- La tumba de la isla maldita
How is it that Young Hannah is 700 years old?, 4 February 2005
For the most part, Crypt of the Living Dead or Young Hannah: Queen of the Vampires or Vampire Women is a thoroughly retched movie. All you really need to know about the story is that 700 year old Hannah is released from her tomb on an almost uninhabited island. She bites a few locals and is then dispatched herself. There are so many negative things to say about this film that I'll just mention a few that really bothered me.
One, Hannah has got to be the slowest vampire in the history of movie vampires. I've heard complaints about the slow moving Bela Lugosi in Dracula. Bela is like Carl Lewis compared with Hannah.
Two, the characters do not act in a logical manner. I'm not talking about logic as you and I know it, but these people don't even act according to "horror movie logic". For example, a big deal is made about the effect of dog's bane(sp) on Hannah. In one scene, it is used to get Hannah to release the movie's hero. Once free of her clutches, he immediately goes after her. But, does he bother to take the dog's bane that was just used to save his life - NO.
Third, nothing really happens in the movie. I'm not talking about a slow story. Instead, I'm talking about no story. There is a great long section of the film (the first hour or so) where, literally, nothing happens. It's not till the slow moving Hannah is awakened to prey upon the illogical victims on the island that anything seems to happen.
2/10
Lugosi Grows a Beard, 4 February 2005
The basic story of the Ape Man is straight forward. Lugosi plays a scientist messing around with nature (these guys never learn). Through some experimentation he has turned himself into a half-ape (he had a heavy beard and walked stooped over). He, along with his gorilla assistant, must kill to get the spinal fluid he needs to reverse his previous experiment.
The Ape Man can be fairly entertaining if you don't take it too seriously. Lugosi is fine as the scientist - sometimes funny (as when trying to subdue his gorilla) and sometimes menacing (as when threatening the doctor who has been helping him). Henry Hall as the doctor and Minerva Urecal as Lugosi's sister are also worth mentioning. Typical of comedy/horror films from this period, some of the jokes work while some fall flat. Most of the jokes are delivered by Wallace Ford (Ford was also the comic relief in The Mummy's Hand and The Mummy's Tomb). The movie was made by Monogram and is a typical Monogram cheap-B-quickie.
5/10
- Vado... l'ammazzo e torno
Nice SW Parody, 4 February 2005
A group of bandits rob a train of the gold shipment it is carrying. In their escape, the bandits split up. The one thief who knows where the gold is hidden is killed before he is able to talk. Three men have a different part of the "clue" that will lead to the gold. Can the banker, the bandit, and the bounty hunter work together to locate the missing loot? Or, will they kill each other first? - The plot is an obvious take-off of Leone's The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Various scenes in the movie are also lifted from other films by Leone, Corbucci, and more. But, to me, it's done in a way that doesn't show disrespect to the original work. Instead, Any Gun Can Play lovingly parodies some of the biggest films in Spaghetti Western history. The opening scene of three men riding into town and the final face-off between the three main stars are a wonderful homage to the SWs that came before.
Castellari adds a lot of nice touches of his own - the reflection in the spilled wine, the Stranger's entrance with the vivid red background, and the playful way the gold is discovered in the end. Although highly unbelievable, many of the fight scenes are well staged and directed. Two fight scenes in particular (the market fight and the bath house fight) are very nicely done. He is also unafraid to try different things with his camera. Tight close-ups, overhead shots, and shots around corners are all common in Any Gun Can Play.
Another plus is the cast that Castellari had to work with. George Hilton is always good in these movies. Gilbert Roland is literally playing Gilbert Roland. And SW newcomer Edd Byrnes holds his own with the two SW veterans. The supporting cast features, among others, SW regular Gerard Herter.
Any Gun Can Play should not be taken too seriously. Nice touches of humor can be found throughout the movie. If this is possible with an SW, it's more of a "feel good" movie - very reminiscent of some of the Terence Hill / Bud Spencer films.
7/10
Loved It, 2 February 2005
I was recently given the House of 1000 Corpses DVD as a gift. I had heard such bad things about it that I had been afraid to buy it myself. I just knew I wasn't going to enjoy it. Now, I wish I would have seen it sooner. I watch movies for the sake of entertainment. And if it entertains me, then art, technical merit, or any other thing people like to complain about be damned. Bottom line - House of 1000 Corpses is one of the most entertaining new movies I've seen. I found myself playing along with Rob Zombie to spot all of the movie's influences. A lot of reviews I've read complain that Zombie "ripped" The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and other movies. Personally, I don't think "ripped" is the right word. I see it as Zombie's way of paying a loving tribute to the movies he enjoys.
