The Girl in Lovers Lane (1960)

"Pa doesn't know much about girls' clothes.", 11 September 2009

The Girl in Lovers Lane is one strange little low-budget film. On its surface, the movie tells the story of a tough drifter named Bix (Brett Halsey) who spends his time looking out for a young kid named Danny (Lowell Brown) and the girl, Carrie (Joyce Meadows), that Bix meets who would like to look out for him. Nothing overly interesting happens (Bix goes out with Carrie, Bix gets Danny out of trouble, Carrie's father drinks a lot, etc.) until about 10 minutes to go in the movie when Carrie is murdered. Her father blames Bix, pulls him out of a jail cell, and just about beats him to death. Now their roles are reversed and Danny has to save Bix.

Until I read the reviews on IMDb, I thought that maybe it was just me reading more into Bix and Danny's relationship than was really there, but I see now that I'm not alone. It was quite obvious to me early on that Bix and Danny had more of a relationship than you usually see in a movie from 1959. The homosexual nature of their relationship, while never openly expressed, is still quite obvious. Their living and sleeping arrangements, Bix's reaction to finding Danny in bed with a prostitute, Bix's inability to commit to Carrie, and that phone call at the end when Danny tells his parents he's "brining home a friend are a few examples of moments that lead to the inevitable conclusion that there's more to their relationship than initially meets the eye. I'm sure they exist, but I can't think of any movies I've seen from the 50s that scream homosexual quite as loudly as this one.

As for the movie, I don't know any other way to put this – it's boring. As I wrote earlier, nothing much at all happens for 90% of the run time. The characters are dull and the actors aren't good enough to give The Girl in Lovers Lane much of a spark. The lone exception is Jack Elam. His crazy Jesse is the one character interesting enough to be worth watching. Elam had creepy down pat! But I guess the biggest problem I had with the movie was with character motivation and logic. Carrie is killed and Bix is immediately blamed? What about crazy Jesse who has been stalking Carrie for probably her whole life? Anyone think to ask Jesse where he was that night? Her father has seen him bother Carrie at the diner, yet he never considers that the leering Jesse might have something to do with his daughter's death? Not a lot of logic there. And what about Jesse's confession? Danny grabs Jesse by the lapel and this is all it takes to force a confession out of Jesse? Real tough guy, huh? Why would he confess so easily? And after he confesses, no one thinks to grab him? It's awfully nice of Jesse just to stay put and not run off. In any other reality, he would have never spilled his guts and would have run like a rabbit if he had been fingered for the murder. The fact that The Girl in Lovers Lane asks me to accept these ridiculous actions on the part of the characters is something I'm not willing to do. Overall, I'm giving The Girl in Lovers Lane a 4/10.

4/10

Goliath and the Dragon (1960)

- La vendetta di Ercole
A good opening, a good ending, but dull in between, 19 June 2009

For a sword and sandal movie, Goliath and the Dragon has about the most convoluted and ridiculously hard to follow plot that I can remember. It was kind of like watching two or more different movies at the same time where the pieces just never seem to fit into a cohesive whole. Based on what I did get out of it, King Eurystheus (Broderick Crawford) has it out for Goliath. He kidnaps Goliath's brother Illus and, when that doesn't work, he kidnaps Goliath's wife. King Eurystheus also has the hots for a babe about a third his age who just happens to be in love with Illus. To win her over, King Eurystheus takes the reasoned approach of having her imprisoned as well. In the meantime, Goliath is off doing battle with a three-headed dog, a giant flying bat creature, a wife-snatching centaur, and a dragon that can't seem to decide whether it's a stop-motion creature or a big, goofy looking puppet. In the end, Goliath literally brings down the walls of King Eurystheus' fortress and, with the help of an army from Thebes, saves the day.

Overall, Goliath and the Dragon is a real mixed bag – hence my very average 5/10 rating. There's a lot about the movie I enjoyed. The beyond cheesy fight scenes with the various creatures I mentioned is an obvious place to start. These scenes are just plain old fun. I also enjoyed the scenes of prisoners being crushed by a trained elephant. You don't see stuff like that everyday. Watching Goliath tackle the elephant was a hoot. But when Goliath and the Dragon is bad, it's real bad. Some of the acting is painful. Mark Forest, the requisite body in this sword and sandal epic, is about as wooden as you'll find in one of these movies. He moves in a very unnatural manner that looked odd to me for lack of a better word. And what's Broderick Crawford doing in this movie? He's so out of place I often felt embarrassed for him. Another big negative for me is how deathly dull much of the movie is. When Goliath's not fighting some creature, the movie can be terribly sleep inducing. Too many unnecessarily confusing plot points, too many characters I didn't know or care about, and too many scenes with nothing going on – not the sign of a what I'd call a good movie. Like I said, Goliath and the Dragon is a real mixed bag.

