The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. "The Mother Muffin Affair" #1.3 (1966) (TV)

It's okay, but it should have been so much better, 21 February 2010

The one episode of The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. that should work, The Mother Muffin Affair, is disappointingly just barely better than average. How could it have missed? Stefanie Powers' April Dancer (and isn't that about the coolest name ever – April Dancer) teaming with Robert Vaughn's Napoleon Solo (okay, this is also a very cool name) and matching wits with Boris Karloff in drag as Mother Muffin. Sounds like a good set-up, huh? Well, it never works as good on screen as it does on paper. Why? The plot – or more accurately, the lack of a plot. You see, the plot revolves around Mother Muffin capturing April and Napoleon, their escape, followed by Mother Muffing capturing April and Napoleon, their escape, and on and on it goes. Nothing much else happens. I admit, it was real treat to see Karloff in the role of Mother Muffin. He's (or should that be "she's") a hoot! Other highlights for me include a very fine supporting performance from the very funny Bernard Fox and the always enjoyable Stefanie Powers (not much of a fan of Robert Vaughn if truth be known). Anyway, as I stated in the beginning of my rambling, The Mother Muffin Affair is better than average and, as a result, I'll give it a 6/10.

6/10

Honey West "An Eerie, Airy, Thing" #1.30 (1966) (TV)

Honey West ends on a high note, 19 February 2010

Nearing the end of my trip through the Honey West series, I had pretty much given up hope of seeing another "good" episode. After watching Honey and Sam battle a gorilla, chase a Robin Hood wannabe, fight a ridiculous looking robot, and see Honey in the worst gypsy disguise imaginable, Honey West had long since "jumped the shark" in my mind. Imagine my surprise and delight to discover the final episode, An Eerie, Airy, Thing, is one of the best of the entire series. First, the episode features real suspense. There is a real mystery here for Honey to get to the bottom of. There are unexpected twists and turns thrown at Honey and Sam. It's a very nicely written episode. Second, An Eerie, Airy, Thing has a much more serious (and welcome) tone than the episodes that immediately preceded it. Don't misunderstand, I love the campy feel, gadgets, and overall grooviness of some of the early episodes. However, toward the end, things had gone way too far. An Eerie, Airy, Thing brings it back to Earth for the series finale. A fitting end to a one of a kind series. I'll give An Eerie, Airy, Thing an 8/10.

8/10

Honey West "The Fun-Fun Killer" #1.25 (1966) (TV)

Is this the worst of Honey West? So far, the answer is "yes"., 5 February 2010

Up to this point, all of my comments on Honey West have been positive. How about an episode that's not so good? How about an episode that scraps the bottom of the barrel? How about an episode so stupid I can't think of another word to describe it other than "stupid"? With only a handful of episodes left to got, my vote for the worst goes to The Fun-Fun Killer (surely, none of the remaining five are as bad as this one). Lame with a capital "L". The plot is beyond ridiculous – a toymaker is killed in Honey's office by a robot gone wild. Honey and Sam check out the toy factor to try to unmask a killer. The biggest fault in The Fun-Fun Killer is with the robots. I don't see how anyone could get past how moronic these things look. They're the kind of robots you might see in a 1930s Flash Gordon serial – you know, square heads, square bodies, impossibly stiff legs and arms, and a slow, shuffling gate. The average garden snail is faster and more nimble than these things. Yet we're supposed to think these silver behemoths are capable of killing anyone? They'd have trouble catching a fire hydrant. Sam and Honey look silly "running" from these soup cans. The finale, complete with giant magnet labeled "Super Magnet", really puts this thing over-the-top and is really the last straw. A 3/10 from me.

3/10

Honey West "Like Visions and Omens... and All That Jazz" #1.21 (1966) (TV)

I never expected to run across Mimsy Farmer in a Honey West episode, 5 February 2010

