Teenage Bounty Hunters (2020) (TV)

Surprisingly entertaining! 27 November 2020

On their way home from a night out, teenage fraternal twins, Sterling (Maddie Phillips) and Blair (Angelica Bella Fellini), find themselves caught up in the dangerous world of bounty hunting when they interrupt (and accidentally aid) a veteran bounty hunter taking down a “skip”.  Much hilarity and teen angst ensues.

There is no way my wife and I were part of the demographic the makers of Teenage Bounty Hunters were going for.  I’m a 57 year-old married white guy with two kids under 18, two dogs, and a mortgage.  We decided to give it a whirl anyway and . . . Wow!  How fun was that?  We found Teenage Bounty Hunters surprisingly entertaining.  

I can pretty well sum up what we liked about the show in two words, Sterling and Blair - or more precisely, Maddie Phillips and Angelica Bella Fellini.  These two young women were absolutely fantastic.  Cute, sweet, athletic, funny, bad-ass, and immensely watchable - they grabbed us from the beginning and drug us along on their crazy adventure.  The two are helped by some amazing writing.  I’m not a 16 year-old girl, but the dialogue seemed on point to me.  It’s funny and felt true throughout.  Their story will tug at your heartstrings one minute and have you on an adrenaline high the next.  Even at its cringiest (and you’re going to have cringey in a teenage drama), it’s still good.  And I really appreciated the way the show wove the action and comedy with some interesting notions on religion, sexual identification, race, gun rights, and more.  The characters take an interesting travel through these potential minefields.  Unlike a lot of television I watch, not once did I find anything to really object to.  Nice going! 

As soon as we finished the last episode, we looked to see when Season 2 would be out.  We were shocked to read Teenage Bounty Hunters has already been canceled.  I’m stunned.  What a mistake on the part of Netflix!  I’m holding out hope there’s some way it can be saved.  There are so many plot twists and cliffhangers at the end of the season that I’d love to see resolved.  But regardless of whether or not we ever get to see the further adventure of Sterling and Blair, my wife and I have decided we’ll follow the actors’ careers to see what’s next for these wonderfully talented performers.  

Finally, what a hoot it was to see Kadeem Hardison?  I don’t think I’ve seen him in anything since A Different World.  

8/10

Passport to China (1960)

An unusual Hammer offering, 26 November 2020

Don Benton (Richard Basehart) is a former WWII pilot running a travel agency out of Hong Kong.  He’s approached by a government official about help with locating a downed plane inside mainland China.  The plane was carrying an agent with vital secret information.  At first Benton doesn’t want to help, but changes his mind when he discovers the plane’s pilot is an old friend.

Passport to China (lor Visa to Canton) is a different sort of Hammer film.  Spy/adventure films aren’t what you normally associate with Hammer.  Overall, this one goes over about as well as a lead balloon.  It’s dull, overly talkative, and lacks any sort of real suspense.  The mission is handled all too easily and all too casually by Benton.  He just sort of waltzes into Canton, shoots a Russian official, and makes his way back to Hong Kong - easy peasy.  As with most Hammer films, director Michael Carreras isn’t helped by the limited budget.  The stagebound sets are distracting.  But not as distracting as the non-Asian actors poorly playing Asian roles.  Athene Seyler looks downright silly in her Chinese get-up speaking a sort of horrible pigeon English.  Finally, there’s lead actor Richard Basehart.  He’s just all wrong form the role. He never comes across as anyone capable of pulling off the mission he’s faced with.  It’s poor casting and a poor performance.  

3/10

The Day Time Ended (1979)

Mind-numbingly awful, 24 November 2020

A family living on a compound in the middle of the desert is terrorized by aliens.  

I promise to keep this short and sweet.  The Day Time Ended is such a mind-numbingly awful experience that it doesn’t deserve much of my time and effort. I’ll start with the plot - what a mish-mash of different sci-fi ideas that all feel like they’re from different movies!  From the glowing green pyramid to the tiny dancing elf to the gigantic prehistoric creatures to the floating Roomba / fax machine (what was that thing supposed to be?) to the dancing lights to what I’m guessing was a timewarp of some sort, none of it makes the least bit of sense.  Without a coherent plot, this one is a dud from the word Go.  Poor Dorothy Malone looks as befuddled as I did watching this car-crash of a film.  I’m guessing this is what a bad acid trip is like.  The special effects, script, direction, and acting are all equally bad.  There’s really not much here to enjoy.  

A VERY generous 2/10 from me.

2/10

Return to Horror High (1987)

 “Class dismissed!” 23 November 2020

The movie opens with police investigating a series of gruesome murders at an abandoned high school.  It seems that a film crew was using the old building to shoot a movie based on a massacre that occurred at the school several years prior.  Who’s behind the most recent murders and are they connected to the previous murders?  

I understand some of the positive comments Return to Horror High receives for plot structure (which I touch on in a bit), but there’s really not much else that deserves much praise.  The film is called a horror/comedy. To my way of thinking, horror implies that something is frightening.  I can’t think of one moment that so much as gave me a chill.  As for comedy, I suppose a 13 year-old might find some if funny, but the attempts at humor pretty much bored me.  From a technical standpoint, Return to Horror High is amateurish at best.  The sets, props, and gore effects aren’t really effective.  And the acting is equally abysmal.  Surprisingly, Maureen McCormick (yes, Marsha Brady) gives the film’s most memorable performance - and that includes George Clooney’s 5 minutes of screentime. 

Return to Horror High’s one saving grace is its plot structure.  It’s so twisted and convoluted that it’s often impossible to follow - and I”m convinced that was part of the plan.  You’re never really sure what you’re watching.  At any one time, the film juggles four different stories (i’m not sure what else to call them) - 1. There’s the story of the original murders as seen in flashback.  2. There’s the story in the movie being filmed within the movie.  3. There’s the story of the actors/crew making the movie.  4. There’s the story of the police investigating the most recent murders at the school.  It’s an ambitious plot device and concept.  While the filmmakers don’t always pull it off, I applaud the effort.  

4/10