7 Golden Women Against Two 07 (1966)

Gawd Awful, 4 February 2017

I feel like I need to reevaluate every movie I've ever rated a 1/10. After watching this piece of garbage, I'm fairly certain I've rated some of those other movies too harshly. I'm not certain that 7 Golden Women Against Two 07 qualifies to even be called a movie. The plot is an absolute jumbled disaster. Something about hidden Nazi treasure, but it's only brought up when convenient. For the most part, the acting is as bad as you'll find. Mickey Hargitay is the "star", but spends most of his time groping some blond hottie. The direction and editing are about as poor as I can think of. And the comedy never - I mean NEVER - works. Overall, a complete disaster.

The only redeeming thing I can think of is part of the music. There's one tune played in the first five minutes of film and repeated a couple of times that I really enjoyed. I should have stopped after five minutes.

1/10

Superseven Calling Cairo (1965)

Rosalba Neri and Fabienne Dali, 31 January 2017

A Russian agent has stolen a new radioactive metal. For reasons known only to him (and for plot purposes), the metal has been hidden in plain sight in the shape of a camera lens. Before the agent can get the metal out of Egypt, however, the camera with the special lens is sold to an unsuspecting tourist. Special agent Martin Stevens (Roger Browne) is put on the case and asked to recover the metal before it can fall into the wrong hands. 

I've seen Superseven Calling Cairo called everything from above- average to average to below-average. For me, it's easily an above- average Eurospy effort. It has a lot of the hallmarks I look for in a good spy film – locations (Egypt, Switzerland, and Italy), beautiful women (Rosalba Neri and Fabienne Dali), a suitably ruthless baddie (an ex-Nazi played by Massimo Serato), henchmen, gun play, car chases, fights, explosions, etc. The various locations and the above average cast do help hide some of the film's shortcomings. Chief among them is an obvious budge limitation when it comes to big, Bond-style set-pieces. It's hard to do anything overly elaborate on the budget Umberto Lenzi was working with on Superseven Calling Cairo. Still, it's a fun enough romp across Europe that moves at a nice pace and never feels like it overstays its welcome. I'd be happy if all Eurospy films were this enjoyable.

If I have one big complaint it's with the lead, Roger Browne. I've never found him a very exciting actor. And he's not helped here with some poorly written dialogue and bad dubbing. I could see someone like Ken Clarke making this one a real winner.

7/10

Matchless (1967)

A very nice cast, 26 January 2017

Newspaper reporter and would-be spy, Perry Liston (Patrick O'Neal), finds himself in a Chinese prison. He's housed with old, dying man whom he befriends. Before the old man dies, he gives Liston a ring that has the power to make him invisible. Liston escapes, makes his way to Europe, gets mixed up with a crazed villain, and, in the end, must save mankind from destruction (or something like that). 

Other than the invisibility angle, this is all pretty standard Eurospy stuff. And, it's in these moments that I really enjoyed Matchless. But, the invisibility ring and all the "hilarious" shenanigans it produces really put a damper on my enjoyment. It's all too slapstick for my taste. I enjoy a spy film with a generous helping of tongue-in- cheek, but, at times, this goes way overboard into the realm of being absurd. And that's too bad because the rest is a pretty decent movie. Of course the plot makes little sense (do plots ever make sense in these movies?) and it's all shot fairly cheaply, but it's got something about it I enjoyed. The cast is really the standout. Donald Pleasance was never better. His take on the super-villain in Matchless is as good as I've seen. He's a hoot! Joining Pleasance are the manically laughing Henry Silva and the drop-dead gorgeous Ira von Furstenberg. Supposed star Patrick O'Neal is the weakest of the main cast. And the poor dubbing/looping of his dialogue doesn't help.

Overall, Matchless is a decent Eurospy effort that's hurt by some lame attempts at humor. A wishy-washy 5/10 is about the best rating I can give it.

5/10

Electra One (1967)

A chase through Hamburg, 23 January 2017

A supervilian (who may or may not have been named – I have no idea) has created a mind-control drug and demonstrates its effects on an unsuspecting army officer. The officer is gunned down before the drug "forces" him to launch a nuclear missile. An antidote has been developed to counter the drug's effects, but the Professor responsible is assassinated. Now, the only sample of the antidote is in a briefcase held by his pretty assistant (played by Vivi Bach). The Americans, Russians, Chinese, a jewel thief, and just about everyone else wants the briefcase and the woman carrying it.

