About average for the genre, 4 July 2017
Hoping to recover a valuable and dangerous anti-radar device, the British government sends in Frank Smith, Agent 606 (Alberto Lupo). He is to meet up with an American known to him as MacDonald, Agent 008 (Ingrid Schoeller). (I just love the agent numbering in these movies.) As you'd expect in a film like this, Smith is shocked to discover that MacDonald is (gasp) a woman. The pair end up in a lot of car chases, fist fights, and gun battles in the streets, hotels, and nightclubs of Cairo - you know, the normal things secret agents do. They also end up playing the role of lovers (who didn't see that coming). There are, as you'd expect, other parties interested in the device - especially the Russians. Who will get there first?
Another of those movies that I'm going to describe as not great, but not horrible. 008: Operation Exterminate is about average. I admit that being directed by Umberto Lenzi, I expected a bit more from the film. This one is more restrained than a lot of his more well known work. The plot does somewhat turn the spy genre on its head with a female lead. In most of these movies, if there is a female spy, she's only there to assist the male lead, provide a love interest, and play the damsel in distress. Not here. Schoeller's 008 takes charge. And she more than capable of handling the demands of the lead role. Nicely done. The film also features plenty of action and intrigue, but lacks the big set pieces and special effects found in spy films with bigger budgets. The twist at the end is a nice touch. I didn't see it coming so it worked on me. Finally, there are some very nice shots of the Cairo streets circa 1965. They give the film a real authentic feel.
5/10
Conning a blackmailer, 3 July 2017
The first "real" episode of Switch is better than the pilot, but only just. In this one, Ryan and McBride are hired by an actress, Lane Cameron (Julie Sommars), who is being blackmailed over some scandalous photos. It seems that she was drugged and someone took the pics with the intent of blackmail. Our heroes soon learn that the blackmailer, Anthony Kirk (Keir Dullea), is a frustrated actor. The con they pull involves Kirk thinking he has a shot at a large film role in a movie opposite Ms Cameron.
I'm still not sold on Switch, but The James Caan Con was more enjoyable than the pilot. I think the shorter runtime worked in the shows favor. The con was pretty straight forward and didn't need any more time to fully realize. The acting was great. Eddie Albert's movie producer role was a real scenery chewer. And guest starts Sommars and Dullea more than held their own. My biggest complaint is with how easy it was to pull the con on Kirk. Like I said, he's a frustrated, out of work actor. He apparently hasn't had a steady acting gig in a long while. Yet he's dumb enough to believe that he has been selected for movie role ahead of James Caan. Either this guy is a complete idiot (which I don't think he is) or he's got the biggest ego in the world. Regardless, I did enjoy watching his face when everything unraveled. Nice.
6/10
- ...4 ..3 ..2 ..1 ...morte
I really, really, and I mean really, wanted to love this movie, 3 July 2017
Once setting down on the moon, a U.S. space mission, led by Major Perry Rhodan (Land Jeffries), discovers more than they bargained for – aliens. Thora (Essy Persson) and Kress (John Karelsen) are aliens stranded on the moon. Kress is ill and dying. He seems to be suffering from leukemia. Rhodan and crew know of a doctor working in Africa who may be able to help Kress. However, the alien craft is discovered in Africa setting off a race to take control of the craft between a government faction and a treasure hunter. Thora, however, will do anything in her power to save her ship.
Disclaimer: Let me start by saying that I have not read any of the Perry Rhodan books that Mission Stardust is based on. As such, I'm not going to get into that argument.
Mission Stardust is another of those movies that I really, really, and I mean really, wanted to love. It's got a bizarrely appealing premise, a groovy opening, some really cool gadgets, and wonderfully cheesy 1960s era special effects. Mission Stardust also has Essy Persson. Wow is about the best word I can use to describe her. Unfortunately, it takes more than one woman to make an entertaining movie. I think Mission Stardust suffers because it doesn't have a well thought out plot. The movie gets off to a fantastic start, tut it all grinds to a screeching halt in the second act. Dull isn't near a strong enough word. I'm not sure if there's a better cure for insomnia than the middle one-third of this movie. It's painful. If you can rouse yourself from the coma you're no doubt in, the films finale does, fortunately, pick up a bit. But by then, the damage is already done.
Looking up Essy Person's filmography on IMDb, I'm shocked to see only 17 acting credits – and, unfortunately for me, most of her work does not appear to be in English. Too bad. She had a fantastic screen presence.
