Snowbeast (1977) (TV)

It's kinda like Jaws, but in the snow . . . and on a mountain . . . and with fur . . ., 11 March 2008

In Snowbeast, a town is preparing for its annual Winter Carnival only to find it threatened by some sort of killer snow monster. You don't have to look too hard to find the similarities between Snowbeast and Jaws. They're everywhere - from canceling the Winter Carnival vs. the 4th of July celebration in Jaws to the cover-up on the part of the mayor / sheriff, the comparisons are endless. It should go without saying that Snowbeast is in no way near as good as Jaws, but it does have its moments. Chief among the positives are some incredibly creepy and effective scenes when the titular Snowbeast is stalking its intended prey. An isolated, snow-covered mountainside can become a very ominous place when the quiet is broken by the blood curdling roar of the Snowbeast. Freaky stuff! Unfortunately, this being a made-for-TV movie, the film cuts out a lot of the actual attack scenes and we're left with a bloody snow aftermath.

As you might expect from my rating, however, I did find a lot to fault in Snowbeast. First, this being a made-for-TV movie, there's far too much unnecessary and forced sentimentality. There are several seemingly endless scenes between the movie's hero, Gar Seberg (played by the unmemorable Bo Svenson), and his wife about some meaningless back-story that had no bearing on anything in the movie. Ugh! Second, the Snowbeast wouldn't have killed near as many people if they had just kept going down the mountain. One of the funniest moments involved a ski rescuer who had searched the mountain for hours without incident. However, the moment he got near the Snowbeast happened to be the precise moment he decides to do a face-plant in the snow. Could this clumsy oaf have made it any easier on the Snowbeast? It's because of these negatives that I can only rate this movie a 5/10.

5/10

Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo (1977) (TV)

Finleyville - The Home of Tree-Ripened Oranges . . . and Killer Tarantulas, 29 February 2008

Two guys, looking to make a quick buck, buy a plane load of Ecuadorian coffee to resale in the United States. On the way to San Francisco, their plane develops engine trouble and goes down in a field near Finleyville. But there's more than coffee on this plane. Unfortunately for the people of this small town, the coffee is infested with killer tarantulas. And now they're loose.

Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo is another in the long line of nature vs. human movies that were so popular during the 1970s. This one was made for TV so it comes with the limitations of that medium. Namely, other than a scene where a boy is killed, it's all pretty tame. The movie is also poorly paced and, at about 95 minutes, it's about 20 minutes too long. You could cut out a lot of the talk about shipping oranges and no one would miss it. Most of the acting isn't too bad. Claude Akins and Howard Hesseman (using some sort of crazy accent) are probably the best known members of the cast. But, I suppose my biggest problem with Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo is that it's just not fun. I'm all about entertainment and I wasn't entertained. If you want to see a cheesy spider movie that's also entertaining, check out The Giant Spider Invasion. As bad as that movie is, at least it's fun!

Finally, there's a scene near the end of the movie where the characters are scooping up the spiders by the bucket-full. Well, that's just not possible. There weren't anywhere near that many spiders on the plane when it left Ecuador. In the beginning, the movie shows a few stowaway spiders getting on the plane – not enough for an army. Besides, there wouldn't have been room for coffee on the plane for all the spiders.

3/10

SST: Death Flight (1977) (TV)

Cookie-cutter 70s disaster film-making, 8 February 2008

Here's a an idea – let's round-up a bunch of Hollywood has-beens, second rate TV actors, and a bunch of no-names and put them all on board a cross Atlantic flight. And let's add a crazed mechanic with a grudge. Oh, and how about adding a deadly virus that fills the plane? You've got the recipe for a 1970s TV movie-of-the-week!

How many of these doomed airplane movies did they make? If you believed what you saw at the movies and on television, planes were dropping out of the skies like flies in the 70s. These kinds of movies were all the rage and SST: Death Flight was meant to grab onto the disaster-cycle coattails. I'll give the movie credit, though – it's actually not much worse than most of the rest of its ilk. The acting is what you would expect from the likes of Lorne Greene, Tina Louise, and Bert Convy. The manufactured tension comes across 30 years later as more humorous than anything else. The characters are cardboard cutouts with overly dramatized problems that can miraculously be solved in an hour or so. The one thing SST: Death Flight has going for it is a slightly unusual twist at the end where the characters the choice of life or death. Other than that, it's cookie-cutter 70s disaster film-making at it's best (or worst, depending on how you look at this stuff.)

