Dark Future (1994)

Garbage, 4 October 2019

This thing is so bad that I can’t be bothered to come up with my own plot summary.  Here’s the one from IMDb: “In the 21st century, most of mankind has been wiped out by a plague. The few remaining people are forced to live in an underground world, serving as prostitutes and slave to cyborgs that now control them. When the first baby in 30 years is born, a bartender leads a revolt against the part-man, part-machine creatures that seek to capture the baby for their own ends.”

Dark Future is complete and utter garbage.  Everything imaginable is about as bad as you’ll find in a movie.  Acting – bad. Plot – bad. Special effects – bad. Music – bad. Cinematography – bad.  Sets – bad. You get the idea. I’ll bet that even the catering was bad. Director Greydon Clark made some reasonably enjoyable trash during his career (Final Justice and Satan’s Cheerleaders for example), but with Dark Future, he hit rock bottom.  It’s absolutely horrible.

There are two things that keep me from raring Dark Future a 1/10.  First, there is at least one interesting idea involving using the baby to somehow keep some old dudes alive.  Of course, it’s not fleshed out and it’s handled poorly, but the idea is there. Second, I’m trying to limit the number of movies I rate a 1/10.   

2/10

The Mummy (1959)

“He who robs the graves of Egypt dies!”  3 October 2019

The plot of Hammer’s The Mummy should be familiar to anyone who has seen a mummy movie or two.  It’s 1895 and a group of archeologists find and open the tomb of the Princess Ananka. One of the archeologists goes mad immediately.  After returning home, the other members of the group are killed off one-by-one. Could it be a mummy (in this case Kharis) back from the dead to avenge the desecration of Ananka’s tomb? 

Until last night, I hadn’t seen Hammer’s The Mummy in at least a decade.  In that time, I had completely forgotten just how good it is. Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee are teamed up once again and the result is something special.  Cushing is such a fun actor to watch. He’s perpetual motion. Whether it’s lighting a cigarette or bounding off the wall with spear in hand, his acting style is a sight to behold.  Lee, in a largely non-speaking role, is his equal. Through the rotting bandages, Lee does an amazing job of expressing his feelings with just his eyes. It’s subtle (about the only thing subtle about this mummy) and nicely done. I was equally impressed with George Pastell as the mysterious Egyptian, Mehemet Bey.  He more than holds his own with Cushing and Lee. 

Beyond acting, The Mummy is a very visually appealing film.  Lee’s mummy get-up is quite good – especially the face and head.  Hammer films were notoriously done on the cheap. But other than what I thought was a visible zipper on the back of Lee’s mummy suit in a scene or two, you don’t get much creepier than the mummy in this film.  The sight of Lee stumbling out of the swamp is one of those iconic images that lives with you long after the film has ended. Most of the sets (the Egyptian “desert” set being the most notable exception) are stunning.  They’re bright and colorful – just what you expect from Hammer. Throw in nice lighting effects and solid cinematography and you end up with one very good looking movie.

Finally, I think Terence Fisher’s direction should be mentioned as another component in the success of The Mummy.  Other than the seen-it-all-before Egyptian flashback bits, Fisher’s pacing is a key to my enjoyment of the film. There’s rarely a dull moment.  And the decision to make the mummy more mobile than most previous cinematic mummies helps. Watching Lee’s mummy crash through doors and windows is a frightening sight.  It’s a nice piece of film making.

Weaknesses?  I’ve already mentioned the outdoor Egyptian sets, the flashback, and the zipper – there’s really not much more to complain about. 

8/10  

Lovejoy “The Axeman Cometh” #1.2 (1986) (TV)

The Axeman vs The Taxman, 2 October 2019

Lovejoy uses some underhanded tactics to get hold of a valuable Welsh dresser.  But what he discovers in one of the struck drawers is worth much more than he could have ever originally imagined.  Good thing, because he’s got the taxman breathing down his neck. If that weren’t bad enough, Lovejoy’s got a bigger problem when the original owner of the Welsh dresser is let out of prison and, armed with an ax, comes looking for his belongings. 

