Five Came Back (1939)

Who will live and who will die?, 3 August 2019

The Quick Pitch:  Twelve people board a plane that crashes in the South American jungle.  While they work to fix the plane and with angry natives closing in, the group realise the plane will generate enough thrust for only five passengers.  Who will live and who will die?

What a nice, little B-film!  Five Came Back was quite a nice watch.  Director John Farrow should get a lot of the credit.  He crafted a tight film with a very small budget and was able to inject well placed tension and atmosphere.  There are few wasted moments in the 75 minute runtime. Every scene matters. I also like the way he and the writers turned societal norms on their head.  The passengers you would expect to do well in the jungle, don’t. Those who may have had problems in polite society end up being the heroes. It’s a very interesting look at how adverse conditions can change people.  The ending is very satisfying. The decisions about who will and who will not be on the plane lead to some very interesting drama.  

Five Came Back is helped by having an outstanding cast.  The most immediately recognizable name is Lucille Ball. This was long before she became Lucy.  Here, she’s the tough-talking sexpot. Allen Jenkins, Joseph Calleia, and Chester Morris are also standouts.  Finally, has there ever been a more British looking actor than C. Aubrey Smith? One look at the man and you can all but hear God Save the Queen playing in the background.  Overall, some strong performances.

I’m not sure I had ever heard of Five Came Back before watching it the other night.  But it’s a solid film that I plan to revisit again in future. My 8/10 is probably about right given the quality of the film and the enjoyment I got out of it.  

8/10

She (1984)

“Our law is She, the goddess, who’s your god?” 2 August 2019

The Quick Pitch:  In a post-apocalyptic world, Tom and his friend set out to rescue his kidnapped sister.  The pair is quickly kidnapped by a group led by She. Eventually, She agrees to help the guys on their quest.  They’ll face a variety of foes, each more bizarre than the previous one, if they’re to be successful.

I’ll start this by saying that I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve seen She.  I believe it was a staple on the old USA Network “Up All Night”. However, even though I’ve seen it who knows how many times, I will readily admit that She is garbage.  The plot is completely nonsensical, the production values are lame, and the acting is, for the most part, incredibly weak. So, if She is that bad, why have I seen it so many times?  Because She is just fun. It’s 80s-era cheese at its finest. When you combine elements of movies like The Road Warrior and The Warriors with a giant in a tutu, a band of toga-wearing werewolves, a Robin Williams-esque bridge guard, a cult leader with glowing green eyes, and a variety of other outlandish characters, you end up with She.  It’s all a mish-mash of largely incoherent ideas and visuals that never fail to pull me in. 

The film stars Sandahl Bergman as She. If you’ve seen Ms Bergman in other films, you know what to expect.  I really did, however, like the way she played it all straight, regardless of the nonsense going on around her.  Gordon Mitchell pops up near the end in what amounts to little more than a cameo. Still, he’s always fun to watch. She’s partner, Shandra, is played by Quin Kessler.   I thought she had a real screen presence and I’m surprised to discover she didn’t do many more movies. The rest of the acting is largely forgettable. 

7/10

It Takes a Thief "Turnabout" #1.12 (1968) (TV)

Ida Lupino, 2 August 2019

Noah wants Al to break into a laboratory facility to steal a new type of lens.  Before the mission can get started, however, Al breaks a leg. With Al talking in his ear, it’s up to Noah to play the role of the thief. 

It’s not that Turnabout is horrible, but it’s nowhere near as good as any of the other episodes I’ve watched.  There are a couple of problems here, but the main one is the writing. Noah’s conversations with Soviet scientist Dr Schneider are painful.  Watching and listening to Noah lay out his cringy pick-up lines is difficult. It just doesn’t work. A second big issue I have with Turnabout is the lack of any suspense in the episode.  The theft is far too easy. I like the episodes that require a more intricate plan. Overall, none of it is very good. 

I usually love watching Ida Lupino in most everything I’ve ever seen her in.  But here, I think she’s miscast. The role of the innocent and easily flattered scientist doesn’t fit Lupino very well.  And like I previously wrote, she’s given some horrible lines to work with. It’s embarrassing. 

4/10

Dead Run (1967)

- Geheimnisse in goldenen Nylons
“Do you have a wristwatch that shoots bullets?”, 1 August 2019

The Quick Pitch:  A small-time thief “accidentally” steals some top secret documents.  The thief travels across Europe hoping to sell the documents while staying one step ahead of (1) the spies he stole from and (2) a CIA agent trying to recover the secrets.