There are a number of things I could point to that make Like Visions and Omens...and All That Jazz one of my favorite Honey West episodes. First, I really dug the plot. While some people might say it's pretty standard stuff (a rich woman is blackmailed for a gun that she thinks her daughter used to kill an old flame), it's handled so nicely here. The writing is as good as I've seen in a Honey West episode. Second, Like Visions and Omens...and All That Jazz features some of the best imagery of the entire series. I've read comparisons between Honey West and The Avengers, and for the most part, I've only noticed some surface similarities – but that's it. But in this episode, some of the scenes look like they could have come straight out of The Avengers. Two examples – there's one great scene looking up past a skull to the contorted face of Faustini, The Predictor. It's beyond cool! The other example is a scene shot from outside a curtained window with only Faustini's silhouette visible. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but with his cape raised, the outline is very Lugosi-like. I loved it! The third thing I enjoyed about this episode is the cast. Ann Francis and John Ericson as good as ever. Nehemiah Persoff (another of the actors whose name you may not recognize, but I guarantee you'd know the face) is terrific as Faustini. But the highlight for me was the casting of Euro-genre favorite Mimsy Farmer as the girl who's life is in danger. Farmer appeared in a number of wonderful Italian films like Dario Argento's Four Flies on Grey Velvet and Lucio Fulci's The Black Cat. It's a treat to unexpectedly run across her in Honey West.

So overall, Like Visions and Omens...and All That Jazz is a very entertaining Honey West episode. If I have one complaint, it's with the rushed feeling of some of the scenes. If any Honey West episode screamed-out for a longer runtime, it's this one. There just so much here that it could have easily filled an hour.

8/10

Women of the Prehistoric Planet (1966)

Women?, 27 September 2009

I'm sure some people will see my rating and think I've gone off the deep end on this one. Women of the Prehistoric World is another of those movies that gets points from me for entertainment value regardless of how bad it really is. And it's one of those cases where I can't really put my finger on what it is I like about it, I just know I had a good time watching the film. Because like most everyone else, I can see all the faults – bad special effects, a misleading title, ridiculous dialogue, annoying characters, cheap sets, poorly choreographed fight scenes, and (as someone else on IMDb has already rightly pointed out) almost no chemistry among the characters. Still, I found something in Women of the Prehistoric World that worked for me. A few examples:

- I enjoyed the scientific babble about space travel and time. I'm certainly no scientist, but it had an air of truth to it (at least the lines were delivered in an earnest enough manner that I bought it). The whole "three months in space equates to 18 years on the planet" bit is an interesting idea.

- I got a big kick out of the ending. I'm not going to give it away, but as cheap as it was, it worked on me. Caught me completely off guard.

- Despite the lack of a feeling of comrade between most of the characters, I still enjoyed many of the cast members. I don't know how many Wendell Corey fans there are out there, but I always like seeing him – slurred delivery and all. John Agar might not do much, but he's still a welcome face. Irene Tsu – Wow! Finally, Robert Ito probably gives the best performance of the bunch. I never realized how athletic looking he was. A far cry from his days on Quincy.

- As much as I hate the expression, maybe it's a case of a movie being "so bad, it's good". I do realize that a lot of the entertainment I found in the film was most likely unintentional. For example, I doubt that the set used for the spaceship crash was supposed to make me laugh, but it did. Okay, maybe I didn't laugh out loud, but it did bring a big fat smile to my face. And that's worth something, huh?

Most people who have seen or will see Women of the Prehistoric World won't enjoy it as much as I did, but that's okay. I feel comfortable with my 6/10 rating.

6/10

Gamera vs. Barugon (1966)

- Daikaijû kettô: Gamera tai Barugon
Better than the usual Gamera offering, 8 September 2009

A would be jewel thief thinks he's made it big when he gets his hands on the biggest opal he's ever seen. Unfortunately for the thief (and everyone else in Japan), it's not really an opal. Instead, it's a monster's egg – Barugon to be exact. Barugon hatches and begins a reign of terror across Japan. Different theories on how to stop the creature are tested, but to no avail. Just when things seem their bleakest, Gamera shows up and takes care of the situation.

A number of comments on IMDb proclaim that Gamera vs. Barugon is the best of the early Gamera films. While I agree, it's a bit like saying I prefer a tooth ache to a root canal– neither is something I want to experience on a regular basis. In all seriousness, it's not a bad movie, it's just not a very good one. Even with their best effort, Daiei could never match Toho. Daiei's monsters look cheap and clumsy compared with Toho's. And what's up with Barugon shooting a rainbow ray out of his butt? Completely ridiculous. And the final showdown between Gamera and Barugon is way too short. Toho would have been sure this fight scene took up the major portion of the movie.

Still, like I said, Gamera vs. Barugon is better than the usual Gamera offering. Why? Well, for one thing, Gamera is really more like a bit player in the movie. I never cared for Gamera's design so the less of Gamera the better. Next, Gamera vs. Barugon is actually a reasonably intelligent movie with a somewhat interesting subplot involving the jewel thief. I realize intelligence in a Gamera movie is relative, but at least this one doesn't include the usual gaggle of small Japanese kids exclaiming, "Gamera is the friend of all children!" I never quite understood how a monster that destroyed half of Japan goes on to be every child's best friend. Finally, I actually enjoyed some of the acting in Gamera vs. Barugon. Both leads, Kojior Hongo and especially the striking Kyoko Enami give nice performances.

