The Italian Connection (1972)

What a fantastic movie!, 28 April 2017

A heroin shipment between Italy and New York goes missing and a small time pimp, Luca Canali (Mario Ardof), is wrongly blamed (actually, framed is probably more accurate). The New York boss sends two hit men to Milan take out Luca. Luca's also got the Milan boss and his goons breathing down his neck. But Luca's not going to go down without fight.

What a fantastic movie! The Italian Connection (or Manhunt or any of the other names this movie has been released under) is the second film in director Fernando Di Leo's "milieu trilogy". While I'm not sure I enjoyed The Italian Connection quite as much as Caliber 9 (I still haven't seen The Boss), they're both excellent, exciting, gritty movies. I think my preference for Caliber 9 is related to the plot twists near the end. Otherwise, it's hard to choose.

I'm a relative newbie as far as Di Leo goes, but he's quickly becoming one of my favorites. Di Leo had the ability to film action as well as any director I've run across. Luca's chase scene across Milan is just brilliant. De Leo's film is often bloody and brutal, but always entertaining. I hate to spoil anything, so I'll just say that there is one death scene (and you'll know it when you see it) that Di Leo filmed and set-up in such a way that it's heartbreaking. The cinematography is stunning. The gritty streets and alleyways of Milan are photographed like works of art. And the film's pacing is excellent. There's not a dull moment in the entire runtime. In fact, I would use the word "frantic" to describe much of the movie – particularly the chase.

The acting in The Italian Connection is spectacular. First, Mario Ardof is wonderful as Luca. I really can't say enough positives about him. The fact that he (and Di Leo) was able to take a low- life, scummy, greasy pimp like Luca and turn him into a sympathetic hero is nothing short of remarkable. It's a truly brilliant piece of acting. In addition to Ardof, the cast includes Henry Silva and Woody Storde as the ruthless New York hit men, Adolfo Celi as the Milan boss, Luciana Paluzzi of Thunderball fame, and Sylva Koscina as Luca's estranged wife. It's quite a strong, talented cast for a movie of this type.

I could go on and on praising The Italian Connection, but I'll end it here. Even though I said I preferred Caliber 9, I'm rating The Italian Connection the same 9/10. It's that good.

9/10

The Mighty Crusaders (1958)

With Sylva Koscina and Gianna Maria Canale in the cast, it can't all be bad, 27 April 2017
- La Gerusalemme liberata

Instead of the normal write-up for The Mighty Crusaders, let's look at the plot summary found all over the internet – "SEE – The Dance of the seven orgies! SEE – The Duel to the death with 100-pound battle axes! SEE – The seduction of Renaldo, the White Knight, by the dark daughter of Damascus! SEE – The mammoth battle between Heathens and Knights for the Holy Sepulcher! SEE – Assault towers and battering rams breach the walls of the Holy City! SEE – Men turned into human torches by the flaming pitch of the Infidels!" So, how true is all that? 

SEE – The Dance of the seven orgies! Yes (sort of), there is a brief clip of a harem dance. While it's quite nice and reasonably provocative by 1958 standards, there was nothing approaching an orgy. 

SEE – The Duel to the death with 100-pound battle axes! - Yes (sort of), the Crusader named Tancredi does engage in a fight with battle axes against Argante. The way they handle the axes, however, it's easy to tell they don't weigh close to 100 pounds – more likely 5 pounds each. And, the battle goes on for so long, the men grow weary and agree to put off their fight until the next day. Very gentlemanly and accommodating.

SEE – The seduction of Renaldo, the White Knight, by the dark daughter of Damascus! Yes (sort of), Renaldo is smitten by Armida the moment he lays eyes on her. At least that's the way it seems because after what felt like no more than 30 minutes, Renaldo is willing to kill one of his comrades just to be with her. However, he quickly realizes that Armida is evil and wants nothing to do with her.

SEE – The mammoth battle between the Heathens and the Knights for the Holy Sepulcher! Yes, (sort of), there is a final battle between the Crusaders and the Muslims. But I'm not sure I would call it mammoth. It is fairly impressive given the nature of this movie, but it's easy to see the number of men actually in the battle scenes is limited. 

