"It's hard to describe her with words.", 20 May 2017
- La mujer murcielago
A series of murders involving wrestlers has the local police stumped. It seems there is a mad scientist in the area trying to create a fish-man (not sure why) and he needs the juice of the penial gland (don't they always need the penial gland). The police need help and agree to call in the fabulous Batwoman.
I think my 5/10 rating is fair for The Batwoman. To me, a 5/10 means a movie is average - it's neither great, nor is it horrible. And that fairly well sums up my feelings toward this movie. Here's just a few things that worked for me:
1. Maura Monti - excellent as Batwoman. She's fills her bat-bikini very nicely. I'm not sure, however, where she was carrying that gun she whipped out on occasion. She's also decent enough in the action scenes. Monti is no Bruce Lee when it comes to fighting, but holds her own.
2. Dr. Eric Williams - odd name for a mad scientist in a Mexican movie, but he's great. He's uber-demented and a blast to watch. His plan may not make a lick of sense, but he's so into it, I didn't care. I also like the fact that his assistant was named Igor. How randomly bizarre.
3. The Fish-Man - he starts off as an action figure, but when hit with enough of Dr Williams rays, he turns into the cheesiest monster imaginable. I love it.
There's more, like the swinging 60 score and the hysterically ineffective police, but you get the idea. On the downside, there are way too many stretches in The Batwoman where there's not much going on. It can get a bit tedious with the car chases and what not. Thank God the wresting is kept to a minimum.
5/10
Murder with style, 20 May 2017
A woman is found dead in an upscale fashion house. The woman was wearing a strand of very valuable pearls and they're missing. Were the pearls the motive for murder or was there more going on that meets the eye? Phryne will have to untangle the clues and many suspects to find a killer.
Murder à la Mode has a whole lot going for it. The mystery is interesting with plenty of twists and turns. Other than the dead woman, there are the missing pearls, fake couture dresses, and a string of jewel robberies. The episode is jam packed with plenty to enjoy. The supporting cast is as good as ever. The women in the couture house are a delight. Heather Mitchell and Sibylla Budd are solid. There are also scenes with Constable Collins and Dot that are a lot of fun. In fact, it's been a treat watching their relationship unfold since the beginning of the series. The final reveal is as exciting as anything in the series, with Phryne using herself as bait. Murder à la Mode easily deserves an 8/10.
The period feel to Miss Fisher has always been strong. This is especially true here. Murder à la Mode features any number of spectacularly glamorous fashionable outfits. It's good stuff.
8/10
Constable Collins gets in a bit of boxing, 19 May 2017
Phryne investigates the murder of a street gang leader. Was the murder committed by a rival gang member or maybe even a policeman? The victim's body was found outside a carnival tent used for boxing matches. How does that fit into the murder?
Boxing – as a general rule, I do not like movies or television shows that prominently feature boxing. Sure, there are exceptions, but boxing movies are usually so terribly clichéd. You know, it's either a fixed fight or a down-and-out Joe who does good or something like that. Not much to enjoy. At first, I thought that would be my feelings toward Deadweight – a clichéd boxing show. But this one was a bit different. These were true amateurs fighting in a tent for a few dollars. There was no ring – just a piece of plywood to stand on. Yes, Deadweight does include fixed fights and crooked promoters, but a 1920s Australian carnival sideshow setting is not your run-of-the-mill boxing show.
So what about the rest? The plot did take a while to get going. I found myself getting confused at first (I'll chalk it up to my initial negative reaction to the boxing) with character and street gang names that meant nothing to me. But it all came together quite nicely in the end. The solution to the murder is satisfactory even if I knew the outcome early on. The sets and costuming in Deadweight are particularly good. Some of the carnival trappings are fantastic looking. The acting is solid. I was especially impressed with Hugo Johnstone-Burt as Constable Collins. His role here is larger than usual and he handles it nicely. Overall, it's a pretty good episode.
7/10
Not what I call entertainment, 19 May 2017
When watching something like Circus on Ice, I realize how fortunate I am to live in an era with so many entertainment options. It's plain old bad. I always try my best to judge a film (or short in this case) by the standards of the time in which it was made. Even in 1954, I can't imagine anyone watching Circus on Ice and getting any sort of enjoyment out of it. The 8+ minute runtime goes by excruciatingly slow. Circus on Ice attempts to combine two things that I loathe – the circus and ice shows. I say "attempts" because the circus potion is lacking. It's mostly just ice dancing. And for an ice show, Circus on Ice has a very dark tone to it. Two of the featured acts include images of death. In one, a group of toy soldiers combine to kill a dragon. In the other, even darker scene, we witness some skater named Jacqueline de Bief portraying a frolicking fawn. Suddenly, hunters approach and kill the baby deer. As Ms de Bief falls to the ice acting out the last moments of the fawn's life, I'm sure it brought great joy to the boys and girls in the audience. There's no better way to entertain children than shooting a baby deer. This thing is just awful.
The only saving grace to Circus on Ice - thankfully, there were no godforsaken clowns.
