Future War (1997)

"I have a job too; I'm a tool.", 11 December 2008

I've just about reached my limit. I've watched more than my share of bad movies in the past few months. Sure, as is the case with Future War, I've watched many of these movies courtesy of and with the assistance of Mystery Science Theater 3000 - but I've watched them just the same. Future War may be the last for a while. It's so bad I'm ready to swear off bad movies all together.

The plot is a completely ridiculous mish-mash of incomprehensible ideas that never made a lick of sense to me. Something about a traveler from the future with cyborgs and their dinosaur "trackers" hot on his heels. The only person he's got to turn to for help is a former druggy/prostitute turned nun facing a crisis of faith. Like I said, none of it makes sense.

I've said this so many times that I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but Future War is bad in every way a movie can be bad. The acting is beyond pitiful. Neither of the movies' two leads, Daniel Bernhardt or Travis Brooke Stewart, seem capable of acting their way onto a community theater stage, let alone a sound-stage. Most surprising to me is that Bernhardt went on to have a fairly successful career, because in Future War, he comes across as nothing more than a Jean-Claude Van Damme wannabe without any of Van Damme's talent. (Did I just insinuate that Van Damme has talent?) Beyond the acting, the special effects are of particular note. The dinosaurs are about the most Gawd awful things I've seen in a movie. I could film something about as realistic with the plastic dinosaurs my son has in his room. Wait a minute - I think that might be what they used! Finally (and believe me, I could go on forever), the editing in Future War is atrocious. Some scenes are edited so poorly that it's all but impossible to follow the action.

Overall, Future War is about as bad as a movie can get. I can't really come up with an inspired description, so I'll end this by saying, "It sux!"

1/10

Jonny Quest "Shadow of the Condor" #1.10 (1964) (TV)

Baron Heinrich Von Freulich - What a name!, 11 December 2008

Engine trouble forces Race to set the Quest plane down on an unusual runway high in the Andean mountains. The runway belongs to the eccentric Baron Heinrich Von Freulich, a former WWI flying ace. He agrees to let Race borrow one of his vintage planes to get parts for the jet. However, Von Freulich has other plans. He intends to use Race as an opponent in one last dog fight.

Shadow of the Condor is another very solid episode. Baron Heinrich Von Freulich makes for a wonderful foe for Team Quest. In fact, Von Freulich might just be the most interesting character to appear in Jonny Quest. From the moment he appears on screen, taking pot-shots at giant condors, you get a sense that this man is capable of most anything. Also, from the moment the Quest plane touches down, there's a sense of mystery and menace surrounding the castle high in the Andes that you usually don't find in a cartoon. And the ending - inspired and ironic are two words that come to mind.

One thing I haven't mentioned yet in my comments on the Jonny Quest episodes is the subject of characters dying. In other cartoons, characters would get shot, burnt, and stabbed. They fell off buildings, got hit by cars, and had pianos fall on their heads. All that and they walk away as if nothing happened to them. That's not the case in Jonny Quest. Characters like Von Freulich crash a plane in the side of a mountain and they don't come back. I appreciate the realism. And I appreciate the fact that it taught me that there are consequences to actions. I don't' think the character deaths in Jonny Quest scarred me as a kid and I've got no problem with my son watching them today. There's too much sheltering of children in the world today anyway.

7/10