Mesa of Lost Women (1953)

A good example of an Ed Wood movie not made by Ed Wood, 21 November 2005

Where to begin? The plot is so convoluted that I don't know if I can do it justice. I'll give it a brief try. Dr. Leland Masterson, intrigued by the work of Dr. Aranya, visits his secret underground lab to gain an insight on the work he is performing. He is shocked to learn that Dr. Aranya is injecting spider fluids into humans and human fluids into spiders. The result – indestructible spider-women (or dwarfs in the case of the men) and giant, deadly spiders. Masterson is attacked and goes insane. He later escapes from the asylum and hijacks a plane carrying a couple on their way to be married, an Asian servant, Masterson's nurse, and the pilot. The plan crashes on a deserted mesa not far from Dr. Aranya's hideout. Can anyone escape alive from the Mesa of Lost Women?

I thought about doing one of those reviews I've done in the past where I list what worked in the movie and what didn't work. It would look something like this:

What Works: - Nothing.

What Doesn't Work: - Everything.

Mesa of Lost Women is so inept that it would take pages to cover it all. Acting, plot, pacing, special effects, dialogue, and everything else you can think of are as bad as anything Ed Wood ever made. Here's a laundry list of just a few of the things that didn't work:

1. The voice-over narration. The narrator tries to be clever but just comes off as ridiculous when none of his jokes hit their mark. 2. The relationship between the pilot and the woman. This bride-to-be is way to quick to dump her frumpy husband-to-be once the hunky pilot shows up. Their kiss is nausea inducing. 3. The spider-women. Are these things supposed to be menacing? 4. Dr. Aranya. The movie tries hard to let us know that Dr. Aranya is evil. Just take a look at the guy. He's got a bad eye, a wart, and seems more interested in his high school test tube rack than in human life. 5. The Asian servant. His double cross of the others on the plane would make the team of Mission Impossible proud. The fact that he not only knew the plane would crash, but that he knew exactly where the plane would crash obviously took some incredible planning. 6. Tarantella's dance. I suppose it's meant to be seductive, but to whom, I'm not sure. 7. Do I really need to go any further?

None of this is meant to imply that there aren't moments in the movie to enjoy. This is one of those movies that I do not hesitate to call "so bad it's good". For those in the right frame of mind, there's a laugh to be had around almost every corner of Mesa of Lost Women.

2/10