn that her late husband has left her with nothing but debts. How is she to live in the style she's grown accustomed? To solve her problem, she comes up with a fiendish plot. What if she were to hire a servant/companion with a small life savings, dupe her out of the money, and then kill her? Well, that's exactly what Claire does. She disposes of the bodies under pine trees growing in her garden. All is going well for Claire until Alice Dimmock (Ruth Gordon) shows up at her door looking for a job. Claire doesn't realize it but the nosey Alice is no ordinary employee. Can Alice discover Claire's secret before another pine tree is planted?

What a wonderful movie! In short, What Ever Happened to Aunt Alice? is a deliciously twisted tale of greed and murder filled with plenty of suspense, real atmosphere, rock solid acting, witty writing, and some of the darkest humor put on film. It's a real winner from start to finish. And while I'm sure I could go on and on praising the film, it's the acting that sets it apart from similar movies. To call Geraldine Page's performance brilliant would be a gross understatement. The gleeful menace in her voice and on her face as she goes about psychologically torturing (and killing) those see sees as beneath her is amazing to watch. And if her presence wasn't enough, along comes Ruth Gordon. She's feisty, fun, and every bit the equal of Page in her role as the titular Aunt Alice. Watching these two spar when all the film's secrets have been revealed is one of those moments I won't soon forget. These are the screen moments that keep me searching out new movies.

Nobody asked, but if I had to come up with one flaw, I suppose it would be the supporting cast. None of the other actors does anything to stand out. But how could they? Compared with Page and Gordon . . . well, there's really no comparison.

Finally, from the outside some 40 years after the movie was made, I'd bet the actors had a blast making What Ever Happened to Aunt Alice? I can just imagine Page and Gordon having a good long laugh after shooting some of their scenes together. Then again, maybe it's just me. All I know is that I had a great time watching them work together. An 8/10 seems about right to me.

8/10

The House That Screamed (1969)

- La residencia
A true masterpiece, 4 January 2009

I'm kicking myself – Why in the world did I wait so long to watch this movie? The House That Screamed (or La Residencia which I think I prefer) is a film right up my alley. The movie tells the story of a boarding school owned by Mme. Fourneau. She runs the place with an iron fist. A new student, Theresa, has had enough of the rules and the humiliation and desires to escape. But does anyone really escape from this place? Not if Mme. Foureneau can help it. And not if an unknown killer with a penchant for slashing young girls' necks gets hold of you.

I admit that I went in expecting typical Euro-trash, but instead, I was treated to one of the best Gothic horror films that I've ever seen. La Residencia plays a bit like a cross between the early giallo Naked You Die and Dario Argento's masterpiece Suspiria with a touch of a WIP thrown in for good measure. The whole movie has a sense of dread about it that I found appealing. And I love a movie with atmosphere and, fortunately, La Residencia's got it to burn. The large, rambling, darkly lit school with its many secret rooms and passageways; Waldo da los Rios' mood-enhancing score; and the magnificently creepy lighting and cinematography all add to atmosphere that all but beats you over the head with its effectiveness. Of course a major factor in the film's success is the masterful direction of Narciso Ibáñez Serrador. He's more than capable of handling the more suspenseful moments and wringing every last drop of tension out of even seemingly mundane scenes. And switching the film's focus from Theresa to Irene about 2/3 of the way through the film is genius. Well done! The acting is also wonderful. I expected a good performance from Christina Galbo and she didn't disappoint. Lilli Palmer is new to me, but her Mme. Fourneau is one of those characters I'll never forget. But most impressive is the job turned in by Mary Maude as Irene. The fact that she's able to transform her character from the loathsome tormentor of Galbo's Theresa to the film's heroine in the final act is nothing short of a miracle. Finally, I would be remiss if I didn't at least mention the film's final twist. I won't give anything away, but I will say that it's amazingly well handled. Bravo!

