The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries "The Disappearing Floor" #1.5 (1977) (TV)

Very ambitious special effects, 18 February 2017

While looking for a missing scientist, Frank and Joe get more than they bargained for with a UFO that runs them off the road and an old house with growing rooms and disappearing floors. The boys also discover that someone else is looking for the scientist - a couple of Russian agents.

The Disappearing Floor is a good, fun episode. I remember when it first aired and how much I loved it. It's got a lot to offer with the UFO, creepy house, interesting mystery, and the sense of danger. But looking back at it today, you can easily see the episode's faults. It's a very ambitious episode for a show like The Hardy Boys / Nancy Drew Mysteries. By today's standards, the special effects are . . . well, they're weak. None of it looks at all realistic. But, I'll cut The Disappearing Floor some slack based on when it was released and what it tries to do and give it a 7/10.

One thing that has always puzzled me about The Hardy Boys / Nancy Drew Mysteries is all the sound looping or dubbing (whatever you call it). A lot of the dialogue sounds so unnatural and was obviously recorded later on in a studio. While it's hard not to notice in any of the episodes, it seemed especially apparent in this one. It can be distracting if you're not ready for it.

7/10

Secret Agent Fireball (1965)

A really nice Eurospy effort, 18 February 2017

An American agent, Bob Fleming (Richard Harrison), is sent to Europe to track down the whereabouts of two Russian scientists. They may have secrets important to the West. However, before he can find either, both are assassinated. Operating under the assumption that they had transferred their secrets to microfilm, he's asked to find it before the Russians do. As you'd rightly suspect, his path is blocked by a plethora of baddies, guns, explosions, women, and car chases. It's all a lot of fun.

Secret Agent Fireball is a nice Eurospy effort from director Luciano Martino. Martino keeps the film lively and never lets it overstay its welcome in one place for too long. Richard Harrison plays a good lead. He's got a natural appeal and knows how to use it. Dominique Boschero and Wandisa Guida make for perfect spy movie females. Either would have been at home in a Bond movie. And the whole bunch of Russian dudes, especially Luciano Pigozzi, are quite good. The plot is easy to follow, but has a couple of twists. I especially liked the twist right at the end. The only thing missing from Secret Agent Fireball that would have made it even better is a big action set-piece. I suppose that's where you can see the movie's budget limitations popping up.

The film does play a lot like a 60s European travelogue. The locations shots are all nicely done. I'm always impressed in a movie like this when I see what 60s-era Beirut looked like. Very interesting.

Overall, I'll be generous and rate it a 7/10.

7/10

Samurai Cop (1991)

"I have a neighbor next door.", 16 February 2017

After I finished watching Samurai Cop, I sat in silent disbelief for a few moments not really knowing what to think. I decided that I had either just watched one of the absolutely worst movies ever made or I had watched a piece of satirical brilliance that my puny mind couldn't fully comprehend. After doing a little research, I realize that my first notion was correct – it's bad. However, as bad as Samurai Cop is, that doesn't change the fact that I was entertained. If you do an internet search for a movie that's "so bad, it's good" (God, do I hate that phrase), a picture of Samurai Cop should immediately pop-up on your screen. It is the embodiment of what a "so bad, it's good" movie is.

So just how bad is Samurai Cop? Everything about the movie shows a level indescribable incompetence. Technically, the movie is a train wreck. The direction is horrible, there is a complete lack of continuity, my 5 year-old could have done better with the sound editing and effects, lighting is literally non-existent, and visual effects are incredibly poor. Artistically, the movie isn't any better. Sets, costuming, music, and make-up are all bargain basement. As for the acting – when Robert Z'Dar stands head-and- shoulders above the other actors talent-wise, that speaks volumes about the quality of the acting. I won't go into the full backstory of how the movie was made, but it does explain a lot and is worth reading for a laugh or two.

I haven't even mentioned the plot because it really doesn't matter. It has something to do with a Japanese gang that controls the drug trade in Los Angeles and the police that are trying to put them out of business. In reality, the plot is about a gang of bad guys and the cops that routinely shoot them. That's about it. With a name like Samurai Cop, I expected to see some martial arts type action with a lot of hand-to-hand fighting. But alas, this Samurai Cop and his trigger happy partner are much more at home shooting the baddies. The one or two actual fight scenes are (as you probably could guess by now) poorly choreographed messes.

As bad as it all is, the whole thing is just so funny it's hard not to find entertainment in what you're watching. For example, there a scene where Samurai Cop and his trigger happy partner go visit a burn victim to get some information. This man is wrapped head-to- toe in bleeding bandages. What does our hero do? Standing about four feet from the hospital bed, he hits up the nurse with some of the most inappropriate, cringe-worthy dialogue ever heard. It's literally laugh-out-loud funny. Another example of incompetent brilliance occurs when Robert Z'Dar's character, Yamashita (yes, Robert Z'Dar plays a character named Yamashita), throws a grenade that we inexplicably and hysterically hear explode twice. One grenade – two explosions. Funny stuff. And just when you think the movie has hit a low point and can't get any more absurd, somehow it does. Samurai Cop keeps giving.