4/10

Code Name: Diamond Head (1977) (TV)

Another Gawd awful TV pilot, 2 November 2007

It doesn't take long to see why Code Name: Diamond Head didn't make it onto the network schedules. The TV pilot movie doesn't get past the credits before it's obvious just how bad it's going to be. Maybe I missed something, because the plot didn't make a whole lot of sense. Based on what I got out of the muddled mess, a terrorist or thief or something named "Tree" (Ian McShane) goes to Hawaii to steal something to do with a secret weapon. The world's dullest secret agent, Johnny Paul (Roy Thinnes), is out to stop him. There might have been more, but trust me – it really doesn't matter anyway.

Action movies should have action. Suspenseful moments should have suspense. And dramatic moments should have drama. There's none of that in Code Name: Diamond Head. I've seen others use the word "turgid" to describe this made for TV snoozer – and it's better than any one word description I can come up with. None of the characters is in the least bit exciting or worth caring about. And Roy Thinnes makes for the worst leads imaginable. His charisma is just slightly north of a slug. Ian McShane is easily the best thing the movie has going for it, but unfortunately for everyone else involved, it doesn't appear he was going to be back as a regular cast member. Now if McShane had been cast in the series lead, well then you might have had something.

I'm quickly discovering that these Gawd awful 70s made-for-TV movies make great Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. And that goes double if Quinn Martin was involved. Very funny stuff from Mike and the Bots. So while I may only give the movie a 3/10, I rate Episode #608 a 4/5 on my MST3K rating scale.

3/10

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries "The Mystery of King Tut's Tomb" #2.3 (1977) (TV)

Joe and Frank go to Egypt, 2 September 2007

On their way to meet their dad, Frank and Joe Hardy (Parker Stevenson and Shaun Cassidy) stop off in Egypt for a little sight-seeing. Before you know it, the boys are mixed up in stolen antiquities and a pretty American girl who has been kidnapped. Can the boys put the pieces together to solve The Mystery of King Tut's Tomb? More importantly, can they clear their own names and get their passports from the local police?

I admit, The Mystery of King Tut's Tomb isn't earth shattering in its originality, but I had a good time re-watching it for the first time in about 30 years. To begin with, the mystery elements are reasonably good. It's a fairly complicated story (okay, complicated for a Hardy Boys mystery – it's all relative) that takes a bit of time to unfold. And secondly, who doesn't enjoy a bit of mysterious ancient Egypt mixed into a mystery? I'm a sucker for this kind of stuff.

My biggest complaint has more to do with the start of Season 2 than it does this particular episode. First it was Transylvania and Dracula – now it's Egypt and King Tut. What happened to the more homegrown believable mysteries? Were the producers that desperate for ratings? While I don't necessarily think any of the first three episodes in Season 2 are particularly bad, none can compete with the majority of episodes from Season 1.

6/10

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries "Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Meet Dracula" #2.1 (1977) (TV)

Goofy fun, 2 September 2007

Worried about their father who hasn't checked-in in over a week, Frank and Joe Hardy (Parker Stevenson and Shaun Cassidy) look for clues in the last European village he was known to have been in. The boys soon discover that their father was on the trail of a gang of art thieves who appear to be using the movements of the rock singer Allison Troy as cover. They also discover a young woman named Nancy Drew who is looking for their father. The next step seems obvious – follow Allison Troy to the next gig. But Allison Troy just happens to be headed to a rock festival in, of all places, Dracula's castle. Has Dracula returned and is he responsible for Mr. Hardy's disappearance? And what does Dracula have to do with missing artwork? It's up to our intrepid threesome of amateur detectives to find out.

Yeah, the whole thing really is as silly as it sounds. The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew stumbling around secret passages in the bowels of Dracula's castle while a multi-day rock concert is going on above is without a doubt one of the more ridiculous ideas I've ever been asked to swallow. But even more ridiculous is Paul Williams as supposed rock god, Allison Troy. Sorry, I'll buy the Dracula story before I will Little Enos as a rock star. And it's not like there's much of a mystery surrounding the stolen paintings and the legend of Dracula. I spotted "Dracula" as soon as he came on screen. In all honesty, it's not very good.

