Jonny Quest "Terror Island" #1.24 (1965) (TV)

Giant bugs run amuck, 12 March 2010

Jonny, Hadji, and Race are desperate to find Dr. Quest after he's been kidnapped. Dr. Quest has been taken to the secret lab of Dr. Chu Sing Ling – a scientist working on a secret formula that turns insects into giants. Dr. Ling wants Quest's assistance. Naturally, Dr. Quest refuses and faces the prospect of being fed to one of Dr. Ling's creations. Will the rest of the gang arrive in time to save Dr. Quest?

While Terror Island is reasonably fun and feels something like an homage to the 1950s era giant bug movies I love so much, for whatever reason, I don't care for this episode as much as some others. Sure, I enjoyed the rampaging giant bug action, but I have a couple of problems with Terror Island. First, this may sound silly when talking about Jonny Quest, but Terror Island lacks the "real" feeling I enjoy in other episodes. This one is sci-fi all the way - with an emphasis on the fi part. I can go along with all the spy stuff, the robots, and even the prehistoric creatures you usually find in Jonny Quest, but this episode pushes credibility too far. (Please remember, when I use words like "real" or "credibility", I'm using them in the context of the Jonny Quest world – not the world you and I live in.)

My second problem is with Dr. Ling's rather sketchy plan. I'm not sure he ever says why he's trying to create an army of giant insects – he just is. Even the most deranged of the Jonny Quest baddies has some sort of explanation for what they're up to. Again, it takes away from the realism (relatively speaking once again).

In the end, despite the problems I have with the episode, this is still Jonny Quest and its still fun. I'll give Terror Island a 6/10.

6/10

Jonny Quest "The House of Seven Gargoyles" #1.23 (1965) (TV)

What an episode!, 11 March 2010

The Quest Team heads to the fjords of Norway to pay a visit to one of Dr. Quest's old friends, Dr. Ericson. Dr. Ericson has invented an anti-gravity device that may have drawn some unwanted attention. Even though no one will believe him, Jonny is sure he spotted a submarine in the nearby fjord. Next, once at Dr. Ericson's, Jonny is certain he's seen one of the stone gargoyles that guard the castle move. Again, no one believes him. Opinions on Jonny's eyesight change, however, when Dr. Ericson's discovery is stolen from the castle by foreign agents.

Based mostly on recollections from my childhood, there are what I would consider to be three iconic Jonny Quest episodes. These three episodes represent not only what I call the best of Jonny Quest, but they're filled with moments and images I'll never forget. The three episodes in question – The Curse of Anubis, The Robot Spy, and The House of Seven Gargoyles. I've already written about the first two, so now I'm on to third. To begin with, what a name – The House of Seven Gargoyles! How cool is that? It just evokes mystery and suspense. And what about the human gargoyle? I'll never forget the first time I saw this episode – it gave me chills for days. The image of the gargoyle coming to life and creeping through the castle corridors is the stuff of nightmares. Add to that clandestine meetings in a graveyard, spies in a submarine, and a stolen anti-gravity device and you've got one rock solid Jonny Quest episode. With no hesitation, I rate The House of Seven Gargoyles a 9/10.

Another thing that always creeps me out about this episode is the gargoyle Jonny is given in the final scene. Looking at the statue sitting between Jonny and Hadji in the backseat of the car, I'm always waiting for its eyes to open. Creepy stuff!

9/10

Swing Parade of 1946 (1946)

Worse than I could have imagined, 10 March 2010

Fearing his father will have his nightclub closed down, club owner and singer Danny Warren (Phil Regan) goes to extremes to ensure no one is able to serve papers on him. In an effort to have the papers served, Papa Warren hires an attractive young woman named Carol Lawrence (Gale Storm) who might have more luck getting close to Danny. But Carol's more interested in pursuing her music – and love – than any old papers.

Deathly dull, Swing Parade of 1946 isn't so much a movie as it is a series of set-pieces and musical numbers held together by the most minimal plot thread imaginable. What little plot there is wouldn't fill 10 minutes of the movie's runtime. Instead, the film goes something like this – a little plot followed a bit from the Three Stooges followed by an excruciating, painfully long music number. Just repeat this pattern for 74 minutes. The Stooges are wasted and out-of-place repeating bits most fans will have seen a number of times previous. Regan and Storm are both too uninteresting to carry the film themselves. I know that, at least in the case of Gale Storm, she would go on to have a long career in entertainment, but it's difficult to imagine that after watching this movie. I never thought I would say this, but Edward Brophy actually comes out of Swing Parade of 1946 looking better than anyone else – well, anyone other than Louis Jordan. Jordan and his band are the film's real highlight. As for the rest, it's all 'lowlights". Unless you're just a fan of really bad musicals from the mid-1940s, I'd say skip this one altogether.

3/10

Jonny Quest "The Quetong Missile Mystery" #1.22 (1965) (TV)

I can't believe it - an episode I've never seen!, 5 March 2010

While visiting some unnamed Southeast Asian country, Dr. Quest is asked by the local authorities to look into the strange happenings in the nearby Swamp Lake. None of the police patrols that have gone into the swamp have returned. What lurks in these murky waters? How about a band of ninja types guarding a secret missile installation. Things could get quite tricky for the Quest Team.

A few random things about The Quetong Missile Mystery:

- To my utter surprise and delight, I realized almost immediately that I had never seen The Quetong Missile Mystery. I'm not sure how I missed it either when I was younger or when I went through the episodes when I bought the DVDs. But how cool – a new episode!

- The bad guys in The Quetong Missile Mystery are great. The black clad ninja-types in the trees, the traitor Lt. Singh, and the head baddie General Fong are an impressive cast of villains. One of my favorite bits comes near the end when Gen. Fong barks the orders to catch and kill the Quest Team. You wouldn't see anything like that in today's overly PC cartoons. Fong is just awesome.

- I knew I recognized the voice of Commissioner Wah and was delighted to discover Keye Luke's name in the credits. How cool is it that Keye Luke provides some of the voices for this episode? To me, it's just about the coolest thing I've run across in a Jonny Quest episode. I know he did a lot of things, but as a huge fan of Charlie Chan, Keye Luke will always be #1 son Lee.

Overall, The Quetong Missile Mystery is another great installment in the Jonny Quest series. I'll give it an 8/10.

8/10

Jonny Quest "The Devil's Tower" #1.21 (1965) (TV)

Von Duffel is as mad as a hatter, 5 March 2010

Dr. Quest and Race set out to retrieve a scientific balloon that has crashed atop an escarpment known as The Devil's Tower. Race leaves Dr. Quest and returns to camp to pick-up the boys. Back on top of the escarpment, Dr. Quest is no where to be found. Instead, Race, Jonny, and Hadji run into a tribe of cavemen. They also run into a Nazi war criminal known as Von Duffel who has been using the cavemen to mine a load of precious diamonds. Can the whole gang escape the mad Von Duffel or, using Race's plane, will Von Duffel make his own escape?

While not the greatest of episodes, The Devil's Tower is still highly entertaining. Von Duffel is as good a baddie as the Quest Team face in any episode. And by good, I mean he's so stark raving mad that he seems quite capable of anything. Von Duffel's appearance is also a highlight. His stark skeletal features are nicely drawn. He reminds me quite a bit of the Crypt Keeper in appearance. The only real weakness of the episode comes in the final chase scenes as Jonny and family attempt to escape while Von Duffel attacks from overhead in the plane. It's exciting and all, but it feels too much like the finale of an earlier Jonny Quest episode, Shadow of the Condor. Still, a quality entry in the series that I rate a 7/10.

7/10

Jonny Quest "The Invisible Monster" #1.20 (1965) (TV)

Scared the pants off me as a child, 28 February 2010

Dr. Isaiah Norman, an old friend and colleague of Dr. Quest, calls with a frantic request for help. His latest experiment involving molecular energy has gotten out of control with devastating results. Somehow, Dr. Norman has created an invisible creature made of pure energy. It exists solely to consume more energy. The Quest Team quickly boards their plane to head off on another adventure. But will they get there in time to save Dr. Norman?

