Frenzy (1972)

"Bob's your uncle.", 2 April 2008

I didn't realize that Frenzy was so divisive among Hitchcock fans. As with the last Hitchcock movie I watched, The Trouble with Harry, Frenzy seems to have more than its fair share of critics. The criticism of both movies seems to derive from a similar source – Hitch deviated from what people expected. I'm not sure why people want to see the same movie over and over, but if you read the negative user comments on IMDb, you'll get that impression. What's wrong with shifting gears and making a comedy like The Trouble with Harry? And what's wrong with turning up the violence and making a movie like Frenzy? In each case, I appreciate what Hitchcock was trying to do and thoroughly enjoyed both movies.

Frenzy is essentially a "Wrong Man" type movie that Hitch visited several times throughout his career. You know, an innocent man is accused of a crime and spends the rest of the movie on the run from the police trying to prove he's not guilty. In this case, Richard Blaney (Jon Finch), a down on his luck and out of work bartender, is accused of violently raping a series of women before using his necktie to strangle them. Through some really bad luck, the case of circumstantial evidence against Blaney grows to the point that he becomes the only suspect. Tried and convicted, Blaney vows revenge against the man he knows to be guilty.

I don't know that I would call Frenzy Hitchcock's best movie as some have, but it is a very entertaining thriller. It's an odd but satisfying mix of the most violent images (the first rape and murder are difficult to watch) and some of the darkest, funniest comedy (the potato truck or the dinner scenes for example) that Hitch ever made. Hitch proves his genius by masterfully balancing the two – violence and comedy. And if you weren't already convinced of his reputation as a director, Hitchcock throws in a couple of very nice tracking shots, a clever use of sound, and a few other tricks that I won't begin to attempt to describe (just watch the movie) for good measure. Hitch also shows his genius through some of his casting choices. Other than Finch in the lead (he's just not a very sympathetic figure to me), the rest of the actors are incredibly strong. Barry Foster gives one of the more memorable performances I've seen recently. He's just so creepy. In fact, all of the supporting players, from the prim Monica Barling played by Jean March to the hysterical Vivian Merchant as a would-be gourmet chef, are perfect. And when you add the nice location shots and an interesting, well written script (have the words "you're my type of woman" ever been so menacing) to the direction and acting, Frenzy becomes a very worthy and memorable entry in Hitchcock's filmography.

8/10

Erik the Conqueror (1961)

- Gli invasori

Bava and the Vikings, 1 April 2008

Two very young Viking brothers are separated during a battle that claims the life of their father. One brother, Eron, is brought up to one day take his father's place as the leader of the Viking people. The other brother, Erik, is brought up by his adopted mother Queen Alice to one day rule England. But when Eron and the Vikings invade England and take Queen Alice hostage, these two brothers will lead their armies into battle against one another. What will happen when these two brothers discover their common bond?

Erik the Conqueror was one of the few films directed by Mario Bava that I had not seen until last night. Overall, it's a very entertaining, if not overly original, Viking epic. If you've seen the 1958 movie The Vikings with Kirk Douglas, a lot of the plot in Erik the Conqueror will seem similar. Still, with Bava's directorial touches, his eye for color, and his interesting camera movements, there's enough here to keep things feeling fresh and to overcome a limited budget (if you look close enough, you'll see the same extra die at least five times in the opening fight scene). The opening shot alone featuring skulls, two lovers wrapped in barbwire, and dancing girls is as visually pleasing as any of Bava's other movies. The cast is solid. Cameron Mitchell (always a favorite of mine) and his blond crew cut fit the role of the Viking Eron quite nicely. George Ardisson might even be more impressive in the role of Erik. They are joined by the Kessler twins who, while not the greatest thespians to appear on screen, are perfect in their roles. Add to it a slew of extras, some impressively staged fight scenes, and a nice looking castle set, and Erik the Conqueror is a must see for Bava fans like me.

6/10

Poirot "The Mystery of the Blue Train" #10.1 (2005) (TV)

"If you seek corroboration, interrogate my pillow.", 31 March 2008

When the daughter of a wealthy American industrialist is murdered aboard the Blue Train from Calais to Nice, Hercule Poirot (David Suchet) is pressed into service to assist the local police in finding a killer. With plenty of suspects, an attack on another passenger, and a missing world famous ruby, Poirot has his hands full.

As a little background, it has been ages since I last read Agatha Christie's book on which this movie is based. Therefore, I am in no position to comment on its faithfulness (or lack thereof) to the source material. Instead, all I can do is comment on the story presented in the movie. Watching The Mystery of the Blue Train is like watching a tale of two movies. The first, involving the film's plot, the acting, the look, etc., is quite enjoyable. The plot unfolds nicely and the film's resolution makes sense. And I always enjoy watching Poirot gather the suspects together for a final reveal. The acting was actually a step above what I've come to expect from the Poirot series. The sets and costumes are very nicely done. I was particularly impressed with the French villa.

But as I indicated, this is a tale of two movies. What I've thus far described would have made for one of the better entries in the Poirot series. Unfortunately, the direction is PATHETIC. I don't know who decided to try to make a Hercule Poirot mystery look like an episode of NYPD Blue, but they should be drummed out of the entertainment industry immediately. There are so many hand-held camera shots that I thought I might get seasick. Why not shoot this traditional, grand story in a more traditional style? The editing doesn't help matters any. It's all MTV-style quick cuts that do not lend themselves well to what should have been a slow-burn, drawing room style mystery. It's unfortunate that the direction and editing have made The Mystery of the Blue Train almost unwatchable.

5/10

Gamera vs. Zigra (1971)

- Gamera tai Shinkai kaijû Jigura
"Gamera is the friend of all children! ", 31 March 2008

When the Earth is threatened by an aquatic, shark-looking alien named Zigra (and conveniently from the planet Zigra), it's up to Gamera (and two very annoying Japanese children) to save all of mankind.

Gamera vs. Zigra is the bottom of the barrel when if comes to Japanese monster movies. Everything that makes Gamera so inferior to Godzilla is here: the annoying children, the ridiculous Gamera theme song, the ineffective defense force taking its lead from a 6 year-old, a woman in a mini-skirt chasing kids through Sea World, Kenny (Is there always a kid named "Kenny" in one of these movies?), and the worst looking monsters put on film. I realize these movies were aimed at a much younger audience (remember, "Gamera is the friend of all children!"), but do they have to be so stupid? I'm afraid my head might explode if I think about it too much. I could go on and on, but I'll limit this to two surreal moments that are so silly they almost defy description.

First, with the entire planet facing the threat of being conquered by Zigra and Tokyo preparing for a magnitude 18 (whatever that means) earthquake, an argument over fish takes center stage for better than 5 minutes of the movie's runtime. The man responsible for feeding the dolphins at the Tokyo Sea World and the manager of a swanky hotel get into a heated argument with a fishmonger over a crate of fish. Mankind is on the verge of extinction and all these people seem to be worried about is fish. As I indicated, I really can't do it justice. You'd have to see it to believe it.

Second, having just defeated Zigra (not really a spoiler – did you think Gamera was going to lose?), Gamera uses Zigra like a xylophone to pound out a tune. Yes, that's right – Gamera uses a club on Zigra's dorsal fin to play the first few notes of his theme song. And if that weren't ridiculous enough, Gamera follows it up with a few dance steps. This is surely one of the proudest moments in Japanese film history.

See what I mean? My head hurts just thinking about it.

2/10

Nancy Drew... Reporter (1939)

"You can always get information from women. They just love to talk!", 29 March 2008

Nancy Drew (Bonita Granville) and her classmates are given the opportunity to write actual stories for a newspaper. Not satisfied with covering a poetry reading, Nancy switches her assignment with one of a real reporter and ends up at an inquest. Based on the evidence presented, a lady is accused of poisoning an old woman for an inheritance. But Nancy's not buying it. Dragging her pal Ted Nickerson (Frankie Thomas) and her father Carson (John Litel) along for the ride, Nancy is determined to find the real killer.