I love a good Eurospy movie as much as anyone. At one time, like a lot of people, I knocked these movies for being James Bond rip-offs without really giving them much of a chance. I no longer do that and consider many to be really enjoyable (the Ken Clarke films for example). But Electra One is a real stinker. The main problem is the plot – it's as thin as tissue paper. It's an unintelligible mess. If you want to see a movie where people chase each other for no reason you are likely to understand or care about, this is the movie for you. It's chase, chase, chase but nothing seems to get resolved. There is also a subplot about the relationship between an American agent and a Russian agent that is out of place and adds nothing to the rest of the movie. 

I suppose that star George Martin is okay, but really isn't given much to work with other than being smarmy. I was initially excited when I saw Rosalba Neri's name pop-up in the opening credits, but she literally has nothing to do. The other female lead, Bach, isn't overly memorable either. The real standout in this mess is the Hamburg shipping docks. The docks get more screen time, are better shot, and come out looking better than any of the human stars. 

Also, I don't understand how the mind-control drug in Electra One is supposed to work. You take it and suddenly you're an unstoppable machine, bent on pushing a nuclear launch button. How does that work? There's no suggestion or other direction given to the victim – just an unnatural desire to push a button. It's beyond ridiculous.

3/10

Agent 505: Death Trap Beirut (1966)

A poorer Eurospy effort, 13 November 2015

I'll keep this short – if I had to use two words to describe Agent 505: Death Trap Beirut it would be instantly forgettable. Nothing really stands out – the plot is a jumbled mess, the villain's motives are uninspired, the hero is rather bland, a lack of "good" gadgets, and a female lead that, while perky, brings little else to the film. But the main problem is that it's just not as much fun as other 60s Eurospy efforts like the Joe Walker or Dick Malloy movies. I realize that this is an awfully broad generalization, but I usually find West German films of this era lacking in the "fun" department.

The highlight of the movie for me has to be the shots of swinging Beirut in the 60s. What an incredible looking city it was!

3/10

The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. "The Mother Muffin Affair" #1.3 (1966) (TV)

It's okay, but it should have been so much better, 21 February 2010

The one episode of The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. that should work, The Mother Muffin Affair, is disappointingly just barely better than average. How could it have missed? Stefanie Powers' April Dancer (and isn't that about the coolest name ever – April Dancer) teaming with Robert Vaughn's Napoleon Solo (okay, this is also a very cool name) and matching wits with Boris Karloff in drag as Mother Muffin. Sounds like a good set-up, huh? Well, it never works as good on screen as it does on paper. Why? The plot – or more accurately, the lack of a plot. You see, the plot revolves around Mother Muffin capturing April and Napoleon, their escape, followed by Mother Muffing capturing April and Napoleon, their escape, and on and on it goes. Nothing much else happens. I admit, it was real treat to see Karloff in the role of Mother Muffin. He's (or should that be "she's") a hoot! Other highlights for me include a very fine supporting performance from the very funny Bernard Fox and the always enjoyable Stefanie Powers (not much of a fan of Robert Vaughn if truth be known). Anyway, as I stated in the beginning of my rambling, The Mother Muffin Affair is better than average and, as a result, I'll give it a 6/10.

6/10

Murderers' Row (1966)

"Come along, Julian. Maybe we can find somebody for you to run over on the way home.", 5 September 2009

Dean Martin's back for a second spin as Matt Helm in Murderers' Row. In this one, Helm sets out to track down a missing scientist being held captive by the evil (and hysterical) Julian Wall (Karl Malden) – a man bent on world domination. His plan is to use the scientist's ray (I can't remember what kind of ray, but does it really matter?) to destroy Washington D.C. Helping Helm is the scientist's swinging daughter, Suzie (Ann-Margaret).

Almost everything I wrote in my comment for The Silencers applies to Murderers' Row. The bit about the plot not mattering – even more so in this case. The notion of Dean Martin playing Dean Martin – again, nothing could be truer. Dino surrounded by beautiful women - Ann-Margaret is a knock-out in Murderers' Row. The booze, the jokes, the gadgets, etc. – it's all here. The best part is that once again it's all handled in a breezy, easy manner that makes watching Murderers' Row a lot of fun. I don't know that I enjoyed it quite as much as The Silencers, but I did find it entertaining. The best bits include: watching Dino try to keep up with the over-the-top dancing of Ann-Margaret, Karl Malden (his performance as the villain is the one thing about Murderers' Row that is actually better than The Silencers), Ann-Margaret's groovy wardrobe, and Helm's freeze and delayed firing guns. What un-PC fun! My advice – if you plan to sit down and check out Murderers' Row (or any of the Matt Helm films for that matter), remember to take things about as seriously as the people who made the movie did (and that's not at all) and you just might enjoy it.

