Spiker (1985)

Who was this made for?  10 December 2020

Not that it matters, but here goes - two beach volleyball players are invited to tryouts for the U.S. men’s Olympic team.  One makes it, one doesn’t, and the team qualifies for the Olympics – end of movie.

Spiker is the purest form of garbage (and not the entertaining kind of garbage) from beginning to end that I’ve seen in a long time.  As I’ve said countless times, I watch and rate movies based on entertainment value.  With Spiker, there’s not an ounce of entertainment to be had in the entire ridiculously long 104 minute runtime.  The endless volleyball practices, the stock volleyball footage, the inane conversations, people eating, and the predictable nature of most everything that happens – 104 minutes of this crap.  Who cares? 

And what was that whole cloak and dagger bit in the middle of the movie about getting some sort of secret documents out of Poland (I think I have that right)?  It leads nowhere and adds nothing other than an extra 10-15 minutes to the 104 minute runtime. 

Not that I wanted another minute (have I mentioned the 104 minute runtime), but I couldn’t believe Spiker ended just as the team qualified for the Olympics.  You’d have thought going for a gold medal would be the big payoff. 

I haven’t mentioned the acting (bad), the directing (dull), the plot (pointless), or any other technical aspects (horrendous) of Spiker.  It’s not worth the effort. 

In the end, I’m left with a number of questions – Why was this made?  Who was this made for?  Did anyone involved think they were making a “good” movie?  Did anyone expect to make a return on their investment?  Why was Michael Parks in this mess of a film? 

1/10