2/10
Carla Harvey's 5 minutes are the only reason to watch this movie, 17 May 2017
After reading several of the glowing reviews on IMDb for Frankenstein vs. the Creature from Blood Cove, I feel like I'm in the minority. I really do not care at all for the film. In fact, I pretty much hate it. My 2/10 is incredibly generous. The plot isn't worth going into, the acting is about as amateurish as I've seen, the direction is poor, the special effects are laughable, and everything else scrapes the bottom of the barrel. When Ron Jeremy is the biggest name actor in the cast, you know you've got problems. I've seen people call this movie an homage to the Universal monster films of the 30s. I find that notion insulting. I think the movie might have been trying to do to the Universal monsters what The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra did to 50s sci- fi or what Scream of the Bikini did to 60s Eurospy. Unfortunately, it fails miserably.
So, if it's so bad, why haven't I rated the movie lower? Two words - Carla Harvey. I watched the movie because Carla Harvey, one of the lead singers for Butcher Babies, has a very, very small role. She's in the movie for less than 5 minutes. She pops up on the beach, poses for a photographer, takes her top off, and gets killed. That 5 minutes of Carla Harvy is worth a rating point to my way of thinking.
2/10
One of the better made-for-TV films from the 70s, 17 May 2017
College student Peggy (Sian Barbara Allen) takes a job doing some light cleaning at the home of sculptor Jeffrey Elliot (Ted Bessell) and his mother (Bette Davis). Peggy begins to notice some strange goings-on in a room above the garage. Jeffrey tells her to stay away. He tells her that the room is home to his mentally deranged sister. Peggy suspicions grow when she learns about the disappearance of the girl who previously had her job. What's going on?
Scream, Pretty Peggy is probably one of the better made-for-TV films from the 70s. I remember seeing this one when I was about 10 and it scared the pants off me. That's not saying much, though, because back then pretty much anything scared the pants off me. Today, while I still enjoy Scream, Pretty Peggy, I realize that the plot lacks originality. If you've seen Psycho or Homicidal, you can pretty much guess where this thing is headed and how it's going to end. It's still a lot of fun, though. I credit director Gordon Hessler for keeping things lively and interesting along the journey. I also credit Hessler for creating a film filled with atmosphere. There's more atmosphere in Scream, Pretty Peggy than in a lot of better known horror movies with big budget theatrical releases. Like I always say, atmosphere is key to an effective horror movie. Most of the acting is okay. Bette Davis really has little to do and pretty much sleepwalks through the movie. But who cares, she's Bette Davis and she's always a good watch regardless of what she's doing (or not doing). Bessell is solid. My only issue with Bessell is that it's impossible not to think of That Girl when you see him. Allen is the weakest cast member. She just has a grating quality about her. And, it doesn't help matters that her character is super annoying. Appropriately enough, the film's finale is a highlight. The killer's reveal is nice and creepy. The sculptures add an especially atmospheric touch.
7/10
Not great, but fun enough, 16 May 2017
Churchill's Leopards tells the story of a group of British paratroopers sent to France to destroy a dam just prior to D-Day. The idea is that the resulting flood will wipe-out German supply lines, thereby reducing the effectiveness of German forces (never mind the destruction to the French countryside). The British have a secret weapon – Lt Richard Benson (Richard Harrison) is posing as his recently deceased twin brother, Lt Hans Muller. Muller is the commander of German troops stationed at the dam. A German SS officer, Hauptsturmfuhrer Holtz (Klaus Kinski), is suspicious and is the major obstacle in the way of Allied success.
In order to enjoy Churchill's Leopards, you really have to put all logic on hold and ignore all the historical inaccuracies. You can't think too hard about the ridiculous twin brother plot point or the fact that Muller's position at the dam is uber-convenient or any of the inaccurate military insignia and hardware. If you can do that, Churchill's Leopards is a reasonably entertaining film. The movie does take a little while to get going, but most movies of this type do. Director Maurizio Pradeaux has filled the final 2/3 of the film with plenty of action and tense moments. The finale on the dam is packed with suspense as the Nazis bear down on our heroes. The tight, confined action here is expertly filmed. Churchill's Leopards also includes one dramatic moment that I wasn't expecting and it ended up being a highlight for me. On a scenic overlook (speaking of scenic, the locations used in Churchill's Leopards are stunning), Kinski has lined-up a group of French citizens and intends to execute them in retaliation for the deaths of two Nazi soldiers. A woman named Elise (Pilar Velazquez), Benson's love interest, is one of the condemned. The frightened look in her eyes as she's waiting to die, knowing that Benson can do nothing or he'll blow his cover, is gut-wrenching. The entire time this drama is playing out, Kinski is pacing impatiently, drawing on a cigarette as if his life depended on it. The scene is filmed beautifully with Leone-esque close ups and includes some very appropriately moving music. It's one of those moments in a film that I'll never forget.
There are, however, some problems with Churchill's Leopards that I cannot overlook (and again, I'm not talking about logic or historical inaccuracies). Some of the acting was spotty. I really didn't care for Harrison's Benson/Muller. Maybe it wasn't his fault, but he just seemed disinterested to me during much of the film. Also, I usually don't complain about special effects in a movie like this that was so obviously filmed on a shoestring budget, but the final dam scene is jarring it's so bad. Next, the credits prominently feature Helga Line's name. I always enjoy her work. Here, though, her screen time is limited to less than five minutes – and I'm being generous with that estimation. Still, the whole thing is fun enough that I had no problem getting past these issues.
