The Saint “The Golden Journey” #1.10 (1962) (TV)

Simon tours Spain and displays his misogyny along the way,  12 June 2020

Simon is set to be Best Man for one of his closest friends, Jack.  However, he’s not very fond of the bride-to-be, Belinda (Erica Rogers).  She’s a spoiled, selfish, arrogant, entitled brat.  Simon decides she needs to be taught a lesson in humility.  Through some backhanded doings, Simon forces the ill-equipped Belinda to join him on a 100 mile trek through the mountains of Spain, with the wedding location as their destination.

Obviously, I’m not much of a fan of The Golden Journey.  Because of the misogyny on display and the beyond ridiculous, but ultimately predictable plot, this episode doesn’t work for me.  First, to call Simon’s treatment of Belinda cheavanistic and cruel would be a gross understatement.  When he’s not putting her over his knee to spank her (yes, spank her), he’s either pushing or pulling her, yelling at her, and forcibly kissing her.  Sure, she’s a horrible human being, but no one deserves to be treated like that.  Nice going, Simon.  Second, I don’t care how good of a friend the unseen Jack is, why would Simon want to go through all this trouble and bother?  He gives up seven or so days of his life for an uncomfortably long journey with a woman he can’t stand.  It makes absolutely no sense to me.  

One of the few highlights I’ll mention is Erica Rogers.  This is her second appearance in The Saint.  While I didn’t care for either of her characters, as an actress, she’s outstanding.  Even with the mistreatment her character suffers in The Golden Journey, she and Roger Moore have an undeniable screen chemistry.  

4/10

The Saint “The Effete Angler” #1.9 (1962) (TV)

“Waiter! Bring me a double scotch and a large glass of milk . . . mixed!”  11 June 2020

Simon heads to Miami for a fishing vacation.  In no time, he meets Gloria Uckrose (Shirley Eaton).  Gloria tells Simon that, like him, she and her husband are in Miami to fish.  However, after meeting Mr Uckrose, Simon becomes suspicious.  And, he’s proven right when an attempt is made on his life.  Gloria comes to Simon and asks him to run away with her, but can she be trusted? 

I was going to call The Effete Angler an average, routine, 5/10-type episode, but then came the twist.  Was I ever caught off guard!  I’m sure some viewers will have seen it coming, but I didn’t.  It’s nothing that will change your life, but it’s still a nice twist.  The plot is okay, but nothing to write home about.  What the Uckrose’s are actually up to is far less important than Simon figuring it all out.  Other highlights for me include:  (1) Shirley Eaton, obviously.  This was her second appearance in The Saint and I always appreciate seeing her in anything.  For me, she is the epitome of the 60s/early-70s.  (2) Moore’s acting during the scenes where Gloria tries to get Simon to run away with her.  The doubt on his face is perfectly subtle, but gets the point across.  Nice job.  

One last thing, even as a much younger, pre-James Bond man, Roger Moore looks awkward in fight scenes.  I think he’s just too tall and refined looking to realistically pull it off.

6/10

Mind Ripper (1995)

“Loose ends come back to haunt you.”  10 June 2020

A group of government scientists working in an abandoned bunker in the middle of the desert fortuitously come across a wounded man on the brink of death.  I say “fortuitously” because not only are they miles from civilization, but they just happen to be working on an experiment to reanimate the dead (or some such nonsense) when a test subject miraculously falls into their laps.  As expected, the man regains consciousness and goes on a killing rampage, knocking-off the scientists one-by-one.  The man-creature, who they’ve ridiculously named THOR, needs some sort of substance that can only be found in the human brain (it kind of reminded me of all those movies from the 50s where the monster needed pineal juice).  Anyway, our heroes are of course trapped in the bunker with no way out.  And that’s pretty much it . . well, except for the phallic-like thing that comes out of THOR’s mouth that he uses to do his mind ripping.  

Mind Ripper proves the point that Wes Craven would attach his name to any old garbage for a paycheck.  I admit that there are a couple of nice, creepy moments, but overall, this one’s not very good.  The film gets off to such a slow start that it just about put me to sleep. The first 20 or so minutes are excruciatingly dull with people you don’t know doing this you don’t understand in a bunker that has all the visual appeal of the inside of a trash can.  The acting is a mixed bag.  I thought Lance Heriksen and Claire Stansfield were fine, but then you have Natasha Wagner’s often laugh-out-loud line delivery.  She’s not helped at all by the script which gives every character clunky, silly dialogue.  As for THOR, I thought Dan Blom was fine as long as he was scuttling about on all fours, but he’s really not much of an actor.  And his creature make-up was mostly laughable.  Finally, the ending is uber-predictable.  Who didn’t see bad son Scott suddenly making a 180 turn to save the day?  And who couldn’t have predicted THOR’s unwillingness to just die so the movie could (mercifully) end?  

3/10

Chinatown at Midnight (1949)

A pretty poor script,  9 June 2020

Thug and thief Clifford Ward (Hurd Hatfield) knocks-off a shop in Chinatown to get his hands on a valuable jade vase.  In the process, he kills two innocent store employees.  The police start going through clues and Ward feels the heat.

Overall, I wasn’t overly impressed with Chintown at Midnight.  The acting is fine, the San Francisco locations add a nice touch of reality, Ward is an appropriately ruthless killer, and the final chase is nicely filmed.  But there are so many “silly” moments, that I found myself laughing a time or two - not what you want out of a noirish police procedural.  Here’s a list of some of what I’m talking about, but please note - SPOILER WARNING:

1. Why say anything into the phone?  You’ve just killed two people, why put the cops on your tail so quickly?  Just hang-up the phone or, better yet, run away. 

2. There’s one scene where the police have Ward trapped in a dark building,  This leads to a fairly intense shootout.  Ward runs into an alley, ditches his gun and overcoat, and joins a nearby bread-line.  The cops enter the same alley and don’t so much as glance at the four or five guys getting dinner.  What incompetence!

3. There are at least three (and maybe four) instances where the cops might have captured Ward without incident if they didn’t rush into every situation like bulls in a china shop.  Example - thinking they might catch Ward returning to his rooming house, the police decide to stake-out the place.  Instead of quietly assuming their positions, three police cars come barreling from different directions and park directly in front of the house, all but blocking the street.  Real subtle work.  (This is the moment I actually found myself laughing.)

4. In the final shootout, Ward runs up some stairs toward the roof.  A policeman is waiting for him.  Ward tries to shoot but his gun is obviously empty.  Instead of taking the now unarmed Ward into custody, the cop on the roof unloads on him with a tommy-gun.  Talk about unnecessary force.  But I suppose the writer and director wanted Ward to go out in a hail of bullets regardless of how ridiculous the circumstances.

There are more examples I could cite, but you get the idea.  These “silly” moments really undo what was otherwise a tight, tense thriller.  It was never going to be a great movie, but Chinatown at Midnight never had a chance with this script.

4/10