5/10

The Atomic Submarine (1960)

"It was foolish. It was insane. It was fantastic.", 8 March 2008

Submarines and ships begin disappearing at an alarming rate near the Arctic Circle. The crew of the Tiger Shark, an atomic submarine, is sent to investigate. They discover a mysterious craft they name the Cyclops because of its one "eye". When the submarine's torpedoes prove worthless against the Cyclops' defenses, the decision is made to ram the strange craft. The Tiger Shark appears to have been successful in "killing" the other craft, but it's now stuck in the Cyclops' outer hull. A team is sent to enter the dormant looking craft to try to free the submarine. But the Cyclops isn't as dormant as it first appears. The men find an alien being very much alive and still determined to take over the world.

Overall, The Atomic Submarine is a fun little movie. I see that a lot of people focus on the less than realistic looking miniatures. Why let something like that ruin the rest of the movie? As I've stated any number of times, I find a certain charm to the low budget special effects found in movies like The Atomic Submarine. I'll cut 'em more slack than I will today's big budget, heartless, CGI effects. Instead of the effects, my problems with the movie lies in the very slow first act and a controversy between two of the characters that feels forced. But once the submarine enters the Arctic waters, things pick-up and it moves at a good, entertaining pace form here on out. The interior shots of the alien ship are especially creepy. It may all be lights, shadows, and noise, but that doesn't make it any less effective. It's downright spooky! The acting is about what you expect from a mostly veteran cast that includes Dick Foran, Tom Conway, and Arthur Franz – nothing terrible, but nothing outstanding. The exception is Brett Halsey whose constant pout is a bit much at times. I was excited to see Joi Lansing's name in the opening credits, but soon discovered that her screen-time was limited to about 5 minutes. Finally, I appreciate the chances screenwriter Orville Hampton took with the plot. The idea of an undersea UFO is quite novel as far as I know.

6/10

The Amazing Transparent Man (1960)

"You're too old-fashioned to be a genius.", 26 October 2007

Paul Krenner, a would-be criminal kingpin, hooks up with a safe-cracker named Joey Faust. Through extortion and force, Krenner has coerced a scientist to develop a process of making animals and people transparent. Krenner's idea is to use this discovery to create and army of invisible men to do his bidding. His more immediate plan, though, is to make Faust invisible so he might steal the radium needed to continue the experiments. But Faust has different ideas about how to use his invisibility – most of which involve bank robbery.

First I'll mention the relatively small list of positives I found in The Amazing Transparent Man. I think the basic idea behind the movie is interesting. The notion of an invisible master criminal who could literally rob a bank in broad daylight presents some interesting possibilities. The other positive element of the movie is the film's score. The central musical theme that gets repeated throughout The Amazing Transparent Man is successful in creating the desired ominous atmosphere.

Unfortunately, however, the list of negatives is huge. While the movie may present some interesting plot ideas, the execution leaves a lot to be desired. In general, director Edgar G. Ulmer was as good as any director at working with a low budget to make interesting and entertaining movies. That's not the case here. The Amazing Transparent Man never overcomes the limitations of its low budget. Bad acting, a poor script, ridiculous dialogue, ambiguous character motivation, and uninteresting sets are just he beginning of the many problems readily apparent in the movie. Honestly, I could go on and on, but what's the point? This is low-rent film-making at its worst.

3/10

12 to the Moon (1960)

Haven't I seen this before?, 16 September 2007

Twelve scientists from around the world are selected to be part of the crew that will be the first to land on the moon. Once there, they begin their work, but it doesn't take long before they realize they are not alone. A mysterious underground race of beings kidnaps two of the crew members and demands the others leave at once. In their haste to get away, another scientist is lost in an accident. As they near Earth on their return, they discover the inhabitants of the moon have frozen all of North America. They come up with a plan to use the heat of a volcano to reverse the freezing process. But this will require the sacrifice of two members of their party to fly the ship into a volcanic crater. Will their plan work?

I would be willing to overlook a lot of 12 to the Moon's shortcomings if the movie had any originality. Many of the plot points and set-pieces seem to be almost identical to those found in First Spaceship on Venus. While IMDb lists a release date of 1962 for First Spaceship on Venus, that's the North American release date. The film was released in early 1960 in West Germany. It would have been more than possible for someone to have seen that movie before making 12 to the Moon. I have no idea if I'm right about this, but if you've seen both movies, you undoubtedly noticed the similarities as I did.