6/10

The Silencers (1966)

"The soap, please, Miss Kravezit.", 4 September 2009

If you're looking for a film that takes a serious look at espionage, look someplace else. But if you're looking for light, breezy, non-PC entertainment with just enough spy stuff to keep things interesting and the thought of Dean Martin the playboy doesn't turn your stomach, The Silencers might be the movie for you. With a lot of movies I write about, I start out by saying that the plot doesn't matter. Well, with The Silencers, it really doesn't matter. But for those keeping score at home, Matt Helm, an agent for I.C.E. (the good guys), is sent out to put a stop to Big O's (the bad guys) plan to start WWIII. Big O's plan is to sabotage a rocket, send it hurdling into a nuclear test site, and make it look like the Russians did it. Why? I'm not sure anymore because, like I said, the plot doesn't matter. Instead, you watch a Matt Helm film to see how much booze Dino will drink, how many bad guys he'll shoot, and how many beautiful women he'll seduce (and the answer to all these questions in The Silencers is a bunch). On another website I read where someone described Dino's Matt Helm as the original Austin Powers – and that's a pretty fair assessment. But in Helm's case, the pervy secret agent shtick actually works for him.

Anyway, if you're a fan of Dean Martin's 1960s public persona, you'll most likely enjoy The Silencers. He sleepwalks through most of the movie, but then again, he did the same pretty much through the whole decade. Joining Martin are a trio of beauties – Stella Stevens, Daliah Lavi, and Cyd Charisse (whose screen-time is way too limited). I can't really pick one who stands out as they're all a lot of fun and bring their own unique talents to the movie. Victor Buono, complete with yellow-face (I told you the movie was terribly un-PC), is on hand to play the leader of Big O. It's this cast that makes The Silencers so entertaining and worth watching. Add to the cast some off-the-wall gadgets, cool (but cheap) sets, and a few nice fight scenes, and you've got a James Bond spoof worth checking out. A couple of scenes that I always get a kick out of include: watching Martin and Stevens polish off a bottle of liquor while driving (again, very un-PC), Stevens with the rear-firing gun, and Matt Helms morning routine including coffee and bubble bath with secretary Lovey Kravezit. I have no problem rating The Silencers a 7/10.

7/10

A View to a Kill (1985)

"Hello. My name is James St. John Smythe. I'm English.", 2 September 2009

As a rule, I love James Bond movies. I was born the year after Dr. No was released, so I've kind of grown up with the series. As a kid in the 70s, some of my fondest movie related memories are of those Sunday nights that ABC would air a Bond movie. I couldn't wait to see the car chases, the gadgets, the fight scenes, and the over-the-top villains. It was a great time. That's why it pains me to rate A View to a Kill as low as I do. While there are a few James Bond movies that I have problems with, this is really the only one in the entire series that I would call a bad movie. In fact, I can't think of a single positive thing to write. Watching A View to a Kill last night was akin to nails on a chalk board. Everything about the movie scrapes the proverbial bottom of the James Bond barrel:

• Roger Moore – I'm not a Roger Moore hater, but by the time he made A View to a Kill, he was way too old to pull it off. He looks absolutely ridiculous romancing the young hotties. And that dye job – it's the worst.

• The Bond Girls – Some Bond girls are better than others, but there are none as bad as the two in A View to a Kill. Grace Jones – she's got to be the most unattractive female to ever appear in a Bond movie. Who in the world ever thought she was sexy? If I saw anymore of her backside, I think I might have ripped my eyes out. Tanya Roberts – she probably the worst actress to ever appear in a Bond movie. Imagining her as a geologist is about as silly as picturing Denise Richards as a nuclear scientist (oh wait, she did play a nuclear scientist in a Bond movie). And if Tanya had whined the world "James" one more time, I think I might have ripped my ears off.

• Christopher Walken – Don't misunderstand, I like Christopher Walken. But could he have looked any more foolish than he does with blond hair? Why did they have to do that?