As with Nancy Drew, Detective, the plot is hardly what matters in a movie like this. In fact, the plot is probably the weakest element of Nancy Drew…Reporter. It's too light, too breezy, and, worst of all, too predictable. I defy anyone not to pick out the killer within the first few minutes. However, it's the cast that makes these movies worthwhile. Once again, Bonita Granville shines. She gives real life and spirit to her character. I hate to repeat part of my comment on Ms. Granville from Nancy Drew, Detective, but it remains apropos – "She has an infectious charm that dominates the entire movie. It's hard to watch her and not have a smile on your face. You just naturally root for her." She once again joined by a strong supporting cast. I especially enjoyed Ned's bratty sister played by Mary Lee. Really nice job! Finally, I should probably mention that Nancy Drew...Reporter features a musical number. Nancy and company literally sing for their supper in a Chinese restaurant. While it hardly fits with the rest of the movie, I thought it was cute.

6/10

Surf's Up (2007)

"A winner is someone who doesn't knock me off my surfboard.", 29 March 2008

In our house, we're trying to turn Friday night into Family Movie Night. For our first FMN, my son picked Surf's Up. Both he and my wife had seen the movie and thought I would enjoy it. I admit, I went into it expecting the absolute worst. But maybe the family knows a little about what will appeal to me, because I found Surf's Up to be fun little movie with a message worth taking to heart.

Surf's Up tells the story of Cody Maverick, a young penguin living in Antarctica who dreams of being a champion surfer. He wants to be like his idol, Big Z, who mysteriously disappeared during a surfing contest 10 years ago. Cody gets his big chance one day when a talent scout comes to his home looking for surfers. Cody's off to take part in the Big Z Memorial Surf Off. But on the way, Cody meets a down and out beach bum who teaches him that life is about more than trophies.

Overall, I quite enjoyed Surf's Up. The movie is told as a behind the scenes surfing documentary. I was worried that this might get "gimmicky" before the end, but it worked throughout. The animation was quite good. I appreciated the little touches like the illusion of a hand held camera or the water splashing on the lens during the surfing scenes. The actors behind the characters were all wonderful. The standout for me was James Woods as a Don King-wannabe sea otter named Reggie. Hysterical! In fact, the whole movie is funny and well paced with few, if any, overly long dull moments. The accompanying soundtrack is rock solid. I may have to look into picking it up. Finally, with a lot of these family movies, the filmmakers seem intent on beating the viewer over the head with a message that I often find questionable at best. That's not the case with Surf's Up. A message that includes the notion that winning isn't everything and life's too short not to sit back and enjoy it with your family and friends is a message worth living.

7/10

Abbott and Costello in the Foreign Legion (1950)

Wee Willie Davis vs. Tor Johnson, 28 March 2008

In Abbott and Costello in the Foreign Legion, Bud and Lou head to Algieria to find a wrestler named Abdullah who left them high and dry and owing a mobster quite a bit of money. Once there, the boys get mixed up with Sheik Hamud El Khalid (Douglas Dumbrille) and draw his ire at a slave auction. In their attempt to escape, Bud and Lou inadvertently sign-up for the French Foreign Legion. Things only get worse when they learn that their Sergeant is in cahoots with the Sheik. Now how are they going to get back to Brooklyn?

As a general rule, I'm a fan of A&C. Some of their movies (like Who Done It?, Hold that Ghost, and A&C Meet Frankenstein) I consider to be true classics. Unfortunately, by the time the boys made A&C in the Foreign Legion, much of their comedy had started to get tired and old. The movie has a "been there, done that" feel to a lot of it. For example, the "Oui vs. We" bit reminds me of several of A&C's more classic routines. Or take a look at the scene with the fish and the false teeth. To me, it shows how desperate the boys were. It's completely ridiculous and not in the least bit funny. A solid cast, however, almost makes this movie worthwhile. Douglas Dumbrille and Patricia Medina are a lot of fun. However, even though I think Dumbrille makes for a perfect villain, he's about as Algerian as I am (which is none).

Finally, one thing I really enjoyed about A&C in the Foreign Legion was the chance to see some classic, old-school wrestlers. Wee Willie Davis vs. Tor Johnson! How cool is that?

5/10

The Trouble with Harry Isn't Over (2001)

It left me wanting more, 28 March 2008

If you'll pardon the pun, the trouble with something like The Trouble with Harry Isn't Over is that there never seems to be enough. I appreciate these "making of" type features, but they always leave me wanting more. As much as I enjoyed the on camera interviews with star John Forsythe, producer Herbert Coleman, and Hitchcock's daughter Pat Hitchcock O'Connell, I can't help but wonder about some of the other people involved in the movie. Did they ask Shirley MacLaine to participate? Or what about Jerry Mathers? I would have loved to have heard from either of the two.

I guess I should just be happy with what's here because the stories about the making of The Trouble with Harry from the people that were interviewed are entertaining and interesting. Listening to John Forsythe do his Hitchcock impression was a real treat. Another treat was learning about the box loads of Vermont leaves that Hitchcock had shipped to California to be used as set dressing. How cool is that? So while I may have wanted more, what's here is mighty good.

6/10

The Trouble with Harry (1955)

"I'm grateful to you for burying my body.", 28 March 2008

I've seen The Trouble with Harry described as everything from a masterpiece to Hitchcock's worst film. I think the reaction depends on how you go into the movie. If you're expecting a nail-biting suspense thriller like most of Hitchcock's other movies, you'll probably come away disappointed. But if you're more open to the idea of Hitchcock's little experiment in comedy, you just might discover a wonderfully entertaining film.

The Trouble with Harry is that Harry's dead – and some of the local townsfolk aren't sure if they're to blame for Harry's death or not. They quite naturally (or at least it seems so very natural in the movie) decide the best course of action is to bury Harry and go on as if nothing ever happened. However, no sooner do they have Harry six-feet under than one or another has a change of heart and out come the shovels and up comes Harry. But wait a minute – they can't let Harry be found. Back into the hole for Harry! Bury – Unbury – Bury – Unbury – it goes on and on.

If you've read any of the other comments I've written about movies, you'll soon discover that I'm a fan of what I call the One Word Review. For The Trouble with Harry, that word is delightful. Everything about the movie is delightful. The gorgeous fall Vermont foliage, the witty and well written script, the new-found relationships, Jerry Mathers as Arnie Rogers, Miss Gravely's blueberry muffins, Hitchcock's direction, the joke about the double bed, Bernard Hermann's absolutely perfect score, the body in the bathtub, and a very young Shirley MacLaine, John Forsythe, Mildred Natwick, and Edmund Gwenn – everything is all so . . . well, delightful.

Finally, one thing I want to specifically mention is the dialogue found in The Trouble with Harry. The more I think about certain lines, the funnier they seem to get. A few of my favorites include:

• She's a well preserved woman…yes, very well preserved, and preserves have to be opened someday!

• He looked exactly the same when he was alive, only he was vertical.

• Couldn't have had more people here if I'd sold tickets.

• I've never been to a home-made funeral before.

I'm glad people that people don't really talk like the characters in The Trouble with Harry. If they did, I would never get anything done because I would be laughing too much.

8/10

Return to the Planet of the Apes "Tunnel of Fear" #1.4 (1975) (TV)

"I'm Going Humanoid Over You", 27 March 2008

In "Tunnel of Fear", Jeff and Bill put their lives on the line as they sneak back into Ape City to find Cornelius and Zira. They hope the pair of simian scientists will help them locate an isolated spot to move the humanoids to so they won't be such sitting ducks for Urko's army. Cornelius gives them a map showing the location of a secluded valley. He also leads Jeff and Bill to an underground river they can use for their escape.

Although I admit that it probably helps that I'm getting more and more accustomed to the style of animation, overall, the Return to the Planet of the Apes episodes kept getting better and better. There's a lot to like about "Tunnel of Fear". Beyond the giant spider in the drainage tunnel and the wild ride over the waterfall, "Tunnel of Fear" features the most original bit I've so far run across. And reading other comments across the internet I see that most people agree with me. Is there anyone who has seen this episode that doesn't remember the song "I'm Going Humanoid Over You"? It's awesome! I'd love to have a copy of the song – or at least the lyrics. It's just too bad the rest of the series couldn't have been this clever.