Dead Run is a nice little Eurospy film that I don’t think I’d ever heard of before watching it the other night.  IMDb lists the film as a drama/thriller, but there’s also a bit of comedy thrown in that I found appealing. The plot is interesting, but maybe a little more complicated that it needed to be.  The location shots are fabulous as everyone races across Europe. I always love a film filled with 60s era European locations. The film stars Peter Lawford. While he’s not what I envision when I think 60s spy movie, the light-hearted tone of Dead Run fit his style fairly well.  He’s joined by a rock-solid cast featuring the gorgeous (and often quite funny) Ira von Furstenberg, the even more gorgeous Maria Grazia Buccella, and a host of well-known German actors, including Werner Peters, Wolfgang Preiss, and the menacing Horst Frank. I really enjoyed the way Lawford and von Furstenberg played off each other.  I felt some real chemistry. But the real star is Georges Geret as Carlos, the man with the stolen documents. He’s an interesting character – fun to watching in some instances, tragic in others. Overall, it’s a better cast that I would have expected. 

My only complaint (and the main reason I’m not rating Dead Run any higher) is that I felt the movie ran out of steam about halfway through.  After a fantastic and interesting start, the movie slowed down a bit too much for my liking.

6/10

Legacy of Blood (1971)

What a wretched experience, 30 July 2019

The Quick Pitch:  An old man dies, leaving his fortune to his children and servants.  The only catch is that they must remain on his estate for a week (or was it just one night - who cares?).  If anyone dies, their share is split amongst the survivors. 

I really hate everything about this movie.  Legacy of Blood (or whatever other name it’s known by) is one of those instances when I question why I watch this stuff.  It’s all just so predictable and boring. Predictable: Guessing the killer’s identity is no challenge at all. Boring: So much talking about nothing that it’s a chore to sit through.  When something does happen, like a murder, it’s all so clumsy with what might be the worst effects of their kind ever put on screen. There are some decent actors here, but they’re given nothing to work with.  Did anyone involved with making Legacy of Blood really think they were doing something good? If they did, it doesn’t show. I can’t remember seeing a more joyless movie in my life. What a wretched experience!

1/10

The Swinger (1966)

Not much of a movie, but a whole lot of Ann-Margret, 29 July 2019

The Quick Pitch:  In order to get her story published in a girly magazine, good girl Kelly Olsson (Ann-Margret) decides to turn herself into the swingingest swinger who ever swung.  

As a movie, The Swinger disappoints at just about every turn.  It’s not funny, it’s outdated (a term I usually hate to use but it’s definitely appropriate here), it’s horribly predictable, and there really isn’t much of plot.  So, if it’s that bad, why haven’t I rated it any lower than a 4/10? Well, because as a vehicle to watch Ann-Margret, The Swinger is a wild success. The scenes featuring Ann-Margaret dancing, rolling around in paint, or trying on a variety of revealing, kitchy outfits - those are the highlights.  I think my favorite bit had to be where Ann is walking through the house she shares with a variety of other people. There’s some sort of choreographed dance practice going on. Ann flawlessly moves into place and out-dances everyone else without ever once looking up from the book she’s reading. Her dancing and outfit are just amazing.  Unfortunately, however, it all ends quickly and we’re back to the tired, unfunny old movie. 

So, to sum it up, if you want to see a good movie, keep looking.  But, if you want to see Ann-Margret in her prime, The Swinger just might be the thing for you.

4/10

Hong Kong Confidential (1958)

Hong Kong never looked so bad, 27 July 2019

The Quick Pitch:  A secret agent stationed in Hong Kong must locate a kidnapped prince.  

If Hong Kong Confidential were an episode of a television program (something like Danger Man for example), I might have rated it higher.  But as a “movie”, it’s really lacking. The direction is flat. There’s nothing here to elevate the movie beyond anything you could find on 1958 TV.  Everything is so obviously filmed on a soundstage. Nothing looks real or authentic. Cheap doesn’t begin to describe it. Throw in poor lighting, a predictable script, and a bombastic, in-your-face narration and the result is a pretty poor movie.

I will, however, give Hong Kong Confidential one big bonus point on the use of Asians in the Asian roles.  I don’t think I noticed one “white” face playing an Asian. That’s not something you usually found in 1958.  

I’ve never been much of a Gene Barry fan and this movie changes none of that.  He just seems out of his depth and unbelievable. And his lounge singer schtick is laugh-out-loud funny.  I can’t imagine an audience anywhere, let alone some bar in Hong Kong, enjoying his brand of bad singing and hysterical dancing.  Too funny!

4/10