Wait a minute – I admit The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Meet Dracula isn't very good, yet I've rated it a 6/10? What gives? Well, there's no accounting for sentimental value in these things. While I can't remember this specific episode, The Hardy Boys / Nancy Drew Mysteries was one of my favorite television shows in 1977. And the goofy charm in every one of the episodes still appeals to me. The show may not work for everyone, but it has always worked for me.

6/10

Day of the Animals (1977)

"Hey, hot shot. We're out of food.", 11 July 2007

I am so glad I finally had the chance to see Day of the Animals. I've been a fan of William Girdler's Grizzly as long as I can remember. But for whatever reason, I had never seen his follow-up. So, did it meet my expectations? While I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as Grizzly, it's still a fun ride for anyone with a taste for these animal attack movies.

In this one, a varied bunch of would-be backpackers is helicoptered to the top of a mountain. The plan is to take a couple of weeks and hike down the mountain and out of the woods. Leading the hikers is experienced guide Steve Buckner (Christopher George). The rest of the group is made up of varied individuals including a boy and his overly protective mother, a couple trying to reconcile their marriage, a professor, a reporter, and an advertising executive. Things get off to a good start, but unbeknownst to the group, there's trouble brewing. It seems that ozone depletion is having a very negative effect on the animals at higher altitudes. The "negative effect" is the animals have all turned into killing machines with man as their prey. Can this band of novices make it out of the woods before they become victims?

Man, do I love this kind of movie! It plays out something like a bizarre episode of The Love Boat with killer animals at every turn. But even I realize that Day of the Animals might not be for everyone. If you don't want to watch a band of ill-equipped, ill-prepared 70s types walking and talking their way through the forest, you might want to skip it. The actual animal attacks, while acceptable, are standard 70s movie stuff – nothing overly special or groundbreaking about them. The tension and atmosphere is also standard for a 70s animal attack movie. A shot of the people – a shot of the animal – another shot of the people – a shot of the animal getting closer to the people. If you've seen it once, you've seen it a million times. Fortunately for me, I get a real kick out of this kind of cheese.

But the best part of the movie has to be the performance of Leslie Nielsen. It has to be the most over-the-top piece of acting I've ever been fortunate enough to see. You could look far and wide and not find anything that comes close to the scene-chewing on display in Day of the Animals. A friend of mine wrote the he almost gave the movie a 10/10 based solely on Nielsen performance. I've gotta agree with that. He's that amazing!

7/10

Ants (1977) (TV)

- It Happened at Lakewood Manor
Why is Myrna Loy in this movie?, 4 August 2006

Is there a book titled "How to Make a Movie with Every 'Man vs. Nature' Cliché Imaginable"? If not, Ants would make excellent source material for the chapter on killer insects. Ants doesn't have one shred of originality to be found at any point of its 100 minute runtime. I suppose the most surprising thing about Ants is that they actually stretched the film to 100 minutes. The set-up, the characters, the various sub-plots, the death scenes, and the way the ants are presented have been done before any number of times – and in most cases, much better. It's amazing that so many of these Insects on a Rampage films were made in the 70s because they're all basically the same movie.

And can someone please tell me what in God's name Myrna Loy is doing in this monkey-turd of a movie? A woman as talented and classy as Loy deserved better than Ants as one of her final movies.

2/10

Black Samurai (1977)

You can't question Kelly's athletic ability, but his acting ability – forget about it., 29 May 2006

When a Hong Kong diplomat's daughter is kidnapped by drug smuggler / Satanist named Janicot, Robert Sand aka the Black Samurai (Jim Kelly) is called in to rescue the girl. And it's more than a job, it's personal. Sand and the girl have a relationship. Sand must use all his skill karate skill and training to bust up the bad guys and free the girl.

In something I wrote recently about the movie 100 Rifles, I called Jim Brown "wooden". That was before I saw Black Samurai. Jim Kelly makes Jim Brown look positively animated. Kelly may have been a martial arts master and good in the choreographed fights scenes, but a thespian he ain't. You can't question Kelly's athletic ability, but his acting ability – forget about it. Believe it or not, Kelly isn't the worst this movie has to offer. Most of the rest of the cast is even worse.

Everything about Black Samurai is, in a word, amateurish. The movie is a technical mess. Editing, cinematography, lighting, sound, etc. are horrible. Al Adamson has to be one of the most untalented directors ever. It's amazing he was able to find people willing to hire him to make so many movies. Ed Wood comes off looking like Alfred Hitchcock in comparison.