SEE – Assault towers and battering rams breach the walls of the Holy City! Yes (sort of), the Crusaders do build some flimsy, movable towers that they use to get over the wall. However, I don't remember seeing a single battering ram. I could be wrong, but I honestly don't remember it happening.

SEE – Men turned into human torches by the flaming pitch of the Infidels! Yes (sort of), during the assault on the walls, a couple of guys are hit by some flaming stuff and you do see their clothes burning. But most of the flames safely miss their mark.

Here's how I would describe The Mighty Crusaders – SEE – Terribly staged, unrealistic sword fights! SEE – Trained soldiers who easily forgot their purpose and fall madly in love with the first woman they see! SEE – The idiot Trancredi battle and kill his true love even though he should have known he fighting a woman and Clorinda is the only woman fighter in the whole movie! SEE – Swords fights that sound like someone hitting two aluminum curtain rods against each other! SEE – Fabulous costumes and outfits that always look perfect, even in the pitch of battle! SEE – Sylva Koscina unconvincingly play a Persian Princess. 

Still, the movie looks great and provided me with a decent amount of entertainment. A lot of it feels cheap, to be sure, but I wasn't expecting anything else. Plus, with Sylva Koscina and Gianna Maria Canale in the cast, it can't all be bad.

5/10

So Sweet, So Dead (1972)

Straight out of the Giallo playbook, 26 April 2017

I was looking for another Sylva Koscina movie to watch last night and stumbled across a Giallo she did that I had never seen. So Sweet, So Dead turned out to be a rather predictable, but highly enjoyable film. The set-up is straight out of the Giallo playbook – a masked, gloved killer is butchering beautiful women. Each of the women is involved in an extramarital affair. The killer leaves pictures of the women with their lovers at the scene of each murder. The police, led by Inspector Capuana (Farley Granger), are baffled.

I wrote that So Sweet, So dead was predictable. That's to say there's not a lot of originality to the movie. The masked killer, the beautiful women, and the knife to the throat are standard fare in most any Giallo. Until the very end, the movie plays it reasonably straight without a lot of the plot twists and turns found in a lot of other Gialli. That all changes, however, in the last 10 minutes. The plot twist at the end is incredibly dramatic and left me with an uneasy, cold feeling. It completely caught me off guard. The twist was really a nice turn of events. I also want to give director Roberto Bianchi Montero (unknown to me) extra credit for creating atmosphere. For a movie like So Sweet, So Dead to be effective, you have to have atmosphere. Montero expertly ramps up the tension just prior to each kill. Nicely done.

The cast is especially strong. Granger is very good. I've always found him underrated in any movie of his I've seen. Koscina is as delightful as ever. I only wish she had played a more prominent role in more of the movie. There are a lot of gorgeous women rounding out the cast, including a brief, but welcome performance from genre fav Susan Scott. I say "brief" because she shows up, has sex, and promptly gets killed. Not a lot of screen time in this one for her.

7/10

Carnival Magic (1981)

Much better than I expected, 26 April 2017

Disclaimer – I watched Carnival Magic courtesy of the new MST3K. I am confident in my ability to separate the movie from the show. I'm not one of those who feels a movie is necessarily bad just because it appeared on MST3K. You'll find some real gems that probably didn't deserve the MST3K treatment. With that being said, even though I've rated Carnival Magic a rather paltry 4/10, I was actually pleasantly surprised that it was this good. Knowing that it was directed by Al Adamson, my expectations were VERY low. And with a name like Carnival Magic, I was expected something schlocky along the lines of Ray Dennis Steckler's The Incredibly Strange Creatures – a real abomination of a movie. Instead, I discovered a reasonably nice movie, presented in a fairly competent manner, featuring decent acting, and real production values. There's actually little in the way of exploitation – a real shock to me. It's not a great movie, but Carnival Magic is miles better than what I was expecting.

The movie tells the story of a struggling carnival/circus. Things start to look up, however, when a magician named Markov begins using his chimp, Alex, in his act. Alex is capable of a few astounding things – he can speak a few words and he can telepathically send messages to Markov. One day, a scientist is in the audience for a performance and wants to take Alex for research purposes. Markov says no. Unfortunately for all concerned, another performer, jealous of Markov's success, tells the scientist that he'll get him the chimp. Things get ugly for everyone involved.