• The Plot – I've got two problems with the film's plot. First, the whole idea of flooding Silicon Valley is beyond stupid. I don't see how it would have accomplished much of anything. Wouldn't companies have just gone elsewhere to produce their computer chips? Second, can someone please explain to me what the steroid injected horses in the first half of the movie have to do with the flooding Silicon Valley plot of the second half of the movie? It's like the entire first hour of the movie was little more than padding.

I could go on and on (Duran Duran's crappy title song, the use of rear projection anytime Roger Moore is supposed to be doing anything physical, the all too obvious stunt doubles, the groan inducing quips, the fire truck chase, the film's title being forced into the dialogue, Q as a peeping tom, etc.), but I'll stop there. You get the idea – I don't like A View to a Kill. In fact, with each successive viewing, I like it less and less. I'm at the point now where I pretty much hate it and doubt I'll ever give it another chance. It's just bad.

3/10

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

"I owe you an unpleasant death, Mr. Bond.", 1 September 2009

It should be obvious from my rating that I'm not the biggest fan of Pierce Brosnan's second outing as James Bond. It's not that Tomorrow Never Dies is terrible, but compared with the best of Bond (even compared to the best of Brosnan's Bond films), it's just not that good. There's very little that I would call original in the script. It's strictly Bond by-the-numbers. The same tired formula is used with little in the way of a surprise thrown in. Beyond the lack of originality, I've got real problems with Jonathan Pryce as super-villain, Elliot Carver. A megalomaniac news-mogul intent on dominating every news outlet in the world just doesn't instill the same level of fear in me that most of Bond's other adversaries do. And haven't we already seen guys like this? Ted Turner – Rupert Murdoch – anyone? And really, what's the point in Carver's whole plan? First, he's obviously already one of the most powerful, wealthy men on the planet. I mean, he owns a news empire that stretches across the entire globe, save for China. Not too shabby. Second, if you've got the resources and wherewithal to build a stealth ship and no one, including the world's intelligence community, knows anything about it, how much more is there? Finally, what kind of name is Elliot for a man bent on world domination? Elliot is a guy who hands you your soft-serve at Dairy Queen – not some evil genius.

The highlight of Tomorrow Never Dies is easily Michelle Yeoh. I know, it's a predictable statement, but she really is awesome. From the motorcycle scene while handcuffed to Brosnan to her fight scene in the secret hideout, she totally rocks. If she could have just seen fit to give old Brosnan a good butt-kicking, I might have rated this movie a lot higher.

5/10

Live and Let Die (1973)

"Hey man, for twenty bucks I'd take you to a Ku Klux Klan cookout!", 31 August 2009

I've read all the reviews from Bond fans enumerating their many problems with Live and Let Die, but I'm sorry, I don't agree. To me, James Bond has always been about having fun. Yeah, like most people, I prefer the earlier films. But for pure unadulterated, sugar-coated fun, it's hard to beat something like Live and Let Die. These films were never meant to be brain surgery anyway. Some of the highlights for me include: the voodoo ceremonies and Baron Samedi (played by the wonderful Geoffrey Holder), the New Orleans funeral procession and band, Jane Seymour, one of the best boat chase scenes ever put on film, the funky 70's feel and the Blaxploitation meets James Bond vibe, Paul McCartney's title song, the Filet of Soul, a couple of really underrated henchmen in Tee Hee and Whisper, and a truly effective performance from the amazing Yaphet Kotto. Unlike a lot of other Bond fans, not only do I not rate Live and Let Die near the bottom of my list of favorites, I've got it near the top. It's an entertaining, action-filled, good time.

On to Roger Moore – while I prefer Connery, Moore is more than capable in the role of James Bond, especially in 1973 when he was still young enough to pull it off. He gets a lot of criticism (some from me) about the direction the character and the films took during his time in the role. But when I think about it logically, the groan-inducing quips and the lame attempts at comedy should be blamed on the producers, directors, writers, and editors – i.e. the people with the power. I've got no complaints with Moore in Live and Let Die.

Finally, if I have one negative to mention in regards to Live and Let Die, it's with Sheriff Pepper. He's a one note character whose shtick gets old real quick. The fact that the producers saw fit to bring him back in another James Bond film (instead of the original idea of brining back Baron Samedi) is jaw-dropping in its idiocy. Clifton James may have been fine performer, but Sheriff Pepper is a grating character that wears out his welcome within the first minute of appearing on screen.

