The Saint “The Careful Terrorist” #1.3 (1962) (TV)

It’s not The Saint I remember,  8 May 2020

Simon Templar’s reporter friend is killed after initiating a series of damning reports on union boss Nat Grendal.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who pulled the proverbial trigger.   Templar steps in to see that his friend’s efforts don’t go to waste.

It’s been more than a minute since I last watched an episode of The Saint, but The Careful Terrorist just doesn’t feel right.  It seems weird for Templar to be living in the US.  I miss the more exotic European locals found in the previous episode.  Not only that, but he’s somehow developed what seems like a long running feud with a local policeman.  How’d that happen?  And where did manservant Hoppy come from?  Unnecessary and annoying.  Finally, Templar mixing it up with a run-of-the-mill mob hoodlum hardly seems right.  Somehow, it feels beneath him.

Beyond all that, the plot itself is a bit tedious and boring and goes on far too long.  There’s really not much happening.  I did, however, enjoy the finale.  If Grendal had just listened to Templar’s warnings . . . 

4/10

Jurassic Park III (2001)

“I rescued your hat.”  7 May 2020

With the promise of badly needed funding for his research, Dr. Alan Grant agrees to act as a sightseeing guide in a fly over of Isla Sorna.  But the couple who’ve hired Dr. Grant haven’t told him the whole truth.  Their plan involves more than just a bird’s-eye view of the island.  Before he realizes he’s been tricked, Dr. Grant finds himself once again fighting for his life in a world where dinosaurs rule.

As I think about the things I like and dislike about Jurassic Park III (JPIII for the rest of this), the dislike list is much easier to put together.  There are so many things one could pick at in JPIII that I could probably write pages.  The laundry list would go something like this: 1. The notion that young Billy could survive on the island alone for 8 weeks, yet we’ve seen trained mercenaries and survivalists that don’t last an afternoon.  2. A talking raptor.  3. The idea that the supposedly intelligent, but vicious raptors would so easily fall for a simple trick and not just rip the heads off the humans. 4. That idiotic ringing satellite phone.  5. Set-pieces strung together without much connecting them.  6. Anyone who for a second would believe that Michael Jeter’s character is what he claims to be.  7. Not enough Laura Dern.  8. All the insipid melodrama involving Billy’s parents.  9. Cringe-inducing dialogue.  10. That way over-the-top and completely ridiculous ending.  

As I stated previously, there are things about JPIII that I like.  Here’s that list:  1. It’s a big, dumb action movie with plenty of dinosaurs, including the new Pteredons.  2.  Well . . . uh . . . that’s about it.    

To be fair, though, any sequel to the original Jurassic Park was going to have a tough time in comparison.  That film is near perfect.  So, in the end, even though my list of what I dislike about JPIII is much longer than my list of what I like, I think the 5/10 rating is about right.  Despite the many faults, there’s still some degree of entertainment to be had..

5/10

The Cavern (1964)

A nice cast in a rather average film, 6 May 2020

The Cavern is a wartime drama featuring an unlikely group of seven people who find themselves trapped in a cave in the Italian mountains.  Those trapped include: a British general, an American officer and an American private, an Italian soldier, a German sergeant, a Canadian pilot, and a woman from a local village.  Fortunately, the cave has been most recently used as an Italian supply dump.  But can these people put their differences behind them and find a way to survive?

The Cavern isn’t a great movie, but I found it a worthwhile watch.  Most of the entertainment I got out of it came from the characters, their relationships, and their interactions.  The cast is as eclectic as the characters they play, including genre fav John Saxon, Peter Marshall (it was more than a little weird seeing the long serving host of The Hollywood Squares in a WWII drama), the insanely beautiful Rosanna Schiaffino, Oscar nominee Brian Aherne, and Larry Hagman (yes, JR from Dallas is in The Cavern).  The acting is about as good as you could hope for from a low-budget film American/Italian/German/Yugoslav(?) co-production like this.  All do a reasonable job with what they’re given to work with.  For his last film, veteran director Edgar G. Ulmer created a claustrophobic, hopeless atmosphere.  And, there are a few real gut-wrenching moments.  The best has to be (and I won’t spoil it) when one of the characters finally finds a way out of the giant cave system only to be met with the most ironic tragedy I think I could imagine.  It’s a very good, but heartbreaking moment.  

