Chopping Mall (1986)

"Waitress, more butter!", 2 November 2017

With a name like Chopping Mall and the poster and box-art I'd seen for years, I've always assumed that the film was a cheap slasher. I'm shocked to discover that, instead, it's a cheap killer-robot movie. In Chopping Mall, the owners of the titular mall have decided to install robot security guards to patrol the building overnight. A freak lightning storm, however, fries the robots' main computer. The robots that were originally designed to protect and defend have been turned into unstoppable killing machines. As luck would have it, a group of teens is having an unauthorized after-hours party in the mall. The party comes to an abrupt end, however, when the teens are interrupted by the trio of killer robots. Can the teens make it through the night and escape?

Chopping Mall is a tough one for me to rate. In all honesty, it's a pretty bad movie. It's got all the problems I've come to associate with a low-budget 80s horror film. And while I could go on and on about the issues I have with the film (acting, dialogue, stupid characters, etc), it's too much fun not to enjoy. Chopping Mall is fast-paced, filled with plenty of action, and includes a couple of fantastic special effect shots - including an amazing head explosion. I got a real kick out of seeing the cameos from Paul Bartel and Mary Woronov in the opening scene. And the whole 80s-vibe to the film is really appealed to me. The opening montage is like a documentary look at 80s mall culture. All of this leads to a fairly entertaining experience.

The film, however, is far from perfect. I've listed a couple of issues I have with Chopping Mall, but my biggest complaint is the logic behind these robots. Unfortunately, I couldn't get this logic issue out of my mind the entire time I was watching the movie. This mall appears to be a fairly typical 1980s-era suburban mall. I can't imagine that a mall like this had very much overnight crime. At least not enough to warrant the cost of putting in this incredibly elaborate security system. A system like this one - complete with three combat-ready robots, a giant supercomputer, locking steel doors, and a couple of full-time computer programmers - would most likely cost more to install and maintain than it did to build the mall in the first place. It's completely ridiculous.

5/10