Most of the cast is, as you would expect, littered with a bunch of no names. They give it their all and come out looking pretty good. The exception is Don Stewart as Markov. He's very good in his role and actually has a fairly impressive filmography. Impressive, at least, for an Al Adamson film.

4/10

The Jungle Captive (1945)

"It was dead. Now it lives.", 25 April 2017

The Jungle Captive is the third (and thankfully final) installment in Universal's Ape Woman trilogy. In most trilogies, the third movie is usually the worst. I actually found The Jungle Captive to be the most entertaining of the bunch (although that's not saying much). In this one, a scientist named Stendahl (Otto Kruger) uses his hired muscle, Moloch (Rondo Hatton), to steal the Ape Woman's body from the morgue (she was killed at the end of part 2). He has been working with reanimating the dead bodies of small animals and wants to take his experiments to the next level with a larger subject. Unfortunately, during the heist of the body, Moloch killed a morgue worker – meaning the police are investigating. The police seem to suspect Stendahl's lab assistants, but they're completely innocent and unaware of Stendahl's new experiments. That all changes, though, once Stendahl kidnaps his female assistant, Ann. He needs her blood to help resurrect the Ape Woman.

If you've seen the other two films in the series, you won't be surprised by much of what happens in The Jungle Captive. But there is more action in this one and the flow (for lack of a better word) of the movie is better. Kruger makes a great mad scientist – the best in series. The look on his face when he reveals his plan is fantastic. It's also nice to see Rondo Hatton in a speaking role. In the end, Rondo gets to play the hero. Finally, the movie focuses less on Paula the Ape Woman which turns out to be a positive. In the previous movies, she too often just stood and stared at nothing. Here, she's almost an afterthought to Stendahl and his crazy plans for Ann.

Those are the positives. How about the negatives? Well, it's easy to see that Universal slashed the budget big time on The Jungle Captive. This one barely looks better than a Poverty Row programmer. In fact, most of the cast seems straight off the PRC lot – not the usual standard for Universal. Also, as I indicated, it's all horribly predictable. You know what's going to happen to the Ape Woman and that somehow Ann will be saved. In the end, I sort of felt sorry for Paula. As with the other two movies, this one ends with her being killed.

4/10

Jungle Woman (1944)

"The evil that man hath wrought shall in the end destroy itself", 25 April 2017

Jungle Woman picks up shortly after the events in Captive Wild Woman. After the gorilla Cheela is shot, Dr Carl Fletcher (J Carrol Naish) takes the body and discovers a faint heartbeat. He's able to revive the animal. The gorilla escapes at about the same time that a strange woman named Paula (Acquanetta) is discovered wander Dr Fletcher's sanatorium grounds (coincidence?). Paula develops strong feelings for Dr Fletcher's daughter's fiancé. So strong, in fact, that she sets out to do harm to the Dr's daughter, Joan. Joan is in real danger. Paula may be more than she appears.

I haven't seen Captive Wild Woman in at least 10 years so I don't remember much about it. I do, however, remember being disappointed. I felt the same way about Jungle Woman. It's just not very good and is often quite dull. There are way too many long stretches of the film where nothing much happens. I actually found myself getting bored. The film feels longer than its brief 61 minute runtime.

On the positive side, the movie looks fantastic. Even in their cheaper productions, Universal movies always look remarkable. The cinematography is on par with what you'll find in the best of the Universal horror films. Had Jungle Woman been made by a studio like PRC, it wouldn't have looked half as good. Another positive is the acting. I was especially impressed with Naish. He's always proved to be a very capable actor. I don't, however, understand how Evelyn Ankers got top billing for Jungle Woman. I swear she was on screen for less than 10 minutes. Finally, another positive when compared with Captive Wild Woman is fewer lion taming scenes. Lion taming in Jungle Woman takes up about 5 minutes – compared with what seemed like half the movie in Captive Wild Woman.