8/10

Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick (1966)

- Kommissar X - Drei gelbe Katzen
A real plot might have helped, 28 August 2009

Being new to the Eurospy scene, there are a couple of websites that I check out for news and reviews. I was shocked when I noticed that one of the sites I really like called Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick the best of the three Kommissar X films in Retromedia's set. To me, the opposite is true. In my opinion, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill and So Darling, So Deadly are both superior to Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick. The problem – no discernible plot. I defy anyone to watch Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick and tell me just what's going on. Maybe I missed something, but to me the movie is little more than a seemingly random series of set-pieces. Sure, some of the scenes are very enjoyable (the hotel rooftop chase and the final karate showdown being two wonderful examples) and Tony Kendall and Brad Harris' on-screen chemistry is strong, but without a coherent story, I lost interest in what was going on. I think my 5/10 rating is generous.

One reason I've rated Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick higher than I probably should have is the scene set in what I'll call the Haunted Swamp. It's very well done. Creepy music, twisted trees, an abandoned/crumbling old house, and a "fire-breathing monster" (very reminiscent of Dr. No) make these scenes really stand out. Very atmospheric. I just wish there had been a story to go along with the wonderful images.

5/10

So Darling, So Deadly (1966)

- Kommissar X - In den Klauen des goldenen Drachen
Worth watching just to see Brad Harris dancing, 24 August 2009

Detective Jo Walker (Tony Kendall) and New York Police Captain Tom Rowland (Brad Harris) are sent to Singapore to protect Professor Akron and his latest invention – a laser filter than can be used to shut down electrical engines from miles away. As soon as Walker and Rowland hit Singapore, the baddies start coming out of the woodwork and the Professor ends up the prisoner of the mysterious Golden Dragon. Walker and Rowland's new mission – rescue the professor, protect his daughter, and safeguard the filter.

It's hard to watch and write about So Darling, So Deadly and not compare it with the first Kommissar X film, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill. Unfortunately, the sequel is inferior to the original in almost every way. The gadgets aren't as plentiful, the underground lair isn't as cool, the women aren't as beautiful, the locations aren't as nice, and the plot makes even less sense. But then again, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill is one of my new favorite Eurospy films – so it would have been very difficult for anything to measure up. And that's not to say So Darling, So Deadly is a bad movie. It's actually quite a bit of fun. Kendall and Harris probably work off each other better in this movie than in the first. They make a great team. Second, while I enjoyed the locations of Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill more, there's something to be said for exotic Singapore. It's not what you usually see in a low-budget Eurospy film. Third, some of Brad Harris' scenes are so bizarre I couldn't help but have fun with them. For example, if you're on a mission to protect a scientist and, ultimately, save the world, why would Rowland go water-skiing the minute he hits Singapore? Just weird. And what about Rowland's dancing – it's laugh-out-loud funny. You have to love the guy! Another plus is the film's pacing. There really are very few dull moments. It's pretty much non-stop from the word "go". Finally, Nikola Popovic's return in So Darling, So Deadly. He was the chief bad guy, O'Brien, in the first film and I really enjoyed his work. Here, it's odd to see him in terribly un-PC yellow face, but he's fun nonetheless. So while it may not measure up to the first Kommissar X film, So Darling, So Deadly is a reasonably entertaining movie in its own right.

6/10

Password: Kill Agent Gordon (1966)

- Password: Uccidete agente Gordon
Makes up for its lack of original ideas with a healthy dose of tedium, 18 August 2009

Recently, I've discovered, watched, and enjoyed a number of Eurospy thrillers made in the 1960s. While some have been better than others, there are only a very few that I've watched that I couldn't find at least a bit of entertainment value. Well, Password: Kill Agent Gordon is one of those few. To begin with, the plot is a disaster. I often write that the plot in whatever genre movie I've recently watched doesn't really matter. But usually, that's only because the movie is so much fun and the plot so convoluted that the movie was entertaining regardless. In Password: Kill Agent Gordon, the plot is almost non-existent – something about gun smuggling to Communist Asian countries. Trust me, you'll forget all about the whys and what-fors very quickly. Second, I've got a real problem with Agent Gordon as played by Roger Browne. The man just didn't do anything for me. He came across terribly dry - not what you normally associate with a cool secret agent. Third, the two female "names" in the cast, Rosalba Neri and Helga Line, are misused and add little. Ms. Line, in particular, doesn't do much more than follow the dull Agent Gordon from scene to scene. She's got little to offer other than her looks. Finally, the budget limitations of Password: Kill Agent Gordon are very apparent. Most of these Eurospy movies were made on a shoestring budget, but many were able to overcome this handicap with cool ideas and over-the-top action. Not here. Apparently, the only idea that director Sergio Grieco (I usually enjoy his work) and the screenwriters could come up with to cover up the lack of a budget was to have Agent Gordon fight what appeared to be the same group of baddies over and over to the point of tedium. Not very original – or entertaining.

