Not my Doctor, 11 November 2017
Dr. Who (Peter Cushing), granddaughters Barbara and Susan, and Barbara's boyfriend, Ian, are accidentally transported across time and space in the the Doctor's latest invention, TARDIS. They find themselves on a planet ruled by the evil Daleks. It becomes clear that Dr. Who and company must leave the planet if they are to survive. However, the Daleks pose a threat to the future of a peaceful race known as the Thals. The Doctor decides they must help the Thals defeat the Daleks before they make their retreat back to Earth.
I'm not a super fan of Dr. Who, but I enjoy what I've seen. I'm also a big fan of Peter Cushing. Put the two together and you should end up with a winner. Unforutnatley, Dr. Who and the Daleks isn't the Dr. Who from the television show. Cushing's Doctor is a normal human being - not a Time Lord. And he really doesn't do much. His youngest granddaughter, Susan, does more of the heavy lifting than does the Doctor. My other complaint is with the Daleks. They look good and they're appropriately evil, but they do way too much talking. When their limited to shouting "Exterminate!" over and over, that's fine. But here, they have a lot of dialogue - and I mean A LOT of dialogue. And with their computer voices, it's very difficult to understand. There are some scenes where a Dalek seems to be delivering an important soliloquy or something and I had no idea what was being said.
With the unexpected changes to the Dr. Who story-line, a Doctor who is basically ineffective, and large portion of dialogue I found unintelligible, a 4/10 is the best rating I can give Dr. Who and the Daleks.
4/10
"I know all about you, 007. Sex for dinner, death for breakfast.", 11 November 2017
When I first saw A View to a Kill back in 1985, I thought the Bond series had hit rock-bottom. I didn't think it possible to make a Bond movie I would like less. However, in 2002, I witnessed the hot mess that is Die Another Day and realized that, yes, you could make a Bond movie that would make A View to a Kill look like a masterpiece in comparison. This movie is so bad and makes me so mad that I actually prefer listening to Tanya Roberts yell "James' from the back of that firetruck than watch this junk.
The plot - what's the point - it's as stupid as the rest of the film. I could literally write multiple pages detailing all of the issues I have with this blight on the Bond series. Instead, I'll do the now familiar laundry list:
1. Let's start with a big one - DNA replacement. The whole notion that a Korean dude could turn into a white Englishman in just a couple of years by using something preposterous sounding like DNA replacement is ridiculous. I can't believe anyone actually wrote this and thought viewers would just buy into it.
2. Madonna's title song - There have been a lot of great songs to appear in the Bond opening credits - Shirley Bassey in Goldfinger, Sheena Easton's song in For Your Eyes Only, Paul McCartney's Live and Let Die theme, and Garbage's The World is Not Enough (a real favorite of mine). Madonna's song, in comparison, is BAD. It's a trendy, auto-tuned pile of dung. It will never appear on this list.
3. The Invisible Car - Plain old stupid. And the way Bond uses it (or doesn't use it) and the way it's discovered - again, plain old stupid.
4. Jinx - Fron the moment Halle Barry does that over-the-top swivel-hip walk out of the water, I knew instantly she would be a horrible Bond girl. Her character reached a real low with the "Yo Mamma" joke.
5. The villains - These guys are more cartoon characters than super-villain. They're impossible to take seriously.
6. Pierce Brosnan: the Quipping Machine - Some of Bosnan's quips would make even Roger Moore groan in pain and disbelief. A lot of the sexual innuendo would be more at home on Three's Company than in a Bond movie. It's too silly for words.
Seroiusly, this could go on and one. I haven't mentioned surfing Bond, the crappy CGI effects, Madonna's acting, the ice hotel, John Cleese, Bond's unbelievable escape from the death ray, a bloated run-time, etc. And if I could be bothered, I could probably come up with another bunch of things that bother me about Die Anotern Day. Combine it all together and you end up with what I consider the poorest entry in the Bond franchise. As I alluded to before, I don't just hate this movie, it makes me mad watching it. Die Another Day came as close as anything to destroying the Bond franchise.
Despite my dislike for Die Another Day, I've still rated the film a 3/10. I do so because in the end, it's still James Bond and there are a set-piece or two throughout the film that work for me.
3/10
I"d rather be watching Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, 6 November 2017
Mobster Nicky Rocco is gunned down in the middle of a Louisiana swamp. With his dying breath, he vows revenge on all of those who did him wrong – including pregnant girlfriend Ruby (Piper Laurie). Some 16 year later, Ruby lives at and operates an out-of-the-way drive-in with some of the former gang members she's given jobs to. Also in Ruby's household is Nicky's teenage daughter, Leslie – a very troubled girl. Things start to get really weird when Nicky's former associates begin dying horrible, unexplained deaths. Leslie's demeanor also begins to change until one fateful night when her body is fully possessed by her long dead and wronged father. Through Leslie, Nicky repeats his vow of vengeance.
Overall, as my wife would say, Ruby is pretty much hot garbage. While the movie has its fair share of reasonably spooky moments, there's too much here that I didn't care for to give the film a positive rating. The plot is a mess, the dialogue is often silly, and there are long patches of the movie where nothing much happens. It wasn't until the final 10-15 minutes that anything really peaked my interest. The acting is all over the place. Piper Laurie chews enough scenery to choke on. Her overacting really got old. The usually reliable Stuart Whitman, in contrast, plays his part so understated that Laurie literally runs him over. No one in the cast really stood out to me. Also, the film is supposedly set in 1951. I've seen a number of goofs listed on IMDb about the film's setting. My issue is that it just doesn't look like 1951. The way Ruby was filmed, it has a distinct 1970s look to it that no manner of old cars or old clothes can hide. I don't know any way to say it other than I never felt like I was watching a movie set in 1951.
Finally, the movie we see projected on the drive-in screen is Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. It says a lot about my feelings on Ruby when I say that I would have much rather been watching Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.
3/10
"I don't know about homicide, but you've definitely got me for raising my voice in a public library.", 5 November 2017
Scream 2 is set two years after the events in Scream. Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) has moved on and has tried to put things behind her. But her new life and her old life soon cross paths as a new killer shows his face (well, not really - he's wearing a mask). Sidney's friends are being picked-off one-by-one and she in a fight for life.
For me, Scream 2 isn't as good as Scream, but for a film that was rushed into production and had the difficult task of following a modern horror phenomenon, it's really a decent film. I'll give a lot of the credit to the director, Wes Craven, and a talented group of actors. Craven was a real pro. The fact that he was able to take this bloated script and turn it into something watchable is almost a miracle. He does an excellent job creating tension and atmosphere with several of the kills. I'm probably most impressed with Randy's death scene given that it takes place in broad daylight in a crowded common area. Nicely done. As for the acting, it's a strong cast for a film like this. Campbell is joined by actors like Liev Schreiber, Timothy Olyphant, Jamie Kennedy, Courteney Cox, Jerry O'Connell, and Laurie Metcalf - all more than capable. Very nice. You know, if it weren't for an overload of self-referential nonsense, a 2+ hour runtime in desperate need of editing, and the ridiculous opening movie theater sequence, I could easily see rating Scream 2 much higher. Still, it's entertaining enough to warrant a 6/10.
6/10
