Æon Flux (2005)

"We're meant to die. Its what makes everything about us matter.", 24 March 2008

Aeon Flux (Charlize Theron) is an assassin in the year 2415. She works for a group of rebels intent on overthrowing the government. Her target is Trevor Goodchild (Marton Csokas), the leader of what's left of Earth. But before Aeon can pull the trigger, something strange happens. A memory is sparked of a previous life when she knew Goodchild. She discovers that for the past 400 years everyone on Earth has been infertile. The human race has carried on through an intricate system of cloning. Trevor tells her that he is near to finding a solution to the problem. But there are some who would have things stay as they are. Trevor Goodchild's brother, Oren (Jonny Lee Miller) has plans to overthrow Trevor to maintain the status quo. Aeon changes her mission – now she must protect Trevor, stop Oren, and end the cycle of cloning.

I'm really starting to hate the modern brand of action movies. What happened to the good old days when it was all about shooting people and blowing things up? Why do filmmakers feel the need to hide their action movies behind a faux sense of intelligence? Despite all the weird flashback scenes, the annoyingly vague character motivations, and the intentionally muddled plot points, Aeon Flux is no smarter than any other action movie. In fact, all this pseudo-intellectual garbage does is confuse matters to the point the movie becomes incredibly dull. Scene after scene of people talking nonsense does not make for a good action film. And that's just what you get in Aeon Flux. Add to that some of the most uninteresting characters I've seen recently and you've got the makings of an infuriatingly boring movie. The worst offender in this regard has to be Jonny Lee Miller (though if truth be told, no one comes out looking good – and that includes Charlize Theron). Miller is so dry, so white bread, he's hardly menacing at all. Laughable would be a better description.

And why do filmmakers today feel the need to make every action movie look like The Matrix? I'm no physicist or human physiologist, but people and things don't move and/or behave in nature like they do in these movies. There's a scene where Aeon is about to fall on sharpened blades of grass (oh, how clever). The way she holds herself just inches above the ground with nothing but the insides of her feet is impossible. I'm so tired of seeing this kind of thing.

For what it's worth, I'll rate Aeon Flux a 3/10.

3/10

Conan Unchained: The Making of 'Conan' (2000)

A wonderful "making of" feature, 14 March 2008

Conan Unchained: The Making of Conan is an interesting look back, almost 20 years later, at probably the best Sword and Sorcerer movie ever made – Conan the Barbarian. Maybe it has something to do with my almost fanboy kind of love for the subject matter, but this is one of the more entertaining "making of" documentaries I've seen. It's filled with stories and memories of many of the cast and crew involved in the movie. A few of my favorite moments include Arnold talking about being chased by wolves, Sandahl Bergman's story of almost losing a finger, and Max Von Sydow reminiscing about his favorite scene (it was actually cut from the movie). But it's director John Miliius' enthusiasm for the movie – even some 20 years later – that makes this "making of" feature so special. He comes across as a real, down-to-earth sort of guy that you'd actually like to meet. His feelings for the movie are quite evident and infectious. After listening to him talk about "The Great Danes" or the wheel of pain or the giant snake the crew built, I can't wait to watch the movie again.

As much as I enjoyed Conan Unchained: The Making of Conan, I can't call it perfect. There are a few things I would have liked to have seen included. While most of the cast was interviewed for the documentary, I would have really enjoyed hearing form Mako, Ben Davidson, and/or Sven-Ole Thorsen. Also, I would have liked to see some discussion on the effect Conan the Barbarian had on the genre, the imitators, and its long lasting appeal. But you can't have everything. And as it is, Conan Unchained: The Making of Conan is still very entertaining.

8/10

Poirot "The Murder of Roger Ackroyd" #7.1 (2000) (TV)

"I beg of you a thousand pardons, but these vegetable marrows, they have driven me to the edges of barbarity!", 2 August 2007

In most instances, I like to begin one of these "reviews" (I put that word in parentheses because I'm not sure that what I'm doing here would actually constitute a "review") with a plot summary. But, this being Agatha Christie and all, I would hate to give away even the most insignificant of clues. So I'll be very glib and just say that there's a murder, lots of suspects, and Hercule Poirot (I told you I was being glib).

I was prepared to write a rather lengthy review detailing all of my many problems with The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, but after reading what others have already written on IMDb, I'm not sure I see much of a reason. The issues I have with the film have been spelled-out more eloquently than I could ever hope. Like many other Agatha Christie fans, I've always thought of The Murder of Roger Ackroyd as one of her better efforts. It's a clever mystery told in an unusual style (at least unusual for Christie). As other reviewers have noted, gone is much of the mystery that makes the book so wonderful. Instead, the movie adds on a quite tacky finale that's completely out of character with the source material. I understand that creative license must be taken to bring these novels to television, but this time it's just too much. I could, and probably should, have rated The Murder of Roger Ackroyd lower, but the acting, sets, locations, etc. are too enjoyable to rate it a total disaster.

