Bigfoot (1970)

Complete garbage, 24 January 2018

My short and sweet plot summary: A young man named Rick (Christopher Mitchum) goes in search of his girlfriend who has been abducted by the worst looking Bigfoot ever put on film. The local sheriff won't help, so Rick turns to a traveling huckster named Jasper B Hawks (John Carradine) for assistance. 

What a complete load of garbage! Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, about Bigfoot is wretched. The movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel - it turns the barrel upside down to get at the poo stuck to the underside. Dull, boring, horribly acted, with some of the absolute worst special effects anyone has ever seen - that' what you'll find in Bigfoot. Carradine may have been a decent actor at one time, but by 1970, he was appearing in just about anything offered. As much as I enjoyed some other films with Christopher Mitchum (Ricco and Summertime Killer to name just two), he proves here how bad an actor he could be without a solid script. It's all so awful it's really not worth saying much more.

After watching this movie, I think I need to revisit some of the other films I've rated 1/10. I think I've done some of those movie a disservice. On IMDb, of the 2,932 films I've rated, 63 received a 1/10. Some of these movies (Dead Men Walk, Sinbad of the Seven Seas, Night of the Sharks, Diamond Connection, Barbarian Queen II, ROTOR, The Adventures of Hercules, or The Swarm for example) have to be better, or at least more enjoyable, than Bigfoot.

1/10

Xena "Dreamworker" #1.3 (1995) (TV)

"The moment you pick up a sword you become a target. The moment you kill everything changes.", 21 January 2018

Gabrielle is taken hostage by Morpheus, the God of Dreams. Morpheus wants Gabrielle for his bride. Xena, as you'd expect, is having none of it. She enters a dreamscape, filled with all manner of threats she'll have to overcome if she is to survive and bring Gabrielle out with her.

Of the first three episodes in the Xena series, Dreamworker is filled with more magic than we've seen so far. It's not the best episode, but it is a nice preview of what's to come in the series. Xena's battles in the dreamscape are nicely staged. We are treated to some of the best action we've seen so far. The dreamscape itself is an interesting idea where, we quickly learn, anything is possible. Dreamworker also introduces us to the idea of Gabrielle killing in battle and what it would do to her. It's a theme that's explored in much of the series. It really adds to the muchly needed character development. Another plus for Dreamworker is that, when compared with the previous episodes, Gabrielle is less annoying. Fortunately, her character goes on to become much more than the damsel in distress she plays early in the series. 

I guess my biggest complaint with Dreamworker is the way Morpheus is presented - or not presented would be more accurate. His absence from the screen hurts the episode. There's a lack of a big-time threat. While there are plenty of fight scenes, etc., without Morpheus, the episode is missing the danger or real sense of peril that should be present.

6/10

28 Minutes for 3 Million Dollars (1967)

- 28 minuti per 3 milioni di dollari
I like a good 60s-era Euro-heist film., 21 January 2018

Jacques (Richard Harrison) is hired to steal a diamond worth $3 million. He puts together a crew - you know, an electronics expert, a safe guy, etc - the usual assortment of characters you'd put together to steal a heavily guarded, valuable diamond. Through all of their planning, Jacques and the others determine that once inside, they'll have 28 minutes (hence the title) to get the diamond and get out. Can they do it?

I like a good 60s-era Euro-heist film. 28 Minutes for 3 Million Dollars, while nowhere near as good as something like Grand Slam or some others I've seen, is a decent enough example of the genre. The plan to steal the diamond isn't as elaborate or as "serious" as some other heist films I"ve seen, but there's enough here to make it enjoyable. Taking a nod no doubt from the granddaddy of heist films, Rififi, much of the actual heist is carried out in complete silence. A nice touch. A little more drama from an inquisitive guard, for example, would have created some additional badly needed tension and a better overall film. The ending is a bit silly, but what do you expect? These guys never get away with it.


Over the past few years, I've really come to enjoy Richard Harrison, When you get him away from Sword and Sandal films, he's got a flair about him that works in the more modern settings. He's in good form here and is easily the star of the movie. The rest of the cast is workmanlike at best with no one really standing out.

6/10

Phoenix the Warrior (1988)

Deadly dull, 8 January 2018

If I remember correctly (and I may not - it's been years), I think Phoenix the Warrior (or She-Wolves of the Wasteland) was standard fare on the old USA UP All Night movie show. At the time, I thought it was a decent enough time waster, but then again, I was usually pretty inebriated when I watched it. Re-watching it last night, sober as a judge, I've changed my opinion drastically. What a bore! An hour and a half of the deadliest dull film I've seen in a long, long time. The acting is atrocious, the special effects are horrible, the music is annoying after about 3.4 seconds, the dialogue is cringey, and the sets are as cheap as you'll find. Throw in some really crappy, amateurish fight choreography and a plot that comes across like it was written by a drunken badger and you end up with one sorry excuse for a movie. I watch a lot of bad movies, but Phoenix the Warrior is too much. I really can't imagine enjoying something much less than I did this movie. It's a disaster!

