Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

What a mess!, 10 December 2017

What a mess! Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Transformers 2 for the rest of this) fails in almost every way possible. You have a $200,000,000 or so budget and this is the best you can do? I'm not sure how often I've used this word to describe a film, but Transformers 2 is just stupid. Here's the long, but still incomplete, list of my many problems with the movie:

1. The plot is a disaster. More accurately, I should say the film lacks a plot. The movie is little more than one gag after the next, whether it's an attempt at comedy or a visual gag, none of it really flows into a cohesive film. I suppose the main point of the film is a Decepticaon known as The Fallen wants to use a machine buried under the pyramids to destroy the Sun. Why? It's never really explained why he wants to do this. If it is, it's lost in all the nonsense included in Transformers 2. The "destroy the Sun" bit is really nothing more than a McGuffin designed to make The Fallen look evil and create an adversary for Optimus to fight. There's no other purpose to it.

2. The comedy in this thing is misplaced and rarely funny. The "comedy" bits with the parents, the twin Autobots, and the roommate - none of their attempts at comedy are funny in the least. The parents are more cringey than funny, the twins are more offensive than funny, and the roommate is more annoying than funny. It doesn't work.

3. The runtime at 2.5 hours is at least an hour too long. There's so much unnecessary crap in Transformers 2 that could have been cut to make a tighter, more focused film. The scenes with the parents, the scenes with the roommate, and the whole Army/government power struggle could have been cut without affecting what little plot the movie has. Sitting through one unnecessary scene after the next makes Transformers 2 longer than it should have been and an incredibly arduous process.

4. I know some praise the special effects, but to me, they're weak. The robots look horrible. If they weren't meant to be giant piles of random junk thrown together haphazardly, then director Michael Bay succeeded in presenting his vision. But if all the expensive CGI was meant to present interesting, unique characters, the special effects fail on an epic scale. In the big fight scenes, it's almost impossible to distinguish on robot form the next. They all look equally horrible and just alike.

5. I suppose my biggest complaint and what all this leads to is that I'm not much of a fan of MIchael Bay's style of directing. Bigger and louder don't necessarily mean better. And the way the film jumps from one scene to the next, it makes me wonder if there's not a 6-year old with ADD trapped inside Bay's body. It gets annoying after about 5 minutes. Don't misunderstand - you can make a big special effects film if you've got a good story and interesting characters. But Bay seems to think that all you need to do is throw a wad of cash at CGI and that makes a good movie. Well, it doesn't as Transformers 2 proves.

3/10