Even with all the faults, and there are plenty, there is some entertainment value to be had in Black Samurai. Where else are you going to see Jim Kelly kicking butt, battling midgets, fighting a vulture, flying in a jet pack, and just being plain old cool?

3/10

The Heroin Busters (1977)

- La via della droga
Good, but not the movie I had hoped for, 9 May 2006

I finally got the chance to see The Heroin Busters and while I thought it was good, I didn't enjoy it as much as I had hoped. Maybe it's another of the cases where I built up a movie too much before I saw it because it wasn't the film I had been anticipating. The Heroin Busters gets off to a good start with a opening credit sequence featuring a montage of scenes highlighting drug trafficking in Hong Kong, Columbia, and Rome set to some nice 80s action-style music. The action sequences in The Heroin Busters are good, but the promised motorcycle and airplane chase big finale wasn't all that I had been led to believe it would be. It's good, but it ran a little too long for me. The action sequence immediately preceding the supposed big finish where Fabio Testi is being chased through the construction site is easily one of my favorite moments in the film. On the acting side, both Testi and David Hemmings are fine in their roles and I especially enjoyed the few scenes they had together. "Few" being the key word as I would have liked more shared screen time between the two. Finally, I never really bought the notion of Testi as a drug dealer. I knew something was up as soon as he came on screen.

6/10

The Pyjama Girl Case (1977)

- La ragazza dal pigiama giallo
A tragic life - A tragic death, 9 April 2006

Based on a true story from 1930, The Pyjama Girl Case is a difficult movie to categorize. It is more often than not considered an Italian Giallo, but is it really a Giallo? Even though I've included it on my Top 50 Giallo list, The Pyjama Girl Case differs so much from the model that I'm not sure this label is accurate. There is no black-gloved, masked killer. There is no string of over-the-top murders. The Pyjama Girl Case lacks the stylish look of most Gialli. And, there is no sense of dread or real tension usually associated with the genre. So, why do I include The Pyjama Girl Case on my list of favorite Gialli – this is not a good answer, but I do it because everyone else does.

If it's not a real Giallo, then what is The Pyjama Girl Case? I would say it best fits in the drama category with touches of a police procedural thrown in for good measure.

The Pyjama Girl Case is the story of a mysterious half-burned body found in an abandoned car on a beach. In addition to being burned, the body also shows signs of severe head trauma and a bullet through the neck. The case is particularly interesting to Inspector Thompson (Ray Milland), a retired detective wanting one last case to investigate. Using outdated techniques and very few clues, he is determined to find the killer before he rides off into the sunset. I disagree with a lot of what I've read and feel Milland is one of the films weak points. His crotchety old man routine is rather predictable. His Inspector Thompson is the cliché for the "non-conforming just because I'm old" type character.

The Pyjama Girl Case's structure can be off-putting to some. In addition to the police investigation, the film also features a concurrent look at the events leading up to the girl's death. It can be confusing at first because of the uncertainty of what's going on, who these people are, and how they relate to each other. But everything works out in the end and all the pieces fall into place. The girl's story is a tragic one. Her life is a series of miserable events (a bad marriage, a miscarriage, a string of unfulfilling relationships, etc.) all leading to her brutal murder. The girl is played by Dallia Di Lazzaro in a very memorable and believable performance. She gives her character a sense of depth not often found in Italian movies of this sort. She is easily the highlight of the movie for me.

6/10

Double Game (1977)

- Torino violenta
Lifeless, 4 April 2006

To say that I was disappointed with Torino violenta (I prefer that name to the American title – Double Game) would be an extreme understatement. To begin with, the movie is dull. It lacks the good action sequences, gunfights, and car chases that make so many of the other Italian cop/crime films entertaining. What action scenes the film does have pale in comparison with those from films like Almost Human, Revolver, or Syndicate Sadists. On top of that, the actors appear to be as bored with the film as I was. You can generally count on George Hilton to give an interesting performance regardless of the material. Here, he appears to be sleepwalking through the whole movie. He looks as if he expended as little energy as possible while making Torino violenta.

