Rattlers (1976)

Unintentionally, Rattlers is a funny movie, 12 March 2008

What a completely ridiculous movie. Rattlers' plot is so nonsensical it's hysterical. A series of snakebite deaths has the local sheriff worried so he calls in a snake expert and male chauvinist, Dr. Tom Parkinson (Sam Chew) for assistance. The sheriff has also seemingly at random hired a photographer and women's libber named Ann Bradley (Elisabeth Chauvet) to help. It's like oil and water when these two get together. But it doesn't take an Einstein to figure out that these two will overcome their difference and hop into bed together before the end of the movie. Anyway, Tom and Ann begin searching the desert for . . . well, it's never clear what they hope to find, but boy do they ever search. On foot, in a jeep, and in a helicopter, Tom and Ann tirelessly and endlessly search the desert. The excitement was almost more than I could bear. About the only thing they find is a piece of bloody cloth that is quickly forgotten, never to be mentioned again. Oh, they also find a military storage base. Tom and Ann discover that some of the nerve gas the military buried in the desert has had a strange effect on the rattlesnakes. Of course no other animal is affected – just the snakes. In the end, the snakes are accidentally destroyed in one of the goofiest shootouts ever put on film and Tom and Ann are able to ride off into the sunset having done absolutely nothing to solve the rattlesnake problem. The end.

There are quite a few unintentionally hilarious scenes and set-pieces in Rattlers. My absolute favorite moment involves two Army types patrolling the desert in the middle of the night. While tooling around in their jeep, they have a blow-out. They get out to investigate and find that a snake has bitten through their tire. Yes, that's right – a rattlesnake launched itself at a moving jeep, grabbed a tire with its fangs, and bit down hard enough puncture the tire. This has to be the single most stupid thing I've seen in a movie in a long time. Gotta love it! So please don't misinterpret my rating - Rattlers is not a good movie, but it is a funny movie. Intentional or not, I was entertained.

6/10