3/10

Johnny English (2003)

"The only gadgets I've ever needed are a sharp eye, sensitive hearing and a whole bunch of bigger brains.", 16 August 2009

Because of his own ineptness, Johnny English (Rowan Atkinson) is the only agent left in the British Secret Service. The crown jewels are stolen and against everyone's better judgment, English is put on the case. But when he uncovers a plot involving a wealthy Frenchman to overthrow the Queen and have himself named King of England, no one will believe him. English knows he's right and knows it's up to him to save his country.

I'm shocked. I was quite prepared to hate Johnny English. Instead, I found a movie that, although uneven, had moments that made me laugh out loud. Nothing on the level of the Atkinson's masterpiece, The Black Adder, but still worthy of a laugh or two if you're a fan of Atkinson's style of humor. I admit, some of the bits fall flat and some of the situations feel forced or, even worse, telegraphed, but when it's funny, it's really good. I'm not sure what my favorite moment was, but the scene where English mistakenly invades and attempts to take over a hospital had me laughing hard. Or the scene where English bares the Archbishop of Cantebury's back-side. Predictable - yes, but still funny. It was just so stupid. That's another thing – if you want comedy with a bit of sophistication, steer clear. There's a lot of potty humor here. Like the rest of the movie, some works and some doesn't. Other highlights for me include the music (the title song by Robbie Williams is really good), English's love interest played by Natalie Imbruglia (I thought she was amazing given her rather limited acting experience), the stunt work, English's put-upon sidekick played by Ben Miller (he manages to steal many scenes from Atkinson), John Malkovich's ridiculous French accent (a complaint to most people - I thought it was a scream), and the locations, costuming, and lighting. It's not perfect and it's not for everyone, but for me it mostly worked. I'll give it a 6/10.

6/10

Our Man in Marrakesh (1966)

- Bang! Bang! You're Dead!
"I think there's been some foul play", 29 July 2009

Local crime boss Mr. Casmir (Herbert Lom) has a briefcase full of important documents to sell. He has an appointment with an unknown courier fresh to Marrakesh carrying $2 million. But which of the six seemingly innocent travelers/vacationers is the courier? When American Andrew Jessel (Tony Randall) stumbles upon a dead body in the closet of his hotel room, he gets mixed up in more intrigue than he bargained for. Jessel joins forces with the beautiful Kyra Stanovy (Senta Berger), a woman who seems incapable of telling the truth, just to survive his holiday in Marrakesh.

Our Man in Marrakesh is a highly enjoyable Euro-spy film mixed with copious amounts of comedy. I mean how can you take things too seriously when your action hero is Tony Randall? Yes that Tony Randall. Not really a he-man or anyone's idea of a spy, huh? But that's part of what makes Our Man in Marrakesh so much fun. Randall plays against type and does so brilliantly. His fish-out-of-water, put-upon nature is perfect for the role of Jessel. One of my favorite lines comes as Jessel discovers the dead body in the closet and proclaims, "I think there's been some foul play." Funny stuff! Randall is joined by one of those all-star casts that, in this case, actually works. Senta Berger, Herbert Lom, Euro-spy fav Margaret Lee, bad guy Klaus Kinski, the always funny Terry-Thomas, and Wilfrid Hyde-White add their considerable talents to the film. Sometimes when you put together one of these casts, things don't gel the way they should. Not here. Everyone comes out looking good. My only complaint is that I would have liked to have seen more from Lee and Kinski. But, then again, you can't have everything. Other big pluses from Our Man in Marrakesh include: a well-written, witty script that, fortunately, does not resort to slap stick for its humor; snappy, well-paced direction from Don Sharp; and terrific Moroccan locations. Overall, it's a wonderfully entertaining romp. An 8/10 from me.