6/10

The Amazing Mr. X (1948)

John Alton's cinematography is stunning, 27 March 2008

Alexis (Turhan Bey) is a con man preying on people's desires to communicate with their dearly departed. His new target, Christine Faber (Lynn Bari), is a wealthy woman who has lost her husband. But with Christine, the would-be spiritualist may have bitten off more than he can chew when to Alexis' utter astonishment Christine's dead husband makes a return appearance from the grave. Alexis must go from huckster to hero if he's to save Christine and her sister Janet (Cathy O'Donnel), whom he's developed a real fondness for, from this murderous man come back from the dead.

What a ridiculous title for an masterfully filmed and very entertaining movie. In comparison with a lot of the other B-quickies of the 40s, The Amazing Mr. X features a very well crafted script that's an interesting blend of horror and film noir. The movie is well paced with several nice plot twists along the way. Just when you start to think you're watching a Gothic horror piece, the movie shifts gears and turns from a supernatural thriller to a crime thriller. And the character Alexis changes from a medium in communication with the dead to a phony con-man to the film's hero. It's all these twists that keep The Amazing Mr. X interesting throughout. All of the actors involved to an excellent job. I was particular impressed with Turhan Bey as Alexis and Cathy O'Donnell as the sister, Janet. Finally, as almost every comment on IMDb has noted, John Alton's cinematography is stunning. Films with ten times the budget don't look this good. It's an interesting mix of light, shadows, and creative camera angles. Alton certainly deserves all the praise he's received.

7/10

Return to the Planet of the Apes "The Unearthly Prophecy" #1.5 (1975) (TV)

Oosa, Oosa, Oosa, 26 March 2008

I need to begin this by pointing out that the order of the episodes listed on IMDb does not match the order they appear on the DVD. IMDb lists them in the order they originally aired on television - even though the episodes aired out of order. Otherwise, the whole Return to the Planet of the Apes story arc gets all messed up. So, while IMDb lists the third episode as "Lagoon of Peril", I'll be calling "The Unearthly Prophecy" the third episode. Clear?

Anyway, in "The Unearthly Prophecy" Jeff and Bill are on the run from the apes when they find an underground passage. It takes them to the Underdwellers – a strange mutated race of humans. The Underdwellers have their lost comrade, Judy (who Bill and Jeff have inexplicable not mentioned since she vanished half way through the first episode), and worship her as a God. Jeff and Bill are imprisoned but Judy comes to their rescue. They escape, but Judy must remain behind.

"The Unearthly Prophecy" is easily the best, most creative episode so far. The underground race may be similar to the humans found in Beneath the Planet of the Apes, but there are enough differences to spice things up. For example, these mutants have the ability to shoot lasers with their eyes. Cool, huh? It makes the escape that much more difficult. One thing I really found clever in "The Unearthly Prophecy" was the Underdwellers name for Judy – Oosa. They took the letters U.S.A. and came up with the pronunciation Oosa.

6/10

Return to the Planet of the Apes "Escape from Ape City" #1.2 (1975) (TV)

Run Bill, Run, 26 March 2008

The second episode in Return to the Planet of the Apes, "Escape from Ape City", primarily follows the plight of Bill as he is taken to Cornelius and Zira's lab for experimentation. Bill quite naturally proves to be brighter than the average human. But when brain surgery is suggested, Bill blows his cover and the apes discover he can speak. Not wanting to see him put to death, Cornelius and Zira agree to help Bill escape.

As with the first episode, "Escape from Ape City" doesn't provide many surprises for those familiar with the basic storyline found in Planet of the Apes. The plot closely mirrors Taylor's ordeal from the movie. One interesting change is that ape city and the civilization presented in this episode more closely resembles Pierre Boulle's original book. It's a more advanced culture with transportation, communication, and other "modern" infrastructure. Also, I feel I should mention that I do enjoy the way the story arc continues from one episode to the next. It gives the overall series a more natural flow.

5/10

Return to the Planet of the Apes "Flames of Doom" #1.1 (1975) (TV)

A very familiar plot, 25 March 2008

"Flames of Doom" is the first episode in the animated Return to the Planet of the Apes. If you are at all familiar with the basic Planet of the Apes storyline, not much in the first episode will surprise you. It features the basic set-up – three astronauts (one female named Judy and two males named Jeff and Bill) crash on a mysterious planet that at first seems uninhabited. While searching for food and water, they run into a group of primitive humans. But the humans are not the dominate species on the planet. Instead, apes are in charge. By the end of the episode, Judy has disappeared in an earthquake fissure, Bill has been captured by the apes, and Jeff escaped with a primitive female named Nova.

Other than setting up the rest of the series and the uncertain future of all three human characters, there's really not a lot I got out of "Flames of Doom". It's just not terribly exciting. So instead of discussing "Flames of Doom", I'll take this opportunity to write about a couple of my initial impressions of the series. First, it's really difficult to get used to Henry Corden doing the voice of General Urko. Whether he's giving orders to an underling or makes speeches to the ape council, Corden's Fred Flinstone voice is hard to take serious. Second, while I hope to get comfortable with Corden in a few episodes, I doubt I'll ever feel the same way about the animation. I wasn't expecting computer generated type images, but I do expect something more than what you'll find in this series. I'm not sure what you call this style of animation, but to me most of it looks like little more than a static background over which a camera moves attempting (in vain) to create the allusion of motion. There's nothing fluid or "animated" about any of it.

I really hope things get better as I go along. After one episode, I'm not very impressed. So far, it's not difficult to understand why Return to the Planet of the Apes lasted only 13 episodes.

4/10

The World Is Not Enough (1999)

"There's no point living, if you can't feel alive.", 25 March 2008

From the time he took over the role of James Bond, I've tended to dismiss the Pierce Brosnan era as one of the weaker periods of the franchise. That assessment was cemented with Brosnan's last outing as Bond in Die Another Day – quite possibly the very worst of the 21 official Bond movies. But something odd keeps happening. I keep going back to The World is Not Enough. I've actually probably seen it more times in the past 5 years than any other Bond film. I realize now that it's not only Brosnan's best effort in the series, but also it's one of my five or six favorite Bond movies.

In The World is Not Enough, Bond is sent to the Caspian Sea to protect an oil heiress, Elektra King (Sophie Marceau), after her father is killed in an explosion at MI-6 Headquarters. King's is in a race with three other groups to be the first to complete an oil pipeline to bring their product to market. And someone seems intent on making sure Elektra doesn't win the race. Bond discovers that a terrorist named Renard (Robert Carlyle) may be responsible for the father's death, the threats against Elektra and the pipeline, and the theft of enough plutonium to destroy a good chunk of Turkey. But Bond also discovers that things may not be as they seem. Is Elektra really as innocent as she seems? Or is she, as unthinkable as it may be, in league with Renard?

There are a lot of things about The World is Not Enough that keep me coming back. The most obvious is the plot. It definitely has a darker, more realistic tone to it than one normally associates with a James Bond film. It has more in common with To Russia with Love than it does the quip-filled gimmicky Bond movies of Roger Moore. And Brosnan does a more than competent job playing Bond with the same sort dark tone. The World is Not Enough actually shows Bond killing in cold blood. Don't get the wrong impression – there is still humor to be found in the film, but it's used very judiciously. Speaking of realism, other than the whole bullet in the brain making him impervious to pain, Robert Carlyle's Renard is a much more frightening advisory than the cartoonish villains with their ridiculous plans to take over the world. Renard could almost be a real-world terrorist. I also appreciate the increased role for Judy Dench as M in The World is Not Enough. It's good to see M out from behind her desk and in the field. But the real highlight of the film for me is Sophie Marceau as Elektra King. Not only does Marceau prove herself to be a talented actress, but the writers actually gave her something to work with. Too often in the Bond movies of the past, woman who start out as Bond's enemies find themselves swooning after a single encounter. Not Elektra. She remains defiant till the end. In fact, Elektra turns the tables on Bond. She uses Bond the way he normally uses women. And in this instance, Bond's the one doing the swooning. Elektra may not be the normal, run of the mill Bond girl, but I for one am glad of that.