Finally, my run of bad luck with Jonny Quest is over. The Invisible Monster is one of those episodes that stands out. And why not? An effective monster, cool jet packs, and characters that actually die – it's got all the makings of a first rate Jonny Quest episode. It was the kind of episode that 40 years ago would have had my lights on all night. It was that scary! Watching today, I may have slept comfortably, but I can still recognize class when I see it. It's truly one of the most memorable of all of the Jonny Quest episodes. One thing I noticed looking at it today, the monster doesn't have the same polished appearance of the other artwork from Jonny Quest. It's a simple design with colors that change from frame to frame. But I guess with a creature made of molecular energy, you could do almost anything with it and it would look okay. And that solitary eye – creepy! And that noise – even creepier. I love it! The Invisible Monster easily gets an 8/10 from me.

8/10

The Strange Case of Doctor Rx (1942)

Very little to recommend - even for fans of classic Universal horror, 25 February 2010

Private Detective Jerry Church (Patric Knowles) is asked to investigate the strange deaths of several recently acquitted men. The only clue is the mysterious calling card found on the body of each victim of a man known only as "Doctor Rx". Soon after taking the case, Church is on hand to see a man named Zarini acquitted, only to fall dead before he can leave the courtroom. To solve the series of murders, Church is kidnapped, his wife's life is threatened, and he is strapped to a table by Doctor Rx and prepped for an operation involving organ transplantation with a gorilla. Will Church survive this ordeal and unmask the killer?

As far as the classic Universal horror (and horror is used very loosely here) films of the 30s and 40s go, The Strange Case of Doctor Rx is about as bad as you'll run across. I place it at the bottom of the heap with the unfortunate She-Wolf of London. I described The Strange Case of Doctor Rx to a friend as a Charlie Chan movie without any of the charm or interest of a Charlie Chan movie. Knowles' Church doesn't make for a very effective or interesting lead. He's just too bland. Lionel Atwill is billed second, but he has so little screen-time you'll forget he's even in the film. And when Atwill is on screen, he's reduced to playing the role of the most embarrassing red herring I've ever run across. Gwynne is okay as the love interest / wife, but she can't save the film on her on. The highlights of the cast are Shemp Howard and, especially, Mantan Moreland. They have a scene together involving shooting dice that's laugh-out-loud funny. Moreland, as usual, steals most every scene in which he appears. Other weaknesses: the films plotting is plodding, the direction is pedestrian, the mystery isn't very mysterious, and the horror is pretty much missing altogether. As most everyone who has written about The Strange Case of Doctor Rx has pointed out, the one scene of real horror feels like it was cut from another film. Other than Moreland, the one bright spot worth mentioning is the "look" of the film. Like most other Universal pictures from this period, the movie looks like a million bucks. Overall, a very disappointing affair that I'll be generous to and give it a 4/10.

4/10

Jonny Quest "Attack of the Tree People" #1.19 (1965) (TV)

A ruddy average episode, 25 February 2010

When compared with the previous three episodes, Attack of the Tree People isn't half bad. But, when compared with some of the better episodes of the Jonny Quest series, it doesn't look so good. In this one, after an accident at sea, Jonny and Hadji are separated from Dr. Quest and Race and end up in a thick, jungle type setting. The boys aren't alone for long as they are quickly befriended by a band of friendly apes. Unfortunately, there are also two gun-runners lurking nearby who see ransoming the boys as a way to make a quick buck. In the end, it's not Dr. Quest and Race who save the boys – instead, the apes save everyone.

Okay, first for the good – I really enjoyed the two would-be kidnappers, Silkey and Topper, and their thick cockney accents. The two sound like they're straight out of the chimney sweep scene in Mary Poppins. I think every sentence they utter includes the word "ruddy". As for the bad – look no further than the apes or "Tree People" of the episodes title. The fact that these wild apes act nothing like wild apes is just too silly. It might not have been so bad if there had been some explanation for their behavior, but there's nothing to indicate why these apes act as they do. The rest of the episode is pretty uneventful. As with the other recent episodes I've watched, there's nothing worth getting overly excited about. In the end, the best I can say about Attack of the Tree People is that it's a thoroughly average episode of an excellent series. A 5/10 seems about right.

5/10

Jonny Quest "Pirates from Below" #1.18 (1965) (TV)

I'm in the middle of an awfully dry stretch, 25 February 2010

Dr. Quest newest invention is an underwater vehicle (sorry, I can't remember what they called it) that sort of rolls across the bottom of the ocean floor. The invention becomes the target of a group of baddies who want the vehicle for themselves to sell off to the highest bidder. Race and Jonny get mixed-up in the hijacking and it's up to Dr. Quest and Hadji to save the day.

I hate to have to give another Jonny Quest episode such a poor rating, but I don't have much choice. Pirates from Below just isn't that good and has very little to recommend. In a word, it's pretty dull. I've had similar problems with the previous two episodes. When I think about these three episodes, they all suffer the same weakness – the lack of a compelling or interesting villain or other threat. The pirates in this episode, the loggers in Werewolf of the Timberland, and the nondescript bad guys in The Fraudulent Volcano can't begin to compare with the spider-like robot of The Robot Spy, the threatening mummy from The Curse of Anubis, or the dragon pit found in Dragons of Ashida. Those episodes presented adversaries and situations that were suspenseful and frightening. I know things pick-up later on in the Jonny Quest series and there are some really good episodes to come, but right now, I'm in the middle of an awfully dry stretch.

4/10

Jonny Quest "Werewolf of the Timberland" #1.17 (1965) (TV)

Another weak episode, 23 February 2010

Jonny Quest and family find themselves deep in the Canadian wood. They're terrorized by a group of baddies posing as loggers, but these guys are the least of the Quest Team's worries. Legend has it these woods are the hunting ground of a werewolf – or loup-garou. Fortunately, a mysterious figure known as White Feather and his wolf companion come to Jonny and Hadji's aid.

Considering Werewolf of the Timberland features a werewolf (at least a werewolf legend), it should be a lot more enjoyable. While I find it more entertaining that the previous episode, The Fraudulent Volcano, it's not by much. A couple of the problems I have with this episode include the character White Feather and the ineffective gang of French-Canadian baddies. I've never been much for the magical, mythical portrayals of Indians . . . err, Native Americans. You know, the talking to animals, moving like the wind - it's all a bit too much for me to take. As for the French-Canadian baddies, their so ineffective they're almost comical. And that werewolf costume – how bad does that look? And why do all Canadian bad guys have to have these impossibly ridiculous French accents? It's too silly!

5/10

The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. "The Mother Muffin Affair" #1.3 (1966) (TV)

It's okay, but it should have been so much better, 21 February 2010

The one episode of The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. that should work, The Mother Muffin Affair, is disappointingly just barely better than average. How could it have missed? Stefanie Powers' April Dancer (and isn't that about the coolest name ever – April Dancer) teaming with Robert Vaughn's Napoleon Solo (okay, this is also a very cool name) and matching wits with Boris Karloff in drag as Mother Muffin. Sounds like a good set-up, huh? Well, it never works as good on screen as it does on paper. Why? The plot – or more accurately, the lack of a plot. You see, the plot revolves around Mother Muffin capturing April and Napoleon, their escape, followed by Mother Muffing capturing April and Napoleon, their escape, and on and on it goes. Nothing much else happens. I admit, it was real treat to see Karloff in the role of Mother Muffin. He's (or should that be "she's") a hoot! Other highlights for me include a very fine supporting performance from the very funny Bernard Fox and the always enjoyable Stefanie Powers (not much of a fan of Robert Vaughn if truth be known). Anyway, as I stated in the beginning of my rambling, The Mother Muffin Affair is better than average and, as a result, I'll give it a 6/10.

