"Gamera is the friend of all children! ", 31 March 2008
Gamera vs. Zigra is the bottom of the barrel when if comes to Japanese monster movies. Everything that makes Gamera so inferior to Godzilla is here: the annoying children, the ridiculous Gamera theme song, the ineffective defense force taking its lead from a 6 year-old, a woman in a mini-skirt chasing kids through Sea World, Kenny (Is there always a kid named "Kenny" in one of these movies?), and the worst looking monsters put on film. I realize these movies were aimed at a much younger audience (remember, "Gamera is the friend of all children!"), but do they have to be so stupid? I'm afraid my head might explode if I think about it too much. I could go on and on, but I'll limit this to two surreal moments that are so silly they almost defy description.
First, with the entire planet facing the threat of being conquered by Zigra and Tokyo preparing for a magnitude 18 (whatever that means) earthquake, an argument over fish takes center stage for better than 5 minutes of the movie's runtime. The man responsible for feeding the dolphins at the Tokyo Sea World and the manager of a swanky hotel get into a heated argument with a fishmonger over a crate of fish. Mankind is on the verge of extinction and all these people seem to be worried about is fish. As I indicated, I really can't do it justice. You'd have to see it to believe it.
Second, having just defeated Zigra (not really a spoiler – did you think Gamera was going to lose?), Gamera uses Zigra like a xylophone to pound out a tune. Yes, that's right – Gamera uses a club on Zigra's dorsal fin to play the first few notes of his theme song. And if that weren't ridiculous enough, Gamera follows it up with a few dance steps. This is surely one of the proudest moments in Japanese film history.
See what I mean? My head hurts just thinking about it.
2/10
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