Ator, the Fighting Eagle (1982)

Mostly, it’s just bad, 24 April 2020

My God, but does Ator, the Fighting Eagle ever reek!  Like any Conan cash-in from the 80s, our hero goes on an incredibly unoriginal quest for revenge and must face a series of obstacles along the way.  Here, Ator sets out to rescue his sister/wife who has been kidnapped by the Spider King or some such nonsense.    

Wait … Was that sister/wife?  Yes, you read that correctly – Ator must rescue his sister to whom he was recently wed.  Before Sunya is kidnapped, she and Ator have this jaw-dropping exchange:

Ator:  I love you.

Sunya:  And I love you.

Ator:  Why can’t we marry?

Sunya:  Ator, we are brother and sister.

Ator:  I’ll talk with our father.

But by the time Ator and Sunya uttered this ridiculous dialogue, I had long since decided Ator was a douche.  I gave up on Ator the moment Miles O’Keeffe made his first onscreen appearance and I saw that overly-quaffed, girlish bouffant he was sporting.   He looked absolutely ridiculous.  I guess that helps explain how Ator could survive considering his absolute lack of fighting ability – why would you need to fight when your enemies will most likely kill over with laughter at the mere sight of your teased-up, Aguanet-infused hair?  Not that it mattered much when you consider that at least four of Ator’s biggest foes in the film – a tribe of Amazons who want to use him for mating, a walking dead army that moves like snails, a bunch of blind warriors, and a shadow – were about as threatening as a stick of butter.  There are a couple of occasions where push comes to shove and Ator must actually do battle.  In these instances, we’re treated to O’Keeffe’s absolute lack of anything remotely resembling real fighting ability.  In every instance I can think of, Ator doesn’t use skill to defeat his opponents – he relies, instead, on dumb luck. 

Overall, it’s a bad, bad movie.  I’ll give it a 2/10 for the occasional, rare moment of unintended hilarity.  Mostly, though, it’s just bad.

2/10