In the end, La Residencia is a real undiscovered gem that should have a wider audience even among Euro-horror fans. It will most likely go down as one of the best "new" movies I see in 2009. Something else it deserves is a good, legitimate R1 release. It certainly deserves better than the Elvira treatment. Nothing against Elvira – I loved her show and miss seeing a lot of the cheesy horror she brought the screen. La Residencia, however, doesn't fit that description.

9/10

The Valley of Gwangi (1969)

"He who takes from Gwangi the evil one is cursed.", 29 April 2008

I'm racking my brain, but I can't seem to think of another movie quite like The Valley of the Gwangi. A Western with dinosaurs? What could be more natural? You gotta wonder why John Ford and/or John Wayne never tried it!

The plot – While searching for a mythical miniature horse for her circus, TJ Breckenridge (Gila Golan), Tuck Kirby (James Franciscus), and the rest of the cast/characters enter a strange, lost valley. There they find not only the miniature horse, but some other, more fearsome creatures as well. Dinosaurs rule this place. Now wouldn't that be an attraction at TJ's circus – a caged T-Rex?

It's not that I find The Valley of the Gwangi a bad movie, I just don't seem to have enjoyed it as much as many others who have posted comments on the movie. There are some parts that I actually find almost unwatchable. For the first half of the movie, there just doesn't seem to be much going on. I wasn't necessarily bored, but I did want something to happen. Plodding would be an adjective I would use. To top it off, the movie features a very contrived love story. It feels forced as if the writers decided that the male and female leads just had to get together. But The Valley of the Gwangi isn't a total waste. There are moments I really enjoyed. Who doesn't get a kick out of the scenes of the cowboys on horseback trying to lasso a T-Rex. You just don't see stuff like that every day. Ray Harryhausen's creatures are impressive. There are some really cool shots of Harryhausen's miniatures interacting with people and horses. It might not represent the best of his work, but the effects are very nice. Still, at least in my mind these good moments aren't enough to overcome the negatives. As much as I hate to do it, I've got to rate The Valley of the Gwangi a 4/10.

4/10

Moon Zero Two (1969)

It's got style to burn!, 25 August 2007

Moon Zero Two features two seemingly unrelated plot threads with Capt. William H. Kemp (James Olson) as their only connection. In the first, a distraught woman is looking for her brother, a miner on the far side of the moon. She enlists Capt. Kemp to help her by taking her to the brother's claim site. In the second, a very wealthy individual hires Capt. Kemp to help him catch an asteroid and bring it crashing to the moon's surface. The asteroid is actually a giant sapphire. It's near the end of the movie before Capt. Kemp is able to put the two pieces of the plot together, discover the brother's fate, and make a decision on helping with the sapphire plan.

What Works:

- Acting: Overall, the acting in Moon Zero Two is a step above what I expected. But then again most Hammer films, regardless of any other shortcomings, generally featured above average acting. I was especially impressed by Catherine Schell and Warren Mitchell.

- Style: A lot of people knock it, but Moon Zero Two has more style going for it than a runway in Paris. If you liked the retro look of something like Austin Powers, you'll see the real thing in this movie. From the go-go dancers and their mod outfits to the far-out bar furnishing, the movie's got style to burn. I suppose the best example is the outfit worn by Catherine Schell when she makes her first screen appearance. Words cannot do it justice – suffice it to say that it is the epitome of 60s style.

- The narrative: As I've already indicated, Moon Zero Two features two seemingly unrelated plot threads that are brought together only near the film's end. While I watched the movie, I realized the plot would come together, but I never once guessed correctly how this was going to be pulled off. It's a clever bit of screen writing.

What Didn't Work:

- James Olson: It's not that Olson is particularly bad in Moon Zero Two, but he lacks the qualities normally associated with the lead in a movie. He's just not a very interesting actor (a nice way to say "He's boring"). Someone with a little more pizazz would have been preferable.

- Pacing: The biggest single problem I had with Moon Zero Two is the movie's tendency to bog down and go nowhere for extended periods of time. There are great stretches of the film where nothing interesting at all is going on. A little tighter editing might have been a judicious choice.