Beyond the films lack of originality, 12 to the Moon is pretty much a mess. Visible scaffolding and crew members, cheap looking sets, and an unnecessary Nazi subplot are among the many problems found in the movie. I'm not including the poor special effects in this list because, as bad as they are, I've seen far worse in other movies of this type. And besides, who doesn't expect to find problems with the special effects in a movie like 12 to the Moon – that's part of the charm of sci-fi films from the 50s and early 60s.

3/10

The Leech Woman (1960)

"Well, that's a novelty -- you're refusing anything with alcohol in it!", 16 September 2007

Dr. Paul Talbot is a scientist who learns of a drug that is supposed to not only retard the effects of aging, but reverse the process as well. With his wife, June, he sets out to make his fortune. In Africa, he finds the leathery old woman who told him about the drug and watches as she is turned into a beautiful young woman. The process requires the pollen of a specific orchid and the fluid from the human pineal gland. But extracting the fluid means death to the donor. When told she is to be the next beneficiary of the drug, Mrs. Talbot is allowed to choose the male who will give his life to make her young again. To get back at him for a life of torment, she selects her husband as the donor. June's youth is restored and her overbearing husband is dead. The problem, as Mrs. Talbot is about to discover, is that the effects of the procedure are only temporary. She'll have to go on killing if she is to remain young.

It's not that The Leech Woman is a particularly bad movie (in fact, there's a lot here I really enjoy), it's just that it's terribly predictable. I mean is anyone surprised that when on the verge of divorce, Paul insists that he and his wife reconcile and she go to Africa with him? Quite naturally, he intends to use her as a human guinea pig and, if the process works, get a hot, young wife in return. His shallow intentions and desires are overly obvious. Or, was anyone surprised that June selected her husband as the donor who would die to give her back her youth? It's an excellent moment, but I saw it coming from miles away. So even though I appreciate and enjoy much of the movie, The Leech Woman lacks any real surprises along the way. I realize that The Leech Woman was cranked out in a hurry and on a low budget to be used by Universal as B-picture, but a little more creativity and thought might have made it a real winner.

6/10

Horrors of Spider Island (1960)

- Ein Toter hing im Netz
"Stop that bawling, you're driving us all nuts!", 19 August 2007

Horrors of Spider Island is about as cheap and schlocky as a movie can get. The movie is about a group of Euro-broads and their manager, Gary. The group of strippers . . . err, I mean dancers . . . is headed to Singapore for some unknown reason - must have been a shortage of bad dancers in Southeast Asia. On the way, their plane miraculously turns into a stock footage WWII era bomber, catches fire, and plummets at full speed into the ocean. Even more miraculous, none of the dancers (or Gary) has so much as a scratch. After floating around in a life raft for a few days, they spot an island. In one of the movies many ridiculous moments (wait a minute, the whole thing is ridiculous), after reaching shore, Gary carries the woman one at a time to safety. The women seem incapable of movement until Gary announces he's found water. The girls are immediately on their feet and in herd fashion with lots of overdubbed "oohs" and "aahs" and other such random murmurings, the girls race to the water. Feeling refreshed, they begin their exploration of the island and stumble upon a cabin. Inside, they find the dead body of a Prof. Green caught in an incredibly large spider web. The girls run in fear as the beefy Gary removes the body. Without a second thought, the girls move in as if nothing ever happened. I guess it never occurred to any of these Einsteins that there must be a giant spider to go with that giant spider web.

The inevitable occurs and the group of tired, hot Euro-babes start to get on each others nerves. Before you can say "Catfight", two of the girls are at each others throats. To cool off, the girls decide to strip down and sleep on the cabin's porch. Gary goes for a walk to "clear his head" and is never seen again. Gary has run into the giant spider (really it's more of a spider-muppet with crab legs and monkey hands) that no one seemed to be overly concerned with. Gary is bitten and instantly turns into some sort of poorly made-up were-spider. Half man, half spider – Gary now stalks the girls from a safe distance. He does, however, somehow manage to get hold of one of the girls and strangle her to death. Other than that, Gary pretty much remains in the background until the movie's final reel.

About to run out of food and other supplies, things are looking desperate for the girls. Survivalists they ain't! As luck would have it, two guys show up with fresh supplies for the professor. The girls are so excited they're about to be saved (but probably not as excited as the two guys who have just discovered an island full of strippers . . . oops, did it again . . . I mean dancers) that they forget all about their missing manager or their dead friend or anything else and decide to throw a bikini dance party. Makes perfect sense to me!

