Firehead (1991)

Firehead?, 22 April 2020

A research scientist (Chris Lemmon) joins a government assassin to track down a Russian cyborg.  But is the laser-shooting cyborg the real enemy, or is someone in the government pulling the strings for their own nefarious purposes?  

The 80s and 90s were full of cheesy, schlock-filled action movies.  Given the cast and the presence of actual production standards, it’s shocking to me that Firehead is one of the worst of the bunch.  There are a couple of big issues I have with Firehead.  First, and most importantly, the plot is a joke.  In fact, there really isn’t much of a plot - more like a vague story idea attempting to hold various poorly choreographed action set-pieces together.  And what little story there is in Firehead is entirely predictable.  I promise this isn’t a spoiler, but watching the movie, you realize about 0.000253 seconds into the thing that the real bad guy isn’t the Russian.  Who could it be?  Maybe over-acting, what’s-he-doing-in-this-piece-of-garbage Christopher Plummer?  It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.

My second big issue with Firehead is the acting.  More specifically, my problem is with Chris Lemmon.  When he’s not trying to channel his father, he has one mode of acting - comedic surprise to every situation.  Regardless of how mundane, ordinary, or predictable the situation, Lemmon’s attempted comedic overreaction gets old real quick.  It’s a one note performance.  

Speaking of acting, why oh why is Martin Landau in this turkey?  Was he that hard up or did he just owe someone a favor?  Even with his very limited screen time, he easily outshines the rest of the cast.  

One last thing, previously, I mentioned poorly choreographed set-pieces.  Let me cite just one example of what I”m talking about.  Two bad guys and two good guys are firing guns at each other.  All are in a narrow hallway, separated by no more than 10 feet.  Does anyone get hit?  Of course not.  After about three or four of these scenes, it got to be quite funny.  Not funny enough to save the movie or anything, but it does create one of the few “memorable” moments in what is otherwise a completely forgettable experience.  

2/10