- Music: I don't remember the last time I found a film score as annoying as the one in Moon Zero Two. I suppose it could be called freestyle jazz or something like that, but to me, it was just plain headache inducing. And it all seemed so inappropriate given the action on screen. For example, the two main characters might be riding across the moon's surface when out of nowhere the audience is treated to a random trumpet blast. Annoying!

Overall, while there's much I did enjoy about Moon Zero Two, there's an equal amount that bothered me. But in this case, the "fun" factor wins out and I'll give it a 6/10.

The copy of Moon Zero Two I have was aired as part of Mystery Science Theater 3000. This was a first season episode and it suffers like a lot of the early episodes from inconsistent riffing from the guys at MST3K. Some of the jokes are funny, but there's either not enough of them or they miss their mark. Either way, I found myself wanting to turn down the comedy track to pay attention to the movie. I'll rate Episode #111 a 2/5 on my MST3K rating scale.

6/10

The Castle of Fu Manchu (1969)

"This is Fu Manchu.", 12 July 2007

Even if it's only two or three sentences, I generally like to begin one of these with a brief plot outline. In the case of The Castle of Fu Manchu, that's pretty much impossible. The movie is a mish-mash of ideas that don't necessarily fit together to form a coherent plot. The movie may start out with Fu sinking a ship, but that storyline is quickly abandoned in favor of another . . and another . . and another. In the end, I'm not sure what the movie's about or what happened.

But the biggest single problem with The Castle of Fu Manchu is that it is extremely dull. You would think that any movie that included a ship sinking, a fight for a castle, explosions, kidnapping, and other 1960s secret agent type trappings would be action packed. Well, you would be wrong. The movie has no pace, no zip, and no energy. It's as if the life had been sucked out of the movie. Add to that some less than stellar acting, abominable lighting, amateurish editing, and no continuity and you've got one fine mess of a movie.

On the positive side, The Castle of Fu Manchu does feature Christopher Lee and Rosalba Neri. Also, there's the…err…uhm...did I mention Christopher Lee and Rosalba Neri?

I have now seen The Castle of Fu Manchu twice – once with and once without the Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary. And, as hard as this might be to believe, I actually prefer this one without the MST3K treatment. This MST3K episode has to be one of the worst I've so far seen. The jokes don't work. And, I was really put off by some of the comments that showed a complete lack of understanding about how European movies of the 60s were made.

2/10

The Saint: Vendetta for the Saint (1969) (TV)

It's good, but I expected a little more, 15 August 2006

For what it is, Vendetta for the Saint is a reasonably entertaining movie with a decent plot that kept me interested throughout. If you're a fan of the television show The Saint, you should enjoy this movie, because Vendetta for the Saint isn't really a movie at all. It's actually a double length two-parter that's been combined into one single entity. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that. I enjoy The Saint. But I expected a little more from something marketed as a movie. I expected more in the way of set design, special effects, and the overall feel of the movie. However, I should point out at least one area where Vendetta for the Saint excels – locations. The location shots of Palermo (at least I think it really was Palermo – it looked how I imagine Palermo looking) are breathtaking and beautiful.

Overall, if you're fan of The Saint, you should enjoy Vendetta for the Saint. But if you want something that goes beyond The Saint, you might be disappointed.

6/10

The Curious Dr. Humpp (1969)

- La venganza del sexo
"Sex dominates the world! And now, I dominate sex!", 6 August 2006

Curious? Yes. And weird, odd, bizarre, and maybe even a little eclectic. It certainly is one strange movie. The Curious Dr. Humpp has one of the craziest plots I've seen. Dr. Humpp is working on an experiment to increase the libido of women to basically turn them into braindead nymphomaniacs. With the assistance of his lumbering army of monsters, he kidnaps men and women and forces them to have sex. He extracts some sort of fluid from the bodies of his test subjects at the moment of climax that he uses to keep from turning into a monster himself. Other than the fact that Dr. Humpp has a brain in a jar in his laboratory that talks to him and directs his actions, that's about it.