As for the negatives found in The World is Not Enough, I'm going to beat the same dead horse found in most other comments and point to Denise Richards. In a word, she's terrible. Her entire career is based on her looks because she certainly can't act. I cannot remember a single actor in any Bond movie (and that includes the likes of Tonya Roberts) who was so ill-suited to play their part. Denise Richards as a nuclear scientist – yeah, right.

Five years ago I rated The World is Not Enough a 6/10. The rating, however, seems to go up with each successive viewing. I'm at an 8/10 now. Who knows what will happen the next time I watch this movie.

8/10

Hundra (1983)

Morricone's score almost makes the movie worthwhile, 24 March 2008

In the past few weeks, I've watched a number of movies with Amazon-style man-hating tribes who only seek the company of men for the purposes of procreation. In this one, the Amazons are wiped out by a band of men. Wiped out, that is, except for a hunter/warrior named Hundra (Laurene Landon) who vows to get even for the slaughter of her sisters. It's also up to Hundra to repopulate her tribe if it is to survive. But to do so, Hundra will need the help of the very same men she seeks for revenge.

Based on my rating, it should be obvious that I have some real problems with Hundra. Tops on that list would be the film's terribly mixed message. The movie tries to incorporate a lot of pseudo-feminist mumbo-jumbo into its plot with little success. It's all for show. You see the film is terribly hypocritical. On the one hand, the film seems to be trying to explore the empowerment of women - but at the same time the film exploits the very same women it purports to empower. The filmmakers seem to be trying to have their cake and eat it to (Is that cliché enough for ya?). Getting past the film's mixed message, Hundra is, for the most part, a poorly made, badly paced, and horribly acting movie. You would think that a plot involving this much bloodshed and sex would hold a little more interest. I, however, found myself nodding off several times throughout the movie. Dull and uninteresting doesn't begin to describe it. The version I saw clocked in at about 1:45 – or about 30 minutes longer than it should have. As for the film's lead Laurene Landon, she's honestly one of the worst actresses I've seen in a while. Her delivery is so unnatural that it's distracting. Finally, the fight choreography is abysmal. Between Landon's unconvincing movements and the lack of any creativity in the fights, these scenes seem to drag on forever. And it doesn't help that the longest fight during Hundra's climax was shown in slow-motion.

Before I end this, I feel I should mention one very obvious highlight of Hundra – Ennio Morricone's score. It far exceeds anything else in the movie. It might not be Morricone's best, but it's certainly memorable. There's one particular piece of music played during the film's final fight scene that almost makes the movie worthwhile. It's that good.

3/10

Æon Flux (2005)

"We're meant to die. Its what makes everything about us matter.", 24 March 2008

Aeon Flux (Charlize Theron) is an assassin in the year 2415. She works for a group of rebels intent on overthrowing the government. Her target is Trevor Goodchild (Marton Csokas), the leader of what's left of Earth. But before Aeon can pull the trigger, something strange happens. A memory is sparked of a previous life when she knew Goodchild. She discovers that for the past 400 years everyone on Earth has been infertile. The human race has carried on through an intricate system of cloning. Trevor tells her that he is near to finding a solution to the problem. But there are some who would have things stay as they are. Trevor Goodchild's brother, Oren (Jonny Lee Miller) has plans to overthrow Trevor to maintain the status quo. Aeon changes her mission – now she must protect Trevor, stop Oren, and end the cycle of cloning.

I'm really starting to hate the modern brand of action movies. What happened to the good old days when it was all about shooting people and blowing things up? Why do filmmakers feel the need to hide their action movies behind a faux sense of intelligence? Despite all the weird flashback scenes, the annoyingly vague character motivations, and the intentionally muddled plot points, Aeon Flux is no smarter than any other action movie. In fact, all this pseudo-intellectual garbage does is confuse matters to the point the movie becomes incredibly dull. Scene after scene of people talking nonsense does not make for a good action film. And that's just what you get in Aeon Flux. Add to that some of the most uninteresting characters I've seen recently and you've got the makings of an infuriatingly boring movie. The worst offender in this regard has to be Jonny Lee Miller (though if truth be told, no one comes out looking good – and that includes Charlize Theron). Miller is so dry, so white bread, he's hardly menacing at all. Laughable would be a better description.

And why do filmmakers today feel the need to make every action movie look like The Matrix? I'm no physicist or human physiologist, but people and things don't move and/or behave in nature like they do in these movies. There's a scene where Aeon is about to fall on sharpened blades of grass (oh, how clever). The way she holds herself just inches above the ground with nothing but the insides of her feet is impossible. I'm so tired of seeing this kind of thing.

For what it's worth, I'll rate Aeon Flux a 3/10.

3/10

Lady in Cement (1968)

Some nice shots of a mid-60s Miami, 23 March 2008

If you take a look at what I wrote about Tony Rome a couple of years ago, you can apply a lot of it to Lady in Cement. Once again, this is a movie that I probably enjoy more than I should. That's because for the most part, it entertains me. Plot details hardly matter as the whole thing is little more than a vehicle for Frank Sinatra to show his supposed coolness. I'll just say that Lady in Cement is well paced with very few dull moments. Other than a handful of really seedy looking locations, it's a harmless enough way to spend an hour and a half. To be as light as much of it is, however, there are a few nice twists and turns along the way. In fact, the identity of one of the killers really caught me off-guard. Sinatra may be the "star", but he's not the attraction here for me. Instead, Dan Blocker and Raquel Welch are the films highlights – and in two very different ways. Blocker is very entertaining as the huge behemoth of a man, Waldo Gronsky. And Raquel is equally entertaining in her own way as wealthy socialite Kit Forrest. Finally, as with Tony Rome, I get a real kick out of the shots of a mid-60s Miami. Forty years later it looks almost like a foreign country.

I suppose the thing that bothers me the most about Lady in Cement is the amount of lame comedy found in the script (although the scene with Blocker watching Bonanza on television made me laugh out loud for some reason). You'll find comedy in Tony Rome, but I don't remember this much. The worst is the over-the-top gay-bating that Sinatra tries to use as humor. It has a terribly dated feel to it and, as some would argue, is quite offensive.

6/10

The Brides of Fu Manchu (1966)

Fu Manchu's up to his old tricks, 22 March 2008

Fu Manchu's up to his old tricks – he's trying to take over the world. This time he's kidnapped the daughters of several esteemed scientists to use as blackmail so their fathers will help him with his plans. He's constructing something akin to a laser that can destroy entire cities. As usual, Nayland Smith is hot on his trail.

I believe I've seen all of the Christopher Lee Fu Manchu movies and this one, The Brides of Fu Manchu, is to me the best. What sets this Fu Manchu movie apart from the others, especially those made later on, is the lively direction, the competent editing, and a much more coherent story. I'm one of those who will often defend Jess Franco till I'm blue in the face, but I can't do that with his Fu Manchu movies. Compared to The Brides of Fu Manchu, Uncle Jess' Fu Manchu movies are almost unwatchable. If you don't believe me just take a look at The Castle of Fu Manchu. It's God awful! Getting back to this movie, another plus for The Brides of Fu Manchu is the seemingly always enjoyable Christopher Lee. Lee is solid and certainly had a knack for playing the baddie as good as anyone. He imbibes Fu Manchu with a real sense of evil. You get the feeling that he's a man capable of doing anything to anybody at anytime. The rest of the cast is good, but nothing to write home about. Although not terribly memorable, it was nice to see Carole Gray in another film.

For someone new to the series, The Brides of Fu Manchu would seem to make a good place to start. It's not perfect, but it is entertaining. For what it's worth, I'll give it a 7/10.

7/10

Alien from L.A. (1988)

Kathy Ireland - The Frump, 19 March 2008

While I can't find fault with Kathy Ireland's decision to branch out of swimsuit modeling to get into acting, but is Alien from L.A. really the best she could come up with for her first movie? What better way to begin a career than to star in a movie that's a cheesy sort of Alice in Wonderland meets the Road Warrior with a twist of Bob Fosse for good measure? And to top it off, why not take one of the world's most beautiful women and give her the most annoying voice imaginable? She sounds like what you might expect if you fed helium to Mickey Mouse. I can't think of a better way to kick off an acting career!

