Scream of the Bikini (2009)

"This peace accord is very important. And where there is peace, there is danger.", 6 May 2017

If you look through the movies I've written about over the years, you'll see quite a few Eurospy films. As a rule, I love 'em. Imagine my delight to discover a modern movie that spoofs the Eurospy genre. Like a lot of the movies it pokes fun at, Scream of the Bikini isn't perfect, but it is a lot of fun.

The plot of Scream of the Bikini hardly matters. Let's just say that there is a super-villain out to take over the world. Trying to stop him are two female agents, Bridget (Kelsey Wedeen) and Sophia (Rebecca Larsen). They're super-models by day, spies by night. They'll have to use all their abilities to get through this tangled mess of a plot and save the world.

While I really enjoyed Scream of the Bikini, if I'm honest, I'd say it's a bit inconsistent - particularly when it comes to plot and acting. The plot can be very funny, but in places it can be a bit tedious. Surprisingly enough, I found the face-off with the chief baddie one of the more lackluster parts of the plot. Then again, given the limited resources they were working with, it would be difficult to do what this film attempts to do and not run short of ideas now and again. Likewise, the acting is inconsistent. Wedeen (especially) and Larsen are very good, funny, sexy, and actually able to carry the movie. They're great! However, some of the other actors don't measure up to their standard.

Finally, one of the really cool things about Scream of the Bikini is the way they've tried to make it look like a film from 1966. The movie would have you believe that it was filmed in the 60s in South America and dubbed into English by a bunch of Germans. You get the lip/voice inconsistencies and the strange translations you find in real Eurospy film dubbing. There are lines on the print, a few missing seconds of action, and other things you find in an old print that hasn't been taken care of. Think of Tarintino's Grindhouse and you'll get the idea. Really clever stuff.

7/10

Death in a Red Jaguar (1968)

My first experience with Jerry Cotton, 6 May 2017
- Der Tod im roten Jaguar

This is my first experience with Jerry Cotton and, overall, I enjoyed Death in a Red Jaguar. It's got a lot of faults, but there were enough good, quirky moments to make it worthwhile. In this one, FBI Agent Jerry Cotton (George Nader) is called in to investigate a series of murders. In each case, the person with the greatest motive also has the best alibi. Cotton believes that there must be a murder-for-hire group responsible for the murders. After much chasing and a few more deaths, Cotton decides the best way to stop the group is to make himself a target.

Had I not known going in, I could have told you after about five minutes that Death in a Red Jaguar was at least in part a German production. It just had that 60s-era German feel to it. I can't really describe it, like I said, it's just a feeling. The plot in this one is interesting enough to hold it all together. There are plenty of chases, murders, and suspects to keep things hopping. And the main killer was especially creepy which really helped the first half of the film. I've always enjoyed Nader's work when he pops up in a movie I'm watching. He's usually good, however by 1968, he was getting a bit old to play this kind of role. The supporting cast is nice, though some aren't helped by the dubbing. The voice used for Daniela Surina's Ria Payne character was a bit like listening to a female Foghorn Leghorn. I'm from the South and no on speaks like that. I loved all the rear projection shots designed to make it look like the film was set in California. Awesome stuff. Finally, the ending was very satisfactory. Even though I knew who the mastermind behind the murders was, it was still fun to watch Cotton catch him. Looking forward to checking out more Jerry Cotton.

6/10

Here Comes the Circus (1946)

Joy and Merriment?, 5 May 2017

Toward the end of the short, the narrator says something along the lines of the circus bringing "joy and merriment". Not from where I'm sitting. As long as I can remember, I've hated the circus. I've always found them to be loud and dull. And, even 45 years ago, I recognized how cruelly the animals were treated. This short, Here Comes the Circus, does nothing to change my opinions of the circus - it only reinforces them. What fun - watching horses and elephants being whipped and mistreated. I only wish that just once one of those tigers or lions would have gotten hold of Clyde Beatty. That would have brought me some joy and merriment.

Also, can anyone explain the attraction of clowns? They are not funny - just creepy. Some of the clowns in Here Comes the Circus are nightmare inducing.

The only redeeming feature I see in this short and the only reason I haven't rated it a 1/10 is because it does have some historical value. It was interesting to see the crowds and what passed for entertainment in 1946.

2/10

Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries "Blood and Circuses" #1.11 (2012)

My least favorite so far, 4 May 2017

Phryne is visited by an old friend named Samson, a circus strongman. Samson ask Phryne for help investigating a recent murder at the circus where he works. Phryne agrees, but is troubled by images from her past. It seems that she and her sister, Janie, snuck into this very same circus and it's the place where Janie went missing. Can Phryne find the killer as she attempts to deal with her own demons?

