The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996)

"I wanna go to Dog Heaven!", 12 February 2008

Where to start with this bizarre modern-day retelling of the H.G. Wells' classic? In many respects, The Island of Dr. Moreau is a train wreck of a movie. On so many levels, it's an unmitigated disaster. The problems on the set with the cast and crew are legendary. People getting fired, others getting mad and walking off, and some distracted by personal issues – it must have been like living a soap opera. Maybe it's all these competing issues that helps to make what should be an unwatchable mess so interesting. For all its faults, The Island of Dr. Moreau is actually quite an enjoyable experience.

Bizarre would be a good word to describe much of The Island of Dr. Moreau – and I'm not just talking about the events in the movie's plot. The characters are just plain weird. Each appears to be competing with the other to be the most bizarre. David Thewlis' Edward Douglas goes through range of emotions including fear, lust, anger, and disinterest. If it weren't for Marlon Brando, Val Kilmer's Montgomery would be one of the strangest characters in movie history. He's like some sort of butch game-keeper with a death wish. But Brando is in the movie and his Dr. Moreau tops everyone. The scene with Brando in a muumuu and an ice bucket hat is a sight that must be seen to be believed. Words cannot do it justice. Add to that the variety of half-man, half-animal creatures on the island and you've got one strange collection of characters.

Speaking of the creatures, the make-up effects are the film's strongest assets. Some, like Hyena or the Sayer of the Law, are as good examples of creature make-up as you'll see. These effects do add a certain creepiness to the whole thing (that is if you can keep from laughing at Brando's latest get-up).

Despite enjoying much of the movie, I cannot call The Island of Dr. Moreau a particularly "good" movie – not in the traditional sense anyway. The movie has too many problems to do that. The movie is terribly paced, any attempts at drama or horror are usurped by the ridiculousness of the characters, some of the special effects look like they came from a Nintendo 64, and, frustratingly, none of the characters demonstrate anything remotely resembling common sense. As much as I hate to do it, but because of my mixed feelings, I feel forced to give The Island of Dr. Moreau a very wishy-washy 5/10.

5/10