Next, Torino violenta has no real plot. The first half of the film consists of a series of seemingly unrelated small-time crime scenes. It's not until the second half of the film that the plot finally reveals itself. But by then, it's too little, too late. Too little because the plot lacks any real substance and only serves to provide a stage for more of the same. Too late because by this point, I don't think I could have cared less. There's a whole subplot about George Hilton's character acting as a vigilante, working outside of the law. The problem is that this subplot goes nowhere and is only brought up when convenient.

Finally, both the dubbing and subtitles are horrendous. I normally don't complain about this kind of thing, but this is the worst I've seen. The dubbing and subtitles match neither each other nor the action on screen. I had to watch the film with both so I could try to decipher what was going on.

Looking over what I've written, I may need to revisit that 3/10 I gave Torino violenta. A 2/10 would seem to be more appropriate.

NoShame's DVD is another example of a technically sound presentation and transfer. The problems I mentioned with the dubbing and subtitles have nothing to do with NoShame. These issues, no doubt, can be traced back to the source material that NoShame was give to work with. Even though I'm disappointed with the film, as usual, I'm impressed with NoShame.

3/10

Jungle Holocaust (1977)

- Ultimo mondo cannibale
Savage, wild, and fascinating, 27 March 2006

As a primer for the better known Cannibal Holocaust, Jungle Holocaust is definitely not a movie for all tastes. It's rough and raw presentation of savagery would put-off many a viewer. And because director Ruggero Deodato chose to use real aboriginals as his cannibals and real jungle locations, the movie has an authentic feel to it that serves to increase the unsettling feeling Jungle Holocaust produces. I've never run into a real cannibal, but this is what I would expect them to look like. They're dirty, vicious, and wild and (other than one exception) completely believable. The situations our hero Robert Harper (Massimo Foschi) faces seem real making the horror in Jungle Holocaust very effective.

Beyond the gruesome on-screen action, the acting is a real highlight of Jungle Holocaust. Foschi has the most screen time and does the most with it. His slow disintegration into madness and to the savageness of the cannibals around him is fascinating to watch unfold. It's a terrific piece of acting. Me Me Lai has the second most screen time and while she's good in her non-speaking role, she's also the one exception to the believability factor in the movie I mentioned previously. I sincerely doubt that any stone-age, cannibal tribe in the history of the Earth contained a woman that looks as good as Me Me does in Jungle Holocaust. She looks too good to be believable and stands out like a soar thumb when compared with the other tribe members.

Finally, a word of warning: Those who do not want to see real animals die on-screen had best be advised to stay away. If you are easily offended by this kind of stuff, don't' watch the movie. While I personally find these scenes unconscionable and disgusting, I was able to get past them and appreciate and even enjoy the brutal nature of this fascinating film.

7/10

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries "Mystery of the Fallen Angels" #1.10 (1977) (TV)

A memorable cast, but that's about it, 8 March 2006

I recently finished watching "The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries" Season 1 DVD set and boy oh boy did it bring back memories. This particular episode may not have been the best, but it's one of the more memorable from the first season. The fact that it's memorable has nothing to do with the actual plot (it happens to be one of the weakest of the bunch), but instead, it's memorable for the cast. A pre-Halloween Jamie Lee Curtis and a pre-Nightmare on Elm Street Robert Englund have supporting roles. From what I could tell, there's not much here to suggest the pair would go on and have the careers they've had.

As for the episode itself, a wealthy couple hires a traveling carnival to help them put on a charity benefit. During the night, someone breaks into a safe and makes off with a fortune in jewelry. The carnival workers are immediately suspected. Nancy tags along to their next gig and, posing as a runaway, gets a job so she can investigate from the inside. As I said, it's one of the weakest episodes form Season 1. It's far fetched and features some of the lamest motorcycle action sequences put on tape. The series generally works better when the plots deal with ghosts and other mysterious happenings.

4/10

Beast with a Gun (1977)

- La belva col mitra
"He wants me dead! He wants me dead!", 20 February 2006

Four escaped convicts, led by Nanni Vitali (Helmut Berger), go on a killing spree. Their main target is the man who turned them in. After he's murdered, Nanni kidnaps his girlfriend, Giuliana Caroli (Marisa Mell), and threatens to kill her unless she agrees to help him pull-off a payroll heist. She double-crosses Nanni and goes to the police. Now Giuliana's life is in real danger.