Realistically, Samurai Cop is a complete disaster of a movie. If you rated it as a serious action film, you'd have to give it a 1/10. However, it is unintentionally one of the funnier movies I've seen in awhile. As a comedy piece, I'd rate it an 8/10. Averaging the two ratings together and rounding up, I'm giving Samurai Cop an overall 5/10. If you're into "bad" movies, this one is not to be missed.

5/10

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries "Mystery of the Diamond Triangle" #1.4 (1977) (TV)

Nancy and the disappearing car, 16 February 2017

From the vantage point of a glider, Nancy watches a car run off the road. The police investigate, but can't find anything and tell Nancy she must be mistaken. The road Nancy identifies has been closed because of a washed out bridge. However, the police later find the burnt out remains of a car matching Nancy's description, but on a different road. It's nowhere near the spot Nancy had pointed to. The police suspect insurance fraud, but not Nancy.

The Mystery of the Diamond Triangle is a decent enough episode – not the worst nor the best of the series. Nancy's big break in the case has little to do with her detective skills and more to do with sheer luck. She and George just happen to be in the right place at the right time to see how the car got past the washed out bridge. It's a fairly creative way to get a car over a missing bridge, but I wish Nancy would have discovered the truth in a different manner. Nancy and George's escape from the baddies was a bit far-fetched, but fun. Nancy gets to show off a little skateboarding skill. Also, it was a pleasure seeing Gordon Jump in a supporting role. I think he appeared in every show made in the 70s.

I'll call this one better than average and give it a 6/10.

6/10

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries "The Mystery of Witches' Hollow" #1.3 (1977) (TV)

Better than the first Hardy Boys episode, 15 February 2017

Fenton Hardy sends Frank and Joe to a place called Witches' Hollow to check on man named Captain Maguire. When they arrive, however, they find that Captain Maguire has mysteriously disappeared. With a lot of other strange things going on in Witches' Hollow, the boys (naturally) decide to investigate.

The Mystery of Witches' Hollow is one of those episodes that features plot devices that appeal to me. A local legend of a witch, supposedly haunted woods, strange noises at night, and a large cat on the prowl – it's these type episodes that I prefer. These are the episodes (and I'm not giving anything away) where you know that someone is using a local legend and everything surrounding it to scare people away so they can go about their illegal activities undetected. It's the basic Scooby Doo plot structure. And it works on me. The Mystery of Witches' Hollow has the added bonus of featuring a few really creepy, almost frightening (well, frightening for The Hardy Boys – I mean you know it's all going to turn out okay), scenes. My biggest complaint is that some of the nighttime scenes are so dark, it's difficult to see what's going on. Maybe it was the copy I was watching, so I won't take too much away from it. Also, at the end, the hows and whys of what the baddie was up to is a bit muddy with the final moments feeling rushed. Still, overall, the episode is a fun one and a fair sight better than the first Hardy Boys' episode in the series.

6/10

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries "The Mystery of Pirate's Cove" #1.2 (1977) (TV)

A great first Nancy Drew episode, 14 February 2017

Nancy and her friends see a light coming from a lighthouse that's been abandoned for years. Nancy begins investigating only to discover the lighthouse has recently been sold to a professor specializing in paranormal research. Could the light have been some sort of ghostly light? Nancy is determine to get to the bottom of the mysterious lighthouse.

It was impossible for me to watch this The Secret of Pirate's Cove and not compare it with the previous episode. Unlike the first Hardy Boys episode in the series, the first Nancy Drew episode hits all the marks. This episode, The Secret of Pirate's Cove, has everything that I argued was missing from the previous episode, The Mystery of the Haunted House. For starters, there's a lighthouse that is supposedly haunted. There's also a legend of pirate treasure and men being buried alive. Add to that mystery of the dying fish, tunnels under the lighthouse, and footprints that disappear – all the ingredients are here for a top-notch Nancy Drew mystery. It doesn't hurt any either that, unlike the first episode, we as viewers are included in all the plot details from the beginning. And, it doesn't hurt that the story is smaller in scale involving a local legend.

Overall, a very nice episode (I'll have to see if ends up being one of the best) that I'll easily rate an 8/10.

8/10

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries "The Mystery of the Haunted House" #1.1 (1977) (TV)

Not the "Haunted House" I was hoping for, 14 February 2017

Worried about a case their father is working, Frank and Joe tail him and soon get mixed up in missing government secrets, an empty grave, and a man with amnesia.