6/10

Charlie's Angels "Night of the Strangler" #1.3 (1976) (TV)

"If he had been Robert Redford, I might have said 'defile away'.", 19 February 2010

The Angels go undercover in the world of fashion to ferret out a murderer known as the "Rag Doll Strangler". It may sound like pretty standard stuff for a Charlie's Angels episode, but for some reason, it doesn't work as well for me as most. It's okay – just nowhere near my favorite episode of the first season. This may be a lame explanation for my opinions on Night of the Strangler, but it's just not as much "fun" as many of the other episodes. It's one of the darker, more serious episodes you'll run across. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I watch Charlie's Angels for the fluff. Another thing that bothers me about Night of the Strangler is the killer's choice of weapons – a rag doll. How stupid is that? Using a rag doll looks like it would make a very awkward means of murder. And how hard must it have been to hide something so obvious and obtrusive as a rag doll? It's not as if a rag doll would be a common thing for a grown man to have in his possession. I'd have thought the police could have wrapped this one up in record time. Finally, I don't care for the casting of Richard Mulligan. He's an okay sort of actor, but I can't see him in the role of suspect to murder – at least unless it's all being played for laughs. Having said all that, I'm still rating this episode a 6/10. It's well made, features some real suspenseful moments, and, as always, the Angels are on hand to make it at least worth checking out.

As I re-watched Night of the Strangler last night, something occurred to me. I'm a huge fan of the Italian Gialli films so popular in the late 60s and early 70s. Night of the Strangler plays much like a Giallo. Many of the distinctive elements you'll find in those films are present in this episode – a twisted plot, suspects galore, red herrings at every corner, sexual perversions, a mysterious black-gloved killer, beautiful women, and unusual deaths. I wouldn't be overly surprised to learn that writers of Night of the Strangler had seen a few Gialli themselves.

6/10

Honey West "An Eerie, Airy, Thing" #1.30 (1966) (TV)

Honey West ends on a high note, 19 February 2010

Nearing the end of my trip through the Honey West series, I had pretty much given up hope of seeing another "good" episode. After watching Honey and Sam battle a gorilla, chase a Robin Hood wannabe, fight a ridiculous looking robot, and see Honey in the worst gypsy disguise imaginable, Honey West had long since "jumped the shark" in my mind. Imagine my surprise and delight to discover the final episode, An Eerie, Airy, Thing, is one of the best of the entire series. First, the episode features real suspense. There is a real mystery here for Honey to get to the bottom of. There are unexpected twists and turns thrown at Honey and Sam. It's a very nicely written episode. Second, An Eerie, Airy, Thing has a much more serious (and welcome) tone than the episodes that immediately preceded it. Don't misunderstand, I love the campy feel, gadgets, and overall grooviness of some of the early episodes. However, toward the end, things had gone way too far. An Eerie, Airy, Thing brings it back to Earth for the series finale. A fitting end to a one of a kind series. I'll give An Eerie, Airy, Thing an 8/10.

8/10

Jonny Quest "The Fraudulent Volcano" #1.16

A very weak episode with little of interest, 6 February 2010

The Quest Gang head off to some remote country (if they ever said a name, I missed it) to help the locals with a terrifying volcano. But as soon as Dr. Quest sees the volcano in action, he realizes something else is going on – something much more human in origin than natural.

A couple of years ago, I was on a pretty good pace to get through the entire Jonny Quest series and write a review on each episode. I stopped before I could do a write-up for The Fraudulent Volcano. It's such a dull episode with little going for it that I was sort of put off Jonny Quest. It's hard to get excited about the plot of this one. The volcano poses little real danger to the Quest family. And the bad guys and their ridiculous flying platforms aren't menacing enough to be effective. Sure, Dr. Zin makes a brief appearance, but he's safely thousands of miles away from the action. With little to recommend, I've got no choice but to rate The Fraudulent Volcano a disappointing 4/10.

The one highlight for me is the bad guy on the motor-scooter who looks just like Adolph Hitler. What's up with that? Makes me laugh every time I see him.

4/10

Honey West "The Fun-Fun Killer" #1.25 (1966) (TV)

Is this the worst of Honey West? So far, the answer is "yes"., 5 February 2010

Up to this point, all of my comments on Honey West have been positive. How about an episode that's not so good? How about an episode that scraps the bottom of the barrel? How about an episode so stupid I can't think of another word to describe it other than "stupid"? With only a handful of episodes left to got, my vote for the worst goes to The Fun-Fun Killer (surely, none of the remaining five are as bad as this one). Lame with a capital "L". The plot is beyond ridiculous – a toymaker is killed in Honey's office by a robot gone wild. Honey and Sam check out the toy factor to try to unmask a killer. The biggest fault in The Fun-Fun Killer is with the robots. I don't see how anyone could get past how moronic these things look. They're the kind of robots you might see in a 1930s Flash Gordon serial – you know, square heads, square bodies, impossibly stiff legs and arms, and a slow, shuffling gate. The average garden snail is faster and more nimble than these things. Yet we're supposed to think these silver behemoths are capable of killing anyone? They'd have trouble catching a fire hydrant. Sam and Honey look silly "running" from these soup cans. The finale, complete with giant magnet labeled "Super Magnet", really puts this thing over-the-top and is really the last straw. A 3/10 from me.

3/10

Honey West "Like Visions and Omens... and All That Jazz" #1.21 (1966) (TV)

I never expected to run across Mimsy Farmer in a Honey West episode, 5 February 2010

There are a number of things I could point to that make Like Visions and Omens...and All That Jazz one of my favorite Honey West episodes. First, I really dug the plot. While some people might say it's pretty standard stuff (a rich woman is blackmailed for a gun that she thinks her daughter used to kill an old flame), it's handled so nicely here. The writing is as good as I've seen in a Honey West episode. Second, Like Visions and Omens...and All That Jazz features some of the best imagery of the entire series. I've read comparisons between Honey West and The Avengers, and for the most part, I've only noticed some surface similarities – but that's it. But in this episode, some of the scenes look like they could have come straight out of The Avengers. Two examples – there's one great scene looking up past a skull to the contorted face of Faustini, The Predictor. It's beyond cool! The other example is a scene shot from outside a curtained window with only Faustini's silhouette visible. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but with his cape raised, the outline is very Lugosi-like. I loved it! The third thing I enjoyed about this episode is the cast. Ann Francis and John Ericson as good as ever. Nehemiah Persoff (another of the actors whose name you may not recognize, but I guarantee you'd know the face) is terrific as Faustini. But the highlight for me was the casting of Euro-genre favorite Mimsy Farmer as the girl who's life is in danger. Farmer appeared in a number of wonderful Italian films like Dario Argento's Four Flies on Grey Velvet and Lucio Fulci's The Black Cat. It's a treat to unexpectedly run across her in Honey West.

So overall, Like Visions and Omens...and All That Jazz is a very entertaining Honey West episode. If I have one complaint, it's with the rushed feeling of some of the scenes. If any Honey West episode screamed-out for a longer runtime, it's this one. There just so much here that it could have easily filled an hour.

8/10

Honey West "A Neat Little Package" #1.10 (1965) (TV)

"Fights, knives, guns, hoods - boy, what a life!", 27 January 2010

A man with amnesia discovers he has a package containing $175,000 dollars in his possession and no idea where it came from. With a hotel key as their only real clue, Honey and Sam set out to solve the mystery.

What a fun episode! A Neat Little Package might not be perfect and it might not be my favorite episode, but there's no denying how entertaining it is. What's not to love – Honey goes undercover in an Asian restaurant (complete with long, dark hair), Sam has some great scenes while running the client's newsstand, and there's a final fight scene with Honey, Sam, and all the bad guys in knee deep water. It's a lot to pack into 25 minutes, but director Murray Golden makes it work. As I've written before, one of the cool things about Honey West is spotting all the familiar faces. A Neat Little Package features J. Pat O'Malley as amnesia victim Francis Grady. Who's J. Pat O'Malley I can hear you ask? I promise – if you're a fan of 60s/70s TV, you'd know him in a heartbeat if you saw his face. Just look up his credits – he was in everything. Overall, a solid effort that's worth at least the 7/10 I've given it.