6/10
Nice SW with a strong cast, 15 May 2017
- Monta in sella!! Figlio di...
A blind man named Felipe recruits a team to help him steal the gold from a heavily guarded Mexican fortress. His crew consists of two bank-robbing brothers, Dean (Mark Damon) and Sam (Stelvio Rosi); a retired safecracker and explosives expert, Andre (Alfredo Mayo); and Andre's "niece", Agnes (Rosalba Neri), a card-shark and hustler. Having been a prisoner at the fortress, Felipe knows how to get the gang in and out, but, being blind, he needs help with the heist. Surely it can't be as straightforward and simple as Felipe makes it sound, can it?
The Great Treasure Hunt (or The Great Chihuahua Treasure Hunt – I like that name better) is an interesting take on the whole Spaghetti Western genre. The movie is actually one part SW and one part Euro- heist – two genres I love. Here, they mix well together. The Great Treasure Hunt is also a fairly lightweight, breezy film. Not as light as something like Trinity, but nowhere near as serious or dark as most SWs. The film features plenty of gunplay and fistfights, but nothing overly graphic. The plot to loot the gold is fairly well thought out. Between the explosives on the roof, Agnes' plan to steal the key, and the cannon guarding the treasure, it's all a lot of fun. The cast is top notch. All four of the main cast members are solid. Damon and Rosi play well off each other. There were times where I feared their shtick might devolve into slapstick, but director Tonino Ricci was smart enough to pull back on the reigns. I'm not sure I'm overly familiar with a lot of Mayo's work, but he had a long, long career before making this movie – beginning in 1935. And then there's Rosalba Neri – I can't think of an instance where I enjoyed one of her performances more. And unlike a lot of other movies she appeared in, especially SWs, her screen time in The Great Treasure Hunt is equal to the guys. Finally, there's the twist at the end. It worked on me. What more can you ask? Overall, a nice little SW.
7/10
Harmless enough, but not very good, 14 May 2017
Crash of Moons isn't really a movie - it's several episodes of the Rocky Jones: Space Ranger series cobbled together into 78 minutes. As the title implies, there are two moons set to crash into each other. The crash will destroy both worlds and their citizens. One planet is friendly and open to evacuation. The other is hostile and doesn't believe Rocky and Co. Can they get everyone off in time?
Crash of Moons is harmless enough, but it's not very good. I'm sure that had I been 7 in 1954, I would have eaten this up. I can just imagine the exploits of Rocky Jones thrilling kids of the 50s. Today, it's all so quaint. The special effects are as naive as you'd expect. The acting is hammy. The comedy relief is corny. And the male chauvinism is thick. Still, the idea of two worlds colliding is an interesting one and held my interest throughout most of the runtime. Like I said, it's all harmless enough, just not anything special.
One thing I really enjoyed was seeing a younger John Banner. I'm an unashamed fan of Hogan Heroes. I think it's one of the best 30 minute comedies to ever air. I always enjoy seeing Hogan alumni in other settings, whether it's Werner Klemperer, Bob Crane, or Leon Askin (who is in a bunch of stuff). But Banner holds a special place in all Hogan fans' hearts.
4/10
Was Vic Diaz contractually obligated to appear in every movie filmed in the Philippines?, 14 May 2017
In post-WWII Philippines, Joseph Langdon (John Ashley) is on the run, being hunted as a traitor. About to die and unable to go on, he suddenly sees the image of Satan. He's offered his life in return for his service. Years later, a man named Philip Rogers (again, John Ashley) wakes in the hospital, covered in bandages. When the bandages are removed, the face is not that of Rogers, but Langdon. Satan wants him to turn others to his side. But when Landon has second thoughts, he's turned into a snarling beast, only capable of killing and devouring those he comes into contact with. At least I think this is the basic plot. Who knows and who cares?
In all honestly, Beast of the Yellow Night isn't really all that good and I've probably overrated it. But it did have some things I enjoyed. I found the plot concept surprisingly ingenious. I never expected this level of creativity in a Filipino exploitation movie. Not that they had the money to effectively pull it off, but the idea was good. The budget limitations are especially noticeable when it comes to the monster make-up. Cheap is an understatement. I know this may sound contradictory, but, other than the monster make-up/mask, the other low-budget effects actually work in the film's favor. When Langdon rips open a body, for example, the effects have a real disturbing quality to them.
As for the acting, Vic Diaz, who I believe is in every Filipino movie I've seen, is a hoot in Beast of the Yellow Night. His laughing, happy Satan is the real star of the movie. Not what I expected from Diaz. Ashley does quite good also. His understated delivery works given his characters predicament. The lovely Mary Wilcox plays Rogers' wife, Julia. For some reason that makes no rational sense, Julia agrees to sleep with Langdon/Rogers though he looks nothing like her husband and is possessed by Satan. Still, it wouldn't be a Filipino exploitation/horror movie without the requisite sex scene.
4/10