Being the first episode of The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries, I wish I could be more enthusiastic about "The Mystery of the Haunted House" and could rate it higher rating. There would be much better episodes to come, but this one is average at best. I have two main gripes. The first is the "Haunted House" in the title. Even when I watch it back in 1977, I wasn't expecting real haunted house. But what I was expected was a house that was supposedly haunted where weird things happened. In the end, it would be revealed that someone was using an old legend to scare people away so they could carry on their nefarious activities without interruption. Sort of like the house in Nancy Drew episode I watched last night, The Secret of the Whispering Walls. But in this episode there is no haunted house or even a supposed haunted house – instead there's a nightclub/restaurant called "The Haunted House". It includes secret passageways, etc. as you head to the main dining area. The only cool thing about the whole idea was seeing Richard Kiel in full Frankenstein make-up. Otherwise, it's a horrible gimmick.

My second issue is with the plot. As the episode begins, we're dropped right in the middle of a story we know nothing about. At this point, we've not even been introduced to the characters. It's a muddled was to begin a series. Even after we learn a few things, it never "feels" right. It doesn't seem like the kind of case our amateur detectives should find themselves wrapped up in right out of the gate. Something a little more local that didn't involve national secrets might have been a more appropriate way to start off. Something like the haunted house I described previously would have worked better.

Overall, I cannot in good faith rate this episode any higher than a very average 5/10.

5/10

The Champions "A Case of Lemmings" #1.17 (1969) (TV)

Another good episode, 13 February 2017

After three seemingly unrelated Interpol agents commit suicide, Nemesis is asked to investigate. At first, Richard, Sharron, and Craig can't seem to find a connection. Why would three otherwise healthy and normal agents want to kill themselves? They soon discover a connection between the three – a mafia boss living in Rome. They're soon on his trail, dangling Craig as bait. Will Craig be the next suicide victim?

A Case of Lemmings is a very nice episode with an interesting plot. Not surprising, the show never gets into the specifics of the drug used to "force" these people the commit suicide, but it's all handled in a fairly believable manner. The method of delivery and the effect on the would-be victim are about what you'd expect from such a drug. Another point in the episode's favor is the equal time all three Champions are given. And, each plays a pivotal role as the story unfolds. These episodes are fairly rare, but always welcome. The supporting cast in A Case of Lemmings isn't as strong as some others I've seen. Edward Brayshaw has the largest role as the mafia boss. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem overly authentic and plays it more as a caricature of a mafia boss. The final scenes came as something of a surprise, but wrapped things up about as well as could be expected. Overall, I'll give it a 7/10.

7/10

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries "The Secret of the Whispering Walls" #1.6 (1977) (TV)

The Secret of the Whispering Walls is a good one, 13 February 2017

Nancy interrupts a break-in and robbery at her home. The only thing that appears to be missing is some paperwork related to the sale of her two aunts' home. While her Dad heads off to replace the missing documents, Nancy and George go to the aunts' home to stall for time. Once there, Nancy discovers some strange goings-on. One of her aunts tells a story of hearing spirits in the walls that don't want them to sell. Quite naturally, Nancy investigates and finds a series of passageways and tunnels. Her big break in the case is the discovery of a $20 bill near an old burn pile. Can Nancy put the pieces together and solve The Secret of the Whispering Walls?

Ah, how watching this show takes me back to a simpler, more innocent time. I remember waiting each week for Sunday night and the latest installment of The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries. I was in the perfect demographic for the show. While I was always more a fan of the Hardy Boys – their episodes were usually more interesting – The Secret of the Whispering Walls is a good one. The mystery isn't too difficult to solve, but watching Nancy and George go about their investigation is a lot of fun. I'm always a sucker for secret passageways and such. The aunts, played by Queenie Smith and Irene Tedrow, add a bit of comedy that works for me. Throw in a red herring in the form of a nasty neighbor and everything is in place for a good, enjoyable episode.

7/10

Cyber Tracker (1994)

Lame, 12 February 2017

In the future, there's a new kind of cyborg police officer capable of catching the guilty and dealing out punishment. Senator Dilly is the main proponent behind the Cyber Trackers, but not everyone is on board. When security agent Eric (I don't know his last name) helps stop a plot to assassinate the Senator, he quickly regrets his actions when he learns what the Senator is actually up to. Eric is framed for a crime and finds himself the target of the Cyborg justice system. He joins forces with the same group of vigilantes he had previously fought to put a stop to the government corruption and overreach.

I don't know if any of that plot summary makes sense because the movie doesn't make sense. The plot is utterly ridiculous. There's no real motivation for anyone and characters just come and go. I didn't care about anything that was happening. The whole thing is obviously a cheap Terminator rip-off without anything that made that movie so good. Weak plot, poor acting, cheap special effects, badly choreographed fight scenes, and a general lack of talent from top to bottom. Apparently, the producers were under the mistaken assumption that you could make a compelling movie based on Don "The Dragon" Wilson's roundhouse kick. As Cyber Tracker proves, you can't.

2/10