4/10

Uncle Was a Vampire (1959)

I keep trying, but Italian comedies hardly ever work for me, 25 April 2017

Because he owes back taxes to the government, Baron Osvaldo Lambertenghi (Renato Rascel) is forced to sell his family's castle. The new owners turn the castle into a hotel and hire Osvaldo as a bellboy. Osvaldo receives a letter telling him an uncle he's never met, Baron Roderico da Frankurten (Christopher Lee), intends to pay Osvaldo a visit. Osvaldo is unaware that his long lost uncle is, in fact, a vampire. Roderico arrives and much hilarity ensues as he turns Osvaldo into a sort of temporary vampire. In one night, Osvaldo bites every woman in the hotel on the neck and has them all swooning for him.

I love a lot of Italian cinema from the 50s through the 70s. I enjoy Italian Gothic horror, Gialli, Spaghetti Westerns, Eurospy, Poliziotteschi, Peplums, war movies, cannibal movies, zombie movies, and even some straight up dramas. But, with a few exceptions, I've never been a big fan of Italian comedies. Maybe something gets lost in the translation, but the broad approach to comedy taken in most of these movies just doesn't work with me. And that's my main problem with Uncle Was a Vampire. Most, but not all, of the comedy doesn't work on me. I didn't find most of Rascel's brand of comedy appealing. Instead, Rascel annoyed me – not what you want in a comedy. Sure, there were bits a pieces that worked – all the women going nuts over Osvaldo, all the men in the hotel running around with wooden stakes, and some of Rascel's scenes with Christopher Lee. Overall, however, the comedy was inconsistent at best.

Speaking of Christopher Lee, he's quite good in Uncle Was a Vampire. For the most part, he plays it straight and it works. Standing next to the diminutive Rascel, Lee looks huge and menacing. Lee probably has more vampire screen time here than in any of his Hammer films. The cast also includes the lovely Sylva Koscina. While her role is more limited that I would prefer, as I've said before, any movie with Sylva Koscina is better simply because she's in it. Uncle Was a Vampire is worth watching just to check out Lee and Koscina. As a result, I'll be generous and rate this movie a 5/10.

5/10

Agent X-77 Orders to Kill (1966)

Any movie with Sylva Koscina is better just because she's in the movie, 24 April 2017

Agent X-77, Serge Vadile (Gerard Barray), attempts to stop a rogue organization from getting its hands on a new, top-secret rocket fuel. His only assistance comes from a nurse, untrained as special agent.

Not the best Eurospy film I've ever seen, but Agent X-77 Orders to Kill is a decent effort with enough fun stuff to make it worthwhile. I recently wrote some fairly negative things about another Eurospy film called Agent Sigma 3. I thought it might be fun to compare the two to see why I prefer Agent X-77 to Agent Sigma 3.

Agent Sigma 3 – Lead actor was dull. 

Agent X-77 – Lead actor (Barray) has enough charm and charisma to pull off the role of a secret agent. He's good.

Agent Sigma 3 – The plot was empty and characters move from place to place without much happening. 

Agent X-77 – While it might not be the best plot, there's more going on in a coherent fashion to keep things moving along nicely. Character actions have a purpose and fit the story being told.

Agent Sigma 3 – The characters don't distinguish themselves. 

Agent X-77 – The bad guys here are played in a much sharper focus. Each of the three or four main bad guys had a definite personality and characteristics.

Agent Sigma 3 – Poorly choreographed fight scenes. 

Agent X-77 – Much better fight choreography. Barray looks more like he knows what he's doing. Not perfect by any stretch, but much better than Agent Sigma 3.

If all that weren't enough, the icing on the cake that gives a huge edge to Agent X-77 over Agent Sigma 3 is Sylva Koscina as the nurse, Mania. I've written this before about Margaret Lee, but it holds true for Koscina – any movie with Sylva Koscina is better just because she's in the movie. She's incredible.

My 6/10 rating would indicate that I had a few issues with the movie. The love scene between the female agent and the spy was silly, the plot could have been a bit more focused, and the ridiculous player piano music that's heard every time Vadile drives his car is nothing short of an assault on the senses.

6/10

S.H.E: Security Hazards Expert (1980)

"Brains and beauty.. Never trust a woman with both!", 24 April 2017

S H E: Security Hazards Expert (I'm just going to call it SHE for the rest of this) is the story of secret agent Lavinia Kean (Cornelia Sharpe). She's sent to investigate wine merchant Baron Cesare Magnasco (Omar Sharif) and his buddy, Owen Hooper (Robert Lansing) who may be up to no good. Lavinia finds the pair have created something called APM – a microbe that devours oil and makes it useless. Unless they are paid $3 billion per year, they intend to turn their discovery lose on the world's oil supply.

