It Takes a Thief “Get Me to the Revolution on Time” #2.5 (1968) (TV)

I can’t imagine an episode any worse than this one, 18 October 2019

The mission here is nothing special - Mundy is tasked with stealing a document from what is supposed to be an impregnable safe.  The safe has six keys held by six different individuals. Pretty routine stuff.

I never thought I’d find an episode of It Takes a Thief that I would dislike quite as much as I do Get Me to the Revolution on Time.  To sum up my feelings in one word, this episode is stupid. Where to begin? First, why not wait until the following morning to sign the contract - you know, right before the Swiss couriers arrive to pick it up?  You can’t steal a contract in the middle of the night if it hasn’t been signed. Second, why would Al try to break into the overly complicated safe? Why not steal the document AFTER the couriers have it? Third, Robert Wagner and Ivan Dixon’s attempts at accents are laughable.  You can hear Wagner’s accent change in mid-sentence. And fourth, Al’s cover is a cocktail mixologist? Huh? That’s about the stupidest thing imaginable.  

There’s really not much in Get Me to the Revolution on Time that I found enjoyable.  The lone bright spot I can think of was Morgan Woodward as Ivor Phillips. He plays a fantastic baddie.

3/10

Lovejoy “The Judas Pair” #1.5 (1986) (TV)

“Only a man with the quirks of a collector would kill for a pair of bloody guns.” 17 October 2019

Lovejoy is asked to look into the murder of a man shot through the eye during the robbery of his antique flintlock dueling pistols.  Lovejoy puts his (and Lady Jane’s) life on the line to find the pistols and uncover a murderer.  

The Judas Pair is a solid episode that finds Lovejoy in more danger than usual.   Lovejoy often talks about greed when it comes to antiques and, in this episode, we see that greed manifest itself in murder.  Lovejoy’s not only shot at, but also trapped in a burning house by a desperate murderer. I’ll credit the writing and directing in The Judas Pair for presenting a number of credible suspects that add to the mystery.  While I’m not exactly sure how Lovejoy figures everything out, especially the secret of the pistols, it’s a fun watch. And there’s quite a bit of tension built up in that final showdown with the murderer.  

In most cases, I never really know how accurate the show is when it comes to history and antiques.  Is The Judas Pair a real thing? Did a gunsmith really make a pistol for the King like the one presented here?  I don’t know, but it certainly makes for interesting and entertaining television.  

Finally, I must mention Anthony Valentine in the role of Michael Seymour.  Of all the guest stars in the first five episodes, he’s the standout. It’s a shame he only came back to do one more episode.  I would have loved to see him join Lovejoy in a semi-regular recurring role.    

7/10

Lovejoy “Friends, Romans and Enemies” #1.4 (1986) (TV)

“You’ll never make the upper classes, Lovejoy; you’re too much of a snob.” 16 October 2019

To get Gimbert off his back, Lovejoy agrees to sort through some junk left over after an estate sale.  The dead man was something of an eccentric and, as Lovejoy discovers, a man who may have known the whereabouts of a treasure in Roman gold coins.  Lovejoy’s suspicions seem to be proven correct when a couple of long-lost American “relatives” turn up to collect their uncle’s possessions. Can Lovejoy solve the dead man’s riddles and find the treasure first?

As I’ve stated over and over, I love Lovejoy.  But, Friends, Romans and Enemies is not among my favorite episodes.  It’s still good - all Lovejoy episodes are worth watching - but it doesn’t work as well on me as most of the others.  I think my main problem is that there is too much plot for the 50+ minute runtime. The story here could have easily been stretched out into a two-parter.  When you squeeze it all down into one episode, a lot of the details get lost. How do all the dead man’s clues fit together? How did Lovejoy know to go to the Isle of Man?  How did Jane and Eric (and the baddies for that matter) know where to find Lovejoy? Every time I watch this episode, I’m left with a lot of questions. It’s not that I need plot points spoonfed to me, but I miss the leisurely pace of most Lovejoy episodes where discovering the details is part of the fun.  

Another issue I had with Friends, Romans and Enemies was some of the acting, particularly on the part of Catherine Strauss as Nicole - one of the American “relatives”.  She’s not horrible, but she’s not up the level of acting you find in the rest of the cast.  

6/10

Lovejoy “The Sting” #1.3 (1986) (TV)

“I need you, Lovejoy. Since my wife died, I need someone to hate.” 15 October 2019

Lovejoy agrees to help a woman retrieve a couple of small antique statues. But when Lovejoy’s nemesis, Gimbert, gets his hands on the figures, out of spite, he’s not about to turn them over.  Lovejoy concocts a con to get the statues from Gimbert.

