Catalina Caper (1967)

The death of the beach movie, 13 February 2005

As with most other beach movies, the plot in Catalina Caper is paper thin. The whole thing can be condensed into one sentence: (from IMDb) A group of swingin' teens take time out from having fun in the sun to try to foil a group of crooks searching for a stolen scroll.

Beyond the terrible plot and script, the biggest single problem I have with the movie is the star, Tommy Kirk. He seems like a nice enough fellow and I've seen him give decent performances as a supporting player in some of the earlier beach movies, but he is completely unable to carry Catalina Caper as the lead. It doesn't help that he is surrounded by a group of no names with no talent.

The highlight of the movie has to be the song performed by Little Richard. It's an absolute hoot. He looks so stoned that I don't know how he was able to stand upright.

I watched the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version of Catalina Caper. While not the best I've seen from MST3K, there were a few laughs here and there. My favorite bit from the MST3K crew had to be the "burn witch burn" chant during the opening night time bonfire dance scene.

4/10

The Grudge (2004)

Some very creepy moments, 13 February 2005

The film's title refers to a Japanese myth involving the spirits of people who have died in "the grip of a powerful rage". Anyone who comes into contact with these spirits will die. The plot of The Grudge is very simple. An American exchange student, Karen (Sarah Michelle Gellar), living in Japan takes a job with a health care center. When one of the other workers doesn't show up, Karen is given her first solo assignment helping an older lady in her home. When Karen arrives, she immediately realizes that something is not quite right. What she doesn't realize is that this house is possessed by spirits who will kill anyone who sets foot inside.

Let me start by saying that I have not (as of 2/11/05) seen the original Japanese version. I plan to do so, hopefully, very soon. With that being said, I enjoyed The Grudge much more than I had expected. This is my first experience with Shimizu as a director, but I came away impressed. His has a nice ability to tell a story regardless of the language. The Grudge is one of the best examples of a non-linear story presentation that I can think of. As the movie progressed, it was a treat to watch Shimizu bring the pieces of the story together.

Another plus for The Grudge was Shimizu's decision (probably based on budgetary concerns as much as anything) to primarily use "real" effects and less CGI. The make-up on the Kayoka character, for example, created a far more unsettling image than the use of CGI could have. It was obvious that Kayoka was a real person, not just a computer image. The overuse or inappropriate use of CGI has ruined many modern horror movies.

There were, however, some areas where the movie could have been better. Gellar is one of the most unappealing leads in Hollywood. I've never understood what all the fuss is about. I always found her extremely annoying.

While the movie has many truly creepy (some were downright scary) scenes, the movie relies far too heavily on "jump moments". You know what I mean - a character opens a door and a cat jumps out (The Grudge actually features a cat jumping out of a closet). I've always thought that jump moments were a cheap way to illicit a response from the audience. A few jump moments can be good, but too many just becomes tiring.

Given that I wasn't expecting much, The Grudge was a lot of fun. I am looking forward to the sequel and to going back and discovering the original Japanese film - Ju-on: The Grudge.

7/10

The Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1970)

- L'uccello dalle piume di cristallo
Argento's First, 11 February 2005

Sam (Tony Musante) is an American writer vacationing in Italy. One night as he walks past an art gallery, he sees two figures inside struggling. One is obviously a woman, the other is wearing a black raincoat, gloves, and hat. The dark figure escapes out a side door after the woman is stabbed. She is not dead and stumbles down the stairs toward the front door. Sam rushes to her rescue but becomes trapped between two glass doors. When the police arrive, they naturally assume Sam tried to kill woman and was trapped as he made his escape. The police also suspect Sam in a series of murders around the city. Sam decides that his best course of action is to assist the police in finding the killer.

Mario Bava may be credited with "inventing" the giallo, but Argento made the giallo his own beginning with this, his first film. His string of successes in the genre (including The Bird with the Crystal Plumage, Deep Red, Tenebre, Opera, and the underrated Sleepless) is second to none. In his first giallo, Argento employs many of the techniques that he has over the years become famous for - innovative camera work, nice use of color, and good set pieces. In addition, The Bird with the Crystal Plumage features what I consider to be one of the best scripts Argento has written. Almost everything, including the outcome, seems to be fairly logical and make sense. Argento builds the suspense very nicely throughout the movie. The first time I saw the movie, the killer's identity really caught me off guard.