For what it's worth, a 5/10 is the best I can do.

5/10

Murderers' Row (1966)

"Come along, Julian. Maybe we can find somebody for you to run over on the way home.", 5 September 2009

Dean Martin's back for a second spin as Matt Helm in Murderers' Row. In this one, Helm sets out to track down a missing scientist being held captive by the evil (and hysterical) Julian Wall (Karl Malden) – a man bent on world domination. His plan is to use the scientist's ray (I can't remember what kind of ray, but does it really matter?) to destroy Washington D.C. Helping Helm is the scientist's swinging daughter, Suzie (Ann-Margaret).

Almost everything I wrote in my comment for The Silencers applies to Murderers' Row. The bit about the plot not mattering – even more so in this case. The notion of Dean Martin playing Dean Martin – again, nothing could be truer. Dino surrounded by beautiful women - Ann-Margaret is a knock-out in Murderers' Row. The booze, the jokes, the gadgets, etc. – it's all here. The best part is that once again it's all handled in a breezy, easy manner that makes watching Murderers' Row a lot of fun. I don't know that I enjoyed it quite as much as The Silencers, but I did find it entertaining. The best bits include: watching Dino try to keep up with the over-the-top dancing of Ann-Margaret, Karl Malden (his performance as the villain is the one thing about Murderers' Row that is actually better than The Silencers), Ann-Margaret's groovy wardrobe, and Helm's freeze and delayed firing guns. What un-PC fun! My advice – if you plan to sit down and check out Murderers' Row (or any of the Matt Helm films for that matter), remember to take things about as seriously as the people who made the movie did (and that's not at all) and you just might enjoy it.

6/10

The Silencers (1966)

"The soap, please, Miss Kravezit.", 4 September 2009

If you're looking for a film that takes a serious look at espionage, look someplace else. But if you're looking for light, breezy, non-PC entertainment with just enough spy stuff to keep things interesting and the thought of Dean Martin the playboy doesn't turn your stomach, The Silencers might be the movie for you. With a lot of movies I write about, I start out by saying that the plot doesn't matter. Well, with The Silencers, it really doesn't matter. But for those keeping score at home, Matt Helm, an agent for I.C.E. (the good guys), is sent out to put a stop to Big O's (the bad guys) plan to start WWIII. Big O's plan is to sabotage a rocket, send it hurdling into a nuclear test site, and make it look like the Russians did it. Why? I'm not sure anymore because, like I said, the plot doesn't matter. Instead, you watch a Matt Helm film to see how much booze Dino will drink, how many bad guys he'll shoot, and how many beautiful women he'll seduce (and the answer to all these questions in The Silencers is a bunch). On another website I read where someone described Dino's Matt Helm as the original Austin Powers – and that's a pretty fair assessment. But in Helm's case, the pervy secret agent shtick actually works for him.

Anyway, if you're a fan of Dean Martin's 1960s public persona, you'll most likely enjoy The Silencers. He sleepwalks through most of the movie, but then again, he did the same pretty much through the whole decade. Joining Martin are a trio of beauties – Stella Stevens, Daliah Lavi, and Cyd Charisse (whose screen-time is way too limited). I can't really pick one who stands out as they're all a lot of fun and bring their own unique talents to the movie. Victor Buono, complete with yellow-face (I told you the movie was terribly un-PC), is on hand to play the leader of Big O. It's this cast that makes The Silencers so entertaining and worth watching. Add to the cast some off-the-wall gadgets, cool (but cheap) sets, and a few nice fight scenes, and you've got a James Bond spoof worth checking out. A couple of scenes that I always get a kick out of include: watching Martin and Stevens polish off a bottle of liquor while driving (again, very un-PC), Stevens with the rear-firing gun, and Matt Helms morning routine including coffee and bubble bath with secretary Lovey Kravezit. I have no problem rating The Silencers a 7/10.

