Rollergator (1996)

One of the absolute worst, 18 May 2020

While at the beach one day, PJ Smith (Sandra Shuker) meets a small, talking alligator.  He’s on the run from an exploitative carnival owner and only wants to find his way home.  PJ agrees to help, but she’ll have to stay one step ahead of the carnival owner, his henchman, and a female ninja (whatever?).

There are bad movies and then there are BAD movies.  Rollergator falls into that second category - BAD.  Someday, I might sit down and make a list of the 10 worst movies I’ve ever seen.  I can safely say that Rollergator will be on that list.  While watching Rollergator, it’s hard to fathom that it was made by full-grown, human adults.  Everything about the movie (and I’m being generous by calling Rollergator a “movie”)  is as bad as you can find.  While I could write pages about the problems found in Rollergator, I’ll limit this to just one.  Never in my life have I seen a movie, especially a “modern” movie, with such poor sound.  There are times where I literally couldn’t decipher what was being said because the ambient noise drowned out everything else.  I could see lips moving, so I knew they were saying something.   What, though, I have absolutely no idea.  I could record something on my phone that would have infinitely better sound quality.  

While I could also easily criticize the writing, directing, special effects, fight choreography, and just about everything else, one thing I will not say anything bad about is Sandra Shuker in the lead role (unlike acting buffoon Joe Estevez).  Admittedly, she’s not very good, but I’m not going to blame her.  First, she’s really not an actress. This is her only acting credit.   It looks like she was thrown into this movie and received little help from the rest of the cast and crew.  Second, she appears to be giving it her all.  You can see she’s trying.  That’s worth something in my book.  

1/10