One thing missing from The Bird with the Crystal Plumage that Argento uses extensively in his later films is blood. Compare the amount of on screen blood in this film with Tenebre. It's not even close. This, however, doesn't bother me. In fact, the lack of blood allows me to better concentrate on the plot as it unfolds.

The Bird with the Crystal Plumage may not be my favorite giallo, but it would make an excellent starting point for someone new to these films.

8/10

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992)

"The tender boughs of innocence burn first, and the wind rises, and then all goodness is in jeopardy.", 11 February 2005

This film is essentially a prequel to the television series Twin Peaks. The movie begins one year before the television show with two FBI agents investigating the death of a waitress, Teresa Banks. After a half-hour, the focus of the movie switches to events that take place in the week that leads up to the murder of Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee). The events during the last week of Laura's life are filled with drugs, alcohol, and sex , and her murder is extremely brutal and violent. At this point, the television series begins. And things lighten-up quite a bit.

The primary focus of the movie is the relationship between Laura Palmer and her father, Leland Palmer (Ray Wise). While Lee is adequate in the role of Laura, Wise excels at giving life to Leland. His ability to express emotion (fear, sadness, rage, etc.) is amazing, if not a little over the top. Another actor/character worth mentioning is Frank Silva as Bob. His character and performance are among the most frightening I've ever seen.

As I said, Lynch has a lot of different things going on in the movie. Many are not really essential to the plot and could have, perhaps, been left out. For example, the first thirty minutes has almost nothing to do with what follows. Lynch could have shortened the movie to 90 minutes and made a tighter film that might have better appealed to an audience beyond the built-in television audience. In my mind, the "padding" contained in this movie is its greatest weakness.

While the original television series presented life in a quirky town that could never exist in reality, the movie takes the bizarre nature of the town and stretches it to the point of non-believability. Take the scene with David Bowie as an example. He is seen walking down the hall at an FBI office and entering the office of his superior. As he gets halfway to the desk, he disappears. No one seems overly surprised - they act as if it is a normal part of the day.

I was a huge fan of the television series during its initial run and was very excited when I first heard that Lynch was making this movie. While I enjoyed Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me, I doubt I would have liked it nearly as much if I hadn't seen the series before I went to the theater. I don't think a non-fan of the show would have a clue about what was happening on screen.

7/10

Blood on Satan's Claw (1971)

Criminally Underseen, 11 February 2005

While plowing a field, a young man uncovers what he believes to be the devil. Soon, all the children and young people in the tiny village are performing pagan rituals in the woods. Very nice movie.

Blood on Satan's Claw is loaded with that key ingredient: ATMOSPHERE. Good acting by a cast of British horror regulars, although none are very well known. Linda Hayden is just so deliciously evil as the leader of the cult. It's too bad the movie didn't feature a "big" name actor. Blood on Satan's Claw would probably get the attention it deserves if it had. The ending was the only let down as far as I'm concerned.

With a decent DVD transfer, my overall enjoyment of the movie might actually increase. The copy I have is a very old VHS that I bought used at a video store.

7/10

The Crater Lake Monster (1977)

Oh, the horror, 11 February 2005

The movie opens with a meteor crashing into a lake. Unbeknownst to the locals, a dinosaur egg is also at the bottom of the lake. The meteor heats the lake, turning it into a giant incubator. You guessed it, the egg hatches releasing a dinosaur that proceeds to terrorize the community.

What utter garbage. It's not that I mind the stop-motion clay dinosaur, it's everything else about the movie that bothers me. The acting is atrocious. The dialogue is utterly ridiculous. The comic relief is anything but comic. Logic is non-existent. Any similarity between the "scientists" in this movie and an actual scientist is purely coincidental. I could go on for an eternity on the bad aspects of this movie, but you get the idea. I feel it's fairly safe to call this disaster "MST3K Worthy".