What Works:

- The Vicious Nanni. Nanni Vitali is one of those vicious, brutal, sadistic type characters that are necessary for this kind of film to work. The things he is capable of doing can be at times shocking. The ferocious way he beats-up the gas attendant for no real purpose at all is the perfect example. He's the kind of character you wouldn't want to run into in real life.

- Marisa Mell. Marisa Mell is another of those European actresses who may not have been much of a thespian, but she has a certain screen presence that's undeniable. It's too bad the decision was made to ignore her character for the final third of the movie.

- The Score. Until seeing Beast with a Gun, I'm not sure I had seen a film scored by Umberto Smaila. His main theme is one of those pieces of music that gets stuck in your head and you can't get it out. The rest is above average and adds to the drama and tension on screen.

What Doesn't Work:

- Unbelievable Plot Points. While I could write about several instances where the movie stretches credibility, I'll limit these comments to two. First, no real police would bungle a heist set-up as bad as the police in this film. They have inside information. They know where and when the robbery is to take place. They have their own people poising as factory workers. Yet two people are killed and the robbers make off with a van full of hostages. Second, while scouting the vast Italian countryside, the police just happen to select and climb the very electric pole that will give them a clear view of the killers' hideout. How lucky can you be!

- Originality. Beast with a Gun is a fairly standard Italian police thriller that offers very little in the way of innovation. It's all routine, run-of-the-mill, seen-it-before type stuff. A little more creativity would have gone a long way to making it a good film of its type.

In the end, if you're a fan of this kind of film, you probably won't see anything you haven't seen before. But what is presented is generally well done with some very nice accompanying music. And, Marisa Mell makes the whole thing worthwhile for me.

6/10

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries (1977) (TV)

Ahh, the Memories, 6 February 2006

I just finished watching "The Hardy Boys / Nancy Drew Mysteries" Season One DVD set. I must admit that I had a great time with the series. Sure, this stuff is pretty simplistic, but it's fun. The show is really pretty tame and the mysteries aren't very involved. It would probably be a good watch for the whole family.

Highlights of the first season include - Richard Kiel in The Mystery of the Haunted House, Shaun Cassidy singing in a couple of the later Hardy Boys episodes, Jamie Lee Curtis and Robert Englund in The Mystery of the Fallen Angels, and the way a couple of the episodes, particularly The Mystery of the Whispering Walls and The Disappearing Floor, were put together. Good stuff!

I'm probably a little more biased in favor of "The Hardy Boys / Nancy Drew Mysteries" than some would be. In 1977, I was 13 and fit perfectly into the shows demographic. Back then, I thought this stuff was better than sliced bread. Ahh, the memories.

7/10

A Man Called Magnum (1977)

- Napoli si ribella
Fairly standard stuff, 1 January 2006

A drug deal goes bad and the heroin is stolen. One mob boss doesn't have his drugs and the other doesn't get his money. People are going to die until they discover who double-crossed them. Into this backdrop, Inspector Dario Mauri (Luc Merenda) arrives from Milan to help clean-up Naples. His mission – find the drugs and stop the killing.

Even though I knew this was a first time viewing, throughout A Man Called Magnum, I had an odd feeling that I had seen the movie before. Then, it dawned on me – change the locations, take out the nudity and blood, and put in a few American actors and, voilà, what you've got is essentially the same as any number of American cop television shows from the 1970s. It's not that A Man Called Magnum is bad, there's just nothing spectacular about it. We've all seen it before. The gun battles, car chases, and fistfights are strictly by the numbers and lack originality. I also had problems relating to the main character, Inspector Dario Mauri. The movie gives less detail about him than even the most minor of characters. Not to mention that what we do know makes Dario seem pretty dull. And it's difficult for me to invest any real emotion in such a lifeless character.

There are a few highlights such as the camera work, the score, the locations, and the idea of the little girl drawing pictures to send to the police as clues. The movie presents a lot of images from unique angles. The camera work rises above the rest of this ordinary film. The score is full of those funky 70s sounds that I always enjoy. The locations are fascinating. You can't find places like that in America. It's distinctly Italian. Finally, the girl and her crayon are an interesting twist. It's too bad that A Man Called Magnum never takes full advantage of this plot point the way it could have.