7/10

Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick (1966)

- Kommissar X - Drei gelbe Katzen
A real plot might have helped, 28 August 2009

Being new to the Eurospy scene, there are a couple of websites that I check out for news and reviews. I was shocked when I noticed that one of the sites I really like called Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick the best of the three Kommissar X films in Retromedia's set. To me, the opposite is true. In my opinion, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill and So Darling, So Deadly are both superior to Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick. The problem – no discernible plot. I defy anyone to watch Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick and tell me just what's going on. Maybe I missed something, but to me the movie is little more than a seemingly random series of set-pieces. Sure, some of the scenes are very enjoyable (the hotel rooftop chase and the final karate showdown being two wonderful examples) and Tony Kendall and Brad Harris' on-screen chemistry is strong, but without a coherent story, I lost interest in what was going on. I think my 5/10 rating is generous.

One reason I've rated Death Is Nimble, Death Is Quick higher than I probably should have is the scene set in what I'll call the Haunted Swamp. It's very well done. Creepy music, twisted trees, an abandoned/crumbling old house, and a "fire-breathing monster" (very reminiscent of Dr. No) make these scenes really stand out. Very atmospheric. I just wish there had been a story to go along with the wonderful images.

5/10

So Darling, So Deadly (1966)

- Kommissar X - In den Klauen des goldenen Drachen
Worth watching just to see Brad Harris dancing, 24 August 2009

Detective Jo Walker (Tony Kendall) and New York Police Captain Tom Rowland (Brad Harris) are sent to Singapore to protect Professor Akron and his latest invention – a laser filter than can be used to shut down electrical engines from miles away. As soon as Walker and Rowland hit Singapore, the baddies start coming out of the woodwork and the Professor ends up the prisoner of the mysterious Golden Dragon. Walker and Rowland's new mission – rescue the professor, protect his daughter, and safeguard the filter.

It's hard to watch and write about So Darling, So Deadly and not compare it with the first Kommissar X film, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill. Unfortunately, the sequel is inferior to the original in almost every way. The gadgets aren't as plentiful, the underground lair isn't as cool, the women aren't as beautiful, the locations aren't as nice, and the plot makes even less sense. But then again, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill is one of my new favorite Eurospy films – so it would have been very difficult for anything to measure up. And that's not to say So Darling, So Deadly is a bad movie. It's actually quite a bit of fun. Kendall and Harris probably work off each other better in this movie than in the first. They make a great team. Second, while I enjoyed the locations of Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill more, there's something to be said for exotic Singapore. It's not what you usually see in a low-budget Eurospy film. Third, some of Brad Harris' scenes are so bizarre I couldn't help but have fun with them. For example, if you're on a mission to protect a scientist and, ultimately, save the world, why would Rowland go water-skiing the minute he hits Singapore? Just weird. And what about Rowland's dancing – it's laugh-out-loud funny. You have to love the guy! Another plus is the film's pacing. There really are very few dull moments. It's pretty much non-stop from the word "go". Finally, Nikola Popovic's return in So Darling, So Deadly. He was the chief bad guy, O'Brien, in the first film and I really enjoyed his work. Here, it's odd to see him in terribly un-PC yellow face, but he's fun nonetheless. So while it may not measure up to the first Kommissar X film, So Darling, So Deadly is a reasonably entertaining movie in its own right.

6/10

Password: Kill Agent Gordon (1966)

- Password: Uccidete agente Gordon
Makes up for its lack of original ideas with a healthy dose of tedium, 18 August 2009

Recently, I've discovered, watched, and enjoyed a number of Eurospy thrillers made in the 1960s. While some have been better than others, there are only a very few that I've watched that I couldn't find at least a bit of entertainment value. Well, Password: Kill Agent Gordon is one of those few. To begin with, the plot is a disaster. I often write that the plot in whatever genre movie I've recently watched doesn't really matter. But usually, that's only because the movie is so much fun and the plot so convoluted that the movie was entertaining regardless. In Password: Kill Agent Gordon, the plot is almost non-existent – something about gun smuggling to Communist Asian countries. Trust me, you'll forget all about the whys and what-fors very quickly. Second, I've got a real problem with Agent Gordon as played by Roger Browne. The man just didn't do anything for me. He came across terribly dry - not what you normally associate with a cool secret agent. Third, the two female "names" in the cast, Rosalba Neri and Helga Line, are misused and add little. Ms. Line, in particular, doesn't do much more than follow the dull Agent Gordon from scene to scene. She's got little to offer other than her looks. Finally, the budget limitations of Password: Kill Agent Gordon are very apparent. Most of these Eurospy movies were made on a shoestring budget, but many were able to overcome this handicap with cool ideas and over-the-top action. Not here. Apparently, the only idea that director Sergio Grieco (I usually enjoy his work) and the screenwriters could come up with to cover up the lack of a budget was to have Agent Gordon fight what appeared to be the same group of baddies over and over to the point of tedium. Not very original – or entertaining.