The Curious Dr. Humpp isn't what I would call a "good" movie on any level. Much of the movie is so inept that it fits nicely beside the better known works of a director like Ed Wood. Director Emilio Vieyra seems to have gone to the Jess Franco school of movie-making with the out of focus shots, unnecessary camera zooms, and filming random objects that have no bearing on the plot. The biggest flaw in The Curious Dr. Humpp are the numerous and incredibly dull sex scenes. I've read that these scenes were inserted after the initial production – and it shows. These scenes destroy whatever flow or pacing the movie might have had.

Even with its numerous weaknesses, The Curious Dr. Humpp is a movie that will appeal to those looking for something a little different and off the beaten path. It may not be "good" in the traditional sense, but there's no arguing that it is fascinating. You don't often run across a movie like this everyday.

5/10

Castle Keep (1969)

"You find me degenerate - or worse even, French.", 4 August 2006

Until last night, I hadn't seen Castle Keep in a couple of decades. To be honest, I had completely forgotten how much I detest this movie. To sum-up my feelings as succinctly as possible, Castle Keep is too arty, too surreal, and too weird for its own good. Not once does director Sydney Pollock tell the story in Castle Keep in a straightforward manner. Instead it's all so dreamlike that it's difficult to tell if any of it is real or not. Paintings come to life. Cars float on water. Nazis play flutes while on patrol. What's a dream? What's reality? I'm not sure I can distinguish the two in Castle Keep. No doubt someone will tell me I'm missing a deeper meaning to the film, but I'm not sure I want to know what it is.

To top it off, the movie is so dull that I could have cared less what was happening to the characters. The first two-thirds of the movie are torture to sit through. By the time the big battle scene took place, I had lost all interest. So much for a big finale.

3/10

Sabata (1969)

- Ehi amico... c'è Sabata, hai chiuso!
This ain't your grandfather's Western, 12 June 2006

The plot of Sabata sees the title character (played by Lee Van Cleef) stopping a bank robbery only to blackmail those responsible. The robbery ringleaders don't see too kindly to this and look to take out our hero and the rest of his ragtag bunch. Sabata has everything I look for in a Spaghetti Western - good gun fights, over-the-top violence, quirky characters, some nifty acrobatics, a plot that stretches credibility, and a strong anti-hero. Another thing Sabata has going for it is a sense of humor. The entire movie is done with the tongue planted firmly in cheek. If you take none of it very seriously, it's a lot of fun. Just remember - this ain't your grandfather's Western.

Other than the better known Sergio Leone films, this may be the best Spaghetti Western Lee Van Cleef made. He's almost perfect as the killer with nerves of steel capable of hitting a target at the most ridiculous of distances. He seems to always be at least two or three steps ahead of his adversaries. The supporting cast is just as good with William Berger and, in particular, Ignazio Spalla (aka Pedro Sanchez) giving nice performances. Spalla is one of the highlights for me of all the Sabata films.

Another thing I really enjoy about Sabata is the music. It's one of the better, more-catchy non-Morricone scores I've heard. I don't care how many times I've seen the movie, I always get that theme music stuck in my head. It's a silly tune, but it works for me.

8/10

Boot Hill (1969)

- La collina degli stivali
Okay, but nothing special, 1 June 2006

I've wanted to see Boot Hill for a while now, but it's been difficult to find a watchable transfer. I realize now that I haven't been missing much. For the most part, the film is standard Spaghetti Western stuff. A group of claim jumpers, lead by Honey Fisher (Victor Buono), have everyone in a small mining town under their control. Eventually, though, one of the townsfolk gets tired of being robbed and asks for the help of his friend, Cat Stevens (Terence Hill). Using a traveling circus as cover, Stevens is able to get into town unnoticed for a final showdown with Fisher and his gang of thugs.