8/10

Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill (1966)

- Kommissar X - Jagd auf Unbekannt
This is one groovy movie, 15 July 2009

I've watched a bunch of Euro-Spy films recently, and few have been anywhere near as much fun as Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill. This one's got it all – a likable lead in Tony Kendall, a put-upon sidekick in Brad Harris, over-the-top gadgets, lots of beautiful women (Maria Perschy, Christa Linder, and on and on), a wonderfully entertaining villain, a cool underground lair, fight scenes galore, terrific European locations, a catchy title song, and a great explosive finale. What more could you ask for? Throw in a brainwashed army of women with matching blond hair, groovy black outfits, and machine guns (Fembots?), and you've got one heck of a cool movie. The scene with Kendall in the back of that truck surrounded by the army of gun-toting, look-alike women is just too much. Another highlight is the relationship between Kendall's Jo Walker and Harris' Captain Rowland. They're like the Odd Couple of European spies. Walker (who reminds me a little of Frank Sinatra with that hat and all) is the smooth ladies man. Rowland is the no-nonsense cop who would rather use his fists to get to the bottom of a case . They compliment one another nicely. As for the plot . . . well, the less said the better. I'll just say that it involves the murders of a number of gangsters, a missing scientist, and an attempt to by the evil O'Brien to radiate the world's gold supply. Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill may "borrow" (okay, in some instances it outright steals) a lot of ideas from Goldfinger and other James Bond movies, but it does so with its own charm and originality. The movie may start a bit slow, but once it gets going, it's just a ton of fun.

If you're a fan of these 60s era Euro-Spy films, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill is one that shouldn't be missed. Why aren't movies today this much fun?

8/10

That Man in Istanbul (1965)

- Estambul 65
Lots of good action in this 60s Euro-Spy effort, 30 June 2009

The U.S. government is double-crossed when they pay a $1 million ransom for the return of a top scientist. They lose both the money and the scientist. Agent Kenny (Sylva Koscina) is sent to Istanbul to investigate. She enlists the aid of a gambler named Tony Mescenas (Horst Buchholz) to assist her in finding the scientist with the promise that he can keep the $1 million. The trail leads Tony and Kenny through the streets, masques, and waterways of Istanbul. Will the U.S. government get what it wants? Will Tony get what he wants? And will Kenny get out alive?

That Man in Istanbul is a very good entry in the 1960s Euro-Spy cannon. While the film may lack some of the usual over-the-top spy accoutrements, it doesn't lack in exciting chase scenes, gun play, or fist fights. In fact, the action is pretty much non-stop. Director Antonio Isasi-Isasmendi keeps the pace at a high level throughout most of the film. The fight at the top of the masque tower, Tony's jump to the boat, and the underwater knife fight are real highlights. Both of the film's leads, Horst Buchholz and Sylva Koscina, turn in more than competent performances. A solid supporting cast, particularly Klaus Kinski and Gustavo Re, is more than up to the task. Throw in a bit of humor, suspense, intrigue, and some wonderful shots of 1960s era Istanbul and you've got the makings of a very entertaining film. If I have a couple of complaints they would be Koscina's screen time (she's absent for most of the second act) and the overall length of the movie (cutting 15 or 20 minutes would help). Still, a very enjoyable experience. I'll give it a 7/10.

7/10

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

"This never happened to the other fella.", 29 June 2009

I'll skip the usual plot description. If you're a fan of James Bond, you've most likely seen On Her Majesties Secret Service anyway. If you haven't seen it, then what are you doing reading this – go out and get it right now. And anyway, this is going to be long enough so why unnecessarily add to it with a pithy little plot summary. On my list of all-time favorite Bond movies, On Her Majesties Secret Service would be somewhere in the top 5. Why? Well, first it's one of the few James Bond movies where I've actually read Ian Fleming's book. And I liked it – I liked it a lot. The plot and storyline appeal to me in a major way. I appreciate the fact that the movie is so true to the source material. I like that there are so few over-the-top gadgets. Bond gets by on his wits and brawn alone. That's one of the things that also appealed to me about the recent Bond movie, Casino Royale – the lack of incredible gadgets. It makes things a little more believable. (I realize that I'm being a bit hypocritical here. It goes against everything I usually stand for when I write about how much a I appreciate the relative realism in this movie. I'm usually so in favor of outlandishness in my spy movies. Just read some of my other user comments and you'll see what I mean. It's difficult for me to explain, but it works in this case.)