5/10

Thunder and Lightning (1977)

In a word - disappointing, 16 December 2005

David Carradine is Harley Thomas, a moonshine runner. Trouble is, he's one of the small time operators. His fiancé, Nancy Sue Hunnicutt (Kate Jackson), just happens to be the daughter of the biggest operator in the area. And R.J. Hunnicutt (Roger C. Carmel) doesn't take kindly to Harley's business or his relationship with his daughter. R.J.'s also got a batch of poison moonshine set to go out. Harley and Nancy Sue make their mission to stop the truck carrying the tainted whiskey before it reaches its destination.

The best word I can think of to describe Thunder and Lightning is disappointing. I had high hopes for this one, but for the most part, it's just plain dull. I usually enjoy most everything David Carradine has done and I've grown to be a fan of these 70s chase films, but I found very little to enjoy here. The comedy elements don't work, the fight scenes seem lazily done, and the acting is terrible. The whole thing seems to have been thrown together in a hurry as a cash-in on the success of Smokey and the Bandit. It's too bad because I like the idea of pairing Carradine with Kate Jackson.

The best parts of the film are easily some of the car and boat chase stunts. The swamp boat scenes were great. Problem is these moments are too few and far between. Instead, we get too much of the bad attempts at humor and drama.

3/10

Kingdom of the Spiders (1977)

They should have let Shatner be Shatner, 4 December 2005

William Shatner is Rack Hansen, a small town veterinarian investigating the mysterious deaths of local farm animals. The State sends scientist Dian Ashley (Tiffany Bolling) to assist and the pair soon determine that thousands of aggressive tarantulas are invading the town.

Kingdom of the Spiders has one of the best theme songs, Peaceful Verde Valley, I believe I've ever heard (please note the sarcasm). With lyrics like this - "Will tomorrow bring the love we need - To last for evermore? - Or could it bring the unknown - That we've never seen before?" - how can you go wrong?

Actually, Kingdom of the Spiders could have been a lot of fun had the decision been made to let Shatner be Shatner. Instead of the over-acting Shatner we all know and have come to love, he's much more subdued here and it really hurts the movie. Kingdom of the Spiders might have been good for a laugh or two had Shatner been allowed to chew the scenery as he's so good at doing.

As for the movie, it's pretty standard 70s Man Vs. Nature type stuff. No real surprises along the way and nothing to really stand out. A little more cheese would have really helped.

3/10

Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

"Satan has become an embarrassment to our progressive views.", 26 October 2005

Exorcist II: The Heretic is a difficult movie to write about. The things that don't work or the things that are totally ridiculous are the very reasons to watch the movie. It's an absolute mess and a helluva good time because of it. The plot - don't worry about the plot. It might make your head explode if you think too much about it. I'll give it a try, but you've been warned. Since the events of the first movie, Regan (Linda Blair) has grown to be a teenager with some sort of mental problems and a desire to perform in really bad musicals. Her mother has disappeared leaving her in the care of Dr. Tuskin (Louise Fletcher). Dr. Tuskin's idea of treatment is to have Regan stare at a blinking light bulb until she enters into a trance like state. Father Lamont (Richard Burton) shows up to study Regan's case and to announce at every opportunity he can find that there is still an eeeevil presence inside Regan. From this point forward, you really need to see it to believe it.

John Boorman had what many people would consider one of the best horror movies ever made to work with when making the sequel. But at every opportunity, he takes Exorcist II into some of the most ridiculous places imaginable. He tries to get artsy, but fails miserably and ends up making scenes that should be horrific come off as silly. Take the scene where Father Lamont snaps and goes after Regan. What should have been a shocking moment is instead incredibly funny. I'm convinced that no matter how hard you tried you couldn't make a sequel this bad on purpose.

The cast doesn't help Boorman at all. None of the three main leads escapes this movie looking good. First, there's Richard Burton. He chews through this movie and spits it out like a John Deere through foot high grass. Burton looks like a buffoon who overacts almost every moment he appears on screen. Next, there's Linda Blair. I like Linda Blair, but I've never thought she was much of an actress. And she proves this in Exorcist II. Her lines are delivered with all the conviction of a prostitute in church. And those dance numbers are just short of painful. Finally, Louise Fletcher acts throughout much of the movie as if she would rather be anywhere other than here. She comes across as bored, uninterested, and embarrassed to be part of this debacle.

There's no end to what I could write about this movie, but I'll stop here. One of the best reviews I've ever read can be found here - http://www.cinemademerde.com/Exorcist_II_Heretic.shtml. You owe it to yourself to check it out.

3/10