One of the weakest I've seen so far, 2 July 2008
As Urko plans his latest campaign to wipe-out the humanoids, Ape City is terrorized by a flying, prehistoric beast. The apes are not alone as the creature sees fit to frighten the humanoids and actually steals one of their cow-like creatures. Once again, Jeff, Bill, and Judy must save the human race.
"Attack from the Clouds" has to be one of the very weakest installments I've seen so far in the Return to the Planet of the Apes series. The poor animation really hurts this one. The high flying scenes of creature and plane should be exciting. But not the way they're handled here. It's dull all the way through. And it doesn't help that much of the existing story line is pushed to the background. Oh well, there's always the next episode.
4/10
What happened to Gator McKlusky?, 19 June 2008
A two-time loser like Gator McKlusky (Burt Reynolds) will do anything to avoid a third strike and a long prison stint. So when a big city revenuer asks for Gator's help, what choice does he have? Gator's mission is to get the goods on Bama McCall (Jerry Reed), the nasty crime boss of a neighboring county. Gator gets something else he hadn't counted on, however, when he falls for television reporter Aggie Maybank (Lauren Hutton). Can he get the girl and the goon?
As is the case with most sequels, Gator is a vastly inferior movie to its predecessor, White Lightning. Everything that made that movie so good and so memorable is missing from Gator. While there are a few good moments like the opening boat chase, the movie doesn't have the same gritty feel to it that characterized White Lightning. Gator trades much of the action of White Lightning for a tired, dull romance between Reynolds and Hutton. Not only isn't it believable (especially if you know the Gator character from the first movie), but the outcome of the relationship is terribly predictable. "Sappy" and Gator McKlusky just shouldn't be used together.
But the most offensive part of Gator is Burt Reynolds. In White Lightning, he played it straight. From my review of White Lightning, "One of the coolest things about White Lightning is that it presents Burt Reynolds as an actor at the top of his game. This was a Burt Reynolds who seemed to actually care about the final product and not just yucking it up with his buddies on screen." In Gator, far too often Reynolds reverts to the clown he would become in movies like Smokey and the Bandit and Cannonball Run. That laugh of his just grates on my nerves. There are times in Gator when Reynolds and Reed are on screen together that I swear it's like a test run for Smokey and the Bandit. And it's not surprising to see Hal Needham's name in the credits as Second Unit Director.
Overall, Gator is a huge disappointment. I'm being generous with my 3/10 rating.
3/10
A new friend, 18 June 2008
In "Trail to the Unknown", it's finally time for Bill, Jeff, and Judy to move the humanoids to a more secure location. First by raft and then across the burning desert, the plan is to get as far away from Urko as possible. But along the way, our heroes run into an unexpected surprise - they meet another astronaut named Brent. With Brent's help, they manage to get the humanoids to safety and defeat Urko's latest attack.
While "Trail to the Unknown" has some nice moments, overall it's too inconsistent to rate much higher than a 6/10. Brent's introduction is the highlight. My reaction was similar in astonishment to that of Jeff and Bill. Another astronaut! - How cool is that? But the rest of the episode is pretty much by the numbers. Urko's attack feels uninspired and is there just to kill some time. It's not the full scale invasion he's been promising. The attack is probably there because the writers didn't know what else to do. Still, I'm looking forward to the rest of Return to the Planet of the Apes.
6/10
"Human nature has an infinite capacity to surprise.", 18 June 2008
Finally! I've now seen all of the feature length installments of the Poirot movies featuring David Suchet. And wouldn't you know it – the last one I watch just happens to be one of the best of the entire series.
Five Little Pigs, which happens to benefit from staying fairly true to Agatha Christie's original work (at least as best as I can remember), is a poignant, gut-wrenching, and beautifully filmed movie. As Christie did in her novel, the mystery is told though a series of five interviews that flashback to that fateful day when a murder was committed. Director Paul Unwin handles this portion quite nicely. I was worried about all the hand-held shaky-cam, but it works well for the iffy memories of events of fourteen years previous. Even though I knew the outcome, I thought the mystery elements were well done. I think someone without knowledge of the plot would really enjoy this part of Five Little Pigs. The acting, other than the abysmal performance of Aimee Mullins as the adult Lucy, is more than acceptable. By now (or by 2003 at least), Suchet has grown in the role of Poirot to the point that I cannot imagine anyone else even attempting to do the character. Two other real highlights for me were the music (it's quite beautiful) and the photography (there are some gorgeous landscape shots throughout the movie). All together, an 8/10 seems about right by me. Had the adult Lucy not been so distractingly poorly played, I could have easily rated Five Little Pigs higher.
