Downton Abbey (2019)

My completely biased opinion, 21 September 2019

The King and Queen come to Downton, which quite naturally leads to a lot of harried preparations and excitement - both upstairs and downstairs. 

I admit that my 9/10 is very generous and most likely overstating things a bit.  But as much as I loved the show, I cannot be unbiased. For me, Downton Abbey ticked all the right boxes.   As a fan, it’s a feel good movie from start to finish. The characters, the relationships, the majesty, the heart, the laughs (Maggie Smith is laugh-out-loud funny), the house, the music, the beauty of it all - it’s all here.  There’s no way I wasn’t going to love it.  

But, as much as I loved Downton Abbey, it’s not perfect.  First, Julian Fellowes and Company tried to do too much. There’s not enough time for all of the little plot threads the movie contains.  To cram in everything they tried to, it would have needed to be filmed as seventh season - not a two hour movie. Second, I cannot imagine going into this movie without having seen the series.  It’s not so much a movie as it is a gift to the fans. Downton Abbey isn’t really much of a standalone movie.  

As I’ve said repeatedly, for me, it’s all about entertainment.  And I was completely entertained throughout.  

9/10

Tarzan and the Mermaids (1948)

Tarzan takes a Mexican vacation, 20 September 2019

Tarzan sets out to rescue a woman named Mara who has been promised in marriage to her people’s god, Balu. 

Watching Tarzan and the Mermaids is kind of sad.  This would be Weissmuller’s last Tarzan adventure and it was probably a good thing.  Weissmuller was long past the age and physical condition required to pull of the Tarzan role with any sense of realism.  He still looks okay in some of the swimming scenes, but it’s difficult to watch him run and climb. You can see him struggle.  Time catches up with everyone – including Tarzan.

What a dud to go out on!  It’s been a while since I last watched all of the other Weissmuller Tarzan films, but from what I recollect, Tarzan and the Mermaids is the worst.  The plot is paper thin and realistically takes up no more than a third of the 68 minute runtime. Tarzan (or anyone for that matter) could have put a stop to the bad guys’ plan in about 10 minutes.  The rest of the film is filled with some of the most ridiculous padding imaginable – much of it featuring an uber-annoying singing jungle mailman. There’s really not much of a movie here.

One of the funnier aspects of Tarzan and the Mermaids is the filming location.  I almost laughed out loud when Tarzan and Co enter a river cave in “Africa” and come out in Acapulco!

4/10

The Hardy Boys / Nancy Drew Mysteries “The Lady on Thursday at Ten” #2.13 (1978) (TV)

Goodbye Nancy Drew, 19 September 2019

After dropping her father at the airport, Nancy gets lost on her way home.  She makes a wrong turn and hits a guy. The next day, Nancy heads to the local precinct as instructed to make her report, but there’s no record of an accident.  In fact, the police officer she spoke to the night before doesn’t exist. Nancy, quite naturally, sets out to investigate.

What a sorry way to send off Pamela Sue Martin.  The Lady on Thursday at Ten has a multitude of problems, including poor direction, lazy editing, and distractingly bad ADR work.  The absurd plot turns Nancy into an idiot, while making the bad guys look like magicians. The way they were able to clean-up all traces of Nancy’s wreck in one night is nothing short of a miracle.  By the time the episode’s finale rolled around, I had lost all interest in what was going on. It’s as if the people behind the show couldn’t have cared less about the quality of what they were churning out.  Overall, it’s pretty much a disaster.

I really hate that Martin went out with such a whimper.  Some of her Season 1 episodes are very well made and incredibly entertaining.  Instead of this piece of garbage, judge Nancy Drew and Pamela Sue Martin by episodes like The Mystery of Pirate’s Cove, A Haunting We Will Go, or, my favorite, The Secret of the Whispering Walls. 

3/10

The Hardy Boys / Nancy Drew Mysteries "The House on Possessed Hill" #2.15 (1978) (TV)

“Wonder it Hitchcock’s seen this place?” 18 September 2019

Joe and Frank agree to help a young woman with psychic abilities who’s accused of being a witch discover the mystery of a creepy old house that has haunted her for years. Why is she drawn to this place?  What happened to her here years ago? And what other mysteries does the house hold?

Based on the Season 2 episodes I’ve watched recently, I really wasn’t expecting much from The House on Possessed Hill.  It’s not great, but what a relief - it’s not as Gawd awful as the last few I’ve seen. The episode gets off to a fairly creepy start when you realize that the titular house is actually the house from Psycho.  I always welcome any episode where Joe and Frank stumble around an old, dark, supposedly haunted house. The story here is a reasonably entertaining blend of the supernatural mixed with an everyday human crime.  And while the Boys (to no one’s surprise) catch the bad guys, I appreciate that every now and then, the Hardy Boys’ writers saw fit to leave an unexplained supernatural element or two. The acting in The House on Possessed Hill is a mixed bag.  You get exactly what you expect from the regulars, but the very (and I mean very) young Melanie Griffith really stands out regardless of how ridiculous the lines she’s given. On the other end of the acting spectrum is Hollywood legend Dorothy Malone.  She’s not very good here and seems horribly miscast. But the most ridiculous part of the whole episode has to be the townspeople chasing the young Griffith because they think she’s a witch. What is this – the 1600s? Give them torches and pitchforks and you’d have a Frankenstein movie.  It’s funny for all the wrong reasons. Finally, it’s always a plus with any of these Hardy Boys episodes when I’m not subjected to a Shaun Cassidy song. 