The Sting is a perfect example of why I love Lovejoy.  First, there’s the unharmonious relationship between Gimbert and Lovejoy.  They feed off making the other miserable. When Gimbert says, “I need, you Lovejoy.  Since my wife died, I need someone to hate”, he means it. Second, Malcolm Tierney is so good at playing the vindictive Charlie Gimbert that it’s hard not to cheer for Lovejoy even when he’s doing things that skirt the law (or at least ethics).  It’s always a joy to watch Tierney’s face when Lovejoy gets the better of him. It’s a nice piece of underappreciated acting. Third, The Sting features one of those interesting cons that are always a pleasure to watch unfold. As a viewer, I’m usually lost when it comes to what Lovejoy is up to.  Fortunately, by the end of the episode, it all comes clear and we see just how brilliant the scheme really was. And fourth, all of the regular characters get a chance to shine and play a part in the plan. Tinker, Eric, and Lady Jane each have a role if they are to successfully put one over on Gimbert.  Really fun stuff.

I think I wrote a long time ago that, to me, Lovejoy was “comfortable” television.  And there’s no better example of that than The Sting. Grab a snack and get comfy on the couch - that’s the best way to enjoy Lovejoy.

8/10

Jonny Quest “The Sea Haunt” #1.26 (1965) (TV)

“Don’t worry, Bandit.  Nothing will happen to you that won’t happen to the rest of us.” 14 October 2019

The Quest team discover an abandoned freighter in the Java Sea.  The captain's log indicates the crew were attacked by some sort of creature from deep beneath the sea.  After the Quest's plane is destroyed by the same monster, the team will have to use their wits to survive.

The Sea Haunt is a solid final episode in the Jonny Quest series.  The creature animation is a bit weak by the standards of the series, but it does come across as a dangerous being.  The creature looks a bit like The Creature from the Black Lagoon - with a tail. The strength is comparable as the creature has no problems destroying a plane and trashing a ship. He represents a real threat to Jonny and Co.  The group uses whatever is at their disposal to ward off the creature until they can be rescued. That’s one of the things that always impressed me about the series - the groups resourcefulness and intelligence. Overall, good storytelling and a fun episode.  

A few random thoughts:

1. Those acetylene torches were more like flamethrowers.  I don’t think that’s the way they actually operate.

2. I love the way Dr Quest and Race discuss the creature and its undersea origin like it’s the most normal thing in the world.  

3. The Sea Haunt does feature some unfortunate racial stereotyping.  I’m glad Charlie was the one who saved the day.

7/10

Hell House LLC (2015)

Creepy, but it could have been better, 13 October 2019

Found footage horror movie set in an abandoned hotel that some enterprising young people hope to turn into an elaborate Halloween haunted house.  But on opening night, things go horribly wrong and 15 people end up dead. An investigative journalist sets out to uncover the truth of Hell House.  

When Hell House LLC works, it’s incredibly effective.  There are parts of the film that really creeped me out.  If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s clowns. So, when dead-looking clown mannequins start moving mysteriously in the night, it’s uber-creepy to me..  Throw in a basement with Satanic drawings on the wall and old bibles scattered on the floor and I’m ready to hide until it’s all over. The backstory of the hotel and the hotel itself are also pluses for the film.  You get a weird, spooky vibe from the building even before anyone sets foot inside it. Finally, I like the fact that Hell House LLC is really two found footage movies in one. I won’t spoil anything, but the twist at the end worked on me.  

But as my rating would indicate, all is not perfect with Hell House LLC.  I have two chief complaints. First, almost every character involved in the haunted house preparation is as annoying as sin.  The entire time I was watching, I just hoped Paul and Danny would be among the dead. Second, and more importantly, not a single character in the movie displayed an ounce of common sense.  You hear strange things in the night - what do you do? Walk around with a camera and a weak flashlight? Well that’s what these people do. Turn on the damn lights! The lights work - use them.  And after you’ve seen strange things that shouldn’t happen (like a dead-looking clown moving around), do you get out? Not if you’re these lunkheads. The first time I saw some of the happenings they see, I’d be on the first bus out of town.  But because the characters in this movie act without an iota of common sense, they’re like lambs led to slaughter.

Overall, a real mixed bag.  Hell House LLC is creepy enough, but the characters really hurt my enjoyment.  

5/10