Moonraker (1979)

"You appear with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season.", 11 March 2007

Take a look at most of the lists of favorite Bond films found on the internet and you'll usually find Moonraker at or near the bottom. While I don't consider it the worst (I reserve that distinction for Die Another Day), it's not among my favorites either. Most people when writing about Moonraker tend to focus on the ill-advised, Star Wars inspired, laser shootout. As ridiculous as Bond in Space is, it's not my main point of contention with the movie. Instead, I have a real problem with the gag-fest that is Moonraker. It's one lame attempt at humor after another. While humor has always been a part of the series, here it's taken to the extreme.

There is no better example of the buffoonery found in Moonraker than the gondola chase scene. (Bear with me here, this is going to be rather lengthy.) It gets off to an okay start as Bond's gondola passes another one carrying a coffin. The coffin's lid opens and the man inside throws a knife at Bond. Of course he misses giving Bond the chance to throw the knife back at the would-be assassin. The now dead assassin falls into the coffin and the lid slams shut. Oh the irony! But we're just getting started. The coffin falls off the boat and floats under a bridge just as a man hacking up his lungs crosses the same bridge. He sees the coffin and immediately gives up smoking. At this point my sides are splitting with laughter! In the meantime, Bond flips a switch revealing that this is no ordinary gondola, but a supped-up MI6 variety of gondola. Out of seemingly thin air, boat loads of baddies appear and begin chasing Bond. During the chase, Bond barely misses a gondola carrying a couple in the middle of a passionate make-out session. They are apparently so into their lovemaking that they are oblivious to the baddie's boat that "hysterically" slices their gondola in half. As their half of the gondola sails off (apparently still sea worthy), they remain in their oblivious embrace. The gondolier in the other half isn't so lucky. As his half begins to sink, he continues to use his pole in a vain attempt to stay afloat and gives the camera his best look of comic exasperation. Stop it! I've got tears in my eyes! Just when you think things can't get any worse, Bond approaches land and pushes another button turning his gondola into a hovercraft. It's at this point the real "fun" begins. As Bond drives his hover-gondola through a major Venetian square, we are treated to several "hysterical" reaction shots. A man drinking wine swears off alcohol. A painter loses his painting and isn't aware it's gone. Even the animals get in on the act as a pigeon gives Bond a double-take. Yes, that's right – a pigeon does a double-take! The utter ridiculousness of this brief moment encapsulates everything that's wrong with Moonraker. Cubby and Company changed Bond from a tough, womanizing spy with a penchant for the occasional quip into a clown with an infinite supply of gags and one-liners. Ian Fleming must have been spinning in his grave.

It's really too bad because there are some nice moments and things to enjoy sprinkled throughout Moonraker. If you can excuse Lois Chiles and her impersonation of a piece of wood, the acting is okay for this kind of movie. I've read any number of bad things about Michael Lonsdale as Hugo Drax, but I think he's one of the bright spots. I appreciate his cerebral, understated approach to playing the Bond heavy. Some of the action set-pieces in the first half are quite enjoyable. I particularly like the sword fight in the glass museum even if it does end with on of Bond's more groan-inducing quips. And even the final laser showdown in space is well-filmed and enjoyable regardless of how absurd it might be.

In the end, even though there are some things I like about Moonraker, the comedic core of the movie really hurts it in my eyes. The best I can do is rate it a 4/10.

4/10