Pier 5, Havana (1959)

Historically interesting if nothing else, 14 April 2020

Steve Daggett (Cameron Mitchell) heads to post-revolutionary Cuba to look for a missing friend.  He’s no more than off the plane when he’s mixed-up with some baddies who may have more sinister intentions than kidnapping his friend.  He’s also mixed up with an old flame, Monica Gray (Allison Hayes), which is bound to lead to even more problems. Can he find his friend, not get killed, and still get the girl?

As soon as I saw Cameron MItchell’s name in the credits, I knew I wanted to see Pier 5, Havana.  I”ve been a fan since I was a kid watching The HIgh Chaparral. Throw in Allison Hayes and I’m definitely watching.  Overall, Pier 5, Havana falls into that harmless class of wishy-washy films I rate a 5/10. It's enjoyable enough, but nothing to really get overly excited about.  Some of the pro-Castro sentiments in the film are incredibly interesting. Also, some of the street scenes filmed in and around Havana and the aerial shots of downtown Havana are truly  special. This is a film that could only have been made at this exact time in history.

As for the movie, like I said, it’s okay.  Most of the plot is interesting enough (helped by a very short 67 minute runtime), the action works, and Mitchell comes out looking fine.  The movie also has a noirish quality to it that i really enjoyed. As for what didn’t work quite as well, I’ll start with Hayes. In a word, she’s awful.  Several of her scenes with Eduardo Noriega are cringe-inducing they’re so bad. And even though I enjoyed the plot, I admit it is a bit uneven and predictable.  Still, despite the faults, I’m glad I finally got around to watching this one.

5/10

Bloody Sun (1974)

One of the dullest and ugliest movies I’ve ever seen, 13 April 2020

Jonathan (Christopher MItchum) signs a two year contract to work in a copper mine.  The work is hard and the workers are treated almost like slaves. Jonathan meets and falls for the mine manager’s wife, Consuelo (Claudine Auger).  Jonathan and Consuelo hatch a plan for him to escape so they can meet up later.  

As dull as that plot summary is, it actually makes Bloody Sun (or Blue Jeans and Dynamite)  sound much more exciting than it really is. The events I mentioned take up about ten minutes of the roughly 90 minute runtime.  The other 80 minutes are excuritating. This has to be one of the dullest movies i”ve ever sat down to watch. The film just drags from one bleak, ugly looking scene to the next, with nothing, and I repeat nothing, happening.  There’s not a single moment to bring you to the edge of your seat with anticipation. Heck, there’s not even more than a moment or two where I even cared about what was happening on-screen at all. Good guys and bad guys are equally painful to watch.  

Not only is Bloody Sun one of the dullest movies I’ve ever had the misfortune to watch, it’s also one of the ugliest.  For the most part, the color palette ranges from brown to brown. The cinematography and lighting are generally hideous.  It takes some real talent to make Claudine Auger look this bad.

1/10

This Girl for Hire (1983) (TV)

“I made a very pretty corpse, but you could be a star.“, 13 April 2020

Female PI B.T. Brady (Bess Armstrong) is hired by a mystery writer to deliver his latest script to his publisher.  But after the writer is murdered, Brady feels she owes it to her client to uncover his killer. There are no lack of suspects with a slew of other jealous writers and a jilted agent, Brady’s got her hands full.  There’s also a police lieutenant dogging her every footstep. He knows Brady has more information than she’s giving up. After a death threat, Brady realizes she’s on the right track, but may have bitten off more than she can chew.

It’s pretty easy to see This Girl for Hire’s TV roots.  The sound recording, cinematography, and acting all scream TV film pilot.  And while I see why it was never picked up, This Girl for Hire isn’t a complete waste.  Armstrong makes a harmless, if not charming, lead. While I never bought her “tough guy” routine (and that trench coat and fedora were way too much), she’s more than capable of pulling off the comedic aspects of the role.  She stumbles and bumbles her way to the solution. The film’s finale is really nice with some moderately suspenseful moments. I can’t believe I didn’t guess the identity of the killer. Looking back, it was so obvious. Finally, I would have liked to see Brady bring the case to a conclusion without the help of the male police officer.  He didn’t do much, but she should have wrapped things up on her own.

The old-school Hollywood trappings were also a bit much.  Screening The Big Sleep in the den, the wood paneled boat of a car, and the voice over a la Bogart were more pandering than humorous.  However, a supporting performance from Hollywood legend Celeste Holm was a real highlight.  

So, overall, This Girl for Hire is a decent little time-waster if you go into it with lowered expectations.

5/10

Mrs. Pollifax-Spy (1971)

Good start, but loses its steam, 11 April 2020

Recently widowed empty-nester Mrs. Pollifax (Rosalind Russell) needs something to do and decides to seek gainful employment.  So, she marches into the CIA and offers her services as a spy. Being an unassuming, older woman, one of the CIA bigwigs thinks she’s perfect for simple courier missions.  But when her first assignment to Mexico goes horribly wrong, Mrs. Pollifax finds herself in a world of trouble inside an Albaian prison.  

Mrs. Pollifax-Spy isn’t a bad movie by any means, it’s just that it’s not very good either.  One of my main issues is the pacing. The film gets off to a fantastic start, complete with vibrant, interesting Mexican locations.  These scenes have a real sense of fun and life to them. But, things change dramatically once Mrs. Pollifax finds herself in Albania. The pace slows to a crawl and it seems to take forever for much of anything to happen.  Plus, the Albanian scenes are just so drab looking. I never knew there were that many shades of brown.  