7/10

Honey West "The Princess and the Paupers" #1.7 (1965) (TV)

"Hey look, man, you go to your barber and I'll stay away from mine.", 22 January 2010

One of the cool things about watching Honey West is all of the familiar faces that pop-up in almost every episode. Whether it's Ray Danton or Leon Askin or Herb Edelman (you might not know the name, but trust me, you'd recognize the face), I have fun with each episode playing "Name the Character Actor". In The Princess and the Paupers, there's not one, but two faces that jumped out at me. Michael J. Pollard, who would go on to appear in a number of "bigger" things including Bonnie and Clyde, and Bobby Sherman, who would go on to be a teen heart throb, make appearances in this Honey West Episode. Pretty cool casting if you ask me. They play two thirds of a rock trio. Sherman, as Nicky Van, is kidnapped and his wealthy father is sent a ransom note. Honey and Company are hired to make the drop. But the kidnappers get greedy and ask for a second, larger amount of money. In addition to the two recognizable "faces" in the cast, The Princess and the Paupers features a fairly interesting plot with a couple of twists along the way. It's amazing how much you can pack into 25 minutes if you don't' worry about things like character development. Unfortunately, though, the final twist is too predictable and the end doesn't come as much of a surprise as I'm sure it was probably intended. Still, it's a fun episode with some circa 1965 pop music, the mod fashions, and that groovy hair. It's a real hoot. And the final scene with Honey gently dancing in her chair as Nicky Van plays some loopy pop song is a scream.

7/10

Honey West "The Swingin' Mrs. Jones" #1.1 (1965) (TV)

"We've already done our worst.", 22 January 2010

The Swingin' Mrs. Jones provides a wonderful opening to the Honey West series. Other than Honey's sweet ride, everything else that made the series so watchable and so fun is here. In The Swingin' Mrs. Jones, Honey is hired by a wealthy widow who's being blackmailed over some indiscreet photos taken of her at a vacation resort. This being 1965, it all sounds so innocent – like maybe someone has something as scandalous as photos of the woman holding hands with a gentleman caller. Anyway, Honey goes undercover as a rich woman on the make in order to find the blackmailer. Highlights of this episode include – some pretty cool fight scenes, the old lady disguise, smoke bomb earrings, a microphone hidden in a martini olive (some of the gadgets in Honey West would make even James Bond envious), Sam's ridiculous cover as an obnoxious playboy named Touch, and the recurring theme of Honey getting conked on the head and knocked out. Another big highlight for me in The Swingin' Mrs. Jones is Ray Danton in the supporting cast. The man was as cool as a glass of iced tea in Antarctica. The man had a sense of style and a presence about him that few could match. Finally, while some may complain that Honey West's half-hour format kept things like plot and character development to a minimum, I really like the fast-paced, never-a-dull-moment feel to all of the episodes. It works for me.

8/10

Honey West "A Matter of Wife and Death" #1.4 (1965) (TV)

I've only seen four episodes so far, but this is my favorite, 20 January 2010

Somewhere on the web (if I could remember where, I would give due credit), I read Honey West described as the "coolest show you've never seen". A more apt description I couldn't come up with no matter how hard I tried. Every thing from the gadgets to Bruce the ocelot to the hidden panel in Honey's office to the far-out spy plots is about as cool as you could find on this side of the Atlantic in 1965. But the best part of Honey West is easily Anne Francis. Instead of gushing on for several sentences, I'll just say "WOW"! I bought the Honey West DVD set when it first came out, but only got around to busting it open this week. I had originally planned to write a short review of each episode, but at 24 or so minutes, there's not a lot of ground to cover. That is until I watched A Matter of Wife and Death. Of the first four episodes in the series, this is by far the best.

Honey and Sam are hired to protect a woman named Maggie Lynch. It seems that someone wants her dead and, unfortunately, there are no shortage of suspects. I'm not going to give it away – instead, I'll just say that I had no idea where the plot was headed. There's some real mystery and suspense in A Matter of Wife and Death – no mean feat for a 24 minute television program. It's solid writing from Tony Barret that makes this episode work. Well, the writing and some well choreographed (well choreographed for Honey West, that is) fight scenes, a few funny moments from Aunt Meg, and Anne Francis anytime she's on screen. For anyone new to the series, A Matter of Wife and Death would make a good jumping-off point. I'll be generous and give it an 8/10.

8/10

Murders in the Zoo (1933)

An unforgettable opening set-piece, 30 December 2009

There are very few films that I have waited as long to see as I have Murders in the Zoo. I've been aware of the movie for something like 40 years, but for whatever reason, just watched it for the first time a couple of nights ago. So, was it worth the wait? Overall, I'd say yes. The film features Lionel Atwill at his absolute best. He's an overly possessive husband willing to take the most extreme measures imaginable to deal with any man paying too much attention to his wife (played by the incredible Kathleen Burke). During his career, Atwill played a variety of mad characters, but few could top the decidedly evil Eric Gorman. The almost gleeful manner in which he toys with his intended victims – not unlike a cat "playing" with a mouse – is a joy to watch. You can all but see the psychosis in Atwill's eyes. And what Gorman does to his first victim is the stuff of classic horror movie legend. If you're an Atwill fan, this is one you don't want to miss.

Unfortunately, Murders in the Zoo is almost done-in by the ridiculously unfunny performance of Charles Ruggles. Ruggles, playing the worst sort of comic relief imaginable, actually managed to be higher billed and have more screen-time than Atwill. Whose idea what that? If the rest of Murders in the Zoo weren't so good, I could easily see dismissing the film based on Ruggles. He really is as bad and annoying as you've read.

7/10

The Bounty Killer (1967)

- El precio de un hombre
One of Tomas Milian's best performances, 13 December 2009

As far as Euro-Westerns go, The Bounty Killer has about as straight forward a plot as you'll find. Jose Gomez (Tomas Milian) is a prisoner being moved by coach to a new facility to await his death. The citizens of his hometown see him as something of a hero and want to help him out. Gomez's would-be love interest Eden (Halina Zalewska) slips him a gun at one of the stage's stops. But is Gomez the same man the townsfolk remember? Or, as bounty hunter Luke Chilson (Richard Wyler) warns, has Gomez changed and no longer deserving of their admiration? The locals are about to find out as Gomez and his gang with the bounty hunter hot on his heels are headed straight for their sleepy little town.

It's not perfect by any means, but for fans of Euro-Westerns, there's a lot in The Bounty Killer to enjoy. First, and most obvious, is Tomas Milian. I don't know how many of these Westerns he made, but this was his first. And quite honestly, it may represent his best acting performance. The multi-dimensions and facets he's able to give his character, Jose Gomez, is nothing short of brilliant. Even though he's an escaped prisoner, Gomez is a character we initially root for. But slowly, he changes. Toward the end of the film, Milian has transformed Gomez into the kind of ruthless killer that a hangman's noose is too good for. And his final moments on screen, all I can say is "Wow!" It's an incredible performance. As for the rest of the cast, they're all more than adequate with the familiar face of Mario Brega, the beautiful face of Halina Zalewska, and the steady, unflinching face Richard Wyler as anti-hero Luke Chilson. It takes a while for Chilson to grow on you, but once he does it's easy to appreciate the character. In fact, it takes a while for all of The Bounty Killer to grow on you. The film starts out slow (very slow in fact), but be patient – the payoff is worth the wait. Looking back at the film, the pacing director Eugenio Martin gives to The Bounty Killer is one of the movie's assets – culminating with a final act that features plenty of fight scenes, shoot outs, and various other killings. Not as graphic as some of the later Euro-Westerns, there's enough violence to keep most everyone happy. The Spanish country side is beautifully filmed and provides just the gorgeous dusty setting I've come to look forward to in these films. Finally, Stelvio Cipriani's score, though often repetitive, is rousing and memorable. Overall, it's a job well done.

8/10

Untamed Youth (1957)

2.0? Come on - it's better than that!, 11 December 2009

Untamed Youth is the story of a couple of sisters headed to California to make their fortunes in show business. Along the way, the pair are picked-up on a trumped-up charge and sentenced to serve 30 days hard labor on a cotton farm. The sisters aren't alone – the farm is teaming with young people who are little more than slave labor for the less than upstanding cotton plantation owner.