Other than the use of the circus, the plot and action in Boot Hill aren't as original or as good as you'll find in some other films of this type. The final showdown is predictable and lacks any real tension. When Stevens finally meets up with Finch, the head bad guy, nothing much happens. Although most of the film is played straight, there are a few attempts at humor that feel out of place. For the most part, the acting is decent, but it's nothing to write home about. Hill, Bud Spencer, and Woody Strode are okay, but it's nothing special. The exception is Buono who is by far the standout in the film. Unfortunately, his screen time is limited and he doesn't even appear until the movie is half over.

Where Boot Hill excels and what makes it unique are the directorial and editing decisions made with the film. There are a number of instances where scenes of violence are quickly spliced with scenes of the circus. Gunfight – a clown playing a trumpet – a man gets shot – a trapeze act – hiding in a barn – dancing girls. It's a nice touch.

Finally, whether intentional or not, Boot Hill features several scenes that can best be described as homosexual in nature. From the miners dancing check-to-check in the opening to Bud Spencer calling the tall, blond, good looking cowboy he lives with "Baby Doll" to the unexplained relationship between Woody Strode and the young, good looking trapeze artist, there's an undeniable homoerotic feel underlying a lot of the movie.

5/10

100 Rifles (1969)

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em., 29 May 2006

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. That would seem to be part of the thinking behind 100 Rifles. By the late 60s, the traditional American Western had been replaced by the Euro or Spaghetti Western with more emphasis on violence and blurred lines between bad and good. 100 Rifles was filmed in Spain and has that same raw, dirty look to it that most of the Westerns coming out of Europe had at the time. The biggest difference is that 100 Rifles is an American production. The film features an interesting storyline and several good action sequences with a couple of train shootouts being the highlight of the film for me. A lot of the action may seem over-the-top, but that's the way I like my Spaghetti Westerns.

100 Rifles actually has four main characters played by Jim Brown, Burt Reynolds, Raquel Welch, and Fernando Lamas. Brown is by far the weakest of the four. To describe his acting as wooden would be an insult to trees everywhere. He's simply out of his league with the rest of the cast. Reynolds is surprisingly good as the half-breed Yaqui Joe Herrera. At first, he may seem to be little more than a mischievous drunken outlaw, but there's a definite intelligence behind the hyena like laugh. Besides being one of the most beautiful women who ever walked the planet, Welch throws herself into her role and is reasonably convincing. But Lamas is the real standout. His General Verdugo is a marvelous character more obsessed with personal revenge than in doing what is necessary to beat his enemies. Other than Brown, it's a solid cast.

While the story is good, if not predictable for this kind of movie, it runs on a little too long. Cutting about 20 minutes out of the film's 110 minute runtime and making it tighter would have gone a long way to making 100 Rifles a much better movie. One of the biggest draws of this film upon its initial release was the scandalous love scene between Welch and Brown. It has so little bearing on the plot that cutting it out would have been a good place to start with the editing scissors.

6/10

Some Girls Do (1969)

It's too bad they only made two of these films., 28 May 2006

Even though the comparisons with James Bond are inevitable, I don't think they are fair. I enjoy the Bond movies and however similar, the two Hugh Drummond films from the 60s have their own, unique style. They're played a little more for humor and lack some of the big budget special effects. But fans of the better known Bond films should find something to enjoy in either of the lesser known films Deadlier Than the Male or Some Girls Do.

I can just about sum up what I like about Some Girls Do by using what I wrote for Deadlier Than the Male as a guide. However, if push comes to shove, I actually prefer Some Girls Do to the first film in the series. The 60s feel, Richard Johnson's Drummond, the villainous James Villers, scenes stealers like Ronnie Stevens and Robert Morley, terrific locations, and the implausible yet wonderful gadgets and traps, including a small army of female automatons, are all a delight. As with the first movie, my absolute favorite moments are those with the two female killers. Daliah Lavi and Beba Loncar make the movie worth checking out just to see them. Lavi, in particular, is one of those women that seem to have only existed in the 60s that I enjoy watching so much.