So, what happens next? What about the dance party? Are the girls saved? Do they ever make it to dancer-starved Singapore? I can't possibly answer those questions without giving away the movie's thrilling climax. You'll just have to watch it and find out for yourself. But consider yourself warned – as I said in the opening, Horrors of Spider Island is about as cheap and schlocky as a movie can get. Poor acting, poor special effects, no plot to speak of, abysmal production values, the worst dubbing imaginable, and stock footage at every turn. It's one bad movie! But, I must add that Horrors of Spider Island isn't so bad that there aren't a few entertaining moments. Granted, most are of the unintentionally hilarious variety, but they're there just the same. If you've got a sense of humor about these things, Horrors of Spider Island is a gold mine of movie cheese.

3/10

Tormented (1960)

Much better than its reputation would suggest, 4 August 2007

Tom Stewart (Richard Carlson) is getting married in a week. The only problem is that his old flame, Vi Mason (Juli Reding), doesn't want their relationship to end. She confronts Tom in an abandoned lighthouse and threatens to use a stack of love letters as blackmail if he goes through with his wedding. But, as luck would have it, the railing Vi is leaning on gives way. All Tom has to do is reach out and grab her. Instead, Tom watches as Vi plummets to her death. With Vi out of his life, Tom is free to marry his new sweetheart. But is Vi really gone? Tom begins hearing her voice and seeing her image everywhere he turns. Can Vi stop Tom's wedding from the grave?

Overall, Tormented is an enjoyable little film. It's got its share of problems, but the movie is certainly better than the IMDb rating of 2.7 would indicate. While I'm sure that Tormented's low budget nature, spotting acting, and other perceived weaknesses are partly responsible for the rating, I think there are probably some other factors at play here. First, Tormented was produced and directed by Bert I. Gordon. I'm quite confident that there are people out there who just assume that if Mr. B.I.G. had anything to do with it, it's got to be bad. Second, Tormented has appeared on a number of budget DVD releases. Appearing alongside public domain dreck can't be good for a movie's reputation. Finally, Tormented was featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000. I love(d) the show, but I don't subscribe to the notion that all MST3K movies are inherently bad. With all this going against the movie, I'm just surprised the rating isn't any lower.

As I said, Tormented is a nice little movie. There are a few very effective, creepy moments as Tom begins to hear Vi's voice. I especially love the disembodied head on the end table. Good stuff! Another scene that really works for me comes just before the final credits. As far as I'm concerned, the ending shot in Tormented is an inspired moment of genius. Richard Carlson is a solid actor and gives a nice performance, though in all honesty, he's a bit long in the tooth to be playing the role he's asked to here. I also thought that Juli Reding did a nice job. Some of her scenes as Vi tormenting Tom are choice.

6/10

Seven Thieves (1960)

A very nice heist film, 14 July 2007

The plot of Seven Thieves is similar in many respects to the dozens of other heist movies made in the 50s and 60s. Edward G. Robinson plays the kindly, but discredited professor who has put together a plan to rob a Monte Carlo casino much as he would put together an experiment to mix two chemicals. He assembles his team and they get to work planning and rehearsing their roles for the big heist. It will require timing, precision, and a good head if something should go wrong. If one member fails to perform, it will mean certain disaster for the rest. But can these seven really just walk out of a casino with $4 million in French francs?

Seven Thieves is a nice, enjoyable heist film. It's certainly not as good as it could have been, but it is entertaining with a few tense moments along the way. The film has an incredible look that far exceeds its budget. The cinematography and lighting are solid. The set decoration is a real standout. The locations and sets fit the film perfectly. Combine all of these elements and you've got one very nice looking movie. In short, Seven Thieves looks stunning. And speaking of stunning, there's Joan Collins. While everyone in the film gives a good performance, none of her male co-stars can hope to compete with her. She steals every scene in which she appears. And what a knockout! Those dance numbers are a highlight for me. I don't know why it took me so long to discover Ms. Collins, but I'm a fan now.

But, as is almost always the case, the movie isn't perfect. As I said, Seven Thieves is not as good as it could have been. Even though there were a number of things that bothered me, I'll limit this to two key weaknesses I saw in the film. First, there's a twist near the end of Seven Thieves involving Rod Steiger's character that is completely unnecessary. Its only purpose seems to have been to create some overly artificial sentimentality. The movie didn't need it. Second, and most importantly, I have a big problem is Rod Steiger himself. Don't misunderstand – he gives a solid (and surprisingly understated) performance, but he's terribly miscast in Seven Thieves. He just doesn't look the part he's asked to play here. And he seems so terribly serious throughout. The role seems to have called for a different sort of actor with a more natural sense of humor.

In the end, the good outweighed the negative and I really enjoyed watching Seven Thieves. And I've come full-circle on Joan Collins. I can't wait to discover more of her early work. For what it's worth, I'll rate this one a 7/10.