This early teen exploitation film is an absolute blast. The IMDb rating of 2.0 is criminally low. It's not perfect, but it is better than a 2.0 rating would indicate. I feel sorry for anyone who can't watch a movie like Untamed Youth and enjoy it for what it is. You can't take this stuff seriously. I suppose part of the reason behind the low rating is that Untamed Youth appeared on Mystery Science Theater 3000. There are far too many people out there who foolishly assume that if a movie appeared on MST3K, it must be bad. That's just not the case. An interesting (albeit predictable) plot, Mamie Van Doren, rock-n-roll, a scandalous subplot involving unmarried pregnancy (racy stuff), the train-wreck of a relationship/marriage between the judge and the plantation owner that's impossible not to "enjoy", fights, dancing, a good baddie (John Russell is excellent), the always cute Lori Nelson, Eddie Cochran (though I admit he does very little for me), a sense of fun about the whole thing – it's one cool movie!

A few other thoughts – first, Mamie can't sing. Every song she belts out sounds just like the one before. Call me crazy, but I don't think she was hired for her vocal talents. Second, what was in that dog food they were feeding the kids? Must have been something good for them – pickin' cotton all day and rock-n-rolling all night. Third, it's hard to believe that Lori Nelson made this AFTER she made Revenge of the Creature. I would have thought that movie might have done more for her career. Third, Mamie in the shower – wow!

7/10

Giant from the Unknown (1958)

"All white men die!", 24 November 2009

Local geologist Wayne Brooks (Ed Kemmer) teams up with visiting archaeologist Dr. Fredrick Cleveland (Morris Ankrum) to search the local mountains for the remains of a 300+ year old Spanish conquistador and a reputed giant of a man named Vargas. Another draw for Brooks is the opportunity to spend a little time with the Dr.'s vacuous but attractive daughter, Janet (Sally Fraser). The team is about to give up when Janet accidentally discovers a Spanish graveyard. But is there more here than helmets and breastplates? It's not long before the giant Vargas makes his return and sets his own sights on young Janet and anything else he can maim and destroy.

By all rights, I've most likely overrated Giant from the Unknown. It features a multitude of easily identifiable weaknesses – a plot that moves at the break-neck pace of a slug, the dim-witted Janet randomly stumbling on the Spanish artifacts, Sheriff Parker's beyond ridiculous persecution of Brooks (Why in God's name would anyone think that Brooks would be running around the country-side slaughtering cows and destroying hen houses?), Bob Steele's laughably bad performance as Parker, the whole notion of Vargas "living" in a sort of suspended animation for 350 years, and the poorly done special effects in the film's finale. Giant from the Unknown literally has everything you could hope to find in any regular bad movie. It would be easy to write it all off as badly made 50s junk, but for whatever reason and despite these many shortcomings, I found myself inexplicably enjoying the movie. Entertainment can be different from one person to the next. And, it's often difficult to put a finger on what you find entertaining in a movie. All I know is that for most of Giant from the Unknown, I was entertained. I went for the characters, I got a kick out of legend Jack Pierce's Vargas make-up, and I enjoyed the acting of Keemer and especially Ankrum. Ankrum is one of those actors who's good in everything I've seen him in. Sure, it takes some patience to get through the slow parts in Giant from the Unknown (and there are a bunch of 'em), but it's worth it. There's a good little movie here if you just look for it. Like I said, it's difficult to explain, but I'm giving this one a 6/10.

6/10

A Pistol for Ringo (1965)

- Una pistola per Ringo
"Early to bed, early to rise, gets you shot between the eyes.", 30 October 2009

The leader of a band of Mexican outlaws is wounded as the group makes its getaway after a bank robbery. The bandits decide to hold-up at a nearby ranch. The outlaw leader, Sancho (Fernando Sancho), threatens to kill two hostages per day unless he and his gang are allowed passage to Mexico. The local sheriff feels hamstrung as he fears for the life of his girl, one of the hostages, if he makes a move against the bandits. Reluctantly, he turns to a prisoner he's holding, Ringo (Giuliano Gemma), for help. The plan – have Ringo, an outlaw himself, infiltrate the group and work from the inside to free the prisoners.

A Pistol for Ringo is an interesting and entertaining early Spaghetti Western. It's interesting to me because I look at it as something of a bridge between the traditional Hollywood Westerns and the Euro-Westerns just getting cranked-up in 1965. It's a mix of old and new. Old – costumes, the unrealistic portrayal of violence (no blood), and the lack of dirt (it always bugs me that no one in old Westerns ever gets dirty). New – the anti-hero, bandits like Sancho, the body count, and crazy plot points and twists. It's really cool to see these different elements blended into one movie like A Pistol for Ringo. As for entertaining, well it's just fun. Lighter feeling than some of the other early Spaghetti Westerns, A Pistol for Ringo has something of a playful tone to it despite the violence. The script is well written and includes many interesting pieces of dialogue – the bit about what makes men different in Texas being one of my favorites. The script also includes a well written, but heart wrenching, twist near the end that I really didn't see coming. It completely caught me off-guard. Director Duccio Tessari keeps things moving at a nice pace with lots of action, gun fights, and interesting set-pieces throughout. The acting is a real highlight. Gemma, Sancho, and the beautiful Susan Scott (Nieves Navarro) help make A Pistol for Ringo worth watching. Finally, there's Ennio Morricone's score. It's what I've come to expect from Morricone – wonderful

7/10

Teenage Zombies (1959)

What a nothing movie!, 16 October 2009

An obvious attempt at cashing in on the success of I Was a Teenage Werewolf and even I Was a Teenage Frankenstein, Teenage Zombies is a complete disaster. It makes those other two movies look like masterworks in comparison. The problem – well there's really too many to mention, but at the top of the list is the lack of anything remotely interesting in the plot. What a nothing movie! I'm having trouble thinking of a movie that bored me quite as much as Teenage Zombies with its nothingness. Dull doesn't begin to describe it. The 70-something minute runtime was the longest hour and ten minutes I believe I've ever spent in my life. The title may evoke images of teenagers being turned into mindless zombies, but that never happens. Instead we see naturally mindless teenagers walking around an island, driving a boat, and trying to carry on conversations. Exciting, huh? The teens do run into a band of Communist types bent on world domination, but if this sad group of teens is able to take them down, they really never posed much of a threat. If the movie wasn't bad enough already, with about ten minutes to go and out of nowhere, the director decided to throw a gorilla into the proceedings. What was that all about? A desperation move that fails epically. And then there's the ludicrously bad acting, the often inappropriate music, the strange silent pauses at every turn, and the poor sets. No matter how you slice it, Teenage Zombies is one badly made, dull as dishwater movie.

1/10

Women of the Prehistoric Planet (1966)

Women?, 27 September 2009

I'm sure some people will see my rating and think I've gone off the deep end on this one. Women of the Prehistoric World is another of those movies that gets points from me for entertainment value regardless of how bad it really is. And it's one of those cases where I can't really put my finger on what it is I like about it, I just know I had a good time watching the film. Because like most everyone else, I can see all the faults – bad special effects, a misleading title, ridiculous dialogue, annoying characters, cheap sets, poorly choreographed fight scenes, and (as someone else on IMDb has already rightly pointed out) almost no chemistry among the characters. Still, I found something in Women of the Prehistoric World that worked for me. A few examples:

- I enjoyed the scientific babble about space travel and time. I'm certainly no scientist, but it had an air of truth to it (at least the lines were delivered in an earnest enough manner that I bought it). The whole "three months in space equates to 18 years on the planet" bit is an interesting idea.

- I got a big kick out of the ending. I'm not going to give it away, but as cheap as it was, it worked on me. Caught me completely off guard.

- Despite the lack of a feeling of comrade between most of the characters, I still enjoyed many of the cast members. I don't know how many Wendell Corey fans there are out there, but I always like seeing him – slurred delivery and all. John Agar might not do much, but he's still a welcome face. Irene Tsu – Wow! Finally, Robert Ito probably gives the best performance of the bunch. I never realized how athletic looking he was. A far cry from his days on Quincy.