It's too bad they only made two of these films. I would have liked to see this series continued.

8/10

Night of the Bloody Apes (1969)

- La horripilante bestia humana
"I acted against the dictates of God", 12 May 2006

Night of the Bloody Apes is a bizarre little film. It features: bad acting, a ridiculous storyline, terrible special effects, inane dialogue, Grand Canyon size plot holes, a complete lack of logic, enough padding for two movies, an insane amount of blood and gore, a generous helping of nudity, some truly "unique" camera-work, and female luchadors. I generally hate this term, but it should be easy to see why I consider Night of the Bloody Apes "so bad its good". The movie is so full of excesses and poor taste that it's an absolute blast to watch. Night of the Bloody Apes may be a train wreck of a film, but I can't think of many movies that are this bad yet so fun to watch.

I could go on and on describing moments for Night of the Bloody Apes like the utterly boring masked female wrestling matches or the eye gouging scene that looked like someone was squeezing cottage cheese, but I don't want to "ruin" it for anyone. You need to see this one for yourself.

5/10

One on Top of the Other (1969)

- Una sull'altra
My Favorite Fulci, 27 April 2006

Lucio Fulci may be best known for his zombie splatter-fests and that's a shame because he's really so much more than that. If you see the name Fulci and expect a gore-fest, you'll be disappointed. This one is even more bloodless than his other Gialli. But if you want a solid Italian thriller, you've discovered a real winner. I have no reservations about placing One on Top of the Other near the top of the list of the 60-odd Gialli I've seen. One on Top of the Other actually features very few, if any, horror elements. Instead, the movie focuses on two of the other Giallo trademarks – sleaze and mystery. And Fulci does a fantastic job with both. As for the sleaze, there's probably more nudity and sex in this movie than in Fulci's A Lizard in a Woman's Skin and Don't Torture a Duckling combined. As for the mystery elements, Fulci fills the film with enough red herrings and other mystery tricks for two or three movies. I was completely engrossed and entertained form the opening credits. Solid cinematography, nice San Francisco locations, an outstanding Riz Ortolani score, above average acting, and Marisa Mell make One on Top of the Other a new favorite of mine.

My only complaint (and it is admittedly a small one) is the amount of screen time showing the film's protagonist sitting on death row waiting to die. A little tighter editing during this 10 or so minute segment might have helped make One on Top of the Other the best Giallo I've ever seen.

I mentioned Marisa Mell in the opening paragraph and if you're a fan, you owe it to yourself to track down a copy of One on Top of the Other. She never looked better and I've never seen so much of her. Her motorcycle striptease scene is worth the price of admission. Check it out!

9/10

Fangs of the Living Dead (1969)

- Malenka
I really wanted to like this movie, 23 April 2006

Plot: A woman inherits a castle from a distant relative. When she arrives to take possession, she learns her castle is a home for the undead who want to bring her into the family.

I really wanted to like Fangs of the Living Dead, but two things really hampered my enjoyment. First, there are far too many stretches of the movie that are quite simply boring. It's not that I mind a slow moving story, but this thing is downright dull in places. Second, and this more of a personal preference, but the main character as played by Anita Ekberg is annoying. For a horror movie to be really effective, it helps if you care about the characters. I wanted Ms. Ekberg's character (and Ms. Ekberg for that matter) to die within 10 minutes of her introduction.

4/10

The Wrecking Crew (1969)

One of the better Matt Helm films, 8 December 2005

Count Massimo Contini (Nigel Green) is the mastermind behind a billion dollar gold robbery. His plan is to send the world markets into chaos. He may get away with it unless Matt Helm (Dean Martin) can track down the missing gold. But along the way, Helm will meet up the Count's hired muscle, a gorgeous female killer, and a ditsy woman who insists on helping him.