Of the first eleven episodes in Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries series, Blood and Circuses is so far my least favorite. There are several things I didn't care for in this episode, but chief among them is how forced it all felt. I know this may seem like a fairly lame explanation, but I much prefer the episodes where Phryne just falls into a murder. This one didn't have that feeling to it. Also, one of the things I like best about the show is Phryne's sophistication and style. Working undercover in a circus, she doesn't have many opportunities to display those qualities. Finally, I didn't really care about any of the carney characters. And, not caring about them, I didn't really care what happened to them. Not a winning combination.

I also need to mention the subplot that's been running through the whole series involving Phryne and Murdoch Foyle, the man Phryne holds responsible for her sister's disappearance. If this is truly the end of that storyline, it's not a satisfying ending at all. Phryne (and the audience) deserved more closure. Hopefully (and I suspect this to be true), this is not the last time we will see Murdoch Foyle.

4/10

For Your Eyes Only (1981)

"Well, you get your clothes on... and I'll buy you an ice cream.", 4 May 2017

A British spy ship, operating off the coast of Albania, is sunk. The ship was carrying the British ATAC system. The ATAC is a device used to secretly coordinate the movements of Britain's submarine fleet. If the ATAC were to fall into enemy hands, they would be able to track naval movements. James Bond is called in to find the ATAC.

What works for me:

1. Tone – I appreciate the more serious tone of For Your Eyes Only. Gadgets are kept to a minimum. The final assault on the mountain fortress is a real highlight of the movie and was filmed in a very realistic fashion. And baddie Aristotle Kristatos' plan is also realistic. He's not trying to take over the world or steal space shuttles or anything like that. His plan is to get his hands on the ATAC and sell it to the highest bidder – something that's completely believable. Finally, Roger Moore was a decent enough Bond, but he turned into something of a joke to me, spitting out cringe inducing quip after quip. Not so much here. After the goofiness of Moonraker, a more serious Bond film was more than welcome. Unfortunately for the Bond series, this more serious tone would not last long.

2. Carole Bouquet as Melina Havelock – What a fantastic Bond girl! Not only beautiful, but smart, brave, and capable in her own right. Her crossbow skills are on point.

3. The Underwater Scenes – The scenes where Bond and Melina are dragged through the sea are as good as anything you'll find in a Bond movie, filled with exciting and dangerous looking moments. Also, the underwater photography in For Your Eyes Only is stunning. Really gorgeous stuff.

What doesn't work for me:

1. Some of the Logic – If you want to make sure the Soviets do not get their hands on a strategic military device that is sitting at the bottom of the sea, why not head there first? Why does Bond head to the Alps for what almost appears to be a holiday? He knows exactly where the ATAC is – just go get it. But, I suppose that would have taken at least an hour off the movie's runtime and we couldn't have that.

2. Lynn Holly-Johnson as Bibi Dahl – How annoying can one human being be? I still think that Denise Richards' Christmas Jones is the worst Bond girl in the series' history, but Bibi Dahl is a close second.

3. Kristatos – I hope I'm not contradicting myself, but while I appreciate the realism in Bond villain Kristatos, he's very unremarkable and unmemorable. I'd most likely put Kristatos near the bottom of the Best Bond Villain List (if I had one).

Overall, For Your Eyes Only is a solid entry in the Bond series. It's not without its faults, but it's an enjoyable enough experience and a considerable improvement over its predecessor. I really appreciate the film's tone. If only Bond had not made what seems to be the unnecessary side-trip to the Alps and everything that entailed (like meeting Bibi), I would probably rate this one much higher. I'm still giving it a rock-solid 7/10.

7/10

Fever Lake (1996)

There is absolutely no reason to watch this disaster., 3 May 2017

I honestly hate rating any movie the dreaded 1/10. In some respects, giving a 1/10 to a bad movie is taking the easy way out. I do my very best to find something positive to say. As hard as I try, I can't do that with Fever Lake. The only glimmer of anything remotely positive I can come up with is the marginally decent acting on the part of Lauren Parker. But she's not good enough to raise the rating. Overall, Fever Lake is a dull, lifeless, mess of a movie. I have a hard time understanding why it was even made. There is absolutely no reason to watch this disaster.

So, what makes Fever Lake so bad? Acting – Horrible. Mario Lopez never could act and Corey Haim gives the laziest performance I think I've ever seen. Plot – Unoriginal. Gee, a group of college age kids heads off to a house on a lake – wonder what's going to happen? Direction – Uninspired. Ralph Portillo brings nothing new to the genre. Special effects – Lame. It's easy to see there was no budget for Fever Lake. Music – Annoying. Whoever wrote the score should be taken out and shot. Treatment of Native Americans – Insulting. Not only does 

a white dude play the part of Clear Springs, he does so in a ridiculously stereotypical stilted speech pattern. Sets and costuming – Unremarkable. The whole things looks like it might have been filmed in my neighbor's house with the clothes found in their closet. Characters – Stupid. These are some of the most idiotic people put on film.