3/10

The Mona Lisa Has Been Stolen (1966)

- Il ladro della Gioconda
Hard to watch, 15 August 2009

Before watching The Mona Lisa Has Been Stolen, all I knew about the movie was based on what little I had read on the internet. I knew that it was supposed to be a period heist film made in France in the mid-60s. I knew that the film was intended to be a mix of intrigue and comedy. And, I knew that Margaret Lee was in the movie. A heist film with comedic touches and Margaret Lee - it just had to be a winner! After watching, all I can say is what a disappointment. On reviewer called the movie, "Forgettable". Well, I can't forget The Mona Lisa Has Been Stolen fast enough. First, there is no real heist. Sure, the Mona Lisa is stolen, but it takes just minutes and there's no suspense surrounding the theft at all. Second, the comedy just didn't work at all for me. Maybe I'm not in tune with what was considered comedy in France in 1966. Or maybe (and this is what I suspect) it's just not funny at all. I can't remember cracking a smile the entire runtime. Finally, while I'm happy to report that Margaret Lee is in the movie, her screen-time is limited to about five minutes and her character has no real impact on the film's plot. By the time you get settled in with your popcorn, she's gone. How disappointing! Her performance and character hardly warrant being listed third in the credits. Add to what I've already written a dull screenplay, extremely distracting and annoying music, and characters I didn't care about, and it's little wonder I can't rate The Mona Lisa Has Been Stolen any higher.

3/10

The Reptile (1966)

A real gem in Hammer's catalog, 11 August 2009

A young couple, Harry and Valerie Spalding, inherit and move into a small cottage previously owned by the husband's now deceased brother, Charles. Charles' death is something of a mystery, but none of the locals in the small Cornish village want to discuss it or any of the other deaths they've seen. Harry has seen some strange things in his time and believes that these deaths are similar to the cobra bite victims he saw in India. But a cobra in Cornwall – it's not possible. The couple meets their standoffish and odd neighbor, Dr. Franklyn, and his charming, but strange daughter, Anna. The Franklyn's are hiding a secret, but is it a secret capable of killing Charles and others in the community? Is there a giant, snake-like creature hiding in the Franklyn's house?

Of all the wonderful movies that Hammer made, I'm of the opinion that The Reptile is one of the most often overlooked gems in the catalog. It's a really nice movie that doesn't seem to get near the attention I feel it deserves. Good acting from a rather small cast (with a big, meaty role for Hammer regular Michael Ripper), nice pacing, solid direction, and that Hammer "look" (for lack of a better word) that I always enjoy. But what really sets The Reptile apart is the atmosphere. There's a real sense of fear and mystery about the whole movie. It's as creepy and suspense filled as anything Hammer ever made. And I just love the whole notion of a snake-cult putting a curse on Franklyn and his daughter. It's a unique, original idea for a movie. Sure, there have been other snake-to-man movies, but none that I've seen are as well done as this one. Finally, I've read complaints about the make-up effects. Personally, I think they're fine given the relative modest budget Hammer put-up for the movie. The snake appliances may not look as real as one might have hoped for, but at least they're not some weightless CGI nonsense. Just go with it and have fun.

8/10

Our Man in Marrakesh (1966)

- Bang! Bang! You're Dead!
"I think there's been some foul play", 29 July 2009

Local crime boss Mr. Casmir (Herbert Lom) has a briefcase full of important documents to sell. He has an appointment with an unknown courier fresh to Marrakesh carrying $2 million. But which of the six seemingly innocent travelers/vacationers is the courier? When American Andrew Jessel (Tony Randall) stumbles upon a dead body in the closet of his hotel room, he gets mixed up in more intrigue than he bargained for. Jessel joins forces with the beautiful Kyra Stanovy (Senta Berger), a woman who seems incapable of telling the truth, just to survive his holiday in Marrakesh.