I suppose the best way to describe a Matt Helm film would be a light and breezy spoof of the James Bond movies. Nothing is very serious and you're sure that everything will work out in the end. Dean Martin plays Matt Helm about as laid back as could be imagined. Instead of a gun, you're more likely to see him with a drink in one hand, a cigarette in the other, a beautiful woman to ogle, and a quick quip. His fights scenes may leave a lot to be desired, but there's no denying his "cool".

The Wrecking Crew is actually one of the better Matt Helm films. The hiding place of the gold is ingenious, the spy gadgets are plentiful, and the women are everywhere. The cast is one of the better assembled for any of these films. Nigel Green and Elke Sommer make a wonderful pair as the distinguished master criminal and the sexy killer (roles very similar to the ones they played in 1966's Deadlier Than the Male). But Sharon Tate really shines as the ditsy Freya Carlson. It's incredibly sad to think that this would be Tate's last role before her brutal murder. She's a joy and a real pleasure to watch.

7/10

Blood of Dracula's Castle (1969)

Dracula the Diva, 29 July 2005

A young couple is overjoyed to discover they've inherited a castle and plan to move in right away. But first, they'll have to evict the elderly couple who have been renting the place for 60 years. What the young couple doesn't know is that this is no ordinary elderly couple. It's actually Count and Countess Dracula.

How can a movie with Dracula, a giant hunchback named Mango (no, not that Mango), a serial killer named Johnny who is especially vicious when the moon is full, a crazed butler named George (played by John Carradine) who rants on and on about the Great God Luna, a dungeon full of women chained to the walls, and ceremonial sacrifices be bad? Well, this is Al Adamson we're talking about, so of course it's bad. For the most part it's just a hodge-podge of unrelated ideas thrown together whether it makes any sense or not. There's too much going on.

And take the decision to have the Count and Countess Dracula behave like wannabe divas. In Blood of Dracula's Castle, Dracula can't even be bothered to get his own blood. He has George and Mango draw the blood from the women in the dungeon with a syringe and serve it to him and the Mrs. in wine glasses. What is this, Lifestyles of the Rich and Dead?

Almost every aspect of Blood of Dracula's Castle is bad. The acting is horrendous. Alexander D'Arcy is the worst Dracula I believe I've ever seen. Name anyone else who ever played Dracula and I assure you they were more convincing. Also, the movie is a technical mess. The editing is incredibly sloppy. The girls in the dungeon are kidnapped in a lush forest. Yet every shot of the castle shows it to be in the middle of a vast desert. How is that possible? The sets are cheap. In one scene George is closing the lid of a coffin and it almost falls off. The continuity is terrible. Shoes appear and disappear from one scene to the next. And it goes on and on and on...

With all that being said, the movie is not without a certain charm and some funny moments. Whether the movie was meant to be intentionally funny or not, it is. Much of it is entertaining in that "so bad it's good" sort of way. If you're into cheese filled 70s movies, you might some entertainment in this one.

4/10

The Girl from Rio (1969)

- The Seven Secrets of Sumuru
Franco's Spy Film, 3 July 2005

Since I recently watched Mario Bava's Danger Diabolik, I had an urge to see some other, lesser known spy movies. This is Jess Franco's attempt at the genre and he almost pulls it off. If it weren't for some lapses in action (and logic) this one would have been very good. But far too often, nothing much of interest is going on. In a typical James Bond movie, there are many instances where the action stops to further the plot. In The Girl from Rio, these stops in the action do nothing to advance the story. They are just there.

Franco probably had one of the bigger "name" casts in The Girl from Rio that he ever worked with. Shirley Eaton, from Goldfinger, is the villainous Sumuru. George Sanders, who I always get a kick out of watching, is very funny as the equally villainous Sir Masius. The biggest problem with the casting is Richard Wyler as the films hero. He's not interesting enough to carry the part.

Having watched a few Franco movies over the past few years, The Girl from Rio is decidedly tame. While the movie has its moments, the usual Franco sleaze is not evident. Too bad - it might have made some of the non-action moments more tolerable.

5/10