There's nothing at all original about the plot. Two couples get lost in the backwoods and are set upon by a crazed family of killers. Sound familiar? But what makes this movie different from many of the others that have tried this same plot are the visuals and the characters. Zombie has filled every frame of this picture with some of the most gruesome eye-candy imaginable. I wanted to stop the movie every five minutes just to take it all in. Everything from the vintage t-shirts worn by Captain Spaulding to the mobile of shoes is a real joy to behold. Zombie must be a nut for detail.
As for the characters (and here, I'm referring to the killers), each is so over-the-top that I couldn't wait to see what they would do next. Much of this comes form Zombie's casting choices. Sig Haig, Bill Moseley, Karen Black, and Sheri Moon play their demented characters to perfection. Each is an absolute "scene stealer", often within the same scene. It's such a pleasure to watch people having this much fun making a movie.
The movie is not without its problems. As previously mentioned, the plot is all but non-existent. Many of the underground scenes toward the end of the movie were not necessary to me. Also, some of Zombie's editing style is not to my taste. But, these things are minor to my overall enjoyment of the movie.
8/10
- Küß mich, Monster
Possibly the worst Franco I've seen, 2 February 2005
I'm not sure how to describe a non-existent plot, but I'll give it a try. Two women, posing as a nightclub act, go to an island to investigate something. Everywhere they go, people (I have no idea who these people are) end up dying - sometimes stabbed in the back while in mid-sentence. Of course there's no sign of the killer. Eventually, I think they find whatever it is they're looking for because there is much rejoicing.
This movie is BAD. And, I don't mean bad in a way that can be enjoyable to make fun of. This is the kind of put-you-to-sleep-because-it-makes-no-sense bad. I got the impression that the story was being written at night on cocktail napkins for the next day's shoot. It's the only way I can explain it because I can't imagine anyone sitting down and writing something this bad unless they were drunk (either that or it was written by monkeys). I defy anyone to watch this movie and tell me exactly what's going on.
I'm not giving it a 1/10 because it does have a couple of redeeming qualities. What they are escapes me at the moment, but I distinctly remember enjoying at least one scene - it may have been a shot of palm trees. Plus, believe it or not, I've seen much worse.
2/10
I wish Carpenter could still make 'em like this, 30 January 2005
A new Lieutenant takes over a police precinct on its very last night. Almost everyone and everything has been moved into the new station. It should be an easy night - just direct all callers and visitors to the new precinct building. But a series of gang deaths will make this night anything but easy. The gang wants revenge and selects the almost abandoned precinct as their target. The gang members have taken a blood oath to die if they must, but someone's going to pay for killing members of their group. With two secretarial types and two death-row inmates, the Lieutenant must fight off the gang's siege on Precinct 13 if he is to survive the night.
Assault on Precinct 13 may start a little slow, but once the action starts, it's kick-ass action all the way. It's not a perfect movie by any means. For example, much of the acting and dialogue are near laughable. But, John Carpenter makes up for this with a gripping, suspenseful story that rarely lets up. Carpenter is able to build atmosphere and chemistry between the characters - things I find lacking in many newer movies. The shoot-outs as the gang members come in waves at the building are flawlessly choreographed. While some of the jokes don't work, many are laugh-out-loud funny.
While I've heard Carpenter say that Assault on Precinct 13 is his modern day Rio Bravo, I think the movie has much more in common with George Romero's Night of the Living Dead. The similarities are almost endless:
- Both movies have people trapped in a building.
- The people in both movies are lead by a black man, something still rare in 1976.
- The people are under attack by wave after wave of basically faceless hordes - be they zombie or gang member.
- A character in both movies tries to make a getaway in a nearby vehicle - both with disastrous results.
- Both movies feature a basically catatonic character that the others will protect for no real reason.
- Both movies mix characters from different socioeconomic standings into a cohesive fighting force.
- And so on.
While Assault on Precinct 13 may have its share of flaws, it's one helluva ride.
8/10
Not the best of the series, 30 January 2005
Stolen furs, a dead night watchman, insurance scams, and a killer with a hook for a hand named The Claw. It's up to Dick Tracy to unravel the mystery.
I have now seen four of these Dick Tracy movies from the 1940s and this is easily my least favorite. Dick Tracy's Dilemma seems tired and offers very few fresh ideas. It's a shame that a really nasty villain like The Claw wasn't in a movie with a better story. RKO probably did the right thing by ending the Dick Tray series with this movie.
If your interested in watching one of these older Dick Tracy movies, my recommendation goes to Dick Tracy Meets Gruesome with Boris Karloff.
5/10