7/10

First Spaceship on Venus (1960)

- Der schweigende Stern
Now I need to see the whole, uncut version, 5 June 2007

First Spaceship to Venus is one of those movies that I seem to have been aware of for what seems like forever. Yet, until the other night, I had never actually seen the movie. I didn't know anything about it and just assumed it was another of those goofy sci-fi films Hollywood was so good at pumping out in the 50s. Well, I was wrong. The most obvious fault in my thinking was the Hollywood part. First Spaceship to Venus was made about as far from Southern California as you could get – Poland and East Germany. Yeah, that's right – First Spaceship to Venus is a commie sci-fi movie. And while the dialogue may be dubbed, inappropriate music may have been added, and story elements changed to fit American sensibilities of the time, a lot of director Kurt Maetzig's vision gets through. There's a level of intelligence and seriousness often missing from American sci-fi films of the period. I'm certainly no astrophysicist (or any kind of physicist for that matter), but a lot of what the scientists discuss and argue about at least sounds "good". The special effects are certainly much better than the cardboard cutouts found in similar American films. The special effects, especially the Venutian landscape, really help to create a surreal atmosphere for the film that's more than a little compelling. Finally, though a little too "stoic" at times, the acting is quite good. The characters are played with realism. While it may never match something like Star Wars as an entertaining sci-fi film, First Spaceship to Venus is at a minimum a nice little curiosity piece that actually provokes some interesting questions about the role of technology in the world.

For my first viewing, I actually watched the MST3K version of First Spaceship to Venus. And while I'm an unabashed fan of the show, I feel comfortable in my ability to separate the movie being presented from the nonsense going on around it. And while I found First Spaceship to Venus a real revelation, this episode of MST3K is one of the weakest I've yet seen. The jokes are too inconsistent and lack any sort of flow. And the running gag concerning Servo's non-stop sarcasm gets old real quick. Overall, on my MST3K rating scale, I give this episode of MST3K a 2/5 – find another episode to add to the top of your "to see" list.

6/10

The Beatniks (1960)

"Get off my back, Iris. I'm thinking'.", 6 May 2007

After knocking over a market, Eddy Crane (Tony Travis) and the rest of his gang stop at a diner for a bite to eat. Quite unexpectedly (at least I didn't see it coming), Eddy begins singing to a little jazzy number playing on the jukebox. He's overheard by a talent agent who thinks he can make Eddy a star. Before you can say "Daddy-O", Eddy's on TV and has a recording contract lined up. But Eddy can't escape his past. While celebrating his good fortune, one of his friends, Mooney (Peter Breck), kills a bartender. Eddy's agent asks the gang to leave Eddy alone and gets stabbed for his efforts. The gang drags Eddy back down at every opportunity. Eddy's must ultimately fight for his freedom.

I wonder if Paul Frees and the rest of those behind this bad idea of a movie had any concept of just what a "beatnik" was. It doesn't appear so. Calling this gang of self-centered, unintelligent, small-time hoods with a Pat Boone style crooner as its leader "beatniks" would have Maynard G. Krebs spinning in his grave. These aren't "beatniks" in the traditional sense of the word. These are not the philosophical counter-cultural bongo beaters Kerouac wrote about. If everyone involved wasn't in their 30s, I'd call them juvenile delinquents. Beatniks? I don't think so.

But beyond the misuse of "beatniks", the movie has very little to offer. Some moments in The Beatniks might be appealing in that bizarrely entertaining sort of way, but not in any traditional sense. The plot it bad, the acting is horrible, and the cinematography is as lazy as I've seen recently. In short, The Beatniks isn't a very good movie.

3/10

The 1,000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse (1960)

- Die 1000 Augen des Dr. Mabuse
My first venture into the world of Dr. Mabuse, 30 August 2006

The 1,000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse represents my first venture into the world of Dr. Mabuse. Pigeon-holing this movie into a single genre is difficult. It's one part traditional krimi, one part spy movie, and one part thriller. Combined, these elements create, at least for me, a one of a kind experience that I really can't compare with much of anything I've seen before. I refuse to give the normal plot synopsis. Any plot details or other information would ruin the many twists and surprises found in The 1,000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse. Fortunately for me, I went into the movie completely blind, knowing very little of what to expect. I would suggest not even looking over the IMDb page as vital information is presented on Mabuse's identity. The acting is good from a cast that, even if I didn't know all of the names, I recognized from years of watching WWII movies. Actors like Gert Forbe, Werner Peters, and Peter van Eyck give sold performances. Fritz Lang's direction is as competent as ever. The 1,000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse has style to burn. Considering the movie was made more than 45 years ago, it still feels remarkably fresh. The mystery of who Dr. Mabuse is and what his fiendish plan is all about are wonderfully compelling and really pull you into the movie. The jazzy score is impossible to get out of your mind and fits well within the film. In short, it's movie like this that keeps me excited about exploring "new" cinema. If all of my first time viewings could be this entertaining, I would be very happy indeed.