Second, Diana Rigg. Is there any reason to say anymore? Beyond Ms. Rigg, I love the whole cast. Of all the actors that played Blofeld, Telly Savalas is my favorite. Donald Pleasence was a bit too close to a being a parody (i.e. he's practically Dr. Evil) and Charles Gray, though a good actor, was never right for the role. And don't you just love the way Savalas holds that cigarette? I've never seen anyone but him do that. Too cool! (That's right – I just called smoking "cool".) While I'm talking about the cast, I suppose I should mention George Lazenby. It's not that he's that bad, it's just that he's not Sean Connery. I find it impossible to judge his worth as Bond from one movie. He's okay I suppose, but I would have liked to see him given the chance to grow into the character the way Connery and Moore did.

Third, On Her Majesties Secret Service is an amazing looking movie. Some of the shots of the Alps, especially those from the helicopter, are some of the best photography in the entire series. Cinematography, sets, locations, lighting, and anything else that goes into making a movie look good are all outstanding. It's a wonderfully shot movie.

Finally, I really appreciate Peter Hunt's direction. On Her Majesties Secret Service might most well paced Bond movie ever made. It's so even form start to finish. As much as I hate to admit it because I enjoy most all of the Bond movies, there are some that drag on and on to the point of distraction and lack the flow of this movie.

If I've got one complaint it would be with some of the lame attempts at comedy. They're terribly forced and don't feel right in what is otherwise such a straight forward movie. There are a couple that are so bad I wince every time I hear them. For example, after one of the baddies is sucked into the giant snow blower turning the snow a pale pink, Bond quips, "He had a lot of guts". Groan worthy or what? Still, that's my only real complaint so a 9/10 would seem to be in order.

9/10

Lightning Bolt (1966)

- Operazione Goldman
Fairly standard spy stuff, 26 June 2009

Lightning Bolt doesn't come close to being what I'd call a "great" Euro-Spy film, but it's harmless enough and can be quite fun if you don't go into it expected the world. The basic plot has Harry Sennet (Anthony Eisley), our would-be hero, being sent to Cape Kennedy to investigate a series of rocket launches that have all ended in disaster. He quickly discovers that a ray of some sort coming from under the water is knocking out the rockets' guidance systems. But who's behind it and why? There are a few other surprises and twists to the plot, but it's all pretty standard stuff for a spy film.

Anthony Eisley is easily the worst thing Lightning Bolt has going for it. I found it difficult to root for him. He doesn't come across as a very good actor and is not capable of pulling off the role of the smug secret agent. Like the white socks he can be seen wearing with his suit and tie, he seems totally out of place. In fact, I probably should have just said that I didn't like a lot of the casting decisions in Lighting Bolt. Diana Lorys, normally a winner with me, is horribly miscast as spy boss Capt. Patricia Flanagan. And Folco Lulli's beer-maker turned super-villain Rether is more pathetic than terrifying. I about lost it when I saw this little fat man sitting behind his giant console in that giant room. Too funny! (Now that I'm thinking about it, that might have been what director Antonio Margheriti was going for – and ineffective looking bad guy. If so, he succeeded.) The only member of the main cast that worked for me was Wandisa Guida as Kary, the good girl turned bad girl turned good girl. What a hottie! Another thing that definitely worked for me is the whole look of the film. For example, Rether's underwater lair is awesome in its design and simplicity. It's not difficult to see where a major portion of Lightning Bolt's budget went. I've seen some complaints about Margheriti's use of miniatures. Maybe I'm showing my age, but I liked it. Sure, they're not realistic, but what is in a movie like Lightning Bolt. Riz Ortoliani's score is another highlight. It's a piece of music that fits the movie beautifully. Throw in some good action scenes, bodies frozen in a state of suspended animation, a cool gadget or two, and a group of henchmen dressed like Diabolik and you end up with a movie that I quite enjoyed despite its faults.

Finally, before I finish this, I feel compelled to write about one scene in the movie that left me scratching my head. A rocket is about to blast off from Cape Kennedy and Sennet knows it's going to be destroyed. What does he do? Does he call NASA or some other agency to notify them? No! Instead, Sennet drives his car through a fence and directly at the rocket as it takes off. What, does he have a death wish or something? Was he trying to be burned to a crisp? What did he hope to accomplish? What was his motivation? It's just one of the more puzzling scenes I've run across in a while.

6/10