- As much as I hate the expression, maybe it's a case of a movie being "so bad, it's good". I do realize that a lot of the entertainment I found in the film was most likely unintentional. For example, I doubt that the set used for the spaceship crash was supposed to make me laugh, but it did. Okay, maybe I didn't laugh out loud, but it did bring a big fat smile to my face. And that's worth something, huh?

Most people who have seen or will see Women of the Prehistoric World won't enjoy it as much as I did, but that's okay. I feel comfortable with my 6/10 rating.

6/10

Journey to the Seventh Planet (1962)

Would-be auteur Sidney Pink strikes again, 26 September 2009

Searching for life on another planet, a group of astronauts stumble on a virtual utopia when they arrive on Uranus. "Virtual" being the key word, however, as nothing is real. Uranus is inhabited by a strange creature capable of taking the thoughts of the astronauts and bringing their dreams and desires to life. But this being has plans beyond Uranus that include the conquest of Earth.

Journey to the Seventh Planet is a real mixed bag. Filmed in Denmark by would-be auteur Sidney Pink, Journey to the Seventh Planet has some interesting ideas behind its plot, but it suffers from poor execution. On the positive side, the idea of a creature that uses its victims' thoughts against them as a weapon might not be new, but here it's handled in an interesting manner. I liked the way the creature brings up childhood memories and crushes in an attempt to lull the head astronaut into a false sense of security. Or the way the creature keeps throwing woman after woman at the womanizer played by John Agar. Unfortunately though, the negatives far outweigh these positives. First there's Pink's weak direction. The film suffers from poor pacing and too many scenes with nothing much going on. I blame Pink's direction for making the movie un-fun (if that's a word). Second, there are the terrible special effects. Sometimes when watching a low budget movie like Journey to the Seventh Planet, I'll find the low budget effects charming. Not here. These are just low budget effects. Next, other than Agar, I'm not familiar with any of these Danish actors. But I feel somewhat confident that their anonymity is due to their acting ability and not their nationality. Also, I'm usually a John Agar fan and supporter, but Journey to the Seventh Planet might be one of his weakest performances I've seen. It's way below average for him. Finally, there's the dubbing. I've seen enough foreign genre films that dubbing usually doesn't bother me. But here, it's just weird. Everything seems exaggeratedly slow because of the bizarre sounding dubbing. Really distracting.

So, in summary – a few good ideas undone by poor production values, weak direction, below par acting, and lousy dubbing. A 4/10 is about the best I can give Journey to the Seventh Planet.

4/10

Get Smart (2008)

"You heard me I have to 'squeeze the lemon'.", 23 September 2009

Overall, I found Get Smart a disappointing experience. I guess I should have known I'd have problems with the movie – I usually do with these old TV shows turned into movies. The problem generally is that the people responsible for the remakes have no clue about what made the original so good and enjoyable. And that's the case here. Maxwell Smart is the centerpiece of Get Smart. His bumbling antics are what made it funny. Anyone familiar with the television show will go into the movie with a preconceived notion of how Steve Carrell should play the character. But thanks to some poor writing and directing, Carrell's Maxwell Smart is all over the map. One minute he's a bumbling fool incapable of the most simple of tasks (like cutting the plastic strap binding his wrist when he has a knife) and the next he's suddenly a super-hero busting the chops of every bad guy in sight. It's not just inconsistent – it's downright annoying. Add to that the half-hearted way the writers threw in Don Adams' familiar catch phrases, the over-reliance on fat jokes, the lazy way action is used to replace real comedy, and a plot that is tired on one hand and nonsensical on the other and you end up with 110 minutes of wasted opportunity. That's not to say it's all bad. I did enjoy Anne Hathaway as Agent 99 and Alan Arkin as . . . well, as Alan Arkin. However, they aren't enough to save Get Smart. I should have gone with my instincts and avoided this one.

4/10

The Monolith Monsters (1957)

"From infinity they come. Meteors!", 23 September 2009

The residents of the small California desert town are under attack. The fragments of a meteor that struck nearby the community of San Angelo possess the strange capability of growing to skyscraper proportions when activated by water. The alien monoliths crumble under their own weight, shattering into even more pieces capable of growing and destroying everything in their path. But the danger goes beyond the destruction caused by the falling rock formations. Any living being that comes into contact with the monoliths is turned into stone. It's up to geologist Dave Miller (Grant Williams) and a band of plucky locals to find a way to stop the threat to San Angelo and, ultimately, the world.

I just love these 1950s era Universal sci-fi/horror movies. They're so much fun to watch. From the steady, enjoyable cast (headlined by Grant Williams and Lola Albright) to the crisp, clean black and white cinematography to the familiar but effective stock monster music, The Monolith Monsters is the kind of movie that never fails to provide a great deal of entertainment value given its relative modest budget. I get a kick out of the number of Universal films from this era that take place in some small, remote South Western desert town like San Angelo (you can thank Jack Arnold for the desert setting). It's a perfect location or this kind of movie. The Monolith Monsters also features some nice special effects. I'm sure it was difficult task to make rocks look menacing. The scene where one towering rock formation after another rises from the desert floor and crushes a small farm is very effective. Another plus for The Monolith Monsters is the intelligent script (again, you can thank Jack Arnold for this). Sure, the movie is filled with a lot scientific mumbo-jumbo, but in this case, it actually has an air of believability to it. Finally, The Monolith Monsters benefits greatly from the steady hand of director John Sherwood. He may have only directed three movies, but he capably pulls all of the elements I've mentioned together with nice pacing and interesting camera shots to create a rock solid (pun intended) movie experience. Overall, it's a job well done.

7/10

Cotton Comes to Harlem (1970)

"Now, we may have broken some heads, but we never broke no promises.", 18 September 2009

Gravedigger Jones and Coffin Ed Johnson are two black cops working out of a Harlem precinct. They've got their eyes on a minister promising his poor parishioners the opportunity to travel to Africa for $100. Jones and Johnson see Rev. Deke O'Malley for the scammer he really is. But things get complicated when, during a recruitment rally, the $87,000 the good Reverend has collected is stolen by armed bandits. The only clue about the money's whereabouts is that it's been hidden in a bale of cotton. Hot on the trail of the cotton bale are the mob, the police, Reverend O'Malley, a junk dealer, a militant black group, and just about everyone else in Harlem.

The first true blaxploitation movie (there seems to be some disagreement, but I'm not sure how you could go with Sweet Sweetback's Badasssss Song as it was released a year later), Cotton Comes to Harlem is wonderfully entertaining from start to finish. It's a non-stop comedic slice of life in Harlem in the early 1970s. The movie is filled with eclectic characters, unique set-pieces, interesting music choices, and real life locations you just can't replicate on a sound-stage. The plot has so much going on that it never gets old. Ossie Davis didn't direct many films, but he does an amazing job with this, his first, effort. It's a more professional looking product than many of the blaxploitation films that would come later. The acting is a highlight and is as good as I've ever seen in a movie of this type. Godfrey Cambridge gives a memorable performance as policeman Gravedigger Jones. Cambridge manages to be the standout in a strong cast. His partner, Raymond St. Jacques as Coffin Ed Johnson, is rock solid. The pair are joined by Calvin Lockhart, the stunning Judy Pace, Redd Foxx, and a slew of familiar faces. The comedy in Cotton Comes to Harlem has held up surprisingly well. Some of it might be considered un-PC in today's overly sensitive world, but I still found myself laughing along with many scenes. Overall, it's a well made movie that I fell no hesitation in rating an 8/10.

8/10

The Final Sacrifice (1990)

"I'm Rowsdower... Zap Rowsdower.", 17 September 2009

While rummaging through his father's old stuff, a boy named Troy discovers a map that leads to an ancient civilization. Troy thinks the map may also lead to answers to his father's death. But there are other, darker forces at work. A cult bent on world domination wants to get hold of the map. With the help of a former cult member named Rowsdower, Troy hopes to get to the bottom of the mystery before he ends up like his father.