4/10
"I was able to triangulate the cell phone signal and trace the caller. His name is Adolf Hitler.", 3 July 2017
A regular plot summary on Kung Fury is about impossible. Kung Fury is so over-the-top, so random, and so completely insane that my head might explode if I tried to summarize the thing. Suffice it to say that a modern day cop named Kung Fury, who has was given extraordinary fighting abilities when he was hit by lightning while simultaneously being bitten by a cobra, travels back in time to stop Adolph Hitler before he can time travel to the future. Kung Fury is aided by Thor, two Amazon-type warriors, a super-hacker, and a triceratops who happens to be a cop. Or something like that.
I loved this short. Kung Fury mixes together everything that made 80s action movies so awesome into one mind-blowing experience. I could sit here and name about a dozen movies that Kung Fury uses for inspiration. It's all over the place. Somehow, director David Sandberg makes it all work and does so at break-neck speed. There's so much going on that the 30 minute runtime literally flies by. Just freakin' amazing.
I don't take the ratings I give lightly. If I give something a 9, that means I was completely blown away. My ratings are based primarily on entertainment value and Kung Fury entertained the pants off me!
9/10
"You have a few mares; how about a filly or two?", 3 July 2017
Basic Plot: The US Army wants to move some guns into the disputed Texas Territory. They decide to disguise the guns in a wagon train taking settlers west. To make things look truly authentic, though, they need women. The Army recruits five women from a local stockade to act as wives for the men.
Overall, Wild Women is harmless enough, but it's not very good. It's all horribly predictable and there's not much to get excited about. The title, Wild Women, is misleading. Sure, all of the women were in prison, but these are hardly hardened criminals. But "Wild Women" sounds more enticing than "Moderately Fun Women" or "Mildly Amusing Women". I suppose the "Wild" part had to be toned down as this was made for television. Also, being made-for-TV means that you know everything's going to be okay in the end. Any hardship they might face – Indian attack, lack of water, or the Mexican Army – is going to be resolved fairly quickly and in our heroes' favor. This isn't Peckinpah.
The cast is actually better than it had any right to be. I always enjoy seeing Marie Windsor. She's been a favorite of mine since I first watched Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy about 45 years ago. Wild Women also features the talents of Anne Francis, Huge (yes, I typed it that way on purpose) O'Brian, and Marilyn Maxwell. Not a bad cast for a fairly lame movie.
4/10
Not as good as it could have been, 2 July 2017
The Happy Thieves gets off to a good start. Art thief Jimmy Bourne (Rex Harrison) steals a painting from a Spanish villa. He hands it over to Eve Lewis (Rita Hayworth) for transport to Paris. Once she arrives, Eve is shocked to discover the painting is missing. They have no idea how the stolen painting could have been stolen. To make matters worse, they are contacted by a man who has photographic proof they stole the painting. His silence comes with a heavy price tag. Jimmy and Eve must steal a gigantic, heavily guarded Goya from a Paris museum. Can they pull it off?
On paper, The Happy Thieves looks like a real winner. It's got a lot o things that usually appeal to me. Rex Harrison is an actor I usually enjoy. His work in My Fair Lady, for example, is fantastic. Likewise, I usually really enjoy Rita Hayworth. Gilda is one of my all time favorite films. The Happy Thieves is billed as a Euro- heist/comedy - a "genre" that appeals greatly to me. Finally, there's some nice cinematography, interesting locations, and strong actors in supporting roles. It all should have worked.
Unfortunately, The Happy Thieves is no where near as good as it should have been. The problem - it's as dull a movie as I've seen recently. Harrison, Hayworth, the heist/comedy elements - none of it can completely save this dud. The Happy Thieves is a chore to get through without falling asleep. It's about as dull as a kitchen knife at a beach house rental - and that's dull. Call it a missed opportunity. A generous 4/10 is the best I can rate the movie.
4/10
Was this written by a 10 year-old?, 2 July 2017
The basic plot of No Retreat, No Surrender is horribly familiar with bits of silliness thrown in for good measure. It goes something like this: a young man in a new town is pushed around and made to feel an outcast. Through training, hard work, and the help of Bruce Lee's ghost (who he prays to?), he makes himself into a karate expert. In the end, he alone will be forced to face-off against the New York-based karate thug to save the Seattle dojo from being taken over by organized crime. Sound ridiculous? It is.
I must be missing something, because I'm at a loss to explain all the positive comments on IMDb for No Retreat, No Surrender. Other than some pretty decent fight choreography, I can't find much else positive to say about the film. I know it was one of Jean-Claude Van Damme's first roles, but let's be honest, outside of the fights at the end, he's barely even in the thing. The acting is pathetic, some of the characters are cringy, the dialogue sounds like it was written by a 10 year-old, and the whole Bruce Lee's ghost bit is beyond ridiculous. It doesn't help that the dude they hired to play Bruce looks nothing like Bruce. A real stinker.
2/10