Based on other comments I've read, I'm sure this one will get voted down on IMDb. It seems there is an audience out there who enjoys Phoenix the Warrior for the titulation it provides. I really feel sorry for anyone who watches this dreck for that reason. I suggest looking elsewhere. 

2/10

Summertime Killer (1972)

Slow but rewarding, 7 January 2018

A young boy watches his father be brutally murdered by mobsters. Now in his 20s, Ray Castor (Christopher MItchum) is out for revenge. After killing a couple of the men who participated in his father's death, Ray sets his eyes on the mob boss. Unable to get close enough to succeed, Ray puts together a plan that involves kidnapping the boss' daughter, Tania (Olivia Hussey). It's all going as he intended, but something unexpected happens - Ray falls for Tania and vice versa. 

Overall, Summertime Killer is nice little Italian crime/mob film. It's not as outlandish or action packed as some of its brethren, but it's enjoyable just the same. That's not to say there's no action. Summertime Killer features a bucket full of interesting and exciting dirt bike stunts, all capably pulled off by the master, Rémy Julienne. Really good stuff. There are also some nice tension filled moments as Ray hunts down his prey. The first killing, in particular, was nicely shot. 

On the acting front, I'll just say that everyone is at least capable enough to make things enjoyable. Karl Malden, as the investigator brought in to find Ray, is sadly not given enough to do. I realized while watching Summertime Killer just how much I like Malden. He was a more than capable actor who always gave a professional performance. Here, though, his screentime is limited. The best I can say about Christopher Mitchum is that, here, he doesn't really mess things up. I like him, but honestly, he's not the best actor. He may look a lot like his father, but he doesn't have his dad's acting prowess. As for Hussey, I'll be nice and say she's in the movie. I've never been a fan.

More than enjoyable than a lot of films i watch, I'll give this one a 6/10. Fans of Italian genre cinema might enjoy it as long as you go into expecting a slower than normal poliziotteschi.

6/10

The Witchmaker (1969)

A load of atmostphere that doesn't work as well as it should, 5 January 2018

Dr Ralph Hayes (Alvy Moore) leads a group of psychic researchers into the wilds of a Louisiana swamp. A series of murders has Hayes thinking there might be a witch operating in the swamp. One of his team, Anastasia (Thordis Brandt), is a sensitive - someone tuned to picking up psychic impulses. Hayes hopes she will be able to lead them to the witch. But the local witch, Luther the Berserk (John Lodge), has his own plans. He wants Anastasia in his coven. He starts killing off Hayes' team one-by-one. Can Hayes and Co save Anastasia and the rest of their group? 

The Witchmaker isn't what I'd call a good movie in the traditional sense, but it is reasonably effective and enjoyable if you're into this kind of thing. The biggest plus The Witchmaker has going for it is atmosphere. At times, the atmosphere is palatable. The isolation, the creepy swamp, the Satanic trappings, and the even the low budget look of the film - all worked on me and filled me with a real sense of unease. If there's one thing that really creeps me out, it's low-budget Satanic mumbo-jumbo. Also, I thought John Lodge was particularly effective as Luther. He uses his size to his advantage as he attacks the members of Hayes' group. It's a really frightening visage.

As my rating indicates, the movie isn't perfect to me. The biggest issue I have is Alvy Moore. The problem is that as long as I've been alive, Alvy Moore has always been Hank Kimble from Green Acres. You see, not only is Green Acres on of my two or three favorite television shows, but the stammering, forgetful Kimble is my favorite character. I can't look at the man and not think of Kimble. So when, as Dr Hayes, he's trying to give some sort of scientific explanation to what's happening, it doesn't work. It sounds so silly coming out of Alvy Moore's mouth. I complimented the film's atmosphere, but unfortunately, Alvy Moore ruins whatever atmosphere the film has built up at that point. He goes off-screen, things get creepy. He comes back, not so creepy. It's too bad for The Witchmaker that Alvy Moore was so good at playing light, zany comedy.


5/10

Xena "Chariots of War" #1.2 (1995) (TV)

"I'm not very good at this horse thing!", 4 January 2018

Xena is injured trying to defend a group of non-violent farmers. She's nursed back to health by Darius and his family. The local warlord says he wants peace, but Xena smells a trap. She's allowed to attend the peace meeting, but only if she leaves her weapons behind. As she suspected, the meeting is a hoax and she's forced to fight empty-handed. But the local warlord's son really does want peace. He must defy his ruthless father's wishes, though, if he is to be successful. 

What an odd second episode. Xena and Gabrielle have just formed a friendship / partnership when Xena leaves her behind. You'd have thought the people behind the show would have used this episode to cement their bond. Weird. Being left on her on, Gabrielle gets up to all sort of hijinks in a local tavern - most of it is just plain annoying. It's like they weren't sure what to do with Gabrielle in these initial episodes. The fight scenes here are better than the first episode, but still a long way from what you see later in the series. The quick relationship between Darius and Xena is actually nice. There's some real chemistry at work. Very nice. The final showdown, complete with chariot chase, is the episode's highlight. There's some excellent camerawork on display. Overall, however, despite what I've written, I rate this one a very average 5/10. As I've indicated, it has its moments and I might have rated it higher, but the overall plot here is fairly routine.

5/10