Our Man in Marrakesh is a highly enjoyable Euro-spy film mixed with copious amounts of comedy. I mean how can you take things too seriously when your action hero is Tony Randall? Yes that Tony Randall. Not really a he-man or anyone's idea of a spy, huh? But that's part of what makes Our Man in Marrakesh so much fun. Randall plays against type and does so brilliantly. His fish-out-of-water, put-upon nature is perfect for the role of Jessel. One of my favorite lines comes as Jessel discovers the dead body in the closet and proclaims, "I think there's been some foul play." Funny stuff! Randall is joined by one of those all-star casts that, in this case, actually works. Senta Berger, Herbert Lom, Euro-spy fav Margaret Lee, bad guy Klaus Kinski, the always funny Terry-Thomas, and Wilfrid Hyde-White add their considerable talents to the film. Sometimes when you put together one of these casts, things don't gel the way they should. Not here. Everyone comes out looking good. My only complaint is that I would have liked to have seen more from Lee and Kinski. But, then again, you can't have everything. Other big pluses from Our Man in Marrakesh include: a well-written, witty script that, fortunately, does not resort to slap stick for its humor; snappy, well-paced direction from Don Sharp; and terrific Moroccan locations. Overall, it's a wonderfully entertaining romp. An 8/10 from me.

8/10

Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill (1966)

- Kommissar X - Jagd auf Unbekannt
This is one groovy movie, 15 July 2009

I've watched a bunch of Euro-Spy films recently, and few have been anywhere near as much fun as Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill. This one's got it all – a likable lead in Tony Kendall, a put-upon sidekick in Brad Harris, over-the-top gadgets, lots of beautiful women (Maria Perschy, Christa Linder, and on and on), a wonderfully entertaining villain, a cool underground lair, fight scenes galore, terrific European locations, a catchy title song, and a great explosive finale. What more could you ask for? Throw in a brainwashed army of women with matching blond hair, groovy black outfits, and machine guns (Fembots?), and you've got one heck of a cool movie. The scene with Kendall in the back of that truck surrounded by the army of gun-toting, look-alike women is just too much. Another highlight is the relationship between Kendall's Jo Walker and Harris' Captain Rowland. They're like the Odd Couple of European spies. Walker (who reminds me a little of Frank Sinatra with that hat and all) is the smooth ladies man. Rowland is the no-nonsense cop who would rather use his fists to get to the bottom of a case . They compliment one another nicely. As for the plot . . . well, the less said the better. I'll just say that it involves the murders of a number of gangsters, a missing scientist, and an attempt to by the evil O'Brien to radiate the world's gold supply. Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill may "borrow" (okay, in some instances it outright steals) a lot of ideas from Goldfinger and other James Bond movies, but it does so with its own charm and originality. The movie may start a bit slow, but once it gets going, it's just a ton of fun.

If you're a fan of these 60s era Euro-Spy films, Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill is one that shouldn't be missed. Why aren't movies today this much fun?

8/10

Lightning Bolt (1966)

- Operazione Goldman
Fairly standard spy stuff, 26 June 2009

Lightning Bolt doesn't come close to being what I'd call a "great" Euro-Spy film, but it's harmless enough and can be quite fun if you don't go into it expected the world. The basic plot has Harry Sennet (Anthony Eisley), our would-be hero, being sent to Cape Kennedy to investigate a series of rocket launches that have all ended in disaster. He quickly discovers that a ray of some sort coming from under the water is knocking out the rockets' guidance systems. But who's behind it and why? There are a few other surprises and twists to the plot, but it's all pretty standard stuff for a spy film.

Anthony Eisley is easily the worst thing Lightning Bolt has going for it. I found it difficult to root for him. He doesn't come across as a very good actor and is not capable of pulling off the role of the smug secret agent. Like the white socks he can be seen wearing with his suit and tie, he seems totally out of place. In fact, I probably should have just said that I didn't like a lot of the casting decisions in Lighting Bolt. Diana Lorys, normally a winner with me, is horribly miscast as spy boss Capt. Patricia Flanagan. And Folco Lulli's beer-maker turned super-villain Rether is more pathetic than terrifying. I about lost it when I saw this little fat man sitting behind his giant console in that giant room. Too funny! (Now that I'm thinking about it, that might have been what director Antonio Margheriti was going for – and ineffective looking bad guy. If so, he succeeded.) The only member of the main cast that worked for me was Wandisa Guida as Kary, the good girl turned bad girl turned good girl. What a hottie! Another thing that definitely worked for me is the whole look of the film. For example, Rether's underwater lair is awesome in its design and simplicity. It's not difficult to see where a major portion of Lightning Bolt's budget went. I've seen some complaints about Margheriti's use of miniatures. Maybe I'm showing my age, but I liked it. Sure, they're not realistic, but what is in a movie like Lightning Bolt. Riz Ortoliani's score is another highlight. It's a piece of music that fits the movie beautifully. Throw in some good action scenes, bodies frozen in a state of suspended animation, a cool gadget or two, and a group of henchmen dressed like Diabolik and you end up with a movie that I quite enjoyed despite its faults.