Russell’s on-screen pairing with Darren McGavin took a while to grow on me.  I”ve never seen him as the leading man type. But by the end, I was on board with their relationship.  I suppose that is one bright spot from the movie’s second half.  

5/10

Deathstalker (1983)

“Heroes and fools are the same thing.” 10 April 2020

The plot to Deathstalker is straight out of the 80s sword & sorcerer playbook - A reluctant hero goes on a mission to save the land from an evil tyrant.  If he gains possession of three magical items, he’ll get the power he needs to succeed.  

In 1983, I was 18.  Back then, you could count on either a new horror movie or a new sword & sorcerer movie opening every weekend at the local multiplex.  The horror movies were usually cheap knock-offs of Halloween or Friday the 13th. And the sword & sorcerer movies were pale imitations of Conan.  I remember seeing Deathstalker in 83. Until last night, I couldn’t remember much about the movie (other than the scene where the pig-headed warrior eats the pig), but I’m pretty sure I loved it.  I’m almost embarrassed to admit that. Either, time has not been kind to Deathstalker, or my tastes have grown as I’ve aged.

Instead of the fun adventure-filled movie I remember, the Deathstalker I re-watched was pretty bad and boring.  The plot (at least what there is of it) is predictable, the acting is abysmal, the special effects are laughable, and the fight scenes are unoriginal.  But what bothered me the most (and I can’t believe I’m about to write this) was the misogyny of the whole thing. The treatment of women really bothered me.  There’s a rape scene around every corner - even involving the film’s supposed hero. Don’t misunderstand - I don’t consider myself a purde. There’s plenty of nudity and sex in a movie like The Great Texas Dynamite Chase (which I watched just a couple of nights ago), but at least there, the women appear to be willing participants.  

I think I may give up on revisiting these 80s sword & sorcerer movies.  Everytime, I seem to end up disappointed.  

3/10

Honor and Glory (1993)

“I have arrived at the top of the world.” 9 April 2020

A female FBI agent, Tracy Pride (Cynthia Rothrock), and her overachieving reporter sister, Joyce Pride (Donna Jason), have their sights set on taking down a corrupt banker who just happens to have a nuclear triggering device he’s going to sell to the highest bidder.  

If Honor and Glory wasn’t so ridiculously funny, it might be one of the worst movies I’d ever seen.  Fortunately, it’s a deliciously hysterical mess of a movie. Godfrey Ho has managed to craft the most amazingly spastic movie imaginable.  The writing, directing, and editing all seem like they were handled by a chipmunk on speed. How else do you explain a slap-fight for keys and a chopstick battle over green beans?   Characters do and say the most ludicrous things. The abrupt nature of the laugh-out-loud fight scene with Joyce and a senator’s daughter being a prime example. As for the plot - well forget about it.  Ho certainly did. But the best (or is that worst?) thing Honor and Glory has going for it is chief baddie, Jason Slade (John Miller). Over-the-top doesn’t begin to describe this butt-kicking banker. I suggest you sit back and enjoy - especially his jaw-dropping monologue, “I have arrived at the top of the world. No man has control of more money. No man can fight me and live. No woman can share my bed and not be mine for life. I am like a god! I piss on you, from a great height.”  Just amazing!

Given this is a Cynthia Rothrock movie, you’re probably expecting a heavy dose of fight sequences. If so, you’re in luck.  Not all are great, but the scenes featuring Chuck Jeffreys are a highlight. As for Rothrock, I’ve never been much of a fan of her on-screen fighting.  There’s no doubting she has the technical skills, but for whatever reason, it doesn’t always translate well to film.  

As I said, this isn’t at all a “good” movie.  Regardless, I find it entertaining enough to give a 6/10.

6/10

The Great Texas Dynamite Chase (1976)

Now that was fun!, 8 April 2020

The Great Texas Dynamite Chase features a pretty simple plot:  two young women set-off across Texas with a plan to rob banks using sticks of dynamite.  While it may be a simple plot, this is one of the better 70s-era exploitation films I’ve run across.  So what makes this one so special? I’ll be honest, I’m often turned off by these movies because they can be so mean-spirited, poorly acted, poorly paced, and often quite dull.  The Great Texas Dynamite Chase is none of those things. It’s really an enjoyable movie.  

The biggest plus the movie has going for it is Claudia Jennings as Candy Monroe (in some of the most eye-catching hot-pants i’ve ever seen) and Jocelyn Jones as Elle-Jo.  The pair have incredible chemistry - some of the best non-romantic chemistry I can remember ever seeing. They seem so comfortable together. Everything between the two is natural and easy-going.  And while I’m familiar with Jennings (and what fan of 70s exploitation isn’t), I admit that Jones is new to me. What a revelation! She has a screen presence you don’t often see in someone with so little experience.   

Beyond Jennings and Jones, I’ve got to give a lot of credit to director MIchael Pressman.  He filled The Great Texas Dynamite Chase with plenty of action, comedy that works, some well placed explosions, sex scenes that are actually sexy, and a couple of enjoyable chase sequences.  He also doesn’t have to stoop to some of the typical exploitation fodder like rape and gratuetous violence. Good stuff all around.  

8/10