Alien form L.A. also features what I consider to be one of the stupidest, lamest, and most infuriating movie clichés ever dreamed up. How can losing your glasses and changing your clothes so completely change one's personality? Movies like Alien from L.A. would have you believe that you can go from mousy frump to supermodel with a new outfit. They don't get it – it's not about the clothes – it's about an attitude. You can't change your persona like you do your socks.

Despite its numerous problems, there's still some fun to be had with Alien from L.A. If you're a fan of the thick, gooey 80s-style cheese, you'll find a heaping helping in this movie. From the Flock of Seagulls look of several of the characters to the synthed-up soundtrack – it's the 80s at its best (or worst as the case may be). As an added bonus, the movie features a healthy dose of campy humor that works if you take it the right way. I think too many people go into this movie expecting something quite different from what it is. They take the movie far more serious than it was ever intended to be. It's not perfect, but parts can be fun.

5/10

The Legend of Bigfoot (1976)

Pathetic, 19 March 2008

If I were doing a one word review of The Legend of Bigfoot, it would be PATHETIC. This purported documentary is pathetic in every sense of the word and in every way imaginable. From the braggadocios but ultimately pointless narration to the exaggerated claims of presenting proof of the Bigfoot's existence, it's all just so pathetic. The movie tells the story of (and is unfortunately narrated by) Ivan Marx and his search for Bigfoot. For those unfamiliar with Marx, apparently he was an outdoorsman and tracker of some note (at least that's what he tells us over and over) who claims to have filmed Bigfoot. But to get to the 30 or so seconds of Bigfoot footage, The Legend of Bigfoot's 76 minute runtime is filled with over 75 minutes of padding. Shots of impressive looking moose, sad little ground squirrels being run over by cars, and tired looking Bigfoot tracks are just a few examples of what makes up the bulk of the movie. And when we finally do get to see the supposed Bigfoot footage, in contrast to much of the rest of the film, it's distorted, grainy, and of such a poor quality it proves nothing. In fact, the images look far more like someone in an ape suit than anything else (hmmmm, I wonder why?).

Getting beyond whether or not Marx is a scam artist (take a look around the internet and judge for yourself), the movie is still pathetic. It's as dull as can be and provides very little in the way of entertainment - intentional or otherwise. If you want to see a far better, more entertaining pseudo-documentary with a similar subject, check out The Legend of Boggy Creek. It comes off looking like Academy Award winning material in comparison to The Legend of Bigfoot.

2/10

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

"This could be a tragic day for the people of New York... it could be the end of Spider-Man.", 19 March 2008

As I sit here writing this, there are 1,783 user comments for Spider-Man 3 on IMDb. So what can I possibly have to say that would be new or different? Well, probably nothing. But reading some of the posted comments, I have to laugh to myself. Why is it that people seem to feel the need to rate everything either a 1/10 or a 10/10? I don't get it. Is Spider-Man 3 worthy of a 1/10 rating? Is it really one of the worst movies ever made? Is it as wretched as some of the truly notorious stinkers like Manos: Hands of Fate or Hobgoblins? No. If you sincerely consider Spider-Man 3 one of the worst movies ever made, then you haven't seen enough movies. Likewise, is Spider-Man 3 worthy of a 10/10 rating? Is it really one of the best movies ever made? Again, the answer is no. And once again, if you sincerely consider Spider-Man 3 one of the best movies ever made, then you haven't seen enough movies. Like I said, I just don't get it. Why the need for such extremes? What's wrong with thinking something is merely average?

(Okay, I'll get off the soapbox for the rest of this.)

For me, while I found Spider-Man 3 an entertaining enough time-waster, it's got far too many problems for me to call it great. I found the action sequences and special effects very well done. Watching Spidey take a pounding from the Sandman near the end of the movie was brutal. Also, I've never been wrapped up in the whole Spiderman comic book scene, so I didn't have a problem with Venom the way some others do. Thomas Hayden Church and Topher Grace were excellent in their baddie roles. Finally, Bruce Campbell's cameo as the French maître d' was a scream. I loved it. But what didn't work so well for me was the plot. There's just too much going on in the movie and Sam Raimi tires too hard to wrap it all up in for a 2 hour movie. For example, with three bad guys to fight, did we really need the dull as dishwater subplot about Peter and MJ's on-again-off-again relationship? But I suppose they had to include it to give Kirsten Dunst something to do. Finally, Tobey Maguire is really bad. There's no way he could have ever pulled off playing the tough guy.

In the end, Spider-Man 3 is neither the worst movie I've seen nor is it the best. While I was generally entertained, the movie has too many problems for me to call it much more than slightly better than average. A 6/10 seems about right.

6/10

Bowery at Midnight (1942)

"I've never seen a guy with more angles.", 15 March 2008

Bowery at Midnight is quite the ambitious little Poverty Row thriller. It's has enough plot threads for three movies. Bela Lugosi plays a man living a double (or should that be triple) life. As one of the characters says to Lugosi, "I've never seen a guy with more angles." By day, he's a college psychology professor. By night, he runs a soup kitchen that he uses as a base to recruit criminals into his organization. You see, he's got a thing for knocking over jewelry stores. If that weren't enough, he has an old, washed-up doctor in the basement who, unbeknownst to Lugosi, is doing experiments on reanimating dead bodies. With all of this going on, there are really very few dull moments in the movie's short runtime. I suppose that's also part of the movie's biggest problem – there are too many loose ends and too many plot threads that go nowhere. For example, why and how is the Doc creating the zombies? And how is the process seemingly reversed at the end of the movie? It's probably best not to think too much about it and just enjoy the movie for what it is. Lugosi actually looks like he's having the time of his life. The smile on his face in many of the scenes looks genuine. And why not? For a Monogram film, Bowery at Midnight is about as good as they come.

6/10

I Deal in Danger (1966)

I've never thought much of Robert Goulet, but he's good as David March, 15 March 2008

I Deal in Danger is not really a movie, but a couple episodes of a television show called "Blue Light" that were edited together. The show told the story of an Allied secret agent named David March who has defected to the German side. March has, for the most part, been accepted by the Nazi high command. In reality, March is a double agent still working with the Allies in their fight against Hitler and Nazi Germany. Because of its multi-episode television origin, I Deal in Danger features two distinct plot lines. The first, and probably my favorite, finds a skeptical SS officer (Werner Peters) looking to test March's loyalty to the Third Reich. Another British agent who wants to switch sides and work for Germany gives the SS officer his opportunity. What the SS officer doesn't know is that the Englishman is also a double agent. The second plot thread sees March get reassigned to a secret underground German weapons facility. March must convenience a female scientist to help him destroy the facility.

Overall, I quite enjoyed I Deal in Danger. The film is well paced (any boring bits from the television show were most likely edited out) and reasonably entertaining throughout. There are a few surprises along the way such as the scientist who helps March being allowed to die in the explosion. It's not your standard happy ending. I've never thought much of Robert Goulet, but off the top of my head, this is probably one of the better things I've ever seen him in. Goulet is just rugged and cool enough to pull it off. And I really appreciate the fact that Goulet was allowed to play March completely straight without a hint of irony or comedy. The supporting cast is surprisingly strong with actors like Peters providing Goulet with an excellent nemesis. My biggest compliant is that Goulet's character is allowed to be something of a superman. There's one instance in the movie where March single handedly breaks into a Nazi prison to free a scientist. He seems to know exactly where the scientist is being held, he knows exactly where the guards are, and he knows exactly where to place his explosives. Such a mission would have been impossible. Finally, although there was obviously a decent budget involved, I Deal in Danger never overcomes its television roots. I'm not sure I know how to put this, but I Deal in Danger has a look and feel to it that just screams 60s American television.

Until I watched I Deal in Danger, I had never even heard of "Blue Light". It's not that odd considering I was only three years-old when it aired and there were only 17 episodes. Now, however, I would love to see someone bring the show to DVD. I know I'd buy it.