Finally, before I finish this, I feel compelled to write about one scene in the movie that left me scratching my head. A rocket is about to blast off from Cape Kennedy and Sennet knows it's going to be destroyed. What does he do? Does he call NASA or some other agency to notify them? No! Instead, Sennet drives his car through a fence and directly at the rocket as it takes off. What, does he have a death wish or something? Was he trying to be burned to a crisp? What did he hope to accomplish? What was his motivation? It's just one of the more puzzling scenes I've run across in a while.

6/10

Agent for H.A.R.M. (1966)

"Better go back to the judo range.", 24 June 2009

Agent for H.A.R.M. is about the lamest excuse for a spy movie that I've ever seen. Everything from the plot to the film's supposed hero to the locations is second rate. The lame plot concerns Professor Jan Stefanik and his search for the antidote to a biological weapon he created while working in some unnamed Eastern Bloc Communist country. A U.S. agency known as H.A.R.M. sends one of its top men, Adam Chance (Peter Mark Richman), out to protect the Professor. Complicating matters is the Professor's bikini-wearing niece, Ava Vestok (Barbara Bouchet), who may or may not be in league with the bad guys. Agent Chance bungles things and the bad guys are able to snatch the Professor. Can Chance rescue the Professor and save his secrets? Does anyone really care?

I realize that attempting any sort of comparison between Agent for H.A.R.M. / Adam Chance and James Bond is an exercise in futility and a waste of time, but here goes anyway:

- James Bond – Sean Connery looking debonair in his tuxedos and tailored clothing ----- Adam Chance – Peter Mark Richman doing his best Mr. Rogers impersonation in his ever present cardigan

- James Bond – Constantly faces the prospect of defusing bombs ----- Adam Chance – Watch in awe as Chance dismantles a television

- James Bond – Movies are filled with really cool gadgets ----- Adam Chance - The spore gun – a weapon that shoots a wad of green goo. Admittedly, it leads to a horrible death, but come on, it looks like something Nickelodeon might have come up with in the 90s.

- James Bond – Drives awesome cars like his Aston Martin ----- Adam Chance – Drives the family station-wagon

- James Bond – Constantly wooing the ladies and charming them over to his side ----- Adam Chance – Comes across as a perv in a raincoat on the beach

- James Bond – Super villains with massive, secret, underground lairs ----- Adam Chance – The bad guys use an airplane hanger in Mexico

- James Bond – Exotic locations like the casinos of Monte Carlo or the ski slopes of the Swiss Alps ----- Adam Chance – Spends most of his time at a rented beach house in Southern California

- James Bond – Beautiful women like Ursula Andress or Honor Blackman ----- Adam Chance – Barbara Bouchet (Okay, this one's a draw. Bouchet is easily the best thing that Agent for H.A.R.M. has going for it.)

See what I mean – there's really no comparison. With all that being said, however, I'll be generous and give Agent for H.A.R.M. a 4/10. Despite its many shortcomings, there is some entertainment value to be had. As unexplainable as it may seem, I do enjoy some of the movie. But that probably says more about me than the quality of Agent for H.A.R.M.

4/10

Special Mission Lady Chaplin (1966)

- Missione speciale Lady Chaplin
I hate that they only made three of these movies, 23 June 2009

Special Mission Lady Chaplin is the third and final installment in the Agent 077 Dick Malloy series. I realize it's a matter of opinion, but they might just have saved the best for last. In this one, Dick Malloy (Ken Clark) is searching for 16 nuclear warheads taken from a downed submarine. Suspicion immediately falls on underwater salvager and mega-rich Kobre Zoltan (Jacques Bergerac). And these suspicions are soon proved true as he tries to sell the bombs to the highest bidder. Working with Zoltan is his right hand woman, Lady Chaplin (Daniela Bianchi). She's a world renowned fashion designer, a master of disguise, and a heartless assassin. Can Malloy lure Lady Chaplin over to his side in his effort to find the missiles?

Whether this is your favorite of the series or not, one thing seems clear, this is the most James Bond-ish movie of the bunch. From the music to the wonderful villain to the presence of Daniela Bianchi to the whole feel of the film – it all screams James Bond. It's not hard to picture Sean Connery fighting the man with the steal hook or coming out of the water with a grenade launching spear gun or romancing Lady Chaplin. Bond would have been right at home. Even the plot should seem familiar to Bond fans. It's basically yet another version of Thunderball.