If The 1,000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse has one weakness, it's the slow pace of the second act. The pace grinds to a crawl as the police begin their investigation into the events taking place. While it's fairly interesting and Gert Forbe is a good enough actor, there's not enough action in this portion of the film when compared with what came before and what comes afterward. A little more pep in the middle third of the film would have made it a real winner with me. It's a minor issue I have with the film, but it's an issue nonetheless.

As I wrote previously, The 1,000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse is the first Mabuse movie I've seen. After my wonderful experience with the movie, it won't be the last.

8/10

Heller in Pink Tights (1960)

This one fails at almost every turn, 20 August 2006

What an average, ordinary movie. And by average and ordinary, I mean dull. The plot revolves around a traveling show in the old West. The group runs afoul of Indians, sheriffs, and killers as they seek to make their fortunes. Sophia Loren is the star and is in almost every scene, but not even she can save Heller in Pink Tights from achieving nothing more than mediocrity. Anthony Quinn is also top billed, but he is terribly underutilized and looks like he's just going through the motions. The chemistry between the pair is non-existent. The only bright spot in the cast is Eileen Heckart who, as usual, steals every scene in which she appears. Director George Cukor shot Heller in Pink Tights in the most gaudy of color schemes that hardly seems natural give the time period in which the movie takes place. An exploding paint store wouldn't produce this much color. I'm not sure what Cukor was going for, but he failed at almost every turn.

In short, this one should be reserved for Cukor or Loren completists only.

4/10

The Sinister Urge (1960)

It may be miserable, but it's a hoot!, 4 July 2006

Even by Ed Wood's standards, The Sinister Urge is a miserable movie. Everything you would expect to find in an Ed Wood film is here – a ridiculous plot, bad acting, stilted dialogue, poor editing, and bad set design. Most of the "action" takes place behind a desk on an all but barren set as two policemen drone on an on about nothing. There's one scene that must be seen to be believed involving a "taxpayer" who shows up to demand to know what the police are doing. They give Mr. Taxpayer a good lecture about the dangers of pornography and how it leads to all sorts of other crimes including murder, kidnapping, jay-walking, terrorism, and ripping tags off mattresses. It's a hoot!

But as I've said before when discussing Ed Wood's movies, even with all the problems, there's a love for the art form that you can see just under the surface. Ed Wood wasn't the most gifted filmmaker and he often worked in less than stellar conditions, but there's no denying his love of movies. He just didn't have the wherewithal to make a "good" one.

2/10

The Flesh and the Fiends (1960)

"We are students of Hippocrates, but some of us are hypocrites.", 23 April 2006

From what I've read, this movie comes as close as any to featuring a reasonably realistic and true-to-life presentation of the Burke and Hare story. For those unfamiliar with the story, Burke and Hare were grave robbers in 19th Century Scotland. The bodies they stole were sold to a doctor to be used in anatomy classes. Burke and Hare discovered that murder was a much easier and a more profitable way of filling the doctor's demand for fresher bodies. The movie features two horror icons – Peter Cushing and Donald Pleasence – in performances that I consider to be among the best of their careers. The movie may be a little slow and "talky" for audiences used to the MTV style editing, but this only added to the atmosphere as far as I'm concerned. Burke and Hare's total disregard for human life effectively adds a "nastiness" to the movie that I often find missing from British movies from this period.

7/10

Esther and the King (1960)

What does it say about a movie when Joan Collins is one of the best things its got going for it., 26 February 2006

Esther and the King may appear unusual if you take a look at the usual things I write about. But because Mario Bava was so heavily involved with the film, I just had to give it a go. While the visuals may not be as vivid and exaggerated as some of the films he had more control over, you can see his influences if you look closely. There are several scenes that demonstrate Bava's use of color. One very brief scene early in the film shows the palace guards turning a wheel to close the gates. This scene that lasts less than 10 seconds is lit in very dramatic style with a wash of green and red. It's trademark Bava.

As for the film, I really didn't expect to enjoy it as much as I did. Oh, it's not great by any stretch of the imagination. Esther and the King was part of the flood of Biblical epics that were made in the late 50s to early 60s. Actually, Esther and the King should be called a mini-epic. It's not as sprawling or grand as the big budgeted Hollywood epics. The sets look cheap in comparison and there are no great action sequences. The first half of the film drags by at a snails pace. The final thirty minutes do provide a little suspense and save Esther and the King from becoming a total waste of time. I'm not even going to discuss how well the film follows the Biblical story as that's a topic best covered elsewhere.