But, as I said, it’s not a perfect film.  While I’ve credited Ulmer with creating atmosphere, there are far too many moments where the characters seem way more relaxed than they should given their circumstances.  They play cards, they sing songs, they make jokes, they carry on like they don’t have a care in the world.  Even though they have food and water, I would expect more panic.  It takes far too long for any of the characters to fully snap and have any sort of mental breakdown. 

5/10

Dressed to Kill (1941)

“The stork that delivered you should be arrested for peddling dope.” 6 May 2020

Having bought a new suit, Detective Michael Shayne (Lloyd Nolan) is on his way to be married when he hears a woman’s scream.  As you might expect, he has to investigate. Shayne discovers two dead bodies and a mystery.  The wedding will have to wait while he investigates.  

Unlike the film I wrote about yesterday, Dressed to Kill is a mystery/comedy that works.  The mystery elements are fairly strong for a movie of this type.  Not only must Shayne discover the killer’s identity, he also has to figure out how the murder was committed.  And I’m always a sucker for a crime scene riddled with secret passages.  As for the comedy elements, most worked for me.  Sure, some of it is that 1940s style cornball comedy, but I found it entertaining.  The dialogue is well written and comes fast and funny.  

What I like about Lloyd Nolan is that he’s the perfect guy for this kind of role.  He can play both a tough talking detective or the clown with a one-liner.  He’s believable and equally good at either.  Here, he’s joined by the wonderfully funny William Demerest and, in a criminally small role,  the always enjoyable Mary Beth Hughes.  Another acting highlight for me were the scenes featuring Ben Carter and Mantan Moreland.  Their bit with Nolan where he’s working to discover how the murder took place is very funny.  Even though Carter and Moreland regrettably and predictably play to stereotype, they’re a joy to watch.

It’s not perfect, but I found Dressed to Kill an entertaining experience.  Entertaining enough for a 7/10.

7/10

The Mystery of the 13th Guest (1943)

Plain old bad, 5 May 2020

The biggest mystery in The Mystery of the 13th Guest is how do you take an idea with promise and an interesting set-up and create an absolutely horrible movie?  The makings of a fairly entertaining movie are there.  An old man, about to kick the bucket, invites his mostly ungrateful family to dine with him so that he might go over the contents of his will.  There are twelve people at the dinner, but thirteen chairs.  Years later, just as his heir is set to inherit, one by one, the members of the dinner party are killed off and their bodies are placed in the same chair in which they sat thirteen years previous.  Sounds pretty good, huh?

So, who’s the 13th chair for?  Well, that’s one of the most frustrating aspects of the movie.  The movie never bothers to solve the titular mystery of the 13th guest.  They mention it at the dinner party, but as far as I know, we never discover the answer. 

The second and even more frustrating thing with The Mystery of the 13th Guest is all of the lame comedy.  Every single character is a would-be comedian.  It’s all so annoying.  And to make matters even worse, none (and I mean absolutely none) of the comedy is the slightest bit funny.  It all goes over like a lead balloon.  The most egregious offender is a character named Speed Dugan played by Frank Faylen.  Never in my life have I wanted a character to die as much as this one.  He’s painful to watch.   

If you haven’t gotten it yet, I don’t care for this movie at all.  I’m often accused by my family of liking any movie made before 1970.  Well, from now on, I’m going to use The Mystery of the 13th Guest as an example of a “classic” film that I cannot stomach.  It’s just so God awful.

2/10