6/10

The Heroic Trio (1993)

- Dung fong saam hap
Mixes elements of fantasy in places I hadn't expected, 14 March 2008

Trying to come up with a pithy plot description for something like The Heroic Trio is all but impossible. The plot simply cannot be explained in a few short sentences. So I'll go with a very general plot description realizing I'm leaving a lot out – An evil demon is kidnapping male babies in hopes of finding the next Emperor of China. He hopes to use that baby to help him take over the world. Three competing female super heroes must put aside their differences and work together to defeat the demon.

The Heroic Trio is like a comic book come to life. It has an almost dreamlike feel to much of it mixing elements of fantasy in places I hadn't expected. In fact, I was shocked to discover it's probably more fantasy than martial arts. It's quite an unusual narrative style that, as a Westerner, I'm not overly familiar with. Fortunately, I was able to just go with it and enjoy it. It's not too difficult though as director Johnny To filled The Heroic Trio with some amazing images. The flying motorcycle at the train station, the first descent into the underworld, and Michelle Yeoh's dance with the demon are incredibly unique and memorable. Visually, the movie is stunning.

All three of the lead actresses – Michelle Yeoh, Anita Mui, and Maggie Cheung – are perfect in their roles. At first I was tempted to single Yeoh out for praise, but realized that may have had more to do with my familiarity with her than anything else. All three are outstanding and deserve to be mentioned together.

I'm far from a marital arts expert, but I found the fight scenes, though disappointingly too brief, flawlessly choreographed. Other than the finale, one of my favorites featured Maggie Cheung and an automatic weapon facing off against four hooded assassins. Cool stuff!

There are a few things that could have been different that would have made me enjoy The Heroic Trio even more. It seemed to me that the action and momentum of the movie was broken up far too often by scenes of schmaltzy sentimentality. And what was with the music? I understand the music won some awards, but it's hardly what I would have picked. I suppose that my complaints could be due to my Western sensibilities more than anything. As it is, I found The Heroic Trio an interesting and entertaining experience.

7/10

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century "The Plot to Kill a City" #1.4-5 (1979) (TV)

Yet another two-parter, 14 March 2008

"The Plot to Kill a City" is actually another two-part episode (how many does that make so far?). Buck goes undercover as a criminal named Raphael Argus to infiltrate a group known as the Legion of Death. Fortunately for Buck, none of the other members have actually met Raphael Argus – they only know him by reputation. Buck learns that the group plans to get revenge for one of their members who was killed by the Defense Directorate. Unfortunately, Buck's cover is blown and he'll have to save his own skin if he's to save New Chicago from destruction.

Overall, these aren't two of the better episodes of Buck Rogers in the 25th Century that I've watched so far (okay, I know I've only watched seven episodes, but these two would rank fifth and sixth out of seven). There are several problems, but the big one for me is the whole Legion of Death concept. The silly name, the even sillier hand signal, and following the orders of Frank Gorshin do not make for a very intimidating band of assassins. Gorshin is terrible in the part of the group's leader, Kellogg. Besides not looking the part, he continually does some weird thing with his hands that's terribly distracting. John Quade as Quince (what alliteration!) and Nancy DeCarl as Sherese fare no better. That's especially true of Quade who looks ridiculous in his sheep's wool get-up. In fact, other than a lot of boisterous talk, the group of would-be terrorists doesn't do much of anything. Buck should have been able to handle this group with his eyes closed. Without effective bad guys, you don't get a very effective episode (or episodes as the case may be).

Even with the problems, this is still Buck Rogers and there's still some fun to be had. From the always enjoyable cheese of the special effects to the outfits worn by Erin Grey (and in these episodes, Markie Post), there's enough here that qualifies as entertainment to keep "The Plot to Kill a City" from being a total disaster. So a 6/10 seems about right.

6/10

Conan Unchained: The Making of 'Conan' (2000)

A wonderful "making of" feature, 14 March 2008

Conan Unchained: The Making of Conan is an interesting look back, almost 20 years later, at probably the best Sword and Sorcerer movie ever made – Conan the Barbarian. Maybe it has something to do with my almost fanboy kind of love for the subject matter, but this is one of the more entertaining "making of" documentaries I've seen. It's filled with stories and memories of many of the cast and crew involved in the movie. A few of my favorite moments include Arnold talking about being chased by wolves, Sandahl Bergman's story of almost losing a finger, and Max Von Sydow reminiscing about his favorite scene (it was actually cut from the movie). But it's director John Miliius' enthusiasm for the movie – even some 20 years later – that makes this "making of" feature so special. He comes across as a real, down-to-earth sort of guy that you'd actually like to meet. His feelings for the movie are quite evident and infectious. After listening to him talk about "The Great Danes" or the wheel of pain or the giant snake the crew built, I can't wait to watch the movie again.

As much as I enjoyed Conan Unchained: The Making of Conan, I can't call it perfect. There are a few things I would have liked to have seen included. While most of the cast was interviewed for the documentary, I would have really enjoyed hearing form Mako, Ben Davidson, and/or Sven-Ole Thorsen. Also, I would have liked to see some discussion on the effect Conan the Barbarian had on the genre, the imitators, and its long lasting appeal. But you can't have everything. And as it is, Conan Unchained: The Making of Conan is still very entertaining.

8/10

Where Is Jane Doe? (1956)

The evils of make-up, 14 March 2008

I'm not an expert when it comes to these RKO-Pathe Screenliner shorts, but Where is Jane Doe? is one of the worst I've seen. I'm not even sure what message the film is trying to convey. Is it intended to be a warning about the problem of teen runaways or is it a congratulatory pat on the back of the police? You would think that with only 8 minutes to work with, director Larry O'Reilly and writer Francis Dinsmoor would be more direct in their purpose and get right to the point. It's an odd narrative that doesn't work.

One thing you can usually count on when watching one of these old shorts is an unintended laugh or two. I got a real chuckle out of Where is Jane Doe? when the police discover the missing girl kept a secret make-up kit at a friend's house. Oh the horror! Not make-up!

5/10

The Gay Falcon (1941)

Very entertaining beginning to the Falcon series, 13 March 2008

The Gay Falcon, the first movie in the Falcon series, finds the Falcon (George Sanders) ready to give up both women and detective work at the request of his fiancé. This promise, however, doesn't last long as a pretty woman with a story of stolen jewelry soon walks into his life. In no time at all, the Falcon is up to his elbows in murder and hiding out from the police. The only way to clear his name is to find the real killer.

This may have been George Sanders first time out in the role of the Falcon, but he wears the role with the familiarity of a favorite old sweater. I would argue, however, that his Saint series (which ended just prior to the start of the Falcon series) was so similar to the Falcon that it was hardly a stretch for Sanders. Regardless, Sanders makes everything seem so effortless and natural. He is joined by an especially strong cast. Gladys Jenkins, Edward Brophy, and Arthur Shields should be familiar to any fan of classic B-fare. Oddly though, all are upstaged by the strong performance of Nina Vale who surprisingly only appeared in two other films. I can't believe she didn't do more. She's quite good and imminently watchable. As for the movie, none of the Falcon movies are particularly deep affairs and The Gay Falcon is no different. It's light, breezy entertainment. The 1940s style of comedy/mystery films has always appealed to me and The Gay Falcon is a nice example. The comedy elements hit their mark and are, at their worst, amusing. Nothing to make you fall in the floor with laughter, just good, light-hearted fun. The mystery elements in the movie also work and are sufficiently convoluted to make it interesting throughout. And it helps that the final solution to the mystery at least makes sense and is ultimately satisfying. Director Irving Reis keeps things moving at an entertaining pace with no time for a wasted scene in the movie's relative short 67 minute runtime. Overall, it's a solid effort.

7/10

That Man Bolt (1973)

An odd mix of blaxploitation, martial arts, and espionage/spy thriller, 13 March 2008

Jefferson Bolt (Fred Williamson) is a courier hired to take $1 million from Hong Kong to Mexico City via Los Angeles. Upon arriving in Los Angeles, however, Bolt quickly realizes he's been double-crossed. After a friend is killed and Bolt learns the money he's been hired to carry may be counterfeit, Bolt heads back to Hong Kong to get revenge on those who set him up. But that will mean he'll have to face a crime boss named Kumada and his army of trained martial arts killers.

