Captain America (1990)

"If we don't take this medicine now, we'll all die. Slowly... but we'll die. Thank you.", 17 November 2017

During WWII, a brave, patriotic young man undergoes a series of painful experiments that turn him into a super-human. He takes the persona of red, white, and blue wearing Captain America and heads to Nazi Germany to do battle with a character known as Red Skull. Red Skull is a similarly enhanced man. Captain America loses the battle and ends up frozen in ice in the wilds of Alaska. Fifty or so year later, Caps body is found. After he's un-thawed and regains his senses, he discovers that his old foe, Red Skull, has taken a secret identity, but is still up to his old tricks. His latest plot involves kidnapping the President of the United States so he can implant a controlling device in his head. Cap will once again try to stop Red Skull.

While not a total disaster, the 1990 version of Captain America isn't what I'd call a "good" movie. My main problem is with the script. It's what I'd call lazy. There is no logic behind much of what happens on-screen. I'm going to limit this to two or three examples of what I'm talking about. Otherwise, this could go on forever. First, Cap is thawed in Alaska. As he's walking through Canada, a reporter from Washington, driving a pick-up truck, just happens to be in the right place at the right time and almost literally runs in to Cap. Yeah, sure. To stretch believablity even further, a gang of baddies from Italy, who are also searching for Captain America, miraculously discover his whereabouts at almost the exact same moment. What are the odds that these people would find a lone man on foot in the wilds of Canada at the same time? It's just stupid.

The second example of poor, lazy writing and a lack of logic involves the "crew" Red Skull sends to take out Captain America. You'd think that a real bad dude like Red Skull would have an army of henchmen at his disposal. But for some bizarre reason, he doesn't. Instead, he sends his 20-something daughter, her model friends, and their boyfriends to deal with his mortal enemy. I can't think of a less threatening looking group of supposed killers.

For my third example, I'll mention the aftermath of the Preident's kidnapping. Captain America and his little girlfriend are looking for the President, but they appear to be alone. Where in the world is the Secret Service? Where are the Italian police? Where is the military? If the Preident of the USA were to actually be kidnapped, almost everything in the entire world would come to a complete halt. Instead, things in Italy, where the President was kidnapped, seem to be going on as if nothing happened. Not very likely and, again, stupid.

Add these problems I have with this dog of script to some pretty bad acting, poor special effects, a mind-numbingly ineffectual Captain America, and lame fight choreography and you've got a bad movie on your hands. While I did enjoy bits and pieces of the film, the whole is so bad I cannot give Captian America a positive rating.

4/10