Haloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

"MIchael's work is not finished in Haddonfield." 17 October 2018

The quick pitch:  After a six year hiatus, Michael Myers returns to slice and dice his way through Haddonfield.  There’s also some nonsense about Tommy Doyle (from the first Halloween movie), a baby, a man in black, and a cult called Thorn.

It’s really hard to fathom how the Halloween series went from the atmospheric brilliance of the original film to the Gawd-awful mess called Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers.  I really don’t have much of anything positive to say. Most importantly, the script is a disaster. I know there’s a longer cut out there that’s supposed to clear-up some of the problems with the script, but no thanks.  I’m not going to watch an extra 45 minutes just to get more on the utterly ridiculous man in black and Thorn. Who could care less? You have to work hard to write a Halloween script that’s this boring, predictable, and unscary.  Add to that mostly bad acting, unlikable characters, silly dialogue, terrible music, and a complete lack of logic, and you’ve reached the absolute nadir of the Halloween series.

Watching Paul Rudd in Halloween 6, it’s hard to imagine he would go on to have the career he has.  He’s not very good here.

2/10

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

"It's getting late.  I could use a drink.", 16 October 2018

The quick pitch:  An evil toy maker creates a line of Halloween masks designed to horrifically kill the wearers on Halloween night.  All of this without a whiff of Michael Myers.

It’s too bad this movie was titled Halloween III.  The film gets an unfair shake from those who whine about it not being a Michael Myers film. John Carpenter always intended for the Halloween franchise to be like this - a different Halloween-themed story each year.  I wish the series had kept this idea.

I’ve always enjoyed watching Halloween III: Season of the Witch.  To begin with, I’ve always found the Myers-less plot of Part III fairly original.  Sure, the story’s not perfect and some of it makes no sense (Stonehenge? Really?), but there’s enough here that we’ve never seen before to keep things interesting.  Dan O’Herlihy makes for an excellent, but underutilized, baddie. His Stepford-esque henchmen are especially creepy. Another plus are the special effects - perfectly gory.  Even after repeat viewings, there’s at least one scene I still find disturbing and difficult to watch. Finally Stacey Nelkin has to be one of the most stunning women I’ve ever seen in a horror movie.  If I didn’t find Tom Atkins and his questionable mustache so unappealing and that Silver Shamrock earworm jingle so annoying, I might rate Halloween III even higher.

6/10

Killer Bees (1974)

I liked it more than I should, 15 October 2018

The quick pitch:  Gloria Swanson plays Madame Maria von Bohlen, matriarch of a family of South African winemakers.  Madame (as her family calls her) controls almost all aspects of the family, the wine business, and even the bees, so integral to the family’s success.  But when her black sheep son turns-up with a finance in tow, Madame and the bees don’t respond too well.

Overall, Killer Bees is about what you’d expect from a 1974 made-for-TV movie - typical made-for-TV cast, poor (and I mean really poor) special effects, and not nearly enough horror for a horror movie (it needed more bee attacks).  But one thing Killer Bees has going for it is that final twist in the last act. I’m not going to spoil it - I’ll just say that it belongs in a much better movie. It really was a nice finish to what was otherwise a fairly routine film.  Nice enough to get a 6/10 from me.

I suppose there are two other things I enjoyed about Killer Bees.  First, I always enjoy seeing my favorite of Charlie’s Angels, Kate Jackson.  Her acting in the final moments of Killer Bees was never better. Second, watching Gloria Swanson in Killer Bees was a real treat.  Several times, I thought she was going into full-on Norma Desmond-mode as she overacted her way through this cheap, TV film. Good stuff!

6/10