While it's difficult to compare a movie like Special Mission Lady Chaplin to a James Bond film because of budgetary considerations, that doesn't keep this movie from being a lot of fun. Once again, Ken Clark is outstanding. By this, the third film he played Malloy, he'd really made the character his own. Jacques Bergerac makes for a great super villain. He's cocky, sure of himself, and ruthless - everything you want in a bad guy. As is usual in this kind of movie, Daniela Bianchi is terrific. And, she looked to be having a wonderful time in her role. The movie is well paced with very few dull spots to slow things down. Lots of good fight scenes, spy gadgets, and groovy clothes are other highlights of Special Mission Lady Chaplin. The exotic locations add a lot to the overall feel of the film. I've already mentioned the music, but I'll do so again. Bruno Nicolai's score is rock solid. That theme music will definitely get stuck in your head. Anyway you look at it, this one's a keeper. If I've got one complaint it would be the poor quality of the dubbing. It really distracts from things.

8/10

She Beast (1966)

- La sorella di Satana
Too little Barbara Steele and too much comedy that doesn't work, 21 June 2009

Is there anyone more deserving of the title Queen of Gothic Horror than Barbara Steele? Most of her films are brilliant. From Mario Bava's masterpiece Black Sunday all the way to some of her lesser work like The Ghost or Terror Creatures from the Grave, I've enjoyed each and every one of these movies. The same, however, cannot be said for The She-Beast. What a disappointing disaster of a movie! I admit, it probably has something to do with my expectations for the film, but I found very little to enjoy in what I saw on the screen. The basic set-up was okay, if not a bit familiar to fans of Gothic horror – two centuries ago in a small Transylvanian village, a witch vows to one day get her revenge as she's being put to death in a local lake. When a vacationing couple crashes into the lake, the beautiful wife somehow morphs into the body of the hideous, long-dead witch and begins making good on her 200 year-old threat. See what I mean – a good Gothic horror set-up. But things quickly begin falling apart. I'll keep this brief, but my problem with The She-Beast is too little Barbara Steele and too much ridiculous comedy. First, Ms. Steele is only in the film for about 15 minutes. She may have top billing, but it's obviously for her name alone. Second and my biggest complaint, I was totally put off by the Keystone Kops-like, over-the-top and not funny in the slightest comedy bits that are thrown into The She-Beast. From goofy, eccentric characters to a ludicrous chase scene – it all feels like it belongs in another movie. And, as I said, it's not funny. As much as I hate to give anything with Barbara Steele a low rating, The She-Beast is a disappointing film that deserves no more than a 3/10.

3/10

Island of Terror (1966)

"There was no face. Just a horrible mush with the eyes sittin' in it.", 5 April 2009

Something strange is happening on a small island off the coast of Ireland. A dead body is a rarity in itself, but one with no bones – that's not right. The local doctor realizes he needs help and goes to the mainland to find a couple of experts, Dr. Stanley (Peter Cushing) and Dr. West (Edward Judd). In no time flat, it's discovered that the island is under attack from a strange creature created in a cancer lab. And now that the creature has started multiplying and the bodies have begun to pile up, can anything be done to save the Island of Terror?

Island of Terror isn't anywhere close to being a perfect movie, but it sure is a whole lot of fun. And "fun" is generally all I require to give a movie a good rating. While I readily admit that Island of Terror has its fair share of problems (a dull-as-dishwater lead in Edward Judd, some admittedly weak special effects, Carole Gray being so under-utilized that you almost forget she's in the movie as she ends up being little more than "the woman" required by the script, and more padding than worn on Joan Crawford's shoulders), I still enjoy watching Peter Cushing do his thing. He's a pro and really shows it with a script that occasionally gives him little to work with. Besides, anything with Cushing is worth checking out at least once any way. Old Hammer colleague Terence Fisher is more than capable of keeping things on track. He does a masterful job with the pacing when by all rights the movie should grind to a halt. Another bonus is all the pseudo-scientific babble that I enjoy. Nothing like a lot of doctor mumbo-jumbo to spice things up. Finally, there's some excellent atmosphere in Island of Terror. I remember watching this one when I was much younger and being frightened beyond belief by the idea of the bone-sucking creatures – especially those that jump out of trees. Overall, Island of Terror is a nice example of low-to-no budget British movie making from the mid-1960s.

One moment in Island of Terror that always bothers me is the scene where Cushing's character is attacked. I know the creatures have thus far proved themselves impenetrable to everything that's been thrown at them, but why not give that tentacle one good whack with the axe. Instead, Dr. Stanley's arm is immediately sacrificed. It's always seemed like an odd moment to me.

7/10