If nothing else, you've got to give the people responsible for That Man Bolt a little credit for trying something new. That Man Bolt is an odd mix of blaxploitation, martial arts, and espionage/spy thriller – and it almost works. The main problem is that the movie is about 20 minutes too long and the plot is so convoluted that it's impossible to follow or care about what's going on. One minute the money is counterfeit - then it's real - then it's counterfeit - then it's real . . . After a while, I stopped caring. Some judicious editing might have saved Bolt and turned it into something really special, because the movie had potential. Bolt is played by the always cool Fred Williamson. What he may lack in acting ability he makes up for by being the baddest dude around. The supporting cast isn't too shabby either. Teresa Graves and Byron Webster really stand out. Finally, the whole international jet-set feel of That Man Bolt really works. Locations as diverse as Macao and Las Vegas give the movie sort of a James Bond feel. Unfortunately, the unwieldy script keeps That Man Bolt from being anything better than average.

5/10

Rattlers (1976)

Unintentionally, Rattlers is a funny movie, 12 March 2008

What a completely ridiculous movie. Rattlers' plot is so nonsensical it's hysterical. A series of snakebite deaths has the local sheriff worried so he calls in a snake expert and male chauvinist, Dr. Tom Parkinson (Sam Chew) for assistance. The sheriff has also seemingly at random hired a photographer and women's libber named Ann Bradley (Elisabeth Chauvet) to help. It's like oil and water when these two get together. But it doesn't take an Einstein to figure out that these two will overcome their difference and hop into bed together before the end of the movie. Anyway, Tom and Ann begin searching the desert for . . . well, it's never clear what they hope to find, but boy do they ever search. On foot, in a jeep, and in a helicopter, Tom and Ann tirelessly and endlessly search the desert. The excitement was almost more than I could bear. About the only thing they find is a piece of bloody cloth that is quickly forgotten, never to be mentioned again. Oh, they also find a military storage base. Tom and Ann discover that some of the nerve gas the military buried in the desert has had a strange effect on the rattlesnakes. Of course no other animal is affected – just the snakes. In the end, the snakes are accidentally destroyed in one of the goofiest shootouts ever put on film and Tom and Ann are able to ride off into the sunset having done absolutely nothing to solve the rattlesnake problem. The end.

There are quite a few unintentionally hilarious scenes and set-pieces in Rattlers. My absolute favorite moment involves two Army types patrolling the desert in the middle of the night. While tooling around in their jeep, they have a blow-out. They get out to investigate and find that a snake has bitten through their tire. Yes, that's right – a rattlesnake launched itself at a moving jeep, grabbed a tire with its fangs, and bit down hard enough puncture the tire. This has to be the single most stupid thing I've seen in a movie in a long time. Gotta love it! So please don't misinterpret my rating - Rattlers is not a good movie, but it is a funny movie. Intentional or not, I was entertained.

6/10

Snowbeast (1977) (TV)

It's kinda like Jaws, but in the snow . . . and on a mountain . . . and with fur . . ., 11 March 2008

In Snowbeast, a town is preparing for its annual Winter Carnival only to find it threatened by some sort of killer snow monster. You don't have to look too hard to find the similarities between Snowbeast and Jaws. They're everywhere - from canceling the Winter Carnival vs. the 4th of July celebration in Jaws to the cover-up on the part of the mayor / sheriff, the comparisons are endless. It should go without saying that Snowbeast is in no way near as good as Jaws, but it does have its moments. Chief among the positives are some incredibly creepy and effective scenes when the titular Snowbeast is stalking its intended prey. An isolated, snow-covered mountainside can become a very ominous place when the quiet is broken by the blood curdling roar of the Snowbeast. Freaky stuff! Unfortunately, this being a made-for-TV movie, the film cuts out a lot of the actual attack scenes and we're left with a bloody snow aftermath.

As you might expect from my rating, however, I did find a lot to fault in Snowbeast. First, this being a made-for-TV movie, there's far too much unnecessary and forced sentimentality. There are several seemingly endless scenes between the movie's hero, Gar Seberg (played by the unmemorable Bo Svenson), and his wife about some meaningless back-story that had no bearing on anything in the movie. Ugh! Second, the Snowbeast wouldn't have killed near as many people if they had just kept going down the mountain. One of the funniest moments involved a ski rescuer who had searched the mountain for hours without incident. However, the moment he got near the Snowbeast happened to be the precise moment he decides to do a face-plant in the snow. Could this clumsy oaf have made it any easier on the Snowbeast? It's because of these negatives that I can only rate this movie a 5/10.

5/10

White Lightning (1973)

"I was born ready!", 11 March 2008

White Lightning is a terrific action/drama that tells the story of a hard-driving moonshiner named Gator McKlusky (Burt Reynolds) who is released from prison early in exchange for any help he can give the government with its case against his fellow moonshiners. Gator, however, has his own agenda and it has nothing to do with his altruistic nature. It seems that Sheriff J.C. Connors (Ned Beatty) of Bogen County is not only one of the biggest moonshiners in Arkansas, he's also responsible for killing Gator's brother. And Gator wants revenge.

One of the coolest things about White Lightning is that it presents Burt Reynolds as an actor at the top of his game. This was a Burt Reynolds who seemed to actually care about the final product and not just yucking it up with his buddies on screen. White Lightning was made before Burt became a clown, mugging for the camera. That's not to say there isn't any humor in White Lightning – it's just used judiciously. Burt is joined by phenomenal cast. In addition to Ned Beatty (who's perfect as the Sheriff), R.G. Armstrong, Bo Hopkins, Diane Lane, and Dabbs Greer give solid, memorable performances. In fact, I can't think of a single actor that bothered me. The movie was helped tremendously by the decision to film in rural Arkansas. I grew-up in the South and everything from the locations to the sweat dripping off Burt's chin had a feeling of authenticity. I've been to places like the old Kroger I spotted in the background and I sweat just like Burt in the oppressively hot Southern summers. It all felt real to me. Finally, the plot is just terrific, mixing in just the right amount of high speed car chases, brutal looking fight scenes, and dramatic conversations. It drew me in right from the start and held my attention throughout. Overall, it's a well-made, entertaining movie.

8/10

Deep Sea (2006)

If you get the chance, see it in 3D on an IMAX screen, 11 March 2008

This past weekend, the family and I went to the Tennessee Aquarium in Chattanooga. While there, we caught Deep Sea 3D at the IMAX theater. My son has a copy of the movie on DVD, so I knew what to expect and knew the basic premise of the film. What I didn't expect were some truly amazing visuals. I was completely blown away by the images. There's a scene at the very beginning where the waves come rolling in toward the camera. The 3D effects actually made me jump. It looked like we were about to get soaked. The underwater scenes were just as cool with great colors, interesting and unusual animal life, and solid 3D visuals. Both Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet do an acceptable job with the narration. I've read where some complained that the script was geared toward smaller children. Well, I was with a small child so that didn't bother me. My only complaint with the experience is some of the added sound effects. The folly guys worked overtime and the end result is pretty bad. Scallops fleeing from a marauding sea star do not sound like school kids on the playground.

Having watched Deep Sea 3D on an IMAX screen in 3D, I don't know that my son will be able to watch his DVD on a regular TV anymore. The IMAX 3D was that amazing.

8/10

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century "Vegas in Space" #1.3 (1979) (TV)

Not much originality, 8 March 2008

I've just started going through the Buck Rogers in the 25th Century episodes for the first time since they originally aired. Up to now it's been an a blast. Episode 5, "Vegas in Space", is easily the worst I've watched so far. The problem – the plot lacks any originality. You could have seen (and probably did) a similar plot line on any one of a dozen 70s television programs. I can easily imagine such a plot (a girl who accidentally sees something she shouldn't have is kidnapped and "forced" to remember what she saw) on Charlie's Angels or Vegas or Wonder Woman or . . . well, just name it. The names of the supporting cast may not mean much to most people, but the faces of Richard Lynch, Pamela Susan Shoop, and James Luisi certainly would. These actors would have been right at home on any of these television shows. The guest star of "Vegas in Space" is Cesar Romero, but unfortunately his screen time is terribly limited. It's hard to do much or make much of an impression in less than 5 minutes.

Ah well, there's always the next episode.

