Tentacles (1977)

The Octopus vs The Octogenarians,  13 May 2020

Instead of a long, drawn-out plot summary, this is all you really need to know - a giant octopus terrorizes a seaside town. 

Has there ever been a film that inspired more imitators than Jaws?  Some, like Grizzly, I genuinely enjoy.  Some, like The Last Shark, are so bad that I find them highly entertaining.  Then there are the ones like Tentacles - movies so bad, they’re just bad.  

So what makes Tentacles so bad.  Well, the list is longer than one of the film’s insufferable scuba diving scenes.  1. I’ll start with plot threads that go nowhere.  For example, throughout the entire movie, we’re treated to scene after scene of discussions regarding the construction of an underwater tunnel.  It all leads to absolutely nothing.  2. The special effects are generally horrible.  There’s a scene near the end involving killer whales.  Even considering the murky quality of the cinematography, it’s more than obvious we’re looking at hand puppets.  3. Speaking of cinematography, that brings me to my next point.  The film finale is so poorly lensed that it’s often impossible to tell what we’re watching.  4. I’ll call this one The Disappearing Stars.  The films touts John Huston, Shelley Winters (complete with comically oversized sombrero), Henry Fonda, and Claude Akins as stars of the film.  All are gone about half-way through and Tentacles turns into Bo Hopkins’ film.  Fonda’s role, in particular, is little more than a couple of cameos.  And most of the “stars” look about as excited to be in Tentacles as I was watching it.  5. The movie includes some laughable voice dubbing.  Normally, dubbing in Italian movies doesn’t bother me.  I usually consider it part of their charm.  But that’s not the case here.  I’ve heard Cesare Danova’s voice in other films. He sounds nothing in real life like he does in Tentacles.  I actually laughed-out-loud it was so ridiculous.  6. Really, I could do this all day, but what’s the point.  It’s a bad, bad movie.

There are, however, three things about Tentacles that I did like.  One, I have a soft spot for European films from the 60s and 70s and Tentacles literally reeks of Italian cinema.  Whether it’s the dubbing, the odd phrasing, the ever-present harpsichord music, or all of the supposed Califonrians with Italian accents, there’s no denying the film’s origins.  Second (and third), despite the poor quality of most of the special effects, there are two scenes that actually manage to work.  First, there’s a scene where the octopus peers into a diving bell that’s truly frightening.  Second, there’s a scene where one of the female characters (and I can’t be bothered to look up which) is lifted out of the water by an octopus’ arm.  It’s easily the film’s visual highlight.  If all the effects were as good as these two, Tentacles might have been a much better movie.  As I said before, however, it’s a bad, bad movie.

3/10