This list could go on and on. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Again, as much as I hate doing it, I cannot in good conscience rate Fever Lake anything but a 1/10.

1/10

Death Ship (1980)

Not sure how I missed this one, 2 May 2017

While it has some problems, overall, Death Ship is a very enjoyable, atmospheric horror film. Instead of writing a plot summary, I'll just copy one off IMDb that's written much better than I ever could – "Survivors of a tragic shipping collision are rescued by a mysterious black ship which appears out of the fog. Little do they realize that the ship is actually a Nazi torture ship which has sailed the seas for years, luring unsuspecting sailors aboard and killing them off one by one."

The plot of Death Ship is fairly simple and straightforward. There's not a lot of confusion as to what is going on. While that may sound like the movie is predictable, it's still fun to watch the events unfold. I will admit that if you over analyze and think about the logic behind the movie, your head will most likely explode. But if you can turn off your brain and just go with it, it can be a very effective movie.

Death Ship works primarily because of atmosphere. It's simply dripping and oozing with atmosphere. The vast empty decks, the constant engine noises, music that starts on its own, and the many natural creaks and groans of an old dying ship sets a tone and mood for Death Ship that works. This is old school horror. Death Ship was made in 1980 – way before horror movie makers started over- relying on CGI for their scares. There's none of that here and the movie is better off for it.

A few random things about Death Ship that worked on me include: 1. George Kennedy – A great actor who played the possessed Captain Ashland to perfection. What a creepy performance. 2. The shower scene – I've seen several of these blood in the shower scenes over the years and this one is as good as any. Nicely done. 3. Jackie's death – It's our first indication of what the ship was capable of. The ship toyed and played with Jackie not unlike a cat with a mouse. 4. The ship itself – What a fantastic, innovative idea – a Nazi torture ship doing circles in the Atlantic, searching for victims to come on board for slaughter. It's an interesting set-up.

7/10

Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries "Death by Miss Adventure" #1.10 (2012)

Another wonderful episode, 1 May 2017

Phryne's friend, Mac, brings her a case involving a woman killed in a factory. While it's been ruled an accident, Mac thinks something odd is going on inside the plant. Phryne sends Dot undercover. After a second death that Mac is arrested for, Phryne must step-up the investigation to save Mac and get Dot out of harm's way.

Death by Miss Adventure is another candidate for best episode of Season 1. It's rock solid. This one features more actual sleuthing than most. There's some actual detective work going on, with people sneaking around at night, stealing secret ledgers, and sneaking a look at the contents of a mysterious truck. There's also some real tension. The race to save Dot at the end is as exciting as anything I've seen so far in the series. Dot's expanded screen time is an interesting change of pace. Ashleigh Cummings does a fantastic job with Dot's more pivotal role. Essie Davis is, as usual, fantastic. Her characters genuine concern for the well-being of her friends is especially well played. And, as usual, the sets, costumes, locations, and every technical aspect you can think of are first- rate. Death by Miss Adventure is very well put together.

One of my favorite little scenes in this episode has to be watching Hugh go through a rubbish pile, looking for a vital clue. The facial expressions are priceless.

8/10

The Treasure of San Gennaro (1966)

"You don't love me anymore. If you did, you'd give me a slap in the face.", 30 April 2017

A group of American thieves arrives in Napoli with intentions of stealing the famed treasure of San Gennaro. Once they get the blessing of the local boss, Don Vincenzo (Toto), they approach local talent for assistance with the job - starting with a thief named Dudu (Nino Manfredi). Planning hits a snag, however, when Dudu learns of the intended target. He cannot possibly steal from the Cathedral of San Gennaro. In the end, Dudu relents, but that's only the beginning of the problems for the group. Can they overcome the many obstacles in their way and who will try to cheat who out of the treasure?

Overall, The Treasure of San Gennaro is a very enjoyable comedy/heist film that could have been even better. To begin, a lot of the comedy actually works. The scenes at the unexpected wedding, scenes with Don Vincenzo, and the explosive rat are just a few of the moments that were funny to me. The actual plan to steal the treasure is of course overly complicated and fraught with possible things that could go wrong. You just know it's all going to fall apart. I love these kinds of intricate plans. The final scene is also quite good and appropriate as the treasure comes full circle and ends where it should. Finally, the cast was enjoyable - particularly Toto, Manfredi, Mario Adorf, and Senta Berger. It's a nice cast.

Even though I've rated The Treasure of San Gennaro a 7/10, it's not without a couple of big faults. Chief among them is what I thought was an overly long script. A few judicious edits could have made this movie so much better. I would have preferred a 90 minute runtime to the 104 minute runtime.

Finally, as much as I enjoyed this movie, it's not the best Italian comedy/heist film I've seen. If you're into this kind of movie, be sure to check out Big Deal on Madonna Street. It's one remarkable movie!

7/10