While I usually pride myself in being able to separate the two, in the case of The Final Sacrifice, it's really difficult to imagine watching the movie without the Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary. The movie seems to have been tailor made for that type of ridicule and mockery. From Mike Pipper's Yosemite Sam-like voice to the over-weight Canadian guys in black hoods and tank top running through the woods to the nonsensical plot to the cardboard Ziox civilization – it's like shooting fish in a barrel – the riffs just can't miss. I've probably seen The Final Sacrifice a half-dozen or more times and I'm always astounded at the ineptitude of it all. Some things are so bizarre, however, that it leaves me scratching my head in wonderment:

• Zap Rowsdower? Really? You've got to be joking. The name, the actor, the character motivation – none of it makes the least bit of sense.

• Troy McGreggor? Again, you've got to be joking? I sincerely doubt you could find a punier or bonier looking guy to play the role. And that incessant whining of the name "Rowsdower". It makes me want to slap the guy every time he opens his mouth.

• Plot coincidences. Can you write a plot with more unrealistic and unfathomable plot coincidences? Take the bad guys timing in coming after Troy. The map has been sitting undiscovered in Troy's attic for seven years. That's right – SEVEN years. But the moment Troy discovers the map, the bad guys immediately show up on his doorstep. Yeah, right. Or take Troy's chance meeting of Rowsdower. Of all the trashy, redneck pick-up trucks in Canada, what are the chances Troy would pick one to climb in that just happens to be owned by a former member of the cult that's chasing him? Not very likely.

• Is Canada really that desolate of a place? Troy's aunt's house appears to be in a neighborhood of some sort. Is there no one around to notice that something's amiss when hooded goons take a chainsaw to her front door? Does no one notice a band of thugs chasing Troy on his bike? And why doesn't someone notice the shootout Rowsdower and the cult members have on the highway? Is this kind of activity normal in Canada?

This is too easy and I've barely scratched the surface. I haven't mentioned the lousy technical aspects of the film, the amateurish acting, the poor special effects, or the ridiculous music score. The Final Sacrifice has it all and none of it is good. Because of some unintentional entertainment value I derive from the film, I can't rate it any lower than a 2/10. But as far as MST3K episodes goes, it makes for one of the best. I'll give that version a 5/5 on my MST3K rating scale. Enjoy.

2/10

Friday the 13th (2009)

"Jason. My special, special boy.", 16 September 2009

I've been a fan of Friday the 13th films for about as long as they've been making Friday the 13th films. I don't much care for some of the more recent entries to the series (for example, I loathe both Freddy vs Jason and Jason X), but I've always had a good time with the earlier movies in the series. In fact, one of my favorite movie-going experiences involves the Friday the 13th films. I can fondly remember back in the 80s going to the local drive-in one night in a driving thunderstorm to watch parts 1-4. What fun! So with a bit of apprehension, I finally decided to take the plunge and check out this new re-imaging.

So how was it? My rating might not indicate it, but the new Friday the 13th wasn't as bad as I had feared. The movie has its fair share of problems (I'll get to some of the more heinous in a moment), but at least I found most of it entertaining. Good action, some imaginative kill scenes, and a few new ideas that actually worked made the movie worth checking out. And as I've written repeatedly in my movie comments, entertainment is the single biggest factor for me when it comes to rating a movie.

But like I said, I had my problems with the movie. I'm not going to go into detail, just a laundry list: the new, smart Jason who apparently is a licensed electrician; the reliance on sudden, very loud music to frighten the audience; the large, lumbering Jason moving with the stealth of a ninja (Are we really supposed to believe he climbed on the roof of that house in seconds with no one inside hearing anything?); the really underwhelming scene where Jason discovers the iconic hockey mask; the absence of the normal, recognizable Friday the 13th music; characters that are actually more annoying than any in the original films (I couldn't wait to see a couple die); Jason taking prisoners; the finale where the two survivors inexplicably drag Jason's body to the boat dock and throw it into the lake; technical aspects like the overuse of shaky cam and the underuse of lighting; the abysmal acting (Jared Padalecki being the exception); and the scene where Jason hangs the girl in the sleeping bag over the fire and roasts her alive is totally out of character with . . . well, totally out of character with the character.

I could go on and on listing things in the movie that bothered me, but really, what's the point. Friday the 13th is what it is, a reasonably entertaining piece of junk cinema that was never meant to test anyone's intelligence. So despite the many problems with the movie I've enumerated, a 6/10 seems about right.

6/10

The Pirates of Blood River (1962)

Pirates without a ship?, 13 September 2009

Pirates of Blood River has to be the only pirate movie I can remember watching that takes place entirely on land. Okay, there is a shot of a random ship at sea, but that's it – no raising the sails, no skull and cross bones atop a mast, no walking the plank, no cannons firing at the King's galley, no shark infested waters, etc. I suppose you could argue that some of the action does take place in a river, but to my way of thinking, a four foot deep spit of water that the cast spends less than five minutes in hardly qualifies. This being Hammer, it's a pretty safe bet that a full-fledged pirate ship would have cost more coin than the studio was willing to put up. However, even if these aren't your traditional pirates, that doesn't mean the movie isn't enjoyable, because I had quite a good time with it. Screenwriters John Hunter and John Gilling have thrown just about everything you can think of into the movie. The plot is all over the place and never gets old or tiring. The story involves a band of pirates that attack a Puritan-like village in search of gold. In addition to this rather simple outline, the movie includes a hard labor penal colony complete with emaciated old guys with sledge hammers and wagon loads of rock, a river full of piranha, a father who finds his son guilty of adultery and all but condemns him to death, two pirates fighting with swords while blindfolded, and a series of booby traps the villagers spring on the pirates. Gilling, who is also the director, keeps things moving at a nice pace. It's a lot of fun from start to finish. The cast is first rate – in fact, it's one of the best casts Hammer ever assembled, especially given the film's modest budget. Christopher Lee is as menacing as ever in the role of pirate chief LaRoche. I really got a kick out of his French accent. Kerwin Matthews is the male lead on the good guys side. He's more than capable in the role. Badass Oliver Reed is also on hand, though his role is limited. Also in the cast are Hammer regulars Andrew Keir and Michael Ripper, James Bond regular Desmond Llewelyn, Glen Corbett (easily the weakest link in the cast), Peter Arne, Marla Landi and other recognizable faces. Overall, Pirates of Blood River is miles from Hammer's normal output, but in this case, that's not such a bad thing. I'll give it a 7/10.

7/10

The Girl in Lovers Lane (1960)

"Pa doesn't know much about girls' clothes.", 11 September 2009

The Girl in Lovers Lane is one strange little low-budget film. On its surface, the movie tells the story of a tough drifter named Bix (Brett Halsey) who spends his time looking out for a young kid named Danny (Lowell Brown) and the girl, Carrie (Joyce Meadows), that Bix meets who would like to look out for him. Nothing overly interesting happens (Bix goes out with Carrie, Bix gets Danny out of trouble, Carrie's father drinks a lot, etc.) until about 10 minutes to go in the movie when Carrie is murdered. Her father blames Bix, pulls him out of a jail cell, and just about beats him to death. Now their roles are reversed and Danny has to save Bix.

Until I read the reviews on IMDb, I thought that maybe it was just me reading more into Bix and Danny's relationship than was really there, but I see now that I'm not alone. It was quite obvious to me early on that Bix and Danny had more of a relationship than you usually see in a movie from 1959. The homosexual nature of their relationship, while never openly expressed, is still quite obvious. Their living and sleeping arrangements, Bix's reaction to finding Danny in bed with a prostitute, Bix's inability to commit to Carrie, and that phone call at the end when Danny tells his parents he's "brining home a friend are a few examples of moments that lead to the inevitable conclusion that there's more to their relationship than initially meets the eye. I'm sure they exist, but I can't think of any movies I've seen from the 50s that scream homosexual quite as loudly as this one.