6/10

Blackbeard’s Ghost (1968)

“By thunder! This raises my blood! There be a time for action! Hang on old ladies, Blackbeard's coming! Up the Jolly Roger!”  17 September 2019

The new Godolphin College track coach, Steve Walker, spends his first night in town at Blackbeard’s Inn where he inadvertently summons the ghost of Blackbeard.  Blackbeard is cursed to roam through limbo, making life miserable for Walker in the process, unless he can do one good deed to send him on his way to the other side.  Helping Godolphin win the big track meet (and saving the Inn in the process) might just be the good deed he needs. 

The 60s and early 70s were a prime-time for live action Disney movies like Blackbeard's Ghost.  These were good, clean, family films with real actors, real stories, and real comedy.  I hadn’t seen it in years and maybe it’s a nostalgia thing for me, but I found it just as entertaining and fun as ever.  A lot of the comedy may be the obvious slapstick type, but it works nonetheless. The entire track meet is a hoot.  I suppose my favorite bit may have been the baton pass mix-up during the relay race. Pretty funny stuff. The acting in Blackbeard’s Ghost is first rate.  Ustinov is very good as Blackbeard. His overacting is exactly what the role calls for. Everyman Dean Jones and the stunning Suzanne Pleshette make the perfect Disney couple.  You can’t help but root for them. Finally, Elsa Lanchester steals every scene she appears in. A couple of times I found her laugh-out-loud funny. It’s a nice cast. Throw in the rousing, very Disney-esque Heart of Oak pirate sing-a-long and you’ve got a winner.

I doubt a movie like Blackbeard’s Ghost would be made today. Ustinov doesn’t come close to the image Disney’s promoting these days. Too bad, because today’s kids and families are missing out.

8/10

House of Usher (1960)

“Is there no end to your horrors?”  13 September 2019

Phillip Winthrop (Mark Damon) arrives at the Usher mansion seeking his fiancé, Madeline (Myrna Fahey).  Instead, he’s met by Madeline’s brother, Roderick (Vincent Price). Roderick informs him that Madeline cannot leave the house as she is suffering from a mysterious affliction related to an Usher family curse.  Phillip has trouble believing that explanation and fears that Roderick is either keeping his beloved imprisoned or, even worse, trying to murder her. 

I have internet “friends” who adore House of Usher.  I, however, do not share their enthusiasm. As far as the Corman-Poe films are concerned, I much prefer Pit and the Pendulum, The Masque of the Red Death, or even The Raven.  The problem I have with House of Usher is pacing. I enjoy a good slow-burn horror as much as the next person, but I find the first 2/3 of this movie all but sleep inducing.  The story moves at a snail’s pace. By the time the terrific third act kicks in, it’s too late for me. And that’s a shame because the film’s finale is very entertaining and goes a long way to redeeming the whole thing in my eyes. 

I will also give House of Usher some credit on two other fronts.  First, most of the acting is quite good. Price gives an incredible performance - perhaps one of his best.  He’s amazing. And once Mark Damon warms up, the rest of the cast is almost as strong. Second, House of Usher looks better than it has any right to.  Corman’s budget for the entire production is listed on IMDb at $200,000. Visually, he certainly got a lot of bang for his buck. 

5/10

Nancy Drew (2007)

“Excuse me, I have to defuse this bomb.”  12 September 2019

Nancy Drew promised her dad she wouldn’t get involved in anymore sleuthing.  But when the Drews rent a home that had belonged to a movie star who died under mysterious circumstances, what’s a girl detective to do?  Nancy soon finds herself threatened by baddies, looking for a lost will, and investigating the circumstances behind a decades old adoption.  It’s just a normal day for Nancy Drew!

I realize that there’s no way in the world that I’m part of the target audience that the makers of Nancy Drew were going for.  Despite that, I had a surprisingly good time with the film. Sure, the mystery is paper thin, the comedy is all too obvious, and some of the acting is substandard, but I still found it entertaining.  Emma Roberts is just about perfect as teen Nancy. She might be perky, cute, charming, delightful (pick your adjective), and a bit old fashioned, but she’s a bulldog when she gets on the scent of a mystery.  Run her off the road, kidnap her, put a bomb in her car – she takes it all in stride with a smile on her face. I thoroughly enjoyed the character and Ms Roberts’ performance. The sets are another big plus for Nancy Drew.  The creepy old mansion, complete with hidden passages, is the ideal setting for a mystery. Andrew Fleming’s direction is pretty much spot-on. I found the film’s pacing just about perfect from beginning to end. Finally, I got a real kick out of seeing a few old, familiar faces, like Rachel Leigh Cook and Bruce Willis.   

According to IMDb, Nancy Drew made just over $30 million.  I wish it had made more. I would like to have seen a whole series of Emma Roberts-led Nancy Drew films. 

6/10