5/10

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century "Planet of the Slave Girls" #1.2 (1979) (TV)

It doesn't matter what he's doing - Jack Palance is awesome!, 8 March 2008

When the Earth's tainted food supply knocks most of its pilots out of commission putting the planet's defenses at risk, Buck and Col Deering visit the planet the food comes from to investigate. What they find is a population enslaved by the charismatic and ruthless Kaleel (Jack Palance), a clueless Governor (Roddy McDowell), and an attack force ready to strike the Earth. Once again, it's up to Buck Rogers to save the day!

To begin with, "Planet of the Slave Girls" is something of a misleading title. But it's probably more effective from a marketing standpoint than the truth - "Planet Where Everyone is Enslaved, Not Just the Hot Women". Whatever the title, this is a very enjoyable two-part episode. There are a number of things that I could point to as highlights, but at the top of that list would be Jack Palance. His character, Kaleel, is not unlike a television evangelist inspiring the troops (or slaves in this case) to do his bidding. Instead of healing hands, however, Jack's got glowing red hands of death. He's awesome! Beyond Jack, the rest of the episode is enjoyable. The plot is interesting and the episode is entertaining throughout. If you've seen Buck Rogers before, you pretty much get what you expect – some cheesy but fun special effects, Twiki being annoying, Erin Grey in a variety of spandex, gaudiness everywhere you look, and Buck. There aren't a whole lot of surprises. "Planet of the Slave Girls" does feature a plot thread involving a Major Duke Denton who represents a rival to Buck for Col Deering. Denton is played by David Groh. He and Gil Gerard seem to have developed some immediate chemistry. The pair play off each other nicely. My biggest complaint with "Planet of the Slave Girls" is how underutilized Roddy McDowell is. He was given virtually nothing to do.

7/10

The Mandarin Mystery (1936)

A nice performance by Eddie Quillan, 8 March 2008

Josephine Temple (Charlotte Henry) arrives in New York with a very valuable stamp known as the Chinese Mandarin. Her intention is to sell the stamp to Dr. Alexander Kirk (George Irving), a noted stamp collector. But before she can go through with the sale, the stamp is stolen and the thief is found dead in a locked room. The police, including Inspector Queen (Wade Boteler), naturally suspect Miss Temple of having committed the murder. Fortunately for Miss Temple, however, the Inspector's son, Ellery Queen (Eddie Quillan), has taken a liking to her and will prove she couldn't possibly be guilty.

I can think of far worse ways to spend an hour than watching The Mandarin Mystery. I'm sure that movie fans more accustomed to modern, thrill-a-minute movies would find it all so dull and boring (even I'll admit that at times it can be creaky), but it worked pretty well for me. The Mandarin Mystery is one of those mystery/comedies that seem to have been popular in the 30s. The mystery elements were interesting and even the comedy bits generally hit their mark. It wasn't uproariously funny or anything, but it was amusing. I've seen Eddie Quillan in a few other movies and he's honestly never impressed me much. He's seemed capable enough, but not really noteworthy. With The Mandarin Mystery, he makes the movie work. The on-screen relationship with Wade Boteler, who played his father, is very entertaining. Finally, I enjoyed the final reveal. I won't give it away other than to say it works.

6/10

The Atomic Submarine (1960)

"It was foolish. It was insane. It was fantastic.", 8 March 2008

Submarines and ships begin disappearing at an alarming rate near the Arctic Circle. The crew of the Tiger Shark, an atomic submarine, is sent to investigate. They discover a mysterious craft they name the Cyclops because of its one "eye". When the submarine's torpedoes prove worthless against the Cyclops' defenses, the decision is made to ram the strange craft. The Tiger Shark appears to have been successful in "killing" the other craft, but it's now stuck in the Cyclops' outer hull. A team is sent to enter the dormant looking craft to try to free the submarine. But the Cyclops isn't as dormant as it first appears. The men find an alien being very much alive and still determined to take over the world.

Overall, The Atomic Submarine is a fun little movie. I see that a lot of people focus on the less than realistic looking miniatures. Why let something like that ruin the rest of the movie? As I've stated any number of times, I find a certain charm to the low budget special effects found in movies like The Atomic Submarine. I'll cut 'em more slack than I will today's big budget, heartless, CGI effects. Instead of the effects, my problems with the movie lies in the very slow first act and a controversy between two of the characters that feels forced. But once the submarine enters the Arctic waters, things pick-up and it moves at a good, entertaining pace form here on out. The interior shots of the alien ship are especially creepy. It may all be lights, shadows, and noise, but that doesn't make it any less effective. It's downright spooky! The acting is about what you expect from a mostly veteran cast that includes Dick Foran, Tom Conway, and Arthur Franz – nothing terrible, but nothing outstanding. The exception is Brett Halsey whose constant pout is a bit much at times. I was excited to see Joi Lansing's name in the opening credits, but soon discovered that her screen-time was limited to about 5 minutes. Finally, I appreciate the chances screenwriter Orville Hampton took with the plot. The idea of an undersea UFO is quite novel as far as I know.

6/10

Policewomen (1974)

Another movie I really wanted to like, 7 March 2008

Policewoman Lacy Bond (Sondra Currie) longs for more interesting and meaningful assignments than guarding female prisoners. After almost single handedly thwarting a mass prison escape, Lacy catches the eye of her superiors and is finally given her big chance. Her assignment – go undercover to bust up an all-girl smuggling ring. But she better be careful, because this gang is deadly.

I loved the opening prison break scenes. They had a quirky feel to them that worked. After the first 10 minutes, I thought for sure I had found a winner. But after getting off to a great start, once the real plot kicks in, Policewomen loses steam. What should have been a wild, fun ride turns into . . . well, in a word, it gets boring. The plot has way too much talk and not enough action or sleaze. The case that Lacy Bond finds herself involved in isn't terribly interesting. I can't really blame Sondra Currie. She may not be the best actress I've seen (in fact, she's downright bad), but she sure does give it her all. I am happy, however, to see that after Policewomen she went on to have a good career. The casting of Elizabeth Stuart as the ring-leader Maude and Phil Hoover as her boyfriend Doc was an interesting choice. I'm not saying it was a good choice, just interesting. Policewomen also features some of the sloppiest editing I've run into recently. Big, obtrusive splices right in the middle of action scenes. It's pretty obvious that Currie and the other actors had problems with the action so cuts had to be made to set-up and finish a scene. It's really weak. The film's final scenes do help redeem the movie somewhat, but not enough to make me call the movie "good". For what it's worth, I've rated Policewomen a very generous 4/10.

4/10

The Gorgon (1964)

A wonderfully unique Hammer offering, 7 March 2008

I simply do not understand why The Gorgon (like a lot of the other lesser known Hammer movies) isn't available on a legitimate Region 1 DVD. It's ridiculous. Admittedly, The Gorgon is an unusual horror movie. The story of a mythical creature able to turn men to stone with just her gaze is not your normal horror fare. And the movie isn't full of marketable blood and jump scares. Instead, The Gorgon is a slow paced, atmospheric chiller that I find terribly entertaining and one of the more unique movies Hammer ever made.

The Gorgon has so much going for it that I can't imagine it not being a favorite of any Hammer fan. To begin with, there's always something special about watching Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing working together. Even though their shared screen-time is limited, it's still a treat. The rest of the acting is quite good, especially the conflicted and beautiful Carla played by Barbara Shelley. Shelley really doesn't get near enough credit for her performance in this movie. Beyond the acting, The Gorgon is a movie filled with terrific atmosphere thanks to John Gilling's screenplay and Terence Fisher's direction. There's a real sense of unease running through the movie. The music further adds to the atmosphere. Megara's eerie but beautiful call is memorable long after the movie is over. There's just something mesmerizing about it. The lighting, sets, and cinematography are all some of the best you'll find in a Hammer production. The movie looks far better than you would expect. Finally, even though the special effects seem to always be a focal point of criticism, I quite enjoy the Gorgon's look. What some call cheap and tacky looking, I call fun. It's always a blast for me when Megara makes her entrance. In fact, I've got more of a problem with Christopher Lee's sad looking make-up than I do with the Gorgon's appearance.

8/10