Friday the 13th (2009)

"Jason. My special, special boy.", 16 September 2009

I've been a fan of Friday the 13th films for about as long as they've been making Friday the 13th films. I don't much care for some of the more recent entries to the series (for example, I loathe both Freddy vs Jason and Jason X), but I've always had a good time with the earlier movies in the series. In fact, one of my favorite movie-going experiences involves the Friday the 13th films. I can fondly remember back in the 80s going to the local drive-in one night in a driving thunderstorm to watch parts 1-4. What fun! So with a bit of apprehension, I finally decided to take the plunge and check out this new re-imaging.

So how was it? My rating might not indicate it, but the new Friday the 13th wasn't as bad as I had feared. The movie has its fair share of problems (I'll get to some of the more heinous in a moment), but at least I found most of it entertaining. Good action, some imaginative kill scenes, and a few new ideas that actually worked made the movie worth checking out. And as I've written repeatedly in my movie comments, entertainment is the single biggest factor for me when it comes to rating a movie.

But like I said, I had my problems with the movie. I'm not going to go into detail, just a laundry list: the new, smart Jason who apparently is a licensed electrician; the reliance on sudden, very loud music to frighten the audience; the large, lumbering Jason moving with the stealth of a ninja (Are we really supposed to believe he climbed on the roof of that house in seconds with no one inside hearing anything?); the really underwhelming scene where Jason discovers the iconic hockey mask; the absence of the normal, recognizable Friday the 13th music; characters that are actually more annoying than any in the original films (I couldn't wait to see a couple die); Jason taking prisoners; the finale where the two survivors inexplicably drag Jason's body to the boat dock and throw it into the lake; technical aspects like the overuse of shaky cam and the underuse of lighting; the abysmal acting (Jared Padalecki being the exception); and the scene where Jason hangs the girl in the sleeping bag over the fire and roasts her alive is totally out of character with . . . well, totally out of character with the character.

I could go on and on listing things in the movie that bothered me, but really, what's the point. Friday the 13th is what it is, a reasonably entertaining piece of junk cinema that was never meant to test anyone's intelligence. So despite the many problems with the movie I've enumerated, a 6/10 seems about right.

6/10

Race to Witch Mountain (2009)

"Don't go in the pimped out fridge Jack...", 23 August 2009

We hadn't had a family movie night at our house in several months. So when the idea came up, I naturally let my 6 year-old pick the movie (I, on the other hand, picked the pizza.) His pick – Race to Witch Mountain. I'll be honest, neither my wife nor I were terribly excited about his selection. As we popped it into the player, we both settled in fearing for the worst. Instead, the whole family had a great time with the film. It's not a masterpiece, but I don't think that's what the filmmakers were going for. Instead, Race to Witch Mountain fun-filled ride full of special effects and loud explosions thrown at the viewer at break-neck speeds. There are really very few opportunities to catch your breath, which is probably a good thing. If you spent too long analyzing just what's going on on-screen, it probably wouldn't have been as enjoyable. The plot involves Jack Bruno, a cab driver trying to make a break from a shady past, who discovers two kids in the back of his cab. As he soon learns, these aren't ordinary kids. These kids are aliens (the outer space kind) and they're on a mission to save not only their planet, but Earth as well. Howver, it seems that everyone is after Jack and the kids. Secret government agents, Jack's former crime boss, and an unstoppable alien assassin are all out to make sure the kids don't find their ship. Sure, it lacks some of what made the 1975 original (which I don't think I've seen since 1975) so memorable, but it makes up for it with some terrific CGI effects, humor, and outrageous action sequences. The acting was okay. No one looked terrible. Dwayne Johnson, whose wrestling persona The Rock seems to be a distant memory these days, isn't too bad. He's definitely got a screen presence to him. The rest of the cast is fine. My son especially enjoyed Carla Gugino who he immediately recognized from the Spy Kids series. There are a few really cool cameos from the likes of Cheech Marin. But the absolute coolest for an old guy like me was seeing Kim Richards and Ike Eisenmann, the kids from the original Escape to Witch Mountain, with bit parts in this re-imaging. So overall, we enjoyed Race to Witch Mountain. Go into it with an open mind (and a good pizza) and you're family just might find a wonderful night's entertainment like we did.

7/10

G-Force (2009)

Come on Disney - you can do better than this, 10 August 2009

I'm something of a closet Disney fan. When the family and I head to Disney World this year, it will be our fifth trip in the last four years. Of the recent crop of Disney or Pixar movies, I love The Incredibles and The Emperor's New Groove. I thought Bolt was wonderful. And while I usually enjoy (or at the very least tolerate) all things Disney, G-Force positively stunk-up the joint. I can barely remember so much as a smile crossing my lips. You can see everything that's remotely funny in the trailer. G-Force is dull, boring, uninteresting, and any other negatively charged descriptive word you can come up with. The plot was beyond ridiculous and doesn't even merit a mention. The characters, both human and CGI, weren't worth caring about – and that's a big problem with a movie like this. If you don't care about the characters, you don't have much. The music is mostly inappropriate to what's going on on-screen. The special effects weren't all that special. And whoever thought that Tracy Morgan was funny doesn't know much about comedy. Overall, G-Force is a real stinker of a movie.

2/10

Monsters vs Aliens (2009)

"Boys, set the terror level at code brown, 'cause I need to change my pants.", 23 April 2009

Last weekend, I took my 6 year-old son to see the 3-D version of Monsters vs Aliens. For a user comment on the movie, I thought I would do something a little different and interview him to get his thoughts.

Me: So, what did you think of Monsters vs Aliens? Son: Good (Let me explain a little about his one word answer. My son is a very articulate, bright little boy. But for some reason, when it comes to using positive adjectives, he seems to only know one – "Good". And he uses it alone – no subject or verb as in "It was good" – just "Good". The only problem is that to my son, "Good" is used to describe anything from an ice cream cone to a trip to Disney World. What did you think about that pizza? Answer - Good. How was school today? Answer - Good. What would you think if I gave you a million dollars? Answer – Good. So take his "Good" as you will.)

Me (trying to drag something else out of him): What was your favorite part? Son: When Ginormica was busting through the wall.

Me: Was any of the movie funny? Son: Yes – It was funny when Bob got stepped on.

Me: What did you think of the 3-D effects? Son: Good. (See what I mean?)

Me: Would you recommend it to your friends at school? Son: Yes, it was really good (What? Really good? Where did that come from?).

There you have it – a succinct review from a reasonably typical 6 year-old kindergärtner.

As for me, the movie was only okay. The 3-D effects were often breathtaking. And some of the comedy hit the mark. I especially enjoyed Hugh Laurie as Dr. Cockroach. But the plot was overly simple and very predictable. There were few if any surprises. And I really didn't like the way the monsters were used. They were often little more than comic relief and had no real purpose. So while my son may say "Good", I say "Average". A 5/10 from me.

5/10