Red Sonja (1985)

"I will tell the future in your entrails, Red Woman!", 16 November 2017

The plot of this movie is almost identical to the plot in any number of other sword and sorcerer movies that came out in the 80s. Other than the fact that the title character, Red Sonja (Brigitte Nielsen), is a woman, there's not much else in the way of originality. Red Sonja's sister is killed by an evil queen (Sandahi Bergman) intent on getting her hands on a powerful orb. Red Sonja vows revenge and goes after the queen. Along the way, she gathers a ragtag band to assist her, including Cona . . . er, I mean Kalidor (Arnold Schwarzenegger). They'll have lots of adventures and battles along the way – leading to a final showdown between Sonja and the queen.

Despite what a lot of people around the internet would lead you to believe, Red Sonja isn't horrible – well, not horrible when you compare it with a lot of the other Conan wannabes that came out in the early 80s. In fact, parts of the films are a lot of fun. There are some pretty decent fight scenes (the best being the sparring matches between Nielsen and Schwarzenegger), at least one interesting creature, and a couple of cool looking sets. I really enjoyed seeing Sandahi Bergman in the role of the queen. Here, she seems to be having a blast. Her final showdown with Nielsen is actually quite good and really gives the film a nice ending.

Of all the problems you could list when discussing Red Sonja, the most obvious is the poor acting. My understanding is that prior to taking the role of Red Sonja, Brigitte Nielsen was a magazine model with no acting experience. This was her first role. Schwarzenegger has never been known as a thespian. He's fun to watch, but he's always been limited. Finally, Ernie Reyes Jr wasn't really an actor either. Here, he's just annoying. It says a lot about the quality of the cast when I can say in all honesty that Sandahi Bergman is the best actor in the film.

Finally, one thing about Red Sonja I find hysterical is her repeated insistence that she needs no help - especially from a man. Yet at every tun, Cona . . . I mean Kalidor is there to save her butt. She'd have been dead half way through the film if it weren't for him.

5/10