2/10

Bloodlust! (1961)

The Brady Bunch go hunting, 9 February 2005

While on vacation, two young couples decide to explore what they believe to be a deserted island. They soon run into Dr. Albert Balleau (Wilton Graff) who offers them the hospitality of his home - the only one on the island. Dr. Balleau's house is decorated with the trophies from his various hunting expeditions. It seems he imports game to the island. Now, Dr. Balleau is looking for even more cunning and dangerous game to hunt on his island. The young couples learn that they are to provide him with the hunting thrills he seeks.

Bloodlust! was a much better movie when it was known as The Most Dangerous Game (1932). That movie is far superior to Bloodlust! in every way. Take the casts as an example. The Most Dangerous Game featured Joel McCrea and the original scream queen, Fay Wray. The insane hunter was played to perfection by Leslie Banks. In contrast, Bloodlust! features Robert Reed in one of his early roles. If the big name "star" of your movie is the future dad from The Brady Bunch, then you really don't have much. The hunter is played by Graff as a Vincent Price wannabe. It's really pathetic.

Another comparison, Bloodlust! goes for the cheap thrills by showing various body parts being prepared to be mounted for his trophy room. There is nothing that looks remotely real in this scene. The Most Dangerous Game leaves these images up to the viewers imagination. And (especially true with low budgets) the imagination is capable of creating far more horrific images than can be created by using a cheap rubber foot.

If you find the concept of a nut-job hunting people as sport appealing, watch The Most Dangerous Game. The Alpha DVD has a great image and can be had for about $5. The video appears to have been "taken" from the much more expensive Criterion DVD.

2/10

Martin (1977)

Not your typical Hollywood vampire movie, 9 February 2005

Martin is not your ordinary vampire movie. Instead of hypnotism, Martin (John Amplas) uses a hypodermic needle to gain the cooperation of his victims. Instead of fangs, Martin uses a razor blade to cut open a wrist to get the blood he needs. Martin can go out in the sun, does not fear crosses or other religious symbols, and garlic has no effect on him. So, is Martin really a vampire? Both he and his elderly Rumanian cousin, Tada Cuda (Lincoln Maazel), think so. Upon meeting Martin, Cuda almost immediately calls him "Nosferatu" and says he will first save Martin's soul before killing him.

Again, is Martin a vampire? The movie is rather purposely ambiguous on the matter. To me it's pretty clear that Martin is a strange, maladjusted, confused boy. Since he was born, he has been told that he suffers from a family curse that forces him to seek blood. He has grown-up in a socially, sexually, and emotionally repressed situation. His desire to drink blood appears to be more of a psychological need than a real physical need. It's not just the blood that he has been trained to think he needs, it is the real need to be close to another human. His family has always looked upon him as a pariah - the cursed one. Drinking the blood brings him a closeness and human contact that he needs. It helps explain why he strips and lays with his victims long after the blood has stopped flowing. It's also ironic that the one person he is able to get close to kills herself out of guilt or some other feeling. Martin refused to spill her blood, yet she ends up doing it on her own.

The movie certainly has its moments and is a wonderful character study. But, in the end, I find Martin to be one of the most depressing movies that I've seen recently. Martin left me cold. And, this is directly related to the rating I've given this movie. It's not that I find fault with Romero's screenplay or direction, he has never done better. The low budget look (a necessity, not a choice by Romero) adds impact and power to the already down beat story. The ending is very powerful. But, as I've said before, ultimately I watch movies for entertainment. Some movies are able to make me think while being entertained. I didn't find that to be the case with Martin. While it is a very thoughtful movie, it is not a very entertaining movie. However, with that being said, it's definitely worth another look at a later date.

6/10

April Fool's Day (1986)

One of the best of the 80s teen/slasher films, 6 February 2005

The basic plot of April Fool's Day is similar to many of the teen horror/slasher movies of the 1980s. For the most part, the story of the first three quarters of the movie isn't really anything special. A group of eight friends travel to the island estate of Muffy St. John (Deborah Foreman) to spend the weekend. Soon, the inevitable happens - people start disappearing and bodies start piling up. Of course, there's no way off the island, the phone isn't working, and Muffy is acting very weird. But, just when you think you've got things figured out, the big ending comes out of nowhere.