8/10
- Uchu Kaisoku-sen
Very Early Sonny Chiba, 5 May 2008
To be honest, Invasion of the Neptune Men is about as bad a movie as I've seen. Maybe it's the cut of the movie I've seen or maybe something is lost in the translation from Japanese or maybe it's meant for a different age group, but whatever, it's bad. (Note: I haven't rated the movie a 1/10 because although it's bad, it's not offensively bad.) Instead of getting into the myriad of problems, I want to focus on why I've now seen The Invasion of the Neptune Men at least four times. I can think of two reasons off the top of my head to explain why I continue to re-watch Invasion of the Neptune Men.
One, (and I admit I'm pushing it here) the chance to see an early Sonny Chiba. I'm not an expert on Chiba, but what I've seen, I really like. From his work in The Street Fighter, Golgo 13, and up to and including Kill Bill, Chiba is the MAN. So it's really cool to get the chance to go back and watch him in what is really his second movie. He's barely recognizable as the lame hero, Space Chief.
Two, Invasion of the Neptune Men is one of my very favorite episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000. While I may only rate the movie a 2/10, I give this episode a 5/5 on my MST3K rating scale. Some of the riffs are laugh out loud funny no matter how many times I've heard them. The bits about Space Chef, the Hitler building, and the kids in their shorts are hysterical. As I said, I've seen this episode at least four times and can probably re-watch it many more without getting tired of it.
2/10
"He who takes from Gwangi the evil one is cursed.", 29 April 2008
I'm racking my brain, but I can't seem to think of another movie quite like The Valley of the Gwangi. A Western with dinosaurs? What could be more natural? You gotta wonder why John Ford and/or John Wayne never tried it!
The plot – While searching for a mythical miniature horse for her circus, TJ Breckenridge (Gila Golan), Tuck Kirby (James Franciscus), and the rest of the cast/characters enter a strange, lost valley. There they find not only the miniature horse, but some other, more fearsome creatures as well. Dinosaurs rule this place. Now wouldn't that be an attraction at TJ's circus – a caged T-Rex?
It's not that I find The Valley of the Gwangi a bad movie, I just don't seem to have enjoyed it as much as many others who have posted comments on the movie. There are some parts that I actually find almost unwatchable. For the first half of the movie, there just doesn't seem to be much going on. I wasn't necessarily bored, but I did want something to happen. Plodding would be an adjective I would use. To top it off, the movie features a very contrived love story. It feels forced as if the writers decided that the male and female leads just had to get together. But The Valley of the Gwangi isn't a total waste. There are moments I really enjoyed. Who doesn't get a kick out of the scenes of the cowboys on horseback trying to lasso a T-Rex. You just don't see stuff like that every day. Ray Harryhausen's creatures are impressive. There are some really cool shots of Harryhausen's miniatures interacting with people and horses. It might not represent the best of his work, but the effects are very nice. Still, at least in my mind these good moments aren't enough to overcome the negatives. As much as I hate to do it, I've got to rate The Valley of the Gwangi a 4/10.
4/10
There's nothing much more frightening than the sight of a ludicrously large Nemo., 29 April 2008
For a movie about a race against the clock to rescue a group of scientists trapped in an undersea research facility that's been hit by an earthquake, The Neptune Factor is incredibly dull. The problem is that for most of the movie, nothing happens. Ernest Borgnine (who I'll give a little credit as he does his best with this snoozer of a script), Ben Gazzara, and company spend most of the movie on a slow motion tour of the ocean floor looking for their missing colleagues. Garzzara is the worst, showing the same kind of emotion usually reserved for everyday, mundane tasks like doing the laundry or grocery shopping. You'd hardly know from his demeanor that the lives of three people rest in his hands. And when something does finally happen the special effects are so ridiculous looking that the movie losses any credibility it might have had. The "giant" sea creatures the rescuers run into are little more than normal salt water aquarium fish filmed with a zoom lens and a bad looking miniature of the submarine. That's right – The Neptune Factor looks like it was filmed in someone's home aquarium. A giant clown fish – oooooh, how scary! There's nothing much more frightening than the sight of a ludicrously large Nemo.
To say I was disappointed by The Neptune Factor would be a gross understatement. A good cast is put to waste with nothing to do. In the end, I've got to rate this one a 2/10.
2/10