As for the movie, I don't know any other way to put this – it's boring. As I wrote earlier, nothing much at all happens for 90% of the run time. The characters are dull and the actors aren't good enough to give The Girl in Lovers Lane much of a spark. The lone exception is Jack Elam. His crazy Jesse is the one character interesting enough to be worth watching. Elam had creepy down pat! But I guess the biggest problem I had with the movie was with character motivation and logic. Carrie is killed and Bix is immediately blamed? What about crazy Jesse who has been stalking Carrie for probably her whole life? Anyone think to ask Jesse where he was that night? Her father has seen him bother Carrie at the diner, yet he never considers that the leering Jesse might have something to do with his daughter's death? Not a lot of logic there. And what about Jesse's confession? Danny grabs Jesse by the lapel and this is all it takes to force a confession out of Jesse? Real tough guy, huh? Why would he confess so easily? And after he confesses, no one thinks to grab him? It's awfully nice of Jesse just to stay put and not run off. In any other reality, he would have never spilled his guts and would have run like a rabbit if he had been fingered for the murder. The fact that The Girl in Lovers Lane asks me to accept these ridiculous actions on the part of the characters is something I'm not willing to do. Overall, I'm giving The Girl in Lovers Lane a 4/10.

4/10

Gamera vs. Barugon (1966)

- Daikaijû kettô: Gamera tai Barugon
Better than the usual Gamera offering, 8 September 2009

A would be jewel thief thinks he's made it big when he gets his hands on the biggest opal he's ever seen. Unfortunately for the thief (and everyone else in Japan), it's not really an opal. Instead, it's a monster's egg – Barugon to be exact. Barugon hatches and begins a reign of terror across Japan. Different theories on how to stop the creature are tested, but to no avail. Just when things seem their bleakest, Gamera shows up and takes care of the situation.

A number of comments on IMDb proclaim that Gamera vs. Barugon is the best of the early Gamera films. While I agree, it's a bit like saying I prefer a tooth ache to a root canal– neither is something I want to experience on a regular basis. In all seriousness, it's not a bad movie, it's just not a very good one. Even with their best effort, Daiei could never match Toho. Daiei's monsters look cheap and clumsy compared with Toho's. And what's up with Barugon shooting a rainbow ray out of his butt? Completely ridiculous. And the final showdown between Gamera and Barugon is way too short. Toho would have been sure this fight scene took up the major portion of the movie.

Still, like I said, Gamera vs. Barugon is better than the usual Gamera offering. Why? Well, for one thing, Gamera is really more like a bit player in the movie. I never cared for Gamera's design so the less of Gamera the better. Next, Gamera vs. Barugon is actually a reasonably intelligent movie with a somewhat interesting subplot involving the jewel thief. I realize intelligence in a Gamera movie is relative, but at least this one doesn't include the usual gaggle of small Japanese kids exclaiming, "Gamera is the friend of all children!" I never quite understood how a monster that destroyed half of Japan goes on to be every child's best friend. Finally, I actually enjoyed some of the acting in Gamera vs. Barugon. Both leads, Kojior Hongo and especially the striking Kyoko Enami give nice performances.

For what it's worth, a 5/10 is the best I can do.

5/10

Redneck (1973)

- Senza ragione
A real disappointment, 7 September 2009

Definitely not your typical Polizia, Redneck just never worked for me. The movie tells the story of a jewel heist gone wrong and a young boy who is inadvertently kidnapped in the process. In their attempt to get away, the robbers leave a bloody trail of death in their wake as they hatch a plan to ransom the boy. The plan is never carried off as the robbers are more intent on getting to France and the boy is intent on staying with them. While I could cite a number of problems I had with the movie, I'll focus on the most obvious – the character Memphis played by Telly Savalas. From his work in The Dirty Dozen and Kelley's Heroes to other Italian films like Crime Boss to his most remembered role as Kojak, Savalas was a winner. I've always thought of him as one uber-cool customer. Unfortunately, Savalas is almost unwatchable in Redneck. Did the director turn on the camera and instruct him to act as psychotic as possible? It might not have been too bad had his actions been done within the context of a plot I cared about, but here he seems to be acting bizarre for sake of being bizarre. It's appears to be random lunacy. And what's with that accent? Savalas might have been a lot of things, but Southern isn't one of them. He sounds completely ridiculous even attempting the accent. Beyond that, I found little of interest in the rest of the movie. As I indicated, the plot never drew me in. I just didn't care about what was going on. And the notion that the boy is so quickly attracted to the criminal lifestyle doesn't ring true. As for the other actors, Mark Lester is almost as bad as Savalas and the usually reliable Franco Nero isn't a whole lot better. Three "name" actors and not a good performance between them. To make matters worse, I believe the director filmed many of the night scenes with nothing more than the glow from his watch to light the shots. I couldn't tell what was going on. Characters I hate, a plot I don't care about, and a production values that failed – little wonder I've given Redneck a 3/10.

3/10

She (1965)

She Who Bored Me, 7 September 2009

She is set in Palestine circa 1918. British archaeologist Holly (Peter Cushing) and his two buddies are given a map to the lost city of Kuma. After a long and arduous journey, they discover Kuma and meet a mysterious, beautiful woman known only as She Who Must Be Obeyed. She has been alive for 2,000 years, waiting for the return of her true love. She believes that Holly's pal, Leo, is her long lost love. Her plan is to have Leo jump through the flame of eternal life so that the two can be together forever.

I really thought I was going to like this one, but it's just too blankety-blank-blank dull for my liking. The movie has it's moments, but overall it's about as exciting as watching grass grow or paint dry or any other old cliché you can think of to describe something this wretchedly uninteresting. I suppose that the last act is reasonably entertaining, but the rest is a chore to sit through. Take that "exciting" trek across the desert for example. Wow – there are more thrills in watching snails race. Top-billed Ursula Andress may have been a beautiful woman, but she exhibits no screen presence and even less acting ability. I was much more impressed with the servant girl Ustane played by Rosenda Monteros. That's who Leo should have jumped through the fire with. Cushing is Cushing – always the professional and always watchable. I'll also admit that I did get a few chuckles out of the very British and very proper valet Job (Bernard Cribbins). Speaking of chuckles, what was up with Christopher Lee and his increasingly ludicrous head-wear? By the end of the film, how could you not laugh at the pineapple looking headpiece he was wearing? The film's score didn't help matters much at all. Its monotony only serves to add a sense of lethargy to She – something the movie really doesn't need. Finally, I know Hammer often did wonders with small budgets and I'm usually willing to overlook some of these budget related weaknesses, but She has some terribly atrocious looking matte paintings. My son could have done better with a box of 64 Crayolas. Overall, I much prefer the 1935 version of She with Randolph Scott. It's not perfect, but it's not as dull as this one. A 4/10 from me.

4/10

Five for Hell (1969)

- 5 per l'inferno
Relax and don't take it so seriously, 6 September 2009

The plot of Five for Hell isn't anything overly original. Those who have seen The Dirty Dozen or The Inglorious Bastards (the best of these over-the-top Italian war movies) will find things very familiar. A group of five American GIs are sent behind enemy lines to obtain a copy of Nazi battle plans stored in the safe of a heavily guarded villa. The GIs have help on the inside in the form of a double-agent named Helga (played by the ludicrously gorgeous Margaret Lee). Her main objective is to keep SS Col. Hans Mueller (the great Klaus Kinski) otherwise occupied. Meanwhile, Lt. Hoffman (Sartana himself – Gianni Garko) and his men make their way to the villa, open the safe, and battle their way back to safety. It's very simple, but nicely put together.

After reading reviews for Five for Hell on IMDb and around the internet, I think there are a bunch of people who have forgotten how to have fun watching a movie. That's what I did with Five for Hell – I had fun. Forget realism, forget history, forget the normal conventions of a good movie – this is classic Italian genre cinema. Just relax, don't take things too seriously, and go with it. A few familiar actors (Lee, Kinski, Garko, Sal Borgese, Luciano Rossi), a catchy soundtrack (I dare you to get that main theme out of your head), bad dubbing (I've gotten so used to this by now, it doesn't phase me), a gimmick or two for interest (exploding baseballs and a crazy trampoline), over-the-top action (the final 15 minutes are just one big machine gun fight), a really rotten bad guy to root against (Kinski at his evil best), and a beautiful woman (I think I've already expressed my feelings about Margaret Lee). Yep – Five for Hell's got it all.

7/10