I've never cared for Joan Collins, but here she's quite good. I found myself believing in her character and rooting her on. Another standout to me is Sergio Fantoni as the evil Haman. The man plays a bad guy to perfection. The rest of the cast is serviceable but not spectacular.

5/10

Too Hot to Handle (1960)

"That's a very nice dress you nearly got on.", 1 February 2006

What a shocker! Who knew that Jayne Mansfield could actually pull off a role that required some real acting? No, she's no threat to knock Ingrid Bergman off of anyone's top actress list, but she's surprisingly good in Too Hot to Handle. It's quite a change of pace from her roles that I'm more familiar with. Mansfield is definitely much more than the blond sex-kitten I had thought.

The other "names" in the cast are Leo Genn and Christopher Lee. Genn is his usual solid self. In fact, I can't remember seeing Genn in anything where he wasn't solid. It's a shame this man isn't better known by the general public. Being something of a Christopher Lee completist, Lee is the reason I wanted to see Too Hot to Handle in the first place. But other than introducing a few dancers, he really doesn't do much.

As for the movie, it's a total melodrama with one cliché after the next. It may be listed as "Crime" on IMDb, but the crime elements have very little to do with the actual plot. And, it's dull. Who would have thought that a movie with Jayne Mansfield working in a strip club could be so boring. I didn't care if Genn lost his club. I didn't care if Mansfield got her man. I didn't care if there was an underage girl working in the club. I didn't care about any of it. All I wanted was for the thing to end.

There's a sub-plot in the movie involving a dancer who is in the country illegally and the writer who falls for and wants to help her. Their story is the most interesting thing in the movie and keeps me from rating the movie any lower. Unfortunately, this sub-plot goes nowhere.

3/10

The Brides of Dracula (1960)

Might be the most original of the Hammer Dracula's, 20 September 2005

A young teacher on her way to an all-girls school in Transylvania becomes stranded and must accept the hospitality of the Baroness Meinster. Although the Baroness tells the girl that she lives alone, the young teacher discovers the Baroness' son chained to a wall in another part of the castle. The naive teacher is smitten by the Baron and helps him to escape. What the girl doesn't realize is that she has unleashed one of Dracula's disciples.

What Works:

- Peter Cushing. I'm beginning to sound like a broken record when talking about some of these Hammer films. I should just simply make a blanket statement that Cushing is marvelous in almost everything he ever did. The Brides of Dracula is certainly no exception. While watching Cushing's performance, I was reminded of an interview I heard with Christopher Lee where he discussed Cushing's acting idiosyncrasies and the fact that Cushing was never at rest in any scene. Just watch the movements Cushing goes through to remove a pair of gloves. Most people don't go through that kind of movement to get completely undressed. The man was like one of those perpetual motion machines.

- The Plot. Of all of Hammer's films with the word "Dracula" in the title, I've always felt that The Brides of Dracula might be the most original when it comes to plot. The whole notion of having to chain your son to the walls of a castle because you fear what he might do as a vampire if he were allowed to go free yet you bring him young women to feed upon is something you just don't see everyday in a horror movie.

- The Look. The Brides of Dracula is Hammer at it's finest when it comes to the look of the movie. The rich, vibrant colors were never better displayed than in this movie. In addition, the Meinster Castle is among the best sets I've yet to discover in a Hammer film. Instead of looking cheap and ready to fall apart if touched, this one has a substantial look to it that makes it all the more believable. It's amazing what the people at Hammer were able to accomplish given the size of the budgets with which they worked.

What Doesn't Work:

- Yvonne Monlaur and David Peel. I doubt Hammer ever made a movie with two leads that I found as unappealing as Monlaur and Peel. Neither actor works for me and both only serve to distract me from what is an otherwise incredibly enjoyable film.

- Chains? I realize this is a minor plot point, but it has always bothered me. The film makes it clear that Baron Meinster has the ability to assume the form of a bat at will. How then does his mother keep him chained with a leg bracelet meant for a human leg? Couldn't the Baron just turn into a bat and fly out of his shackle?

This is a film that all fans of Hammer should see. The film is absolutely beautiful and Cushing is as good as you would expect. If it weren't for what I consider some poor performances, I would easily rate The Brides of Dracula among my very favorite Hammer films.