Maybe someday someone will tackle The Murder of Roger Ackroyd and gets it right.

4/10

Poirot "Lord Edwige Dies" #7.2 (2000) (TV)

An unforgivable cheat, 30 April 2007

Going into a plot summary is a bit tricky with one of these Poirot mysteries. It's difficult to do so without giving away too much. It's hard to know where to stop. I'll just say that in typical Agatha Christie style, there is no shortage of suspects, everyone has a motive, and the victim was so nasty that he almost deserved what he got. Sound familiar?

If it weren't for one key incident in the movie, I would be happy extolling all of the positive aspects of Lord Edwige Dies. I'm sure I would mention the authentic looking sets (at least, authentic to my untrained eye), the attention to detail, the acting, the score, and all of the other aspects that make each and every Poirot installment I've seen special. I'm also sure that I would go out of my way to mention Helen Grace who affected me much in the same manner she did Poirot. And, I'm sure there are other positives I would not doubt list. But, because of an unforgivable flaw, I cannot be positive while writing this. If you don't want to read possible SPOILERS, please skip the rest of this review.

* SPOILER WARNING * Lord Edwige Dies contains one of the biggest cheats I've ever seen. The whole solution to the mystery revolves around Jane Wilkinson being in two places at the same time. It's not physically possible. So, in the solution to the mystery, we see that Jane asked a friend gifted in impersonations to "play" her at a dinner party as part of a joke. The other guests hardly know her so the actress should be able to pull it off. I'm okay with this, but the director commits an unforgivable cheat with the dinner party scene. The Jane Wilkinson we see as an audience at the dinner part is the real Jane Wilkinson. It's not the impostor. Trust me, I went back just to make sure. I cannot believe any director would have thought he could get away with something like this. * END SPOILER *

6/10

Battle Royale (2000)

- Batoru rowaiaru
"Here's your list of friends in the order they died.", 23 August 2006

I finally got the chance to see what all the fuss is about. For the most part, Battle Royale lives up to the hype. The violence is as over-the-top as I had been led to believe. What I wasn't expecting, however, was such a well made, engrossing film that's full of some of the blackest humor I've seen in a while. For those uninitiated, Battle Royale is the story of one class of young teens in Japan that are chosen at random to participate in the government's new "game" designed to put order back into society. The class is taken to a deserted island and each member of the class is given a weapon. At the end of three days, the one class member left alive is the winner. If more than one person is alive, everyone dies. The plot may seem completely ridiculous and outlandish, but it works. It's difficult not to be drawn into the film from the very beginning. The action comes fast and furious as classmates kill each other in a variety of inventive ways. Friendships are put to the test, trust becomes something foreign, and love means nothing when it's kill or be killed. Director Kinji Fukasaku does a masterful job of making the characters seem real and sympathetic in Battle Royale – even those with limited time on screen. The acting is good, the special effects are believable, and the cinematography and lighting are well done. Overall, Battle Royale is a nice combination of compelling story and technical know-how.

Battle Royale could have been a near perfect film if it weren't for two faults that I can't look past. First, there are too many unnecessary love stories. While I understand the need to present the relationship between the two main characters, is it necessary to hear every teenager's deathbed confession of love? Maybe this was part of Fukasaku's sense of humor, but it quickly became tiresome. Second, the ending is a let-down. I was expecting and hoping for an ending as gratuitous as the rest of the film. Instead, Battle Royale limps to a finale that's uncharacteristically bland given everything that came before. Regardless of these two criticisms, Battle Royale is a film that's well worth seeking out. It's a one of a kind experience and new favorite of mine.

8/10

Dinosaur (2000)

I'm not sure what Disney was thinking with this one, 3 July 2005

I'm not sure what Disney was thinking when they gave the "green light" to this film. Sure it looks good, but that's about it. The opening scenes are a thing of beauty with a dinosaur egg going through an amazing journey until coming to rest on an island of lemurs. But once you get past the look of the movie you realize how trite the story is. The thing I got out of it that disturbed me was that meat eaters are bad and vegetarians are good. Maybe I'm reading more into this than I should but with Disney's track record, I doubt it.

I bought this DVD for my 2 year old without knowing much about it. While he loves the dinosaurs, he has problems with some of the violence. It's one thing to have a character die in a movie aimed at children, it's another to see characters being eaten.

5/10