I understand that SHE was a television pilot that originally aired on CBS. I'm surprised I didn't see it. The plot summary and the James Bond-esque trappings would have been right up my alley. I caught it last night and, overall, I can say it's not half bad (I suppose that also means it's not half good either). While Sharpe will never be confused with one of the world's great actresses, she does fine in the lead role. She has an infectious quality about her that works. The supporting cast is especially strong and a cut above what you normally found on television in the late 70s. Omar Sharif and Robert Lansing are quite good. Sharif, in particular, plays the love sick puppy to perfection. The cast also includes one of my personal genre favorites, Fabio Testi. I was shocked and delighted to see him in SHE.

As for the rest of SHE, the plot is hit or miss. It takes a while to get things going, but once it does, the pace picks up nicely. The comedy is also hit or miss. Some works while some misses its mark completely. I loved the fight scene between Magnasco and Hooper. The action sequences are okay – not great, but decent enough. SHE is filled with enough gadgets to make Bond envious – everything from knock-out sprays, an instant fingerprint kit, small explosive devices, and a gold remote controlled bug that injects poison into its target. The locations are a bonus for something like SHE. The outdoor shots set in Italy are really nice. On the bad side, the female Russian bodyguard is ridiculous, the disco soundtrack is nauseating, and, as I've already indicated, it takes a while to get things going. Sill, like I said, it's not half bad (or half good) and I'll rate SHE a 5/10.

5/10

Agent Sigma 3 - Mission Goldwalther (1967)

A weak Eurospy, 23 April 2017

A scientist who has just invented a new ray gun has been kidnapped. Secret agent Charles Butler (Jack Taylor), also known as Agent Sigma 3, is put on the case. His investigation will take him from Rome to Barcelona with a few other stops in between. Can Taylor find the scientist before he and his invention are "sold" to the highest bidder?

As a rule, I love Eurospy films. Some of my favorites include the Ken Clark movies, the Tony Kendall / Brad Harris movies, and just about anything with Margaret Lee. I even like many that most people don't. But, I am not a fan of Agent Sigma 3. Why? Well, to begin, I don't care for Jack Taylor. He's about as dull a secret agent as I've run across. There's nothing exciting about him. Next, the plot is pretty empty. Characters go from one place to the other without much of anything happening. There aren't any attempts at a big spy- type set-piece. Third, speaking of characters, I had trouble distinguishing who was who. Most of the characters are interchangeable. Finally, the fight scenes are so poorly choreographed, they're totally unconvincing.

There are, however, a couple of positives I feel I should mention. First, the chain-smoking Silvia Solar is always fun to watch. I also enjoyed her performance in Danger Death Ray. Second, I did like the very final scene when the twist of sorts was revealed. It was easily the most interesting point in the entire plot.

4/10

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II (1989)

"Show me where the sword is, or I'll skewer you like you've never been skewered before.", 23 April 2017

Tyor, a young wizard in training, has been chosen by fate to defeat the three evil lords who are terrorizing the kingdom. Together with his mentor, Caedmon, and some help from a few other friends, Tyor must find the mystical amulet, sword, and chalice if he is to bring piece to the land.

First, I'm not sure why this is called Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II as it has absolutely nothing to do with the original Wizards of the Lost Kingdom. While that's not necessarily a bad thing because the first movie was so bad, it's an odd decision to call this Part II.

Next, like the first movie, this one is so juvenile it's ridiculous. Who was the target audience for this thing? Fights that are poorly choreographed, humor that never hits it's mark, and special effects that are just terrible. I love a good sword and sorcerer type movie, but this bloodless thing leaves a lot to be desired. If the humor ever worked, it might be okay as a parody, but it doesn't. And then there's the liberally use of stock footage. Whole scenes are ripped right out of other movies like Barbarian Queen. I know it saved money, but it's lazy film making.

The only reason I've rated Wizards II higher than Wizards I is the cast. With David Carradine, Sig Haig, and Lana Clarkson, they could have made an entertaining movie. But all, especially Carradine, seem to be uninterested and in it for a paycheck.

3/10