7/10

Mill of the Stone Women (1960)

- Il mulino delle donne di pietra
The definition of atmosphere, 5 September 2005

Mill of the Stone Women is the story of a researcher named Hans who is finishing a book on the famous sculptor Professor Wahl and his carousel. The carousel features wax representations of women being tortured and killed in a variety of sadistic and inventive ways. A meeting with the Professor's beautiful, seductive daughter, Elfi, ignites conflicting passions within Hans because of his one true love Liselotte. Things are even more complicated because breaking the news to Elfi will not be easy. She suffers from a rare disease that can cause death if she becomes too upset or disturbed. In addition, Hans is convinced that Professor Wahl is up to some twisted experiments that may involve several of the local women including his Liselotte. Hans must solve the mystery of the windmill and the carousel if he is to save himself and the one woman he cares about.

What Works:

- Atmosphere, Atmosphere, Atmosphere. If you're into atmosphere with your horror, look no further than Mill of the Stone Women. Most movies can't claim to have 1/10 of the atmosphere found here. The barren landscape, the isolated windmill, the constant overcast skies, the dark corridors with secret rooms in the windmill, the eerie music, the twisted carousel of death, and the Gothic trappings everywhere you look all add to a movie that just drips with atmosphere. The movie takes it's time and doesn't rush or try to force things. There's a real foreboding sense of unease that runs throughout the movie. There are moments when you might think the atmosphere is going to literally ooze from the screen into your living room.

- Scilla Gabel. Gabel is one of those women of the 60s that I don't think exist anymore. She's from that Sophia Loren - Claudia Cardinale – Daliah Lavi mold of women that were a product of that time. She may never be confused with a great actress, but she has a screen presence that's hard to beat.

- Prof. Gregorius Wahl. What a character! Robert Boehme does an excellent job of playing a mad, but goofy, genius. By the end of Mill of the Stone Women, though, it's easy to feel some sympathy for him as his dreams are shattered. It's an excellent piece of acting from a man whose acting credits only include this movie.

- Wooden Shoes. Any movie with people wearing wooden shoes has to get a bonus point from me.

What Doesn't Work:

- Slow Going. For me, this is a plus. But I put it here to warn those who prefer a movie with a killing or explosion every five minutes.

- Love Story. Because Hans represents a new, exciting life, it's easy to see why Elfi might quickly fall for him. And, because Elfi is such a looker, it's easy to see why Hans might be interested in Elfi. But the fact that both are declaring their undying love for each other after one five-minute meeting stretches the imagination quite a bit.

In the end, Mill of the Stone Women is one of the finest examples of a Gothic, atmospheric movie ever made. The film plays like a combination of The House of Wax meets Eyes Without a Face. It's a wonderful movie that I enjoy more each time I get the chance to watch.

8/10

The Playgirls and the Vampire (1960)

- L'ultima preda del vampiro
Why do people in horror movies insist on staying in creepy old castles?, 30 July 2005

After running out on an unpaid hotel bill, a bus carrying five showgirls, their manager, and a driver becomes stranded because of bad weather. They seek shelter in a nearby castle (Is it a European custom to ask any stranger with a spooky castle if you can spend the night when you're stranded?). At first, the owner, Count Gabor Kernassy, is reluctant to let them stay, but eventually changes his mind after noting that one of the girls looks like a dead relative. During dinner, the Count tells his guests that they must remain in their rooms at night. Unfortunately for Playgirl Katia, she didn't listen and begins exploring (What a shocker!) the castle after everyone has gone to bed. The next morning, her dead body is found on the castle's grounds. Was it an accident or was she murdered? And who else will die in Castle Kernassy?

Let's get this out of the way up-front, The Playgirls and the Vampire is remembered for one thing - it was one of the first Italian horror movies (if not the very first) to mix nudity with horror. As a curiosity piece, it's interesting, but it's hardly the basis for a good movie. If you're interested in a slow moving Italian Gothic horror, there are far better movies to be found than this one. The Playgirls and the Vampire moves too slowly for even the most patient and disciplined fan. The first 3/4 can best be described as drudgery.

The American title is a bit misleading. It suggests that the movie's plot is about a group of scantily clad women being terrorized by a vampire. Let's see, one woman is bitten and the vampire is one of the least threatening I've ever seen. Walter Brandi plays the vampire (and the Count) and his performance is best described as stiff. He acts like his arms might fall off if he moves too quickly. The Playgirls in the title are the most untalented group of showgirls ever assembled. And the emotions they feel for their fallen comrade consist of rehearsing their sad dance routine within minutes of the funeral.

The movie does pick-up the pace and become fairly entertaining for the last 1/4 of the running time. The underground passages are creepy and provide the only atmosphere to be found. The final fight between the two vampires is enjoyable in a campy/cheesy sort of way. This portion of the movie saves it from becoming a total waste of time.

If any of this sounds interesting, I recommend watching Bloody Pit of Horror instead. The plots are almost identical (just replace a homicidal lunatic for the vampire), but Bloody Pit of Horror is so much more fun.

5/10