Overall, I find The Axeman Cometh a good, but not spectacular episode.  The auction bits are fun, Lovejoy’s dealings with the tax agent are entertaining enough, and the final showdown with the titular Axeman is a real hoot, but it’s not enough to make this an outstanding episode.  The problem is that I’ve never cared for the scenes involving either the Jewish gold merchant or the French antique dealer. And, unfortunately for me, Lovejoy spends about half the episode with these two characters.  The actors are fine, I just find the characters unappealing. One character I did find appealing and enjoy, however, was Miss Taylor (Zienia Merton) - the taxman (or woman). She and Ian McShane seemed to have some nice chemistry.  It’s too bad she doesn’t come back. I would have loved to see her as a reoccurring character, constantly tracking down Lovejoy, trying to collect his next payment. I’m sure it would have been fun.

6/10

Lovejoy “The Firefly Cage” #1.1 (1986) (TV)

Lovejoy Begins, 1 October 2019

Lovejoy gets mixed up with some pretty nasty antique thieves after he’s accused of selling stolen goods and an old friend who may know something is murdered. 

That’s a fairly short plot summary, but as a first episode, the plot comes secondary to establishing a framework for the series and getting a foothold into the world of Lovejoy.  Don’t misunderstand, the plot in The Firefly Cage is plenty entertaining with stolen antiques, hidden clues, and one of the series’ best action set-pieces, it’s just that there are far better, more interesting episodes to come.

What we do get in spades in The Firefly Cage is an introduction to all the main characters.  It doesn’t take long to get a feel for Lovejoy. He loves antiques, money, women, and drink. At heart, he’s honest, but he walks a fine line between legal and illegal if thinks he can make a bit of money.  And, he’s not above taking advantage of someone who deserves it. He wins over the very proper Lady Jane during their first adventure together when she watches how tenderly he holds an old man dying in his arms.  The first episode gives us insight into Lovejoy’s relationship with rival antique dealer Gimbert. We immediately see how each relishes in the others’ misfortune. Then there’s Eric and Tinker. It’s apparent these two will be responsible for much of the funnier bits to come.  Finally, we’re introduced to the gorgeous English countryside, Denis King’s equally lovely and brilliant music, and the warmth and comfort that comes from watching Lovejoy. These things are just about as important as any character to the show’s enjoyment. 

In short, The Firefly Cage is a good start to an excellent series. 

7/10

Oblivion (1994)

“Jim, beam me up!”  30 September 2019

In this Western/Sci-Fi/Comedy mash-up, a lizard-man named Redeye comes to Oblivion, ready to pick a fight with the local sheriff.  After gunning him down in the street, Redeye and his cronies take over the town. The townspeople need a hero. In steps the sheriff’s estranged, empathic son, Zack.  Can he face his fears and defeat Redeye?

I’m really amazed to read all the extremely positive things about Oblivion across the internet.  It seems to have quit a cult following. This is my second time viewing the film and, in all honesty, I don’t get it.  Sure, there are some quirky bits I liked and a couple of characters that work for me (Andrew Divoff as Redeye and Carel Struycken as Gaunt to be specific), but the overall film just falls flat.   The plot is way too predictable. Is there anyone who couldn’t see Zack’s transformation to hero coming from a mile away? The acting doesn’t help. Richard Joseph Paul, as Zack, made for a pretty weak hero.  At no time did I get behind and root for his character. In fact, you could say pretty much the same thing about Zack’s compatriots, Maddie and Buteo. They’re too dull to care about. But Oblivion’s greatest sin comes in the parts that were meant to be funny.  Too often, the comedy left me groaning – not laughing. Listening to George Takei’s seemingly endless Star Trek references (like the one in my title) is about as cringy as anything I’ve heard recently. But poor Julie Newmar’s performance is even worse. The former Catwoman plays a madame named Miss Kitty (get it, Catwoman playing Miss Kitty – oh how hilarious), complete with purring and hissing.   Instead of laughing (or even smiling), I was left shaking my head in disbelief. I felt sorry for her. What a poor excuse of a movie.

3/10