About the ending (and I'm not going to give it away) - from what I've read, it seems to be a love it or hate it proposition. There's not much middle ground. You will either feel cheated and want to throw your remote at the television or you will love it and appreciate it as something different. Put me in the love it category. I think it is a nice change of pace from the normal horror movie from the period. There are a few (very few) clues as to what's coming up, but it takes a repeat viewing to pick them up.

Most of the 80s teen horror movies have interchangeable characters - there is a nerd, a jock, a slut, a good girl, etc. And even though the characters in April Fool's Day can be put in these categories, they are not as exaggerated as you find in most similar movies. The writers should be given credit for at least attempting to write somewhat "real" characters. By no means do we get in depth characterizations, but these characters are more like people I actually knew in the 80s.

As usual, I do have a couple problems with the movie. The biggest complaint I have is the idea that the whole scheme could be pulled off without anyone knowing or discovering what was going on. That notion requires an extra large leap in any sort of known logic. And, I have a problem making a jump that large.

By the way, what ever happened to Deborah Foreman? After the 80s, she seems to have dropped off the planet.

7/10

Evel Knievel (1971)

"I am the last gladiator in the New Rome.", 6 February 2005

Evel Knievel purports to be a biography of the life of the real Evel Knievel. The movie presents stories and episodes from different periods throughout his life. We see Evel as a young boy in Butte, Montana. We see him grow to become a local hoodlum. We see him meet, date, kidnap, and marry his wife. We see him on his first paying job as a motorcycle daredevil. We see him in the hospital after his horrific crash at Ceasar's Palace. All of this is presented in a series of flashbacks as Evel prepares himself to make a jump over 19 cars.

I have no idea how much of what is presented is true. I feel confident, however, that there are quite a few dramatic licenses taken with Evel's life. For example, I sincerely doubt someone could be responsible for two dynamite explosions in the City Hall on the same night and no one notice who was responsible. Don't you think the police might have asked the local dynamite dealer if anyone had recently made a purchase? I sincerely believe Evel would have spent a considerable amount of time in prison if this episode of his life, as presented, were true.

The "Tan Man", George Hamilton (who also produced the movie), plays Evel. And while he may bear no resemblance to the real man, he does a decent job copying Evel's walk and speech pattern.

While the movie is not great, there are a couple of moments in the film that make it worth watching at least once.

5/10

One Million Years B.C. (1966)

Raquel and nothing else, 5 February 2005

Two brothers fight to succeed their father as the leader of a tribe of cavemen. Along the way, the run into dinosaurs, an earthquake, and Raquel Welch.

I've always found this movie a fairly boring affair. The story is uninvolving, much of the acting is very stiff, and it doesn't help matters that not a word of English (or any other language) is spoken in the entire movie. There are some Ray Harryhausen special effects, but they seem out of place here. The best thing that can be said about One Million Years B.C. is that it launched the career (big time) of Raquel Welch.

To sum it up, other than the Harryhausen special effects (and the Raquel Welch special bikini) there's not much here to enjoy.

4/10

How to Steal a Million (1966)

Very Entertaining (regadless of how implausible), 5 February 2005

Nicole Bonnet (Audrey Hepburn) is the daughter of an art forger. One of his sculptures is loaned to the museum for display. The insurance company, however, insists that the sculpture be authenticated. With the help of Peter O'Toole, Nicole must steal the sculpture before her father can be uncovered as a fake.

This may be an ultra-light romantic/comedy/heist film, but Audrey Hepburn is always a pleasure to watch. The chemistry between her and O'Toole is almost perfect. The scenes of the pair locked in the museum closet are wonderful. The actual heist, while simple, is very effective and innovative for this kind of movie. The supporting cast of Eli Wallach, Hugh Griffith, and Charles Boyer add a lot to the fun.

There's one inside joke that I had never noticed before that I picked-up on during this viewing. In one scene, Hepburn is presented with the costume of a scrub woman to wear. The following exchange gave me a real chuckle:

- O'Toole: Yes, that's fine. That does it.

- Hepburn: Does what?

- O'Toole: Well, for one thing, it gives Givenchy a night off.

It seems that Givenchy was Hepburn's real life designer and did all of her clothes for her films.

8/10