Mutant (1984)

A decent little zombie movie, 3 October 2018

The quick pitch:  A couple of brothers find themselves stranded in a small Southern town where the residents are slowly being turned into zombie-like creatures.  Predictably, there’s also a grumpy sheriff, a final girl, and a fight-for-your-life showdown.

First, pay no attention to the video/poster artwork you’ll find all over the internet for Mutant.  In fact, pay no attention to the name “Mutant”. Both might lead you to believe you’ve stumbled on some type of alien-related sci-fi/horror movie.  Instead, this Mutant is a low-budget zombie film set in small town America.

Considering I’m not even sure I had ever heard of Mutant before last night, I’m pleasantly surprised.  Overall, it’s a decent little zombie movie. It’s not overly imaginative and follows most of the zombie tropes we’ve all come to expect (with the exception of the leaky palms), but Mutant actually has nice atmosphere that can be rare in this type of low-budget 80s horror movie.   There were several moments that I’d describe as creepy. Mutant also includes plenty of action as our final girl (and guy) end up battling a horde of zombies. I admit that II was a little worried at the start when I noticed the names Bo Hopkins and Wings Hauser. It might not be fair, but when I see those names, I automatically start to negatively prejudge a movie.  Not to worry - Hopkins and Hauser end up being one of Mutant’s real strengths. They’re both (surprisingly) good. I know that Hopkins, in particular, was quite an actor. However, in a low-budget film like this, he was as capable as anyone of phoning it in.

Mutant is one of those cases where the good (acting, atmosphere, snappy direction, and a nice final fight scene) and bad (lack of imagination, gaping plot holes, and cheap zombie make-up) pretty well cancel each other out and I end up with a wishy-washy 5/10.

5/10

The Psychotronic Man (1979)

This one is a real stinker, 2 October 2018

The quick pitch:  An otherwise unremarkable barber goes for a long (very long) drive, has some sort of nightmare, and mysteriously develops psychotronic powers that give him the ability to kill people with his mind.  The police aren’t too happy when the bodies start piling-up, leading to one of the longest, dullest chases in screen history.

It’s been awhile since I’ve watched a movie quite as bad as The Psychotronic Man.  I don’t hand out the dreaded “1” rating like candy. You have to earn it. But this one is a real stinker.  As I’ve already alluded to, it’s as dull as watching paint dry. Oh my God, I would have given just about anything for something to happen.  I must have fallen asleep, woken up, and rewinded this abysmal film at least a half-dozen times. But what do you expect from a movie whose runtime (and I can’t be bothered looking up the exact runtime) is filled with “exciting” things like watching a car drive slowly down a road, watching a doctor read papers and make notes, watching really bad dancing, or watching that damnable final chase that goes on forever.  These events take up at least ¾ of the movie - I’m not exaggerating. Anyone who says they like this excruciating mess as more patience than I.

A deserved 1/10 from me.

1/10

13 Frightened Girls (1963)

Not that good, but not that bad either, 1 October 2018

The quick pitch:  Candy, the daughter of a US diplomat, uses her position at an all-girls’ school to spy on her friends’ fathers and the goings on at their respective embassies.  What at first seems like harmless fun goes horribly wrong when a Chinese assassin is sent in to put a stop to Candy’s shenanigans.

I wouldn’t call 13 Frightened Girls all that good, but I wouldn’t call it all that bad either.  The film kind of feels like Disney took a stab at making a Eurospy film. I could easily see someone like Hayley Mills in the title role.  It’s all harmless enough fun, but it does lack any real bite. Even when lead-girl Candy is in danger, you know it’ll all turn out all right.  Take the scene where the Chinese baddies are searching for Candy in the room full of suitcases. It’s downright silly. However, I don’t think the film is the disaster some reviews would have you believe.  I think the movie gets a knock because of the marketing, the title, and the William Castle name. It’s nowhere near as lurid or suspenseful as the trailer or poster art would have you believe.

A couple of other things:  First, I got a kick out of seeing Alexandra Bastedo (who would later appear in The Champions) in the background as “England”.   Second, I’m really surprised to see that Kathy Dunn didn’t have more of a career in acting. Whether you like the